29. Mila #2
“The games of love have been around for a long time, my dear.” He carefully put the photo back in the album.
We went through the pages, and I stared at all the old photos of Nonno and Nonna as they’d gotten together.
I stopped him from turning the page as I looked down and saw a photo I didn’t remember seeing before.
It was a photo of Nonno and Nonna, with her staring at the camera and him staring at her.
Even though it was only a photo, it was easy to see the love and devotion in his eyes as he gazed at her tenderly.
And even Nonna was grinning into the camera, her eyes looking bright.
There was magic in the photo, an air of love.
It was clear to see, and it made me shiver at the power of the shot.
“This is beautiful, Nonno,” I said to him, and he took the photo from me and held it tightly.
“She was beautiful,” he whispered as he sat back.
“My love, my amore,” he said as he stared at the photo.
“That day, the day this photo was taken, that was the day that I knew your nonna and I would be together forever, that nothing would ever part us. That was the day I stopped worrying that she would meet someone else.”
“Oh?” I asked him, my heart pounding. I was starting to feel emotional. I sat there wishing Ryker would feel that way about me, which made me feel guilty. I didn’t want to turn every situation into one where I was thinking about Ryker.
“Your nonna wrote me a poem. She read it to me right before that photo was taken,” he said and looked at me, his eyes looking far away as he remembered the moment.
“It was so unusual, and I hadn’t expected it.
I was the romantic in the relationship, and even then, I was far from a Romeo. ” He smiled and then sighed.
“Do you remember the poem?” I asked.
“Do I remember?” He chuckled again. “It has been burned into my brain for decades,” he said and looked back down at the photo. “It is one of my fondest memories.”
“Tell me,” I said, reaching over to grab his hand. “Tell me, Nonno.”
“Okay.” He nodded, then cleared his throat. He was about to start talking again when he had a coughing fit.
“Nonno, are you okay?” I asked as I watched him coughing. I felt helpless and wasn’t sure what to do. I was about to start patting him on the back when he finally stopped coughing. “Nonno?” I asked again as I saw spots of blood on the tissue he had been coughing into.
“I’m fine.” He shook his head and frowned. “Just a bad cough.” He took a sip of water and then looked over at me and smiled. “Stop worrying and start listening.”
“I am listening,” I said.
“That moment when your heart skips a beat. When all worries turn to joy. When all fears fade away. That moment when our eyes meet. And our souls reconnect.
And the silence sings a song. That’s the moment that I remember. That’s the dance that I live for. That’s the journey that I pray for. That’s the you that I dream of. This is the moment I was made for.” He stopped, and I looked over at him and saw tears running down his face.
“Oh, Nonno,” I said and reached my arm around his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He shook his head and gazed into my eyes. “She was my true love, and I miss her, but I will see her again.”
“Oh, Nonno.” I bit down on my lower lip. “You had such a true love.”
“There is nothing else in this world more precious than true love, Mila.” His eyes were bright as he gazed at me. “There is nothing worth living for if you don’t have love.”
“Well, life itself, right?” I said, trying to make light of the situation.
“Life is for the living.” He nodded. “And love is what makes life great.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I said as my heart lurched, and I thought back to Ryker again. “Some of us aren’t as lucky as you and Nonna. Some of us don’t have happy endings.”
“What are you talking about, Mila?” His eyes narrowed as he looked at me.
“Nothing,” I said and shook my head, embarrassed to tell Nonno exactly what was going on with me.
“Are you not happy, my Mila?” He studied my face shrewdly, and I could feel the tears starting to build up.
I didn’t want him to know exactly what was going on.
I knew that he had to know that something wasn’t right.
I mean, Ryker had essentially just fallen into my pocket in a matter of seconds. Real life didn’t work like that.
“I’m fine.” I took a deep breath. I had to be a big girl. I was not going to let Nonno know how pathetic and sad I was.
“You want to go down to the beach?” Nonno asked as he rose from the sofa, placing the photo album next to me.
“The beach?” I asked, flummoxed. “That’s random.”
“Let’s go to the beach and talk.” He looked at me lovingly. “We both could do with some fresh air.”
He knew there was something I wasn’t telling him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, mia cara. You know you can’t keep secrets from your nonno.”
