Chapter 27 Lily
LILY
When I wake up the next morning my body is both sore and completely sated, and I’m pleasantly surprised to find Zack still sleeping beside me.
I was almost certain he was going to slip out at some point in the night, to save us all from what happened the last time we slept together, but here we are.
When we fucked last time it was fueled by alcohol and grief, but last night was different, not just because we both clearly wanted it, but also because it wasn’t just the two of us.
Last night was something I had let myself think about in the darkest parts of my mind, but I never actually thought it was possible.
Not with Zack, and definitely not with the three of us, but now I’ve had a taste, I don’t think I can ever forget.
For the first time in my life I felt perfect.
Like I was wanted, needed, and it filled me with so much confidence that I could have burst. That’s what they do to me, that’s how they make me feel, and it was like a high I have never experienced.
And I know it wasn’t just me. I saw how turned on Max was by us, he was in his element, and he didn’t even let himself go fully, not when he was still only testing the waters.
Not that I think that is necessary, not with the lingering looks that Zack gave him, there is something more there between them, I know it.
I can hear the shower running, letting me know Max is already awake, and given how we were interrupted the last time I woke up beside him, I let myself study Zack closely.
His blond hair is for once messy and un-styled, the lines around his eyes are smooth and relaxed, and his mouth isn’t turned down in his usual stressed frown.
For once he doesn’t look like the high-powered CEO, and instead looks just like my brother.
It’s clear the last year has been just as hard on him, something I didn’t truly notice until recently, and guilt swirls inside of me.
I have the urge to reach out and trace my fingers along his face, committing this moment to memory, but I also don’t want to ruin it.
How many times have I envisioned this? How many times did I think about us in bed like this together, with no barriers left between us?
Once is a mistake, twice is a choice, three times is a habit.
One I won’t let him break.
When the shower turns off, I reluctantly shift, knowing Max will appear at any moment, and in doing so, Zack is pulled from his slumber. His body stretches out slightly as he jolts, his eyes flickering open slowly, like he has forgotten where he is completely, until his stare meets mine.
“Lils,” he whispers, his sleepy tone filled with both surprise and question, before the memories of last night start filtering back in. “You okay?” he asks instantly, no doubt worrying about what transpired between us, and I need him to understand how much I wanted it.
“I’m more than okay,” I reassure him, but before I can open my mouth to add anything else, the bathroom door flies open and Max strolls in, still dripping from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Morning.” is how he greets us, not even batting an eye in our direction, as if he deals with this every day.
Zack has already tensed up, his entire body on alert as Max moves around the room to grab his clothes, before heading toward me.
When he pulls me onto my back by my shoulder, and leans down and kisses me deeply, I swear I feel Zack inhale sharply, but Max doesn’t pay him any attention.
“Morning, baby,” he grumbles against my mouth, tasting minty and fresh, as his hand strokes over my throat in a possessive manner.
“Morning,” I sigh, still not used to how good being with him actually is, not when I know I don’t truly deserve him after what I put him through over the last year. “You showered without me,” I accuse, cocking a brow at him, and that dangerous smirk I love so much crosses his mouth.
“Mmm, just say the word, princess, and I’ll carry you back in there right now and have a do-over,” he tosses back without pause, and that’s what forces Zack out of our bed.
“I should go,” he grunts, no longer meeting my eye when I turn back to him, and my heart deflates. He’s running, just like I thought he would, only this time it hurts more than it did last time.
“You don’t have to,” Max tells him clearly, and just for a second he freezes, as if contemplating his words, but then he’s shaking his head and pulling on his pants.
“I’ll just catch you guys later,” he mumbles, grabbing his shirt from the floor and slipping out of the room before either of us can protest.
We both watch him leave, the slam of the door behind him echoing around us, and the silence that follows is deafening. I knew last night was a risk, we both did, but it didