Chapter 18
Charlotte
Xander is waiting for me to answer him. My brain tells me it can’t be this easy. That he can’t just decide he doesn’t love Billie anymore, when he still can’t remember falling out of love with her. All he did for six months was obsess over her.
But I’m staring into his eyes. They are begging me to trust him, believe in him, and leap into the unknown with him.
So my heart wins. It overrides my brain, and I lean into the comfort of his arms. There is no rational with Xander. My heart’s only desire is for him to love me, and no one else, so I put it on the line once again and tell him, “Okay.”
He smiles at me, tightens his arm, and brushes his lips against mine. “Does this mean I get to hang out with you over the weekend?”
I snuggle into him. “You fell on your ass for me skating, so I think it earned you some time.”
Grinning at me, he points out the window. There is so much snow coming down you can only see whiteness. “I think we should get going. The snow is pretty intense.”
Xander helps me into my jacket and puts my hat on my head again. “You look hot in this hat.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips.
It’s hard to keep any walls up at all.
He checks his phone. “There aren’t any Ubers for over forty minutes. Do you think we can catch a cab around here?”
“Probably not in this snow.”
“Okay. You lead then because I have no clue what direction to go.”
“I think your hotel is closer.”
“Does that mean I get to keep you all night?”
“Do you want to keep me all night?”
Xander gives me a smoldering look. “Is that a serious question?”
I shiver. “You said that and looked at me the same way the night we met.”
“What was the question?”
Heat races over me.
“What? Tell me.”
“If you wanted to shower with me.”
His eyes grow wider, and he licks his lips. “So that’s where that dream came from.”
“Umm.”
He leans down into my ear. “The answer is still yes...about the shower.”
Laughing, I shove him away. “Come on, let’s go.”
We plod through the snow, and I can hardly see.
The storm is heavy and wet, and we cling to each other as our feet slip and slide.
The sidewalk has a few feet of snow on it, and we take longer to get to the hotel than it should.
By the time we get there, we’re covered in snow, and our faces are cold.
Once inside the lobby, we shake off our snow and stomp our feet on the mat.
“That was crazy,” Xander says.
I shiver from the cold. “I don’t think we would have made it to my place. I would have been an official snowman.”
“Come on. Let’s go get warm.” He leads me through the lobby and into the elevator. It’s not very crowded, but he pulls my back against him. My teeth are chattering.
His suite overlooks Chicago, and turn-down service has already taken place. Soft music is playing, the fireplace is lit, and dim lights glow.
“Well, haven’t you been living it up,” I tease him.
He winks at me and goes over to the Jacuzzi tub. It’s near the windows overlooking the city skyline. He turns the water on and comes back to me. With a cocky smile, he says, “Time to get you naked.”
“Why do I feel like you’ve always wanted to say that to me?”
Xander laughs. “If I’ve never said it to you before, then you are correct.”
I laugh but shake some more.
“That’s my cue,” Xander says and pulls my sweater over my head.
“Now I’m colder.”
He pulls his shirt off and holds me against his warm skin. “That better?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Holding my body to his, he removes my jeans and slides his hands down to my bottom. “You are cold. Come on.” He releases my bra and panties and helps me in.
I sit down, the warmth rising to my shoulders, and release a sigh. “Are you coming in?”
“Is that a serious question, too?” Shaking my head, I laugh at him. He strips, tells me to scoot forward, and slides into the water behind me. I lean back on his chest, and he wraps his arms around me.
“This is nice.” I turn my head and smile at him.
He kisses me, hardening against my thigh. “Tell me something you’ve never told me before. Something hardly anyone knows.”
Something I’ve never told him that hardly anyone knows.
There’s only one thing that comes to my mind, and no one knows.
Xander is holding me in his arms, and I turn into him more. “I’ll tell you something no one knows.”
“No one?”
I shake my head.
“Not even Vivian?”
I smile. “Why do you mention Vivian?”
“She told me today she’s been your closest friend since you were kids.”
“Almost for as long as I can remember.”
“But she doesn’t know what you’re about to tell me?”
“No.”
“And Piper and Quinn, they don’t know, either?”
“No.”
Xander’s bright eyes scan mine, and he wraps his arms tighter around me, enfolding me in safety. So I tell him.
“When I was eighteen, and they kicked me out of the orphanage, I got a folder of information about my family.”
“They kicked you out?”
“They don’t call it that, but it’s pretty much what it is.”
Xander kisses the top of my head. “Were you scared?”
“Yeah,” I quietly admit.
He kisses me on the cheek. “Where did you go?”
“Vivian and I had plans to live together, but we couldn’t afford to rent a place, so her parents let me stay with them until we could. The deal was that as long as we were both in school, we could stay.”
“Where did you go to school?”
“I had a full ride to the University of Chicago.”
“Of course you did, smart girl.” Xander beams at me.
“So, when I got my folder, it had relatives listed.”
Xander sits up more. “They were still alive?”
I nod.
“But they never adopted you?”
“No.”
Wrapping his legs around mine, he pretzels me into his body. “Have you ever talked to them?”
“It was my mother’s side of the family. My grandmother, uncle, and aunt are all alive.”
Xander tilts his head to the side and squints at me in confusion.
“My grandmother and aunt live together. My uncle lives next door with his family. They didn’t know I was coming. I just got in my car and drove there one day.”
Xander strokes my hair but says nothing. He puts his lips to my head and kisses my temple.
It’s hard to get enough air to continue, but somehow I do.
“When I found out, I assumed they must not have known about me because they wouldn’t have let me live in an orphanage all these years.
I hoped they would want to get to know me.
..” Uncomfortable emotions creep up, and I focus on the lights outside the window, an airplane passing in the distance.
Xander kisses my cheek.