“I know.” I sighed and stood up. “I love you, Nonno.”
“I know.” He pulled me into a hug. “I love you more than anything, Mila. You’re my beautiful princess, and all I want is for you to be happy and taken care of.”
“I know.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “How did I get so lucky as to have you as my nonno?”
“You’re blessed.” He kissed my forehead and grinned, his eyes sparkling before he started coughing again. He pulled back and grabbed his tissue, his expression changing to one of a frown.
“You sure you’re okay to go out, Nonno?” I asked him, worried. “Sounds like you have a bit of a cold or something.”
“I’m fine, my dear.” He wiped his mouth. “Let me go and change into some warmer clothes, and then we can leave.”
“Okay.” I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room.
I grabbed my phone from my pocket to see if Ryker had called or texted.
I was hoping he’d have left some message saying something like, “I made a mistake, I really do love you, come home,” but of course, there was nothing there when I checked.
My heart sank once again. I put my phone back into my pocket, sat back on the couch, and stared at the photos as I waited for Nonno to get ready.
The beach was desolate as we walked along the sand.
It was too cold for people to go into the water, and there was only one guy on the beach with us, and he was walking his dog.
I watched the dog as it ran down the beach chasing a branch, and I thought to myself, what a life the dog had as it ran back and forth to its owner, grinning with happiness.
How simple life must be to a dog. What I wouldn’t have given to have that sort of peace in my heart.
It would make me feel like I had a purpose in life, rather than a loser who could only focus on Ryker and his not loving me.
“So, Mila, tell me what’s going on.” Nonno turned to me as we walked to the shoreline. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Oh, Nonno, I feel like an idiot.” I tried to sound lighthearted. I wanted to make a joke, but I felt like I was going to start crying. “I’m a fool. I could be a clown for a king or a court jester or something.”
“Why do you say that, Mila?” Nonno frowned at me.
“Because I’m a royal fool. The biggest fool on the planet.” I tried to smile at him, but he didn’t smile back. Instead, I saw Nonno’s expression go from shrewd to sad. Then he stepped forward and grabbed my hands.
“You’re not a fool, mia cara. Don’t ever say that.”
“I am.” I sighed. I gulped and looked down.
“Then tell me, why are you a fool?”
“Because I really thought that there was a chance that Ryker really loved me. I really thought that he could be the one for me.”
“You don’t think he loves you?” Nonno sighed. “And you love him?”
“I love him with all of my heart.” I closed my eyes. “You don’t even understand. It’s something I feel in my soul. It’s something that I can’t stop thinking about. Just saying his name makes my heart jump for joy.”
“I know the feeling. That’s how I feel about your nonna.” He nodded. “That’s true love, Mila.”
“How can it be true love if he doesn’t love me?
” I sobbed. I knew Nonno was probably confused about why I was crying and why we would be engaged if we weren’t in love, but I knew he was smart enough to know that something was up.
You didn’t go from a lifelong crush to an engagement and deep love in a matter of seconds.
“Mila, I’m going to need you to explain to me exactly what’s going on.” Nonno grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. “I don’t really understand what you’re saying.”
“I don’t even understand what I’m saying sometimes.
” I took a deep breath. “And that’s not the only thing, Nonno.
I have a secret. Something I did years ago that he doesn’t know about, and it’s haunting me.
Sometimes I think, what if he does fall in love with me and then he finds out what I did? Then he’ll stop loving me.”
“Mila, tell me what’s in your heart.” Nonno caressed my cheek. “I need you to tell me exactly what you’re thinking. I need to know what’s in your heart. What’s in your soul. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”
“I just don’t know what to say. I’m not sure how to let you know what happened. I don’t want you to be ashamed of me. I feel so weak.” I sighed.
“I would never be ashamed of you, mia cara. You are my heart. You are my soul. Everything I do is for you. You’re my only granddaughter, and you are everything to me.
You know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
All I want in this world is for you to be happy and never to suffer.
It pains me to see you suffer. It pains me deep in my heart.
Your pain is my pain. I don’t want to see you cry.
I don’t want to see anything in your eyes that makes me think you’re going through turmoil. You know that, right?”