Chapter Forty-Five
Landon
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Straightening my shirt, I wait for Logan to answer the door.
I didn’t sleep at all because I was nervous for today. Is Allie going to feel the same magnetic pull that she once did? Are all the feelings that we had before going to still be there, or are we just better as friends? We have both grown so much and regardless if the feelings lie beyond friendship or not, I still want her in my life. I just hope she can still see me in any version that fits in her life.
Logan opens the door and Willow stands protectively in front of her until she recognizes me and greets me.
“Hey Lo. Hi Willow.” I say, bending down to scratch her fluffy head.
Leaning on the door, Logan’s face twists and I immediately stand. “What’s wrong?”
“Allie isn’t here. She crawled into bed with me last night after having a nightmare.”
“Is she okay?” I ask, not hiding the panic in my voice.
“Yeah. She had a session with her therapist but she was still a little shaken by the nightmare, so Gray suggested she go for a run and she hasn’t come back yet. I was actually just about to get in the car and go look for her. I figured if she was still gone when you got here, you would come, since you probably know her typical pattern better than I do.”
Gone is the panic of her possible rejection and front in center is finding Allie and making sure she is okay.
I search my mind and retrace all the places that she would typically go, and then it hits me.
I’m down the stairs in seconds. “I know where she is. I will text you if I’m right!”
She yells something after me, but I don’t hear her. In seconds, I’m in my truck and tearing down the driveway and out to the road. Not soon after, I’m pulling down the driveway that houses my worst nightmare.
With dark clouds high in the sky, the newly built cabin stands alone and untouched. Not a soul besides the builders stepping foot inside since its completion.
Slamming the truck into park, I jump out and run behind the cabin into the woods. My footsteps slow as I get closer to the rundown shed sitting in the middle of the dense forest.
Please be here, Allie Girl. Please.
Allie
Laying on the cold wood floor, I stare up at the ceiling as rain drips down on my face. The cold water reminding me I am still here on this earth.
The feeling is bittersweet. I survived. I have people surrounding me that want me to heal, but the nightmares that strike at the worst time set me back.
No matter how hard I work, the nightmares and feelings of loss are still there. Every day, the pain is still there. The memories are so burned in my mind that even if I go days without thinking of him , he pops out of nowhere like a stupid jump scare, reminding me that I am still not at the place I want to be.
But that’s okay. At least that’s what I have learned to tell myself every time I have a bad day.
Last night, the nightmare was full of screams. With constant reminders, my parents were gone because of me. I woke up in a complete panic and ran to Logan. I scared the shit out of Grayson, but once he realized it was me and not someone trying to murder his fiancée, he told me to take his side of the bed and went to sleep in the guest room.
I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I sat up all night thinking about everything that had happened in the past year. Losing my parents. Almost losing myself. Forgiving Logan. But the one thing that came to the forefront every time was Landon.
The man who had never left my mind the entire time I was gone.
Seeing him yesterday felt like coming home after being away for months. The comfort and need to be near him was clear, but I also know we cannot jump back into the way things were.
He looked incredible and just the way he was standing, I could tell his mind was finally clear.
Something I have learned through this phase of healing is that sometimes you meet a person who is meant to be in your life at the wrong time. You feel a chemistry like none other, but you know it isn’t the right time. Landon and I were a classic case of right person, wrong time. I know we need to grow as people on our own to discover if we can become something beyond comfort in a place full of hurt.
As time ticked on, the string that tethered us together grew stronger with every letter and I knew the moment I saw him the answer would be clear. And it was, but we need to take things slow because jumping back into how things were before is a recipe for hurt and mistakes.
The roof shakes as someone opens the door and I know it’s him. I knew we were supposed to go on a date, but the dire need to run and clear my mind before the hard conversations we were about to have was necessary.
I knew he would find me here because, let’s face it, that man knows me better than anyone ever could.
Landon doesn’t say a word as he lays down with his head next to mine, his legs facing the opposite direction as mine.
His eyes lock with mine as he loops his pinky with mine and the moment I look into his deep storm colored eyes, I feel like the waves calm down to a gentle thunderstorm and breathe life into my lungs.
I can see the worry in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding.
The rain outside grows loud and strong, but I don’t care.
The silence we once fought so hard to find by using each other is now here, but it’s different. It’s no longer filled with desperation or the need to escape. Its now filled with peace and a chemistry that can only be described as magnetic . For the first time in months, I feel like I can finally breathe.
I look away from him before my mind does something I am far from ready to do.
His pinky grips mine tighter, and I look over at him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I know we were supposed to go on a date but—.”
Landon interrupts me. “Never apologize. Running has been your way of escaping and recharging.”
“I know, but today was important and we–.”
Abruptly, he sits up and reaches for my hand. I allow him to pull me up and into his lap, his arms wrapping tightly around me. “Today is important, but so is your mind. Today was about seeing who we are beyond the pain and self-proclaimed flaws. But mostly it was to see if we still can be with each other among the silence and feel that invisible string pulling us closer together.”
“How?” I ask, through the lump in my throat.
“How what Allie Girl?”
Butterflies fill my stomach at the silly little nickname. That is one of my favorite things to hear.
“How do you somehow know exactly what to say? You are a man of very few words, but yet every time you speak, you say something that feels like you are reading the thoughts running through my mind.”
Landon’s hand runs up and down my back, and I relax into him. “Because I know you. We may both be two broken souls, but I know in my heart that we are more than friends, and seeing you yesterday only confirmed that. But as you said yesterday, I want to take things slow, even though I desperately want to rip you out of these damn leggings. I have worked my ass off to become a man that I am happy with and someone that is worthy to stand in your corner. If you will have me?”
Holy hell. This man is really trying to get every emotion he can out of me today.
Taking a deep breath, I lean back and meet his gaze. “The moment I saw you, I knew you weren’t the same man. The way you held yourself and spoke, it was like you were a completely different person, yet also your same loving and sassy self.”
“Hey! I am not sassy. That’s you!” he says, pinching my side.
Swatting his hand away, I continue, “That’s one thing I missed the most. Letters cannot compare to hearing you speak and the way you react to what others say. You are direct, yet you can also be funny as hell without even trying. I missed you so much and I was so afraid that once we knew how to deal with the pain and hurt without using each other, the connection and beautiful silence would be gone. But its not. At least it isn’t for me.”
A smile spreads across his face and he leans his forehead down to mine. “I can promise you, it’s definitely not.”
The air in the room shifts, and the dire need to kiss this man screams in my head. Landon’s grip on me tightens, and I can tell he is fighting just as hard.
I am about to throw slow out the window and say fuck it when the smallest meow distracts us.
Grabbing Landon’s phone from the ground next to him, I shine the light around the shed until I see four little green eyes crowded in the corner.
Immediately I am climbing off Landon’s lap, handing him the phone, and making my way over to the tiny black kittens.
Meow.
“It’s okay, sweetie. I promise I will not hurt you or your friend. I just want to help,” I say whisper.
Slowly, I reach out my hand and allow them both to see that I am not a threat.
“Allie, be careful. They could have rabies or something,” Landon whispers behind me.
“Shush,” I say, allowing the kittens to crowd around my hand.
Landon mutters something behind me and I pay him no attention.
After a few minutes of sitting criss-cross in front of them, both kittens climb in my lap and my heart melts as they allow me to pet them. They are so little and skinny. There is no telling where their mom is or if she is even still alive in these woods.
“Poor babies. Don’t worry. You’re safe now.”
I have no idea how long I sit there, but it’s clear I was in my own little world because I didn’t notice Landon returning with a jacket and blanket from his truck.
“Allie Girl. It’s getting dark outside and cold. Let’s get you some food and these little ones somewhere safe.”
I nod and slowly stand with both kittens in my arms.
Landon wraps them both in the blanket and hands me the jacket to put on and we make our way back to the truck, ignoring the newly built cabin.
As soon as we get settled into the truck, Landon hands me the kittens, who are both passed out.
