Chapter 21 Ivan
IVAN
Ianticipated that Raisa would be emotional on Lev’s first day of school here. It was a shift among many shifts in her life, and I wasn’t so cruel as to disregard how hard this was for her.
She’d been in charge of our son all these years. Taking it upon herself to keep him as safe as possible, she was the sole decision-maker of what happened in Lev’s life. She called all the shots. She made all the choices about what was best for him.
In the two weeks that they’d been guests at my uncle’s home, I noticed how she stepped back cautiously and let me spend time with our son.
To get to know him. To let him learn about me.
Lev wouldn’t be sheltered any longer, and I was open to answer any question he asked of me about who I was, what my family did, and what the future would hold.
I didn’t go into details about some things.
He was far too young for that. I merely treated him with the same degree of intel that we gave Misha.
Raisa didn’t seem comfortable about giving up her authority with Lev.
I saw it in the wariness in her eyes when she watched from a distance.
I heard the hesitation in her voice when she would quickly mask her worry or anger, making sure Lev would see her smiling and civil around me and the Dubinin men.
Taking Lev to school together was the most domestic thing we’d done yet, but I respected that she would be nervous.
That she would be scared to let our son be out of sight.
This was the longest she’d go without being near him and personally witnessing that he was all right.
Unlike the hour or so when Lev would be with me, or Alexsei, or even Emil, today marked the first time that Raisa would need to preoccupy herself with something else.
I imagined that Luka would take advantage of Lev not being home.
My uncle was still eager for more intel about Konstantin, about the Riveras indirectly attacking his family, about all of this.
It seemed like so much had changed in a short span of time, and we were all taking the proper steps to address this situation the best we could.
Luka had mentioned to me that he wanted to interrogate Raisa about her unexpected and sudden appearance here. And I was in no position to tell him that he couldn’t. He was the Boss. He was the one who ruled in this house and family, and I was fine with that. That was how it had always been.
As I saw Raisa being dropped off at the house, I knew that not giving her a heads up about Luka wanting to speak with her was the right thing to do.
It would be better if she wasn’t prepared.
I didn’t think she was lying about anything, but she was too guarded.
My version of prompting her to lower her guard wasn’t exactly panning out well so far.
We would fight. We would get in each other’s space.
Then those inevitable sparks would fly and this simmering attraction between us would catch fire.
We can’t keep doing this.
I rode uptown to handle some business, but just like before Raisa stormed back into my life, with our son in tow, she hogged my thoughts.
This mutual understanding that she and Lev would stay with us could only last so long. We were all waiting to see how things would settle—with her story about where she’d been for years, what the Italians were up to, and if Konstantin still posed a threat, dead or alive.
But today felt like a step toward something else. Toward a forever scenario. Where Lev would go to school here. Where he’d grow up alongside Misha.
Domesticity wasn’t in the cards for someone like me, but I had to scold myself from being so closed-minded.
Luka was awfully domestic with Gabriella in his life now, as his young wife.
Even Alexsei was domestic and not cutthroat, always concerned about Misha seeing him wounded.
But how do we move past this waiting game for intel?
I felt like I was stuck, anticipating Luka’s approval of Raisa and his official welcome into the family once he’d checked her out.
It seemed like I was untethered, staying at Luka’s house to be near Raisa and Lev when they belonged in my home with me. I wasn’t joking when I told Raisa that I’d missed her and I would never have plans to let her go again.
Patience. Just be patient.
I exhaled a long breath as the car stopped and I got out.
It seemed like I’d been anything but patient to have Raisa again.
Eight years, we’d been apart. We’d grown and changed in all that time, but looking forward, I only wanted to focus on how to ensure we were together once more.
In all my fantasies of having her in my life again, they hadn’t gone off like this—where she was still wary of me, still nervous to trust me.
I was forcing myself not to push her too hard and to give her a chance to befriend me again before we could figure out our future.
Throughout the day, I checked my phone for updates.
The security I’d placed at the tutoring place that was more like a school for Lev would check in hourly, reporting that Lev was at the school and safe.
I also glanced at my phone for a text from Raisa.
From Luka. Hell, even from Gabriella. Someone in the house who’d confirm that Raisa was there and…
Happy?
I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. She enjoyed reconnecting with me physically, but it was in her heart and soul that I wanted her again. Like we were before. Completely in sync and in love.
When it was time to pick up Lev, I got a ride to the house and picked Raisa up. I wouldn’t take charge and exclude her from the drop-off and pick-up parts of the day.
She didn’t speak to me much, and when I got a call I couldn’t leave for later, I hated that I was stuck on the phone and unable to talk to her on the ride. I hung up just as we got Lev, and it filled my heart with elation to see him so happy and back with his mother.
Back at the house, he chattered and talked about his “first day” of school. Transferring here from Paris should’ve been a challenge, but I noticed that Raisa had made sure to raise Lev as a multilingual child. His English was impeccable despite his nomadic childhood so far.
Listening to him and watching more than engaging with him, I felt like a spectator. I was new to this, and as we returned to the house, I tried not to dwell on this lingering grudge that I was holding on to against Raisa.
She’d deprived me of so many things I could never get back.
All these milestones and firsts I’d missed in Lev’s life.
His birth. How he was as a baby, if he was prone to fussing like Andre was.
How he grew and nurtured his interests. First steps.
First words. First everything. I’d been cheated out of it all, but I was adamant that I wouldn’t miss anything else.
