Chapter 13
Charlotte
Present Day
My stomach has been in knots all evening.
Why did I agree to hang out with Xander?
Because you’ve never wanted anyone as much as you want him.
You’re in way over your head.
My attraction toward Xander has only gotten stronger throughout the day. I’m so comfortable around him, and every time he looks at me or touches me, I get a rush of endorphins.
I gaze over at the brown bag I put on my counter, pull out a blueberry muffin, and eat it.
The sweet things he did for me today, like buying me this treat, trying to carry my bag, and kissing me on the cheek race around my mind, never mind how he waited for me to make sure I was okay in the locker room after the Damon incident.
Damon. He was so angry today. I pull out my phone and text him.
“I know what you believe, but I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not lying now. We were over when I met him.”
“You’re such a whore,” comes flying back, and my gut flips.
“Stop this. You’re better than this. I realize you’re hurt, but this isn’t the way to act. I would never have cheated on you.”
“Doesn’t even matter. Even if you got with him after we broke up, within a week, you were with someone else. WHORE.”
I stare at the screen in shock. I shouldn’t be surprised at Damon’s cruelty after the last encounter I had with him.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. From now on, don’t talk to me or touch me.” There. At least I have a written trail if I need it for any reason.
Better not tell Xander about this. He will flip and have me in HR first thing tomorrow.
Xander. My pulse creeps up, thinking about him. And I need to stop it. I remind myself he still has feelings for Billie, and he may never lose them.
I panic and consider canceling on him but can’t seem to do it. So instead, I tell myself I’ll only be friends with him. That’s what he needs right now anyways—friends who care about him and can help him.
Keep it in the friendship zone, I tell myself, right as the door buzzes. I push the button, and his voice comes through the speaker.
It doesn’t take long before he’s knocking on my door. I open it, and he has on the black wool cap he looks super-hot in. He steps inside, he bends down, and kisses me on the cheek.
I freeze for the third time today.
“Sorry. I don’t know why I keep doing that,” he says.
“It’s okay. Come in. Here, let me take your coat.”
He steps farther inside and removes his jacket. He’s wearing a long-sleeved knit top that hugs his body perfectly and a pair of designer jeans. My heart beats a little faster.
Why does he have to look so good?
He hands me his coat, and I put it in my closet. When I turn around, he’s standing still with a strange expression on his face.
“Xander?”
His face is pale.
“What’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. “I feel like I’ve been here before.”
A chill moves through me, and I softly reply, “You have.”
“No, this is different. Give me a minute if you don’t mind?”
“Take all the time you need.”
Glancing around the room, he focuses on my kitchen, plods over and sits down on a barstool. His face scrunches up, and he gazes from side to side.
I approach, and he pulls out the chair next to him. “Can you sit here for a minute?”
Excitement passes through me then a caution sign blinks in my mind.
Does he remember?
Don’t get too excited.
A few minutes pass before he murmurs, “Will you humor me?”
“Sure.”
“Can you stand up?”
I do. He grasps me around the waist and pulls me onto his lap. I take a deep breath, and he draws me closer.
“Will you put your arm around me.”
My heart is beating so loud, I’m sure he can hear it. His sexy scent is filling every cell of my body. “Put my arm around you?”
His eyes are wide, lips twitching a little. “Please?”
I know what his brain is trying to remember, and I put my arm around him exactly the way I did that day: around his shoulders, slightly bent, running my fingers through his hair. But he has his cap on, so I’m stroking him on top of it. “Like this?” I murmur.
He removes his hat. His face is inches from mine, and his lips are so close. “Do it now?”
I run my fingers through his hair the same way I did that day.
His right arm moves slowly from the counter to my body then back again. “That’s not right,” he mutters.
I stop.
“No, keep doing what you’re doing but get closer.” His left arm pulls me in, and I lean into him as close as I did that day, feeling his heart beat against his chest.
I exhale and stroke his hair again.
His right arm moves from the counter to my mouth then he repeats it several times, and his eyes widen. He stops moving. I stop moving.
Slowly, Xander looks at me. “Did I feed you pancakes?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“And you wore a black silk robe?”
Tears well up, and I blink repeatedly, willing myself not to cry. “Yes.”
He remembers me?
Xander pushes his forehead to mine. “Then I did this.”
A tear falls down my cheek, and he wipes it away with his thumb, pauses, then says, “And then I did this.” He weaves his fingers through my hair until he grasps it by the roots, and he softly parts my lips with his tongue, moving me so I’m straddling him.
He embraces me, both hands cupping my head, so I can’t go anywhere.
The heaven I learned only with Xander is upon me, and I fall back into it, not considering anything except him and how my body is buzzing in his arms.
