Chapter 4
I stood in Alex’s bathroom and splashed my face with water again.
Not being close to Lucian was making my stomach ache.
It was a dull pain, easy to ignore after everything I’d faced, but when I focused on it, it turned crippling.
Exhaling in a steady stream, I rolled my shoulders and then stepped out of the bathroom.
I smelled him on my skin, and it was making me sick.
On my way down the hall, toward the living room, I sank my nails against my ribs, over the spot where I’d tattooed his name. It was never fucking fate.
How stupid must I have looked to him when I ended up in his room. The same one he was showering in right before the hooker arrived. Now, I realized, she was likely a shifter or a human with knowledge of shifters. Because Alphas had knots, they didn’t just fuck any random.
“You okay?” Alex’s voice came from behind me. I turned to face him leaving his bedroom at the end of the hall, scrubbing the towel over his head.
After telling Alex everything, it felt like some weight had been lifted from my chest. The tips of his hair plopped water onto his skin. Corded and lean muscle flexed with every swipe of the towel. The corners of his lips turned down even more, reminding me of Lucian.
Lucian. Lucian. Lucian . I wanted to strangle myself! The pressure in me compounded whenever I thought of him. He’d hurt me so much.
He’d rejected me and then subjected me to lies and deception. That wasn’t the worst of it. What hurt me the most was the familiar, remembered pain of him touching other women. At the time, I didn’t know that was what was wrong with me, but with my memories returning, so did clarity.
He deserved to experience the same pain I’d had to live through again and again while I’d been trapped for a crime I hadn’t committed.
“Are you okay, Joey?”
I jerked back to the present to Alex watching me while he dried his hair. His concern was evident, as was his patience and kindness. Someone like him could have been my mate. Not his traitorous dick of a brother. Lucian should know my pain—my agony .
In a few quick strides, I was an inch from Alex. His eyes widened, and he blinked a few times.
I knew from the start that Alex liked me. But he’d stopped asking me out and kept his distance when he’d found out about Lucian being my fated. Each time he’d gotten too close, I always tried to respect Lucian and stay away. I’d tried to with any male, not just Alex, but I shouldn’t have.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed. I focused on his face and slowly placed my hands on his bare chest. His eyes widened and he blinked, seemingly frozen. I rubbed my fingertips against his pecs, caressing the softness of his flesh.
His breathing elevated, the sound filling the hall. The hand holding the towel to his head flopped to his side.
“I . . . ” He trailed off.
I leaned closer and closer, waiting for him to make the choice to back away and avoid me, but he remained still.
I tipped my chin up until my lips hovered an inch from his.
The familiar woodsy smell of a shifter filled my nose.
None but Lucian would smell so appetizing to me.
I smoothed my hands up to his hard shoulders. He was leaner than Lucian.
My heart pulsated with pain from the loyalty I couldn’t help but feel. Even worse, the love for Lucian, but I didn’t stop touching Alex. He was close to panting.
I closed my eyes tight, focusing on the warmth he radiated. When he didn’t move, I pressed against him until my breasts were flush to his chest.
“You’re my brother’s mate,” he mumbled. I stopped an inch from his lips, studying his unfocused eyes. “You smell like a mated female.” I would always smell different now that I’d bonded.
“Then hold your breath,” I whispered, and connected with his lips. He softened under my mouth, and I slid my palms along his smooth skin until my fingertips played with the tips of his damp hair. Alex shivered, becoming supple. I pushed my tongue into his mouth.
Lucian was a jealous man. When he found out I’d kissed his brother, he’d rage. I curved my tongue against Alex. My heart throbbed like a vise was wrapped around the organ.
This was wrong of me, but I wanted Lucian to hurt.
It was time he felt the pain I’d lived with for so long.
Alex exhaled against my lips roughly, and his hands settled on my waist, pulling me closer. Our bodies were pressed together; the T-shirt he’d let me borrow between us. His hard cock pressed into my stomach. I couldn’t fight the tensing of my muscles.
It felt so wrong .
How could he have touched someone else? How could he when it felt like my heart was being shredded? How could he?!
Alex pulled away, slowly, detaching from my lips. He cupped my face, and his thumb swiped the dampness on my cheek.
When had I started crying? I sucked in a breath, grappling to get a hold of my emotions.
“You’ve been through a lot, Joey.” His whispered words caused my stomach to constrict. His voice was gentle and kind. My lip warbled. I was grateful he’d stopped our kiss. This pain in me would only worsen if I betrayed myself right now. What I needed to focus on was healing.
“I should get some sleep,” I croaked. He’d stopped me from doing something I would hate myself for. I stepped back until my body was no longer flush to his.
“Take my bed,” he said, but I was already shaking my head. “I’ll take the couch.”
“No, but thank you.” I slipped out of his grip and backed toward the spacious living room. I’d slept in worse conditions; it’d honestly be more comfortable being alone on the couch than on someone’s bed. A someone I just kissed to hurt my mate.
“Goodnight,” I mumbled and shuffled away.
Alex had a cabin-style home, and the living room was just as woodsy as the rest of his place.
A long sectional was smack dab in the middle of the room.
He’d laid a sheet over the entire piece of furniture, while a pillow and a folded blanket rested at the end of the couch.
I plopped down and laid back, staring at the ceiling.
That shifter Alex had told me worked as a police officer was my only lead for answers.
LUCIAN
I spat into the toilet and slumped against the wall, raggedly breathing. There had been multiple bouts of sickness, leaving my stomach feeling off and sour. Already, my body was affected by my Josephine not being with me.
Exhaustion weighed heavy on my limbs, but I forced myself toward the shower. Upon turning the faucet, water sprayed on my head. Pain assaulted me with each of my movements as I removed my clothes and tossed them to the side. They landed with a wet plop.
I propped my hands on the tile beneath the spurting water and bowed my head. Water sprayed across the top of my hair, and I closed my eyes.
I deserved all of this festering guilt eating my insides; I deserved whatever she wanted to do with me, but she could do it while at my side.
I’d hunt her until the end of the earth if it was necessary.
Then I would do whatever she wished, as long as she didn’t leave me.
If she ordered me to throw myself off a mountain, I’d do it, as long as she remained beside my broken body .
. . I would do anything to stop her pain. She hadn’t deserved what I’d done.
My sweet, precious mate.
Her face was ingrained in my memory. After she’d run off, I’d spent hours searching for her. At her duplex, at the hotel, at my house, those were the only places she’d ever frequented.
If I hadn’t rushed into getting her a cell phone, I could have had the IT guy install a tracker in it before I’d given it to her, but I never anticipated losing her like this. It was pure arrogance.
I’d learned my lesson.
The only reason I’d returned to our house was because I’d run out of options. If I kept running myself ragged, looking for her, I risked losing her for good.
I had to think, which was hard with her gone. Every person in my pack knew to keep an eye out. If anyone saw her, they’d contact Bruno, who would contact me, but I had yet to hear anything. I scrubbed my palms down my face, quickly cleaned myself with soap, and made quick work of shampooing.
I wouldn’t rest until I had her back with me. The swell of nausea remained in my stomach, the sensation sour and uncomfortable. I tilted my head back, exhaling slowly. I’d never vomited like that, nor had the pain wracking my body. Agony had been sudden and striking.
I’d never felt such intense pain. Especially the sudden burn through my chest . . . where our bond was.
I stilled.
Was she touching someone else?
Every muscle in my body turned stiff. I felt close to rupturing.
No, no, she wouldn’t do that. Panic and fear vised around my throat. I struggled to drag in a few breaths. No, she wouldn’t do that .
Once I shut the shower off, I slid the glass door to the side and grabbed the towel to dry myself. I rubbed the cloth across my chest and grabbed my phone. I hadn’t heard it ring, but it was worth?—
ALEX: She’s here, but give her some space, she’s asleep.
She went to Alex ? I gritted my teeth, and a crack opened along the phone screen.
Fuck space , I’d go get my mate.
I couldn’t give her the space she wanted. There was no fiber of my being that could be away from her.
Not bothering with dressing, I strode down the stairs and to the front door. Alex lived several miles south of my house. I’d reach his place within the hour on all fours.