It was also the first night of homework, too. We sat together as he told me more about his teachers and the classes, and about how he might befriend a couple of kids who had seemed nice.
“Was Mama lonely?” he asked.
I tilted my head to the side. “I don’t know. I was working.”
He nodded, keeping his head down as he wrote in a notebook. “She used to work lots too. She said it was just what she needed to stay busy until I was home from school.”
“Well, she’s not working here.”
He smiled. “Will she have to work ever again?”
Not if I have anything to do with it. Raisa wasn’t an idle person, though.
If she wasn’t checking out a new hobby back when we’d first met, she was eager to make a difference in the world.
Then, she was a bright-eyed student in college, daydreaming about helping others however she could.
I admired her big heart and ambition to pay back with kindness.
Now, with me providing for her, she would need to preoccupy herself with something new.
“I bet that’s why she seemed grumpy,” he commented. “She must have been bored without me here all day.” A simple smile crossed over his face as he continued to write and not look up at me.
Grumpy was an understatement, though. Through dinner and following it, I sensed that she was acting off as well. But I didn’t think it was due to boredom.
She was more guarded than usual, as if she couldn’t wait to escape to her suite, which was next to my room now. I’d asked to have her moved closer to me a couple of days ago.
I gave her time to go through a bedtime routine with Lev. Even this simple thing of seeing him tucked in was a new treasure I enjoyed. He was content, likely able to roll with the changes and adapt. But Raisa was off, guarded and tense without making any eye contact with me.
I felt stupid to have assumed things were going well. Or smoothly, at least.
Once Lev fell asleep to the bedtime story I read to him, I stood and faced her directly.
She furrowed her brow as I took her hand. Speaking too loudly in Lev’s small room that was attached to hers wouldn’t be wise. I wanted privacy to get to the bottom of why she was acting funny.
“Did Luka speak with you today?” I asked once I got her in her room.
She shook her head. “No.”
He’d made it sound like he’d talk to her. That would be a valid reason for her to be acting more guarded. Luka was a hell of an interrogator.
“He didn’t say anything to you at all?” I asked, wishing she’d be more open to talking to me right now.
She shook her head.
“Raisa…” I took her hand again, pleased when she didn’t pull away. “Talk to me.”
“I am.”
“No, you’re not. You’re acting closed off and too quiet.”
She shrugged.
Tipping her chin up, I forced her to look at me. A demure vulnerability clashed with guardedness in her bright blue eyes.
“Talk to me.”
“About what?”
This was like pulling teeth out. “About why you’re so defensive today.”
“I’m not in a stable situation here.” Another shrug, and she tried to break eye contact again. “What else am I supposed to feel or say?”
I sighed, spinning her until I could follow her down to the bed. Hovering over her sexy, slender body put us right back to the usual mode of us communicating. Physically. Sexually. I was glad she wanted me as much as I did her, but a hint of our former friendship mattered too.
“Raisa. It’s me. Talk to me.”
She turned her head, rolling it on the bed.
I smiled, unbuttoning her blouse. “Oh. Do you think you can win this game?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m not playing a game.”
“Then I will.” I bared her, parting her shirt until her breasts were more visible.
They heaved up with every deep breath she took, thrusting the generous globes upward as they threatened to spill out of her bra.
“The game goes like this.” I leaned in to kiss the top of her right breast as I slid my fingers to the clasp. You talk, and I’ll keep doing this.”
It was an impulsive ultimatum, seducing an answer out of her. But I swore she almost smiled as I tugged the fabric of her bra down and cupped her tit.
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” she mumbled, defiant but catching on quickly.
“Why are you upset?” I lowered to close my mouth over her nipple, dragging my tongue all around the stiffening bud.
She gasped, gripping my head to keep it right there. “I’m… I’m not upset.”
“Don’t lie,” I warned as I roved my hand lower until I could reach under her skirt and rub over her panties.
“Not… lying…” She moaned as I revealed her other breast. Between the friction I gave her with my hand over her pussy and my mouth on her breasts, she didn’t seem very able to reply.
I pulled back and she pouted.
“I was upset earlier.”
I smiled and opened her bra so I could feast more. “Go on,” I coaxed.
“Because I overheard Dubinin men talking shit about me and Lev.”
I tensed, trying not to scowl as I pushed her skirt and panties down.
She reached for my erection tenting my pants, on the same page as me in this short-lived game of seduction I’d embarked on.
“What did they say?” I had a good guess, since several reports were coming in of Dubinin men not trusting her being here.
“That my father would see me as damaged goods for being with you. That he wanted me to be with someone he’d choose. That Lev is a bastard no one wants around.” As she spoke, she unzipped my pants and tried to free my cock from my clothes.
Fury raced through me at her words. The mere idea of any other man having her and claiming her enraged me.
“Thank you for telling me,” I replied, helping her get the rest of my clothes off so we’d both be naked and coming together like lovers, if not yet like friends.
She stroked my dick, parting her legs to make room for me as I lay back over her.
“And know that no one else will ever have you.”
I kissed her hard, relishing the bite in her lips on mine as she growled for more. Hugging me close, she practically curled into my embrace with my dick rubbing over her pussy.
“You are mine, Raisa.”
She frowned as she stared up at me. “Just fuck me. Please. Enough talking.”
I shook my head as I lined my dick up to her wet entrance.
After another intense kiss, I waited until she was looking me in the eye again.
“No. You need to hear me and you need to understand. You are mine.” I sank into her slowly, earning her slow, sexy groan of pleasure as I filled her. “You have always been mine.”