Chapter 31
Matt
S he snored into my chest, comforted by our lies. Despite the clamminess of our spent bodies rubbing up against each other, I cuddled her close, tight, unwilling to let her go. I hated that, together, without prior discussion, all four of us men had decided that Ethan and I would have to fuck Lily senseless, in order to keep her from asking questions. I looked at him now, over her head. He had that same storm in his eyes. We hadn't discussed what Tyler said or how we felt about it.
Let's put it like this. Lily was the first home I'd ever lived in. Her heart was where I belonged and I'd do anything not to be kicked out of it. Her presence was wealth, the kind of wealth I hadn't been exposed to. As a man, my primitive instincts insisted that I guard and protect this home of mine from intruders. Lily had been fighting off intruders on her own for a long time, putting those walls up to keep them out.
But Terry and his silly partner broke in, just as she was letting her walls down to let us in, and caught us off guard. He had to face some consequences for that. I'd protect my home, you get what I'm saying?
Honestly, if all he'd wanted was money, I'd prefer if he just came right out and asked. He wouldn't get fifty million, but I doubted that he and his partner even knew what fifty million dollars looked like. They were just aiming high and taking advantage, trying to get as much as they could get. But if there's one thing I got from my parents, and growing up with wealth, it's the ability to negotiate. I would have reasoned with him, gotten him to accept a couple million, along with his friend, paid them off and sent them on their way with the promise that they wouldn't try to contact Lily or her mother again. My parents aren't outright criminals or anything, but they haven't gotten to where they're at without knowing how to play the game, which threats to make or who to call to make things happen. It wouldn't be easy for Terry Thornbread to come back, demanding more.
Instead, he chose to leave Lily with more scars. He'd been a plague in her life for too long and as I stroked my fingers through her hair, tensing at the rough ridges of stitches in her head, heat sliced through me, and I was more convinced that he was a plague that needed to be wiped out. A jail sentence could do the trick, teach him a lesson.
As far as I knew, Lily hadn't seen her father pay for a single one of his crimes. He always got away with beating on women, almost killing them and who knows what else the slimy bastard had done in his lifetime. Of course he decided to up his game and kidnap his own fucking daughter without a thought for consequences.
If he's held accountable for his actions, locked away in a jail cell with people who can make him look harmless in comparison, he'll learn a thing or two about fucking with his daughter and ex-wife again.
But that option was no longer on the table, was it? Tyler had them and he had no intention of letting them go. He was going to kill them anyway, so why should that be our problem? Because we're the ones who got involved with Tyler. Their death would be on our hands if we did nothing to stop it. What kind of monsters would that make us? Monsters under Lily's bed? Lurking in her closet. And when she found out... She won't find out.
Oh, yeah? And how are you going to manage that? Face it, you're out of options. The question is, are you going to be there?
If I went under the guise that I wanted to be a part of the demise of Terry Thornbread, I could inform the cops, have them hide out while Tyler took us to him, and get Terry and his sidekick arrested. And Tyler along with them too, smartass.
Yeah, there was no telling what he'd do. We'd have to run away, but I was certain there was no part of the world we could run far enough where Tyler couldn't find us. We'd be signing our death warrants, including Lily's. Even if Lily was his wife's best friend, he'd already proven that he was comfortable with lying to her.
Oh, he claimed he got involved because of his wife, but she was just his excuse. He'd have no problem getting to Lily to hurt us. We couldn't put her life in danger again. Besides, the thought of 'rescuing' Terry Thornbread made me dyspeptic. And letting the man who fucking split Lily's head open walk away in one piece, made me wrathful.
So, what? We just play chummy with the former mob boss who holds our secrets and can use it to our advantage whenever?
Ethan let out a heavy sigh next to us. Mouthing, 'What are we going to do?' I released one of those heavy sighs of my own as it hit me that even though the options were out of our hands, I was only going over these justifications in my head to convince myself that my helplessness was the reason why I was okay with Tyler's plan. But the truth was that as soon as I heard it, my heart kicked up its heels in relief at the thought that Terry Thornbread and his companion would soon cease to exist. They'd pay for what they did to Lily and I wanted to be there when it happened.
Again, I asked the question, what kind of person did that make me?
A cold breeze passed through my body, moving over my internal organs, and I shivered, pulling Lily closer still. She murmured in her sleep, rousing slightly to pull away, but I couldn't let her go. I couldn't lose my forever home that I'd found in her.
Ethan
Oh, I had a few words to say to asswipe Thornbread, alright. And I'd been lying here playing the words over and over in my head. I meant that 'round two' comment, because as soon as they left me in that living room, all I could do was replay Tyler's conversation in my head. There were loose ends he was offering to solve for us. Since Lily couldn't be there to say the things she deserved to say to him, I selfishly wanted to go so that I could speak on her behalf. Not that I could speak for her. I knew that annoyed her too.
Man, I was really trying to be the man that Lily wanted me to be. It was simpler when I came here at first, helping her out with her mother around the house, bonding with her on childhood trauma, throwing money at the situation to fix it: buying new furniture, redoing her walls, sorting out her garden, a garden that her mother wouldn't get to enjoy. My eyes stung at the thought of those simpler moments. It was on that same day after working on the garden, where I confessed my love to her and when I decided it was okay to leave her alone. I'd spent the day after yearning for her, waiting for her to tell me when it was okay to come over, focusing only on one thing, how much my body missed hers, how much my heart needed to wake up next to her with the smell of her embedded in my nose. Instead of that call, I learned that it had been hours since she'd been taken from her house and I wasn't there to stop it. I wasn't there to stop that snake.
Those simpler days were so far away now as I thought about how much had changed. I still wanted to be her Prince Charming, but more than that I wanted to be her Knight. Since leaving the dark world of my past behind, I'd chosen peace, the kind of peace money could buy. Because in many of life's chaotic moments, money could afford us peace in the blink of an eye. It was as easy as taking a trip, indulging in new cultures, meeting new people with my best friends by my side, who were...were... I don't know anymore... always ready for a good time.
But there was no amount of money I could throw at this situation that would buy Lily or any of us, the type of peace that we needed. I wanted to give her something that couldn't be bought. Her freedom back from the man who stole it.
Tyler was going to kill them. There was no doubt about it.
Shit. What were we thinking, getting involved with him? I acted on impulse. We acted on impulse. In the end, he didn't help us to get Lily back, though he tried. I wouldn't take that away from him. But all his involvement had brought so far for us was trouble.
If she found out what I did to Marco, the extent to which I was pushed at the thought that he had something to do with her being missing, she'd fear me. Now, she looked at me with such awe all the time, I didn't want to lose that. I wanted to be everything she thought I was. And for a while, I was. I was, damn it. But fucking Terry Thornbread changed that. He caused me to snap like I did, and almost killed Marco. I surprised myself with the state of my bruised knuckles and the way he'd folded himself up in a fetal position, covered in blood.
I knew I had the ability to defend, but it had been a long time since stepping up to protect my mother from her abusive boyfriends, where I'd snapped. It had been so long, I'd thought that part of me was buried in the past. It's funny how that happens, how we can be convinced that we've changed when everything is flowing and we're going with the flow, but the moment something threatens us or the people we love, we're reminded of who we are. The moment things can't be glossed over anymore and we're threatened with losing everything and everyone, we run into that version of ourselves that we'd kept locked away.
Knowing what I knew now, replaying the image of Lily being gun whipped and screamed at, being so far and having to watch with bated breath as she ran through the woods, dodging threats and bullets, hoping that she got out of there alive, and knowing that Terry was the one that put it all into motion? I didn't know what I'd do when I met him and that other fucker face to face again. A part of me was terrified, but the other part of me was swimming in lava. I shifted with unease on the bed, my heart pounding like the eve before a first date or Christmas, when you want something so bad you can't sleep, itching for the next day to come, for the moment to happen already.
I was sorry I wasn't the person Lily wanted me to be, because I was going and I'd speak for her and myself when I told him everything he needed to hear. And when I walked away, leaving him to the crazy that was Tyler. I'd restrain myself from touching him, myself. It was the least I could do to respect Lily's wishes. But well, I couldn't do anything about what Tyler was going to do. What I could do was be there to give him a well-deserved send off.
