Chapter 16
Charlotte
He was having sex with Billie. In my bed.
I try to push it out of my mind, but I can’t.
“Yes, Billie, don’t stop.”
“Faster, Billie.”
“Fuuuuuuck, Billie.”
“You know I love you, Billie.”
“Of course I love you. I’ve only ever loved you, Billie.”
“Billie, you’re the only person I’ll ever love, and you know that.”
Xander’s words recycle in my mind like a cyclone, spinning over and over, ripping through my heart.
What was I thinking? I knew he still had feelings for her. Playing with fire, that’s what I was doing, and I knew it. I allowed myself to pretend it was okay. That Xander would realize that was then, and this is now, and love me again.
But he still loves her.
He doesn’t remember loving me. Pancakes and dreams of fucking me are all he remembers. Text messages reveal our past, but that doesn’t help him remember he loved me.
And he did. He told me he did. And then everything changed.
“You should come to New York and surprise me,” he texted me the night before I did exactly that.
We had only met twice. One night at Club D, once in Columbus. He fed me pancakes, and we screwed so many times in those two short encounters ,I lost track.
After that, we spent a few months communicating every way possible; texting, talking on the phone, emailing, Facetiming each other.
Every single day we communicated any chance we got.
When Piper was in New York and asked if I wanted to bid on him in a charity date auction, I didn’t think twice and was willing to drop up to ten grand to make sure no other woman won.
Piper had an old lady bid secretly on him, and she sent me a photo of the paddle.
I texted him the picture with a heart drawn around it and, “I own you.”
When he suggested I fly out and surprise him on his day off, I didn’t think twice. He had to stay in New York to pack for his new job in Chicago. Within two hours, I’d hopped on a red-eye, and the taxi dropped me off at his building at five in the morning.
I rang the buzzer.
“Hello.”
“I’m here to collect my property,” I teased.
He didn’t even respond but ran down twelve flights of stairs, he told me later. He opened the door and wrapped his arms around me, picking me up and kissing me with so much intensity, I was breathless.
“Are you really here?” Xander asked when we paused for breath.
I kissed him more.
He cupped my face. “You’re officially the coolest girl ever.”
“You owe me a date, but I want my dessert first,” I teased him.
He picked me up over his shoulder, carried me into the elevator, and, once we got into his apartment, we didn’t leave the bedroom until after noon.
His apartment had boxes all over it, but he unpacked a box to dress up so he could take me to a fancy dinner I remember little of because we were lip-locked the entire meal.
I had to be back in Chicago the next day for work. I had gotten out of the morning surgeries but couldn’t get out of the one at four o’clock in the afternoon.
Xander insisted on driving me to the airport for my flight at seven in the morning. We were almost to the airport, on the expressway, when Xander clasped my hand, looked at me, and said, “Don’t forget I love you, Charlotte.”
I smiled bigger than I ever had before. “Don’t forget I love you, too,” I said right as a driver entering the highway smashed into us, and the car spun in circles.
After that, everything was bloody, full of glass, and red flashing lights.
When I finally saw him, he looked me in the eyes and told me he was sorry but didn’t remember me and then asked Noah about Billie.
For six months I tried coming to terms with the fact I needed to move on because he was in love with someone else, not me.
Then he came back into my life and reminded me over and over why I love him so much.
But nothing has changed. He still loves Billie, and now he’s dreaming about her, not me.
I step out of the hot shower and towel off.
Get your shit together, Charlotte.
I stare at my puffy eyes in the mirror and try to apply makeup but give up. What is the point?
I get dressed for work, repack my bag, and head out.
As I drive to work, I try to figure out how to deal with Xander.
Keep it professional. Only look and talk to him if you have to during surgery. Do not put yourself in a situation to be alone with him.
I park my car, walk into the hospital, and make my way to the locker room, avoiding all conversations with anyone I can. When I step into the room, I read the schedule first.
No surgeries with Xander until later this afternoon. Thank you, universe. At least I’ll have a few hours to continue pulling it together.
I go to my locker and unlock it to find a coffee, along with a brown bag. I close my eyes for a moment. Xander.
“Wow, you have a secret admirer or something? I’d die to have a coffee waiting for me.” Tabi’s voice rings in my ear.
I open my eyes. She’s staring at me.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yes. I didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”
She tilts her head. “Please tell me Damon didn’t leave that for you?”
I shake my head hard. “No. He doesn’t know my code. Plus, I’m sure he hates me right now.”
“Why?”
I shrug. I’m definitely not telling Tabi anything about Damon and me.
“Who knows your code, if it isn’t him?”
“No one. Forget you saw it,” I tell her.
Tabi reaches in and puts her hands around the coffee. “It’s still hot. You’d better drink it, especially if you didn’t get any sleep.”
I realize the only way to not have Tabi ask any more questions is to take the coffee and drink it. I pull out the stopper and take a sip.
She picks up the bag and opens up. “Blueberry muffins. Yum.”
“You can have one,” I tell her.
She reaches in, retrieves one, and hands it to me then she snatches one for herself. “To your secret admirer!” She grins and taps her muffin to mine.
When we’re done eating, she announces, “Well, I have surgery with the devil himself this morning. At least you don’t have to deal with that on no sleep!”
She doesn’t seem to have any love for Damon anymore. Not that I can blame her.
“At least I can ogle the new eye candy. Have you noticed how hot Dr. Kane is?”
My face flushes, but I shrug my shoulders. “He’s okay,” I lie to her.
“Okay? Have you not looked at that boy?”
I try to blow her off. “Just another doctor. Okay, I have to get moving here. I’ll see you later, Tabi.”
“Wish me luck.” She rolls her eyes.
“Best of luck. See you later.”
I shut my locker door and take my coffee with me, almost to my surgery room when I run into Xander.
My heart beats faster, and I can tell from the emotion in his eyes he feels terrible, but he doesn’t bring it up.
“Morning,” he says with a little smile.
“Hey.” I can’t help the small smile forming on my face.
We say nothing, just stare at each other. It isn’t uncomfortable, which makes it hurt more because, from the moment I met Xander, everything was always so comfortable between us.
I hold up my coffee. “Thanks.”
He smiles bigger. “Still hot?”
I nod.
“Good.” He scans my eyes again. “Well, I get to spend the next six hours listening to the fifties channel, so wish me luck.”
I bite my lip and smile. “Have fun with that.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “I’ll see you in surgery later.”
“Okay.”
Xander opens the door to his operating room. Damon is there, and I feel bad that Xander has to deal with him all morning. Damon’s eyes catch mine and then glance at Xander, and I have no doubt he’ll be an ass all day.
I get through my two surgeries and have a few hours to kill, so I retrieve my laptop from my locker and sit in the lounge area of the locker room to get some work done. I turn off the TV and am engrossed in my reports when a low voice mutters, “Whore.”
My insides quiver. I don’t need to look to see who it is. Sure enough, I turn my head to see Damon sauntering past me.
Taking a deep breath, I say nothing to him and return to reading my reports, hoping he will leave me alone.
Luck is not on my side today.
“Filthy whore,” he asserts from his locker, which is at least one hundred feet away.
We are the only people in the room. I am debating what to do when he comes over and drops a pair of black lace panties in front of me. “Thought you would want these back, although maybe you don’t even wear panties anymore since you’re such a whore.”
Damon is taking things to an outrageous level. He saunters back to his locker, and I shove my laptop in my bag then bolt out of the room, eyes on the floor, and run right into a rock-hard chest.
“Charlotte, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?” Xander pulls my chin up and gazes into my eyes.
“Charlotte, what happened?” Dr. Wemer is standing next to him.
“Nothing.” I try to walk past them, but Xander holds my shoulders.
“Is he in there?” Xander’s eyes blaze.
“He?” Dr. Wemer asks.
“Damon,” Xander grits out.
“Charlotte, tell me what is going on,” Dr. Wemer sternly demands.
Xander tries to move me aside, but I dig in my heels. “Don’t. You’ll get fired,” I tell him.
Dr. Wemer moves to block the door.
“Move,” Xander barks at him.
Dr. Wemer braces himself in the doorway. “Not the way to handle this. You two, come with me.”
“Get out of the way,” Xander seethes.
“No. Turn around right now and come with me,” Dr. Wemer instructs.
“Xander.” I cup his face, so he has to look at me.
His eyes are full of rage.
“Please. Don’t,” I beg him again.
He takes a deep breath. “Okay. But this ends now. You’re reporting all of this.”
“All right. Come with me.” I reach for his hand.
Xander sags. “Okay.”
Dr. Wemer pats him on the shoulder. “Good choice.”
“There better be consequences.”
Dr. Wemer starts down the hallway. “There will be. Let’s go.”
As we follow, I release Xander’s hand and fix my gaze ahead.
I assume we are going to HR, but Dr. Wemer takes us to Dr. Sear’s office.
Dr. Wemer knocks on the door. “Can we come in?”
Dr. Sear points to the table in his office. “Have a seat. What’s going on?” He closes his laptop. “Charlotte, you okay?”