Chapter 29
Lily
A lone in my bed, I tossed and turned at the memory of walking through the front door and hearing the guys talk about how they saw me. Eric had blanched, looking at me with a mixture of embarrassment and apology. But my stomach had flipped at hearing them, my pussy fluttering in response. When they'd walked in, two fully aroused, I'd been flushed with heat. My eyes met Ryan's steaming gaze, and I knew we were both thinking of that phone call earlier. I also looked at Eric in a mixture of shame and apology, my belly hot and folding in on itself.
When I saw what they did, I knew I was in even bigger trouble. This wasn't only forbidden desire, but I'd been so touched, I'd been convinced that I was falling for them too. My polyester-blend PJs stuck to my skin from the sweat pouring from my pores with every shortening of my breath.
"Just because a guy does something nice for you, it doesn't mean you have to automatically cling to him or fuck him. What's wrong with you?" I muttered aloud to myself, punching the bed as I sat up. I loved Eric. I didn't know how to explain it, but I did, even if I didn't know how to define love. Eric was the embodiment of it, and I'd known it for years. But there was no way I was also falling for his best friends; that didn't make any sense. I was just overwhelmed by all the nice gestures. But it wasn't going to last, was it?
Now, it made sense why they were so eager to come over and help Eric. They wanted to bone me. They must also think I'm easy since I let Eric in my bed after a couple of weeks and an apology, but they don't know what he and I have. If they think they're getting close to me just because they did something nice for me, and they're all handsome, with great personalities, and caring towards my mother, they have another guess coming.
A 'woman's work.' That's what my father would call it. Marco. Every guy I've slept with. I guess I've slept with worse people, so even if they do think I'm easy, and they're doing all of this nice shit just to fuck me, it doesn't mean I can't... but that was before I had a boyfriend. Do I even have a boyfriend? I had to send Eric home tonight because it all became too much. I don't want to lie to him.
No wonder good things don't happen to me; I'll always find a way to fuck things up. I get one good guy and now, I want more than I can handle. It's ridiculous. What am I going to do with four men? Well, I have a few ideas.
No. Behave , my inner voice chided.
Greedy. That's my problem. It's no different than drugs or someone who binges on food. We chase the dopamine high. I'm not used to being safe in the presence of men. Being so cared for. The second I experience the blood moving through my veins more smoothly, loosening up the tension in my bones, medicating my pain, it's like a rush. Something I'm sure I don't deserve, and I'm certain I'll lose. I want as much as I can get at once as often as I can in case it slips through my fingers. That's what I feel around Eric. And I'm ashamed to admit it, it's the way I feel around all of them. Even if it's an act for the rest of them.
Together, they've done more for me than any man has ever done. The only way I can think of thanking each and every one of them comes down to the swelling pressure between my pussy lips.
Eric doesn't deserve this. As wonderful as he is, he deserves a woman who will want him alone, who will see that he's more than enough. Not a greedy bitch like me. That's why I get the asshole guys. I'I'm an asshole. How can I do this to him, even think it? His best friends? Really?
My chest grew thick and heavy. Pins and needles pricked my skin. Unable to sleep, I made my way over to the unfinished painting. Swirls of browns and beige, hues of greens and blues coming together to encapsulate his inner and outer beauty. My heart bled as I picked up the paintbrush, my decision clear. I loved Eric too much to hurt him, and I'm unable to stop myself from wanting his best friends too.
With tears running down my cheeks, I conceded, I couldn't be selfish. I had to let him go. I had to let them all go.