Then, all of us could move away from this memory-stained town and put it all behind us, knowing that Terry and his stupid 'enforcer' wouldn't pose a threat to either of us ever again. I'd go back to being the Ethan I was when Lily and I first met, the Ethan that's still me and wasn't a front, because there would be no one messing with Lily's safety. We'd get her back to health and things would go back to the way they should be: light, free, filled with love and fun. I'd work on my health too, putting these dark, fleeting moments of mine to rest.
Eric
You know what sucks? Lily has finally agreed to move in with us. She has accepted the offer of allowing a nurse to step in and relieve her of the role of caregiver. All things I imagined would set her free and allow her to explore life without anything or anyone holding her back, but she's stuck behind these four walls. Cabin fever is a real thing, and it'll soon take a toll on her mental health if she doesn't leave the house. A simple trip to the beach had her freaking out.
You know what's even crazier? The fact that I wished that someone would take care of him, and moments later, Tyler showed up on her doorstep offering exactly that.
I challenged myself to leave the house today, to leave her knowing that she's in safe hands. That took a lot to do, since I thought the same thing when I left her last time. But after talking to Ryan, he assured me that we've all learned a valuable lesson and we won't allow what happened the last time to happen again. He encouraged me to go, saying there are three of them with her who won't let her out of our sight.
Knowing that she was occupied with Ethan and Matt helped. Funny how that works. Jealous one moment, grateful that they're there for her in the next. Knowing that the last time I left them with her...but as Ryan said, we've learned a painful lesson. I trust them.
I needed to leave for a little bit though. None of us are really homebodies and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we think better when we're out in the sun. Taking myself on that picnic I'd planned for the two of us, I groused every time I bit down into toasted buttered bread and Lily wasn't there. When the waves whooshed as I sucked off some oysters, I tensed and longed for her. When I watched couples making out, or best friends chatting, I burned hotter than the sun at the thought of Terry Thornbread. Then I thought about him the entire time I was at the beach, playing Tyler's words again and again in my head.
At one point, I grabbed the snowboard from the back of the van we used to drive Lily and her mother around in, when we'd all take her out together. The modest waves I chased didn't match up to the racing thoughts focused on Tyler's words. I'm an expert surfer, but even I kept falling off my board, unable to ignore the flashbacks to confronting that actual thorn at his workplace. The release I got from laying into him as I've always wanted to do since meeting him. The rush I experienced from the lack of judgment and the shared anger between men who felt the same way I did.
But I held back then, unsure whether or not he was telling us the truth. I should have known then that he was a fucking liar; he doesn't have a decent bone in his body. If I'd known he was responsible, I would have broken every one until he told us where Lily was.
I'd like to look that bastard in the face one more time, I thought now, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
After the sunset, I had returned home to find the nurse taking Mrs. Thornbread out for an evening walk, things we used to do with Lily. For a horrifying second, as I looked at Mrs. Thornbread, she took the form of a much older Lily, trapped by the trauma wrought upon them by that scumbag and my pulse drummed in my head.
I wished he'd pop up out of the blue so that I could crush him.
That man has caused so much fuckery, would Tyler getting rid of him be such a bad thing? He's already 'killed' Mrs. Thornbread and he could have gotten his daughter killed. Does a man like that deserve to live?
If Lily could hear my thoughts. Hell, if my parents could hear my thoughts.
My parents view themselves as murderers even though they were just doing their jobs and following orders. The difference between my parents and that piece of shit is that their trauma comes from their regret. Because they're fucking human. I don't know what that rat-faced man is, but I know I don't view him and my parents through the same lens. Look at all they went through to help Lily? To serve their country, good or bad? Because they have honor.
He doesn't. Whether I accept Tyler's invitation or not, he'll face the same fate. And I can't help but wonder if at the last second, he'll show any humanity at all. You know, if he'd experience remorse, accept true accountability in the end. Not the kind that he could wield as a bargaining tool for his life, but true admission of guilt.
I don't know why I care. He's not my father.