My feet plant themselves on the footrest of the barstool, and my lower body automatically grinds against his growing erection.
We are both breathing hard, and his lips move across my jawline, to my earlobe, down my neck then back to my mouth.
Claiming me.
Worshiping me.
Making me feel like nothing has happened in the last six months, and he only wants me—like no other woman exists or ever could, going forward.
The doorbell rings, and I barely hear it. It rings again. “I think someone is here,” Xander mumbles against my lips.
I pull back. “What?”
The bell rings again. My face flushes. “Oh, the food. Let me find my purse.” I jump off his lap, confused about what this means.
Does he remember everything now? Does he still have feelings for Billie?
“I got it.” Xander goes to the door and buzzes the delivery guy in. He steps into the hallway for him to arrive.
I try to pull myself together, still breathless and telling myself not to freak out.
Xander comes back in the kitchen with food, and I open one of the cabinets, but I stare, not sure what I’m trying to accomplish.
I must have stood there too long because Xander comes behind me and wraps his arms around me. “Hey, you’re shaking.”
I close my eyes, wanting to stay forever in his embrace, but I take a deep breath. “I’m fine.”
“Charlotte.” He turns me to face him. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
He thinks he made me uncomfortable? “You didn’t.”
He scans my eyes. “No?”
“No.” I tell myself not to ask him, but my mouth betrays me. “What else about me do you remember?”
Xander takes a deep breath. “That’s the only thing I remember, besides my dreams.”
“And do you remember anything else...about your twenties?” I almost say her name, but I don’t.
His face falls, and he shakes his head.
My gut drops, and I blink away tears once more.
Xander cups my face. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I let out a shaky breath.
Xander’s thumb circles on my cheek. “Maybe things will come back now. This memory has to be good, right?”
He’s right. But it hurts that he still has feelings for another woman. I’m so over my head, and I blurt out, “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
Xander’s jaw tenses. “Do you want me to stay away from you?”
I reach for him, pull him into my body, and blurt out, “No!”
He hardens against my stomach as my pulse increases and my sex throbs. Heat fills his eyes. I throw all my worries and thoughts away about how he has feelings for anyone else besides me and succumb to the moment.
“Charlotte—”
I put my finger over his mouth and stare at him.
He kisses my finger while his eyes never leave mine.
Suddenly, he bends down, picks me up, his lips moving over mine. I wrap my legs around his body and he carries me into the bedroom. I pull his shirt over his head, and he grabs my tunic and pulls it off me before slipping his fingers into my leggings and gliding them into my already drenched sex.
I moan.
“I love your sounds,” he whispers in my ear, nibbling at my lobe, circling my clit with his thumb while curling his finger in my heat.
“Oh God,” I breath. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you. Every night you remind me how much,” he murmurs, nuzzling my breasts. His free hand glides under my back and quickly unlatches my bra, as his other fingers continue to drive me to my high.
Whimpering, I grasp his head, pushing his mouth harder onto my breasts.
Warmth moves through me as his tongue slides across my nipples, his fingers circle my pussy, and his hard body lies against mine.
My chest is heaving, trying to find air.
“Xander,” I cry out, as his eyes drill into mine and his fingers push me over the edge, shattering me to pieces. He consumes my mouth with his, continuing to finger fuck me through my high.
I’m clutching him, and he rolls me over on top of him, kissing me with so much heat I don’t know if I’m dizzy from my orgasm or his kisses.
“Please tell me you have condoms,” he murmurs.
“In the drawer.”
He fumbles with my drawer and yanks out a strip of condoms, ripping one open while it’s still attached to the strip.
I unbuckle his pants, and work them off him, then remove my leggings, quickly crawling back into his arms.
Nothing on earth has ever made me feel as safe or wanted as I’m in his arms.
“Hold me tighter,” I whisper, and he draws me closer to him, making me forget any imperfection could ever exist in our relationship.
I sink onto him, moaning.
“So much better than my dreams,” he whispers, leaving no question in my mind how much he wants or needs me, as we writhe in a fury of desire.
I hold on to him tighter than I’ve ever held anyone.
Maybe it’s because I’m scared that once this is over, he’ll be gone.
Perhaps it’s because it’s been so long since I’ve been able to hold him.
Maybe it’s because I assumed I had lost him completely.
Whatever the reason, we’re both clinging to each other so tight, only our hips can thrust.
We never stop kissing. Except for words or moans coming out of our mouths, our lips and tongues never move away.
And I’m lost in all that is Xander. All we were before the accident. All we’ve gone through the last six months. All we are right at this moment.
As confusing as this situation may be, the one thing that doesn’t faze me is my desire to be his.
And I want to be his only.