“Aren’t they so cute? They are little void kittens!”
“Mhmm. So adorable.” Landon says, backing out of the driveway and making his way back to Lo and Gray’s.
“C’mon. They are so sweet!”
“Yeah. Until they attack your feet at one am and rip your ankles apart.”
“How can you not like cats? Your brother has the sweetest cat in the world!”
Landon deadpans to me as we pull into Lo and Grayson’s driveway. “That cat is the devil.”
As soon as we pull up to the house, Logan runs outside and Landon mutters something under her breath as she throws open the door; Willow right on her heels.
“What happened to texting me, Landon?” She exclaims.
“Sorry, Lo. Got caught up in the moment, but she’s safe.”
“No shit. If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t be this nice. I—.” Logan stops as soon as her eyes catch sight of the kittens.
“Aww! Kittens!” She runs around the truck and throws open my door and hops in the truck, gently petting the sleeping babies.
“Aren’t they cute! Landon doesn’t think so, but he’s obviously wrong.”
She chuckles. “That’s because Oliver hates him.”
“See!” Landon exclaims.
Grayson walks up to my side and peers inside, reaching out with a finger to pet them.
“Cute cats. Hate to break it to you ladies, though. They can’t stay here. Oliver will be pissed and I will be the one paying for it.”
Logan nods in agreement, and we both look at Landon.
“Can we call Mom? Or Noah?”
Grayson shakes his head. “Mom and Dad are out of town and Noah has Maggie and Nelli, Leo’s new puppy, staying with him.”
Wordlessly, I look to Landon and give him the best puppy dog eyes I can muster as Logan jumps out of the truck.
His head falls back against the seat and his hands scrub down his face and when his eyes meet mine, I smile and do a tiny happy dance in my seat.
“I’ll go grab some of Oliver’s food and litter,” Grayson says, before walking away.
“He didn’t even say yes,” Logan yells.
“Yeah, he did, but he’s pouting about it.” Grayson calls back.
Landon leans against the steerling wheel and holds out his hand for me.
“Thank you.” I say, holding his hand in mine, his thumb running back and forth over the top of my hand.
“Mhmm.”
“I promise I will be over tomorrow to help!”
Landon nods just as Grayson returns with a box of cat supplies and a carrier.
“Welcome to the club, brother.”
“What club?” Landon asks.
“The, I can’t say no to my girl , club.” Grayson chuckles and he and Lo get the kittens settled before walking back inside.
I watch as Landon stares down at the tattoo on my wrist, Tilgi, tracing it with his thumb, then looking over to his Overleve .
“I’m sorry I ruined our date and am now ditching you with two kittens that you clearly don’t want.”
Landon sits up straight, gets out of the truck, and walks over to my side and I turn to face him.
“You didn’t ruin anything, and I am not upset about the kittens. Is it something I’m dying to do? No. Would I do anything to make you happy? Yes. Plus, they are kind of cute.”
I point my finger at him. “See! I knew you didn’t hate cats!”
His eyes roll and shakes his head. I take both of his hands in mine. “Seriously, thank you. I swear I will be there tomorrow to help and maybe we can have a makeup date?”
“Come by anytime.”
I nod and I know he wants to kiss me because I feel the exact same way, but we need to take this one step at a time, even though I just want to jump in his arms and never leave.
His chest deflates, and he leans forward, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug with my feet dangling off the ground.
I hold on tightly for a moment before he sets my feet on the ground and kisses my cheek. “Go get some food and text me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Rising on my toes, I kiss his cheek. “See you tomorrow. Thank you again. I’ll make it up to you.”
He shuts my door and we both start to walk away, but just before he turns to walk around to his side of the truck, he smacks my ass and says, “Yes, you will, sweetheart.”
I am so shocked by his gesture that I stand there and watch as he hops in the truck quickly and starts backing away. Just as I am about to turn around, he winks at me and I can’t help but laugh.
Today may not have gone as planned, but I like to think it went exactly how it was supposed to. For the first time in a long time, I can’t see what the future holds, but if it looks anything like this, I know it will be great.