If I could hold on to some sort of hope that deep down he was closed off and cold, but still human, I couldn't imagine what Lily must have been feeling. Actually, that might have been why I cared. I almost wished she could be there to share her last words with him and get closure, but she wouldn't have been able to watch him die. Her heart was too pure. The question was, was mine?
It was bad enough knowing Tyler was going to kill him and opting not to be there. But could I go and watch a guilty man be put to death?
After rubbing some pain ointment on my bruises, which were doing a lot better now, I flicked off the light and exited the bathroom. Moving toward the bedroom, I stood in the doorway, watching Lily sleep. She sensed my presence and roused, before smiling and reaching out to me like an angel trying to pull me into her light, but I was a storm inside. When I didn't move from the doorway, she groaned and left the bed, making her way over to me.
"Are you still mad at me for the picnic?" She was naked, resting her arm against my chest and leaning in.
I couldn't resist running my hand over the curve of her back and ass. She shivered.
"We should probably go to your room before the nurse catches us." Her eyes glinted in the bright light of the hallway. "Although I'm almost positive she saw more than she bargained for already." Her cheeks reddened.
I grinned, sweeping her short, dirty blond hair off her neck. "She just took your mother on her evening walk."
She tensed against me but tried to play it off. "Even better." She reached up to kiss me. I let her, but when I broke the kiss, her brows furrowed.
"You're running again," I told her.
She dropped her gaze to her hand on my bare chest, trailing my pec with her finger.
"You're afraid he's out there and they're unsafe." I read her mind. I knew I did, because her wide eyes came up to meet mine.
"Well, do you blame me? One of you should have gone with her." She frowned.
"He won't be able to hurt either of you again." I promised her.
"How would you know that?" She asked, looking so deep in my eyes, I had to break eye contact.
"I just mean he must be long gone by now." I grunted.
She pondered as I stroked my finger across the fringe of hair around her face, turning to steel as I pulled it back.
"Yeah, well, until the police catch him and I know he's in prison, I won't be able to 'stop running' as you say." She continued, but my eye was on the area that other fucker had pistol-whipped her.
The swelling had gone down, but there was still a nasty bruise which turned me feral. I stroked my thumb across it as my blood bubbled to a boil. She froze, searching my eyes which had begun to narrow.
"Would you really hate me for wanting revenge on the assholes who did this to you?" The question slipped through my lips and I couldn't retract it. I held my breath for her response.
"Is that how you actually got these bruises?" Her eyes bulged and I could almost see her head expand.
"No." I let my breath escape me in a slow, bitten back hiss. "I told you that was an accident."
"And you want me to believe you, right?" She asked.
I frowned. "Yes, because it's the truth."
"I want to be able to believe you. I want to be able to trust you. And I can't do that if you lie to me." She pulled away and the lack of her warmth against me had me dying to fall to my knees and confess to her.
"I'm telling you the truth. But you can't expect me not to have a reaction. I love you. They hurt you." My fist clenched. I should really have stopped talking.
She sighed, thank goodness, and moved toward me. "I know you do. I love you too. And if anyone ever hurt you..." Her fists tightened against my chest.
"See." I pointed them out and she uncurled them. "You understand how difficult this is for me."
"Yes, but I have to know you're not a violent person. You get that, right?" Her body pleaded in its trembling and, moved by instinct, I wrapped my arms around her.
Kissing the top of her head and cupping the back of it, I turned to hot lava again at the reminder of the stitches. Still, I had the consciousness of mind to realize that she was opening up to me and talking to me again. And what do you know? That was arousing too. Everything about her was arousing.
Our private conversation connected me to the people we once were. It was what I wanted to accomplish with that picnic today, her trusting me enough to open up. Like I did when it came to Lily, I felt like a winner. I celebrated this win, turning my attention away from that ever-burning anger and allowing myself to indulge in her lips, before kissing her forehead.
"Yeah. I understand." I hugged her tighter. I understood that I needed to focus less on my need for revenge and more on being what Lily needed me to be.
At least in this moment, as she began to move her kisses down my chest and tugged at the waist of my pants.
If there's one thing to know about Lily, it's that she's a straight shooter. She says it as it is and means what she says. There's no wavering on what she said before. It's been the same since we were teenagers. She can't trust a violent man. And I can't lose her. So I'll sort out what to do with all these thoughts and anger later. Now, I'd like to focus on this. Remembering what we had before the thorn in all our sides ruined it...what we still have.
