Chapter 17
Rocket Science
RILEY
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I’m grateful Elias hasn’t asked me to go anywhere with his friends or family.
I hate this holiday because I understand the true history behind it, and I don’t think bringing genocide and disease to a peaceful group of people is something to celebrate at all.
I’m also nearly done with my article, I just have a few things to wrap up first.
One of those things is Samira.
“Hey, can we talk?” I ask, locking our dorm room door. It won’t keep Elias out since he has a key, but at least it’ll give me warning if he comes over unannounced. “I need to tell you something.”
“That doesn’t sound good. Did that asshole get you pregnant?”
Panic flashes in her eyes for me, so I shake my head quickly.
I’ve been extremely careful with my birth control ever since the condoms started breaking.
“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s worse, actually.
” Frowning, I sit down on my bed and face her.
“I just need to know that no matter what I say, you keep it between us. Don’t say anything to anyone, don’t change the way you act around them, nothing.
I have a plan, it's just going to take a bit to get to.”
Her eyebrows shoot up, but she nods. “Yeah, okay. I promise.”
“The day I met him, I was in here having some… me time. He somehow got a copy of our key and let himself in with no warning, camera in hand. He only caught a couple of seconds on video but it was enough that he saw all of me.”
“Ew,” she interrupts. “Fucking weirdo.”
Mmhm.
“He used it to blackmail me into pretending to be his girlfriend so he could get out of hazing. I kind of forgot about it for a while, thinking things were going well and he wouldn’t use it, but then he got pissed I wouldn’t fuck him so he blackmailed me again.”
The look of horror on her face pretty much sums up how I should feel about all of this, but I still have mixed emotions. It makes no sense. “I have a plan to get him back, but I kind of need your permission first.”
“Get him back?” she whispers sharply. “You mean by getting him arrested? Because blackmailing someone for sex is fucking assault. God, I hate men.”
Maybe I should hate him, but I don’t. Maybe I should have him arrested, but I won’t. “I wrote an article about the hazing,” I admit. “Exposing all of it. The fucked up things they do, the tradition, the people that are hurt by it.”
“Oh.” It seems to click for her why I need her permission and she shifts slightly. “So my team could get fucked over here too,” she contemplates. “Did you use names?”
“Yep. Just the guys, not the girls, but it won’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.”
Her gaze drops to her nails for a moment. “I don’t think I have the right to tell you not to. I mean you were basically raped, you should be allowed to retaliate how ever you need to.”
My stomach squirms uncomfortably. “I don’t… that’s not what it was. It’s more complicated than that at least, but I don’t know. If I turn this article in, I can’t take it back.”
“Am I the only thing holding you back?”
Oh, how I wish I could say yes. “Not exactly.”
Suddenly, she’s gripping my hand tightly.
“You do whatever you have to do, but do not make excuses for that man. Us making excuses for men is why the patriarchy still exists today. Half of them aren’t strong enough to face the consequences of their actions and women have taken it upon themselves to soften the blow. It’s got to stop someday.”
This would be a lot easier if I believed he’d actually do it.
Yes, he’s a little crazy. Yes, he’s controlling.
But he hasn’t actually made me do a single thing I didn’t want to do.
Even the last time he threatened me, I was wet and trying to gaslight myself into believing I didn’t want it. “I… Sam, I think I like him.”
She groans, falling back on my bed to stare up at the ceiling. “That… sucks.” I’m surprised when she laughs softly. “Really, I’m sorry. Why do we always want what’s bad for us?”
She pats the bed for me to lay back too so I slump over and join her.
“Good question. If we ever figure it out, we’ll have the patriarchy dismantled by lunch.
This shit is so convoluted it makes me want to scream, though.
We’re dating but we’re not dating, he’s blackmailing me but I don’t believe him, we have a break up date I’m questioning, and now I wrote an article that could get him and all his teammates suspended and it’s just sitting on my computer like a loaded gun. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Suspended and the rest of the season cancelled. No postseason for them,” she singsongs. “Shit, actually I think our season might be fucked too because we’ve honestly went harder than them this year. Did you hear Lucy cut Vito’s hair?”
Smirking, I turn to look at her. “It was my idea, actually. So I’ll probably get fucked in this whole thing too, but I don’t know. I can’t beat him up so this seems like my only option.”
“You can absolutely beat him up. I’d help, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s into that shit.”
“He’s a lot stronger than he looks,” I admit. “Like… a lot stronger. Crazy strong. He’d probably just laugh if I hit him.”
Sam groans again. “He probably would. I think the universe made women smaller because we’d take over the world otherwise.
They’d be crying over a nut-tap while we make boss-bitch moves no matter what time of the month it is — I’m on my period if you can’t tell.
My inner feminist comes out this week, I can’t help it. ”
“The power imbalance is fucked. I know that, and I think that’s my biggest problem.
I keep telling myself that this article will make us even.
It’ll balance the scales, and then after all the dust settles, we’ll see where we’re at.
But the logical side of me knows that there won’t be any coming back after this.
I turn the article in, he releases the video.
We bury each other and then what? Nothing. ”
“I want to say he won’t release it, because it will also ruin him.
That’s such a violation of privacy he’d completely ruin his credibility on and off the field, and you have a legitimate legal case against him.
But at the same time… guys are fucking stupid, Riley.
They’re so impulsive when they’re emotional he might not care about the repercussions.
I don’t know him enough to say which side he’d fall on, unfortunately.
He was always the loud, flirty one that flashed his annoying dimples every chance he got.
I never could have guessed he was this toxic. ”
Me either, but here we are. “He doesn’t appear in the video anywhere. All he’d have to do is upload it to one of those revenge porn sites and I doubt I’d ever be able to prove it was him.”
“Oof. Yeah. Girl, this is a mess and I just realized it’s completely my fault. I’m sorry, Ri. I should have just let him prank me.”
I shake my head. “It’s not your fault. He started all this the second he laid eyes on me. He wanted me and used any excuse or threat that he could to get me. I don’t really think he cared about the hazing at all, and I agreed because I didn’t want to get caught in it.”
“Not me finding romance in that,” she releases a deep breath. “I need to chill with the dark romance audiobooks.”
“Maybe I should read some. It might make me feel better about the fact that even right now, I want to call him. He fucked me up.”
“Ugh! You got it bad. If only he was bad in bed, right? This would be a much easier decision if he was.”
It would, but unfortunately, he’s the best I’ll ever have. I know that. “Oh well. I have a few weeks before the article is due, so I have time to make up my mind.”
“Okay, well… I support you. I love soccer, but I’ll never pick a sport over something that’s just plain wrong. It’s going to be hard not to hit him though.”
Sighing, I bump her with my elbow. “You were supposed to freak out and beg me not to publish it. It would’ve made it easier.”
Sam drops her palm over her eyes and sighs.
“Probably. Honestly, I might have if this had been earlier in the season, but by now I’m sick of the pranks.
We cut all of their scrimmage jerseys last month and somehow made them look even hotter, boys in slutty tank tops should be illegal.
The girls are either really happy with how they retaliated or crying in frustration, but either way they’re distracted from the game.
At least us juniors have another year to play without having to deal with this bullshit. ”
Unless I ruin it all. “It’s barbaric and I wish you guys could find another way to fuck with each other. Just end it willingly without anyone getting in trouble. But that won’t happen, so here we are.”
“Here we are,” she parrots. “Want to know something ridiculous? Over half of the teams end up fucking in the end. I repeat, we want what’s bad for us, I swear.”
At least I’m not the only one.
It should make me feel better, but even now, I’m just confused and pissed off he let it get this far.
Now I’m gonna have to be the one to finish it.