I turn back to him. “They knew about me the entire time and said my mother always thought she was better than them and ran off with my dad. They wanted nothing to do with me. They said”—I gulp a breath—“I should have died with my parents.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“I’m sorry, babe. You deserved better than what you were dished out.”
“I know, but I’m glad I didn’t live with them. I guess I got lucky in that matter.”
He pushes my hair behind my ear. “How do you do that?”
“What?”
“How do you see so much good in so many messed-up things?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s better than seeing the bad all the time.”
Xander pulls my mouth into his, slipping his tongue against mine, rotating me completely on top of him, and rewrapping his limbs around mine.
“I feel kind of bad,” he murmurs between kisses.
“Why?” I lock my hands around his head and get lost in all that is Xander.
“I was just going to tell you how I mutilated all my cousin’s dolls.”
I jerk back. “You did what?”
Xander shrugs. “I liked to pretend they were hurt, and I had to perform surgery. So I took scissors, popsicle sticks, and string to operate. My aunt wasn’t too happy, but my cousin Susie thought it was cool. Well, until she realized her dolls were permanently mangled.”
I laugh so hard tears pour down my cheeks. Xander laughs, too. When we finally sober, I say, “I’m glad your skills have improved.”
“Amen to that.”
“So, you always wanted to be a surgeon?”
Xander’s eyes brighten. “As long as I can remember.”
“I considered becoming a doctor.”
“Why didn’t you? You could be. You’d run circles around most surgeons I know.”
“I interviewed with my company after graduation. I thought I would try this out, and if I didn’t like it, maybe go back. But I love what I do.”
Xander smiles. “You’re good at it, too.”
“Thanks.” I stroke his head and trace the scar from his surgery. “Does that hurt when I touch it?”
“No.”
I don’t know why I say it, I’ve never told anyone before, but suddenly, it’s in my mind. “I only remember pieces of the accident.”
Xander sits up more. “Really?”
“Mm-hmm.”
He peers at me. “What was that day like?”
“We were happy.” So happy.
“What did we talk about in the car?”
I shrug. “We were making plans for when you moved.”
Xander strokes my back. “What kind of plans.”
I blink several times and quietly say, “You were going to stay with me.”
He scans my eyes. “To visit?”
I shake my head.
“Until I found a place?”
“No.”
“I was going to move in?”
“Yes.”
He smiles. “When did we decide that?”
“When I was in New York. After you took me out to dinner.”
“Where did I take you?”
“I don’t remember the name, but it was a beautiful place. We didn’t eat much though.”
Xander lifts one eyebrow. “Why?”
I flutter my lashes. “You couldn’t keep your lips off me.”
He nods wisely. “I happen to be partial to your lips.” He pulls me in and kisses me, positioning me, so my sex is right next to his hard-on, but he stops. “What don’t you remember?”
“I remember everything until the crash. Then it’s blurry.
There was tons of blood and broken glass.
Before all the red lights, I kept hearing you moan in pain, but I couldn’t turn to see you.
Piper and Noah said I called them before I went into surgery, but I don’t remember it.
I don’t remember being freed from the car.
I guess I was in shock.” I blink back tears then blurt out, “I had nightmares for months after listening to you moan.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you went through all that alone.”
Tears well up, and I wish I would stop crying all the time with Xander, but the pain is still so raw. And everything I’ve been holding back comes out. “I hoped you would recognize me when you saw me, but you looked right through me. You didn’t even take a minute to try and remember me.”
He cups my face. His eyes are full of pain, just like mine feel. “Charlotte, I’m so sorry. I don’t even remember you coming to see me. I was on so many meds, it’s just foggy. But that doesn’t excuse it. I’m sorry. I wish I could hit redo. I would give anything for a redo.”
“I needed you,” I whisper. “I needed you so badly.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I’m here and not going away from you ever again. I promise.”
I want to believe him. To know for once in my life, I can have someone to love me...someone who I love so much it hurts in so many different ways but is worth all the pain. So when he kisses me and pulls me into him, I allow myself to trust in him and his promise.
“I love you. I’m here for you forever,” he whispers against my lips then starts a slow burn within me so hot I don’t think and just feel.
My throbbing sex rocks slowly onto him, allowing him to fill me up inch by inch, as I slide against him.
“Hold me tighter,” I whisper to him, needing him.
Wanting me.
Protecting me.
Claiming me.
I need it all the way only Xander can give it to me.
He wraps his arms tight around me. Stroking my curves, cupping my ass, moaning, he sends a riptide of flutters coursing through me.
“Always be mine,” he murmurs to me, as he lightly sucks on my neck.
“I’m yours.” I give myself over, hoping he never wants to give me back.
Pulsing, I push him deeper in me, needing to feel whole. I’ve only ever experienced wholeness with Xander.
His fingers move between our bodies, and his thumb rubs my clit.
“Xander,” I cry out.
“That’s it, gorgeous, cum for me.” He circles quicker, and I tremble, flying over the edge.
“Oh God!”
“Good girl,” he mumbles then moves both hands to my hips and rolls my hips harder and quicker on him.
“Oh jeez,” I breath out as he brings me to a new peak and the walls of my pussy spasm.
His lips claim mine as their own, and he pushes his forehead to mine when I can no longer kiss him back.
I gasp for air and stare into his eyes.
“Fuuuuuck,” he groans, pumping his seed hard into me, spiking my adrenaline into a sea of pleasure as I climax again, calling out his name.
I collapse, breathing hard, as he grips me to his chest, stroking my back.
We lie in the bath, our limbs entwined. He kisses my head.
He’s still in me, and I realize what we just did. I slowly look up at him.
“Don’t freak,” he says.
“I have an IUD.”
He exhales. “Okay. I’m clean.”
“Me, too.”
He smiles at me and kisses me on the forehead. “I think we just handled that pretty well.”