Not wanting to wake the other guys up, though I'm sure they wouldn't mind, I pulled her into my bedroom. Letting her giggle run through me as she glanced down the hallway, conscious of her nakedness, I decided to push Tyler's offer away. I let her have her way with me as she shoved me up against the closed door. Her kisses could wash away my doubt over what to do about Tyler's offer and Terry Thornbread. But now was not the time to be thinking about him.
Her eyes danced with hunger and delight as she shoved my pants over my hips and took my hot, thumping cock in her hand. She jacked me off as she kissed me, filling me with the same gratitude I felt the first time she let me inside her body. It's possible I could even continue to be the man she needs me to be. Get past this anger. Start over new. Keep hiding secrets about what I know. When she asks about her dad, keep a poker face. When his body inevitably surfaces, act as surprised as she is. Yeah, I can lie to her.
My body went into panic mode as the guilt rose. My cock wrestled with my thoughts and its ability to stay solid. Silencing the noise, I lifted her off the ground, kissing her recklessly on the way over to the bed. We wrestled for control. She won as she pushed me off her and moved toward my cock. The aggression had me as hard as a fucking brick in no time. Hissing as she took me into her mouth, I maintained eye contact, growing thicker and warmer at the way her gaze sucked me in. Fuck, she's beautiful.
After that conversation, I think we're both trying to forget, or to move on? I don't know, but my head fell back as she glugged on my cock.
Ryan
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, and it's still not enough to erase the panic. Well, in this case it's several glasses of blue cocktails because I thought the act of making it would keep me busy and distracted. I've lost count of how many I've had now. People talk about how good alcohol can make you feel. A LOT. How good it is at drowning out thoughts. But they forget about the times when it makes those thoughts louder and inescapable, and the images more vivid.
Outside on a chaise by the pool lit by soft blue lights that accentuate the crisp blue of the water, I guess you could say that's where I got the inspiration for the drinks. I wanted a tranquilizer. You know how swimming can turn your body into liquid itself? That's what I wanted for my brain. To forget. To relinquish all responsibilities. It would have been so much easier had I not prayed and were still angry, I could avenge those men for what they did to Lily with all the justification in the world.
But they say when you know better, do better and all that. Now, I've prayed, and I just know I can't carry on as if Lily's life wasn't saved because of that prayer. It's like I've opened a door that has been closed off all my life and I can't 'un-open' it. Now I know better, even if I can't put it into words and I'm bombarded by this moral responsibility to DO better. I don't want this responsibility. I want to forget that responsibility even exists.
Whatever Tyler chooses to do, that's on him. Not me. And there's nothing I can do about it. The most I can do is not go, and if I hear my mind echo, Well, you can turn him into the cops one more time, I'm going to pop a blood vessel. That's out of the question, so I guess that's blood on my hands then, because I did nothing to stop it. I down another cocktail, desperate for my head to just shut the fuck up.
While making my ninety-ninth glass of sapphire cocktail, I get a brilliant thought. I could leverage his relationship with his wife. I don't know much about their relationship and what she's okay with or isn't. After all, she's the one who sent him to us. But I do know he was whispering just as much as we were, and I know it wasn't because he was being polite. I watched as he went back over to her. His posture and everything changed. He's lying to her too and I doubt he'd want her to find out. Yeah, brilliant idea. I'll leverage that, won't I? It's such a brilliant idea it could get all of us killed.
I scoffed, cocktail glass clinking together with wine bottles, spilling Blue Curacao all over the tray next to my chaise as I attempted to make myself another drink.
Grinning to myself at the inanity of thinking I could scare Tyler into turning the scrotums that are Terry and whoever the other guy is—the right scrotum, yes, that's his name—I shot up from the lounger, knocking everything to the concrete pavement when Eric hollered for us. My heart almost leapt out of my mouth to go for a swim in the pool as I tried to keep from toppling over myself.
Managing, barely, I hurried in through the sliding back glass doors and into the house. Eric was carrying an unconscious Lily down the hallway and into the living room while Matt and Ethan ran amuck.
I'd never sobered up so fast, hurrying after them and over to Lily.
"What the hell happened?" I yelled, my legs shaking as I fell to the floor next to her, all while searching for my cell phone.
"One minute, we were...you know...her mouth just stopped moving. I opened my eyes to find her unresponsive. I thought she was so tired she fell asleep, but when I tried to wake her she wouldn't..." His voice was deep but shrill, I don't know how to explain it as he freaked out in front of me.
My heart pounded outside of my chest. I was pretty sure it was visible. "Did you call an ambulance?" I asked, trying to focus on the dancing numbers on my phone and swearing in frustration.
"Of course I called the fucking ambulance!" He yelled as Ethan came over with an ice pack and Matt tried to feed her water.
"What's taking them so damn long?" I also shrilled, checking her pulse with shaking fingers. I couldn't tell if that was my pulse or hers. But she was clearly breathing otherwise this house would be flipped on its head.
The door opened and all our heads turned in the direction like puppies following a toy. "Oh thank goodness." Ethan's big body swayed as his knees buckled.
The nurse pushing in Mrs. Thornbread took in the scene, parked the wheelchair and ran over to us.
"What happened?" She asked, and checked her pulse. She pulled on her eyes and pinched her skin.
Eric flustered while recounting what happened. The older woman, gotta give her credit, remained unfazed.
"She could just be dehydrated..." She didn't sound sure, or maybe I was just not convinced.
A dull ache grew as a possibility made itself known to me. "Do you think it has anything to do with the trauma to her head?" I asked. My breath shortened as she nodded.
"She did sustain two brain injuries in the course of a couple days," the nurse said and I saw red.
"What does that mean? Is she still in danger?" I jumped to my feet, alcohol making a cocktail out of my emotions. That 'anger' one expanded.
The nurse went pale, opening her mouth to speak again and time stood still, until Lily roused.
"What's going on?" She slurred, looking down at the blanket covering her naked body and reddening as she locked eyes with the nurse.
Oh, my fuck. My breath wooshed out of me as I hurried over to her, grabbed her face and kissed her.
"Be careful with her head." The nurse warned us as we all planted kisses on her face, pulling back at the reminder.
Just then the ambulance arrived.
"About fucking time!" Matt hissed, hurrying to the door and opening it.
"Wait, no." Lily sat up.
"Take your time." Eric murmured, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"I'm fine." She looked at us and at the EMTs. "I'm fine." She repeated.
"No, you're not. You passed out while we were..." Eric lowered his voice as he made eye contact with her.
She hugged herself tighter. "What?"
"You don't remember?" His brows raised.
Ethan, Matt and I turned to look at each other and my mind went blank, except for one single thought. If the actions of those men caused Lily permanent brain damage, I was going to hell for what I'd do to them.
She rubbed at her temples, wincing as the EMTs started checking her over.
"Are you in pain?" Ethan gruffed as if the restraint with which he was holding himself made it painful to speak. I awaited her answer with daggers stabbing at my heart.
"No." She reassured us, but I couldn't be sure she wasn't lying. She turned to Eric, her cheeks crimson. "I remember," she said. "I'm sorry. That's so embarrassing."
"It's not. But you need to go to the hospital," he encouraged.
She started shaking her head, too hard for my liking. "No. Please. I can't go back there."
"We can't take her in if she refuses to go with us." The guy I was guessing was the head EMT looked at us as if he was lost.
What kind of stupid rule was that?
"You'll go," I commanded, jumping at my own tone.
My growl wasn't meant for her. It was meant for the pieces of shit that caused this.
She narrowed her eyes at me, intending to argue, no doubt. She didn't do well with commands.
"Please," Matt gasped, and I turned to find his eyes and cheeks turning red.
She locked eyes with him, and his emotion must have moved her because she gulped and nodded.
As they got Lily on the stretcher and we followed them out the door, I pulled out my phone. Still affected by the anger cocktail swirling in my brain and leaking into my blood vessels, I sent Tyler a text.
"It's on. I have a few words for Terry Thornbread." My skin prickled in anticipation for the moment I would meet him face to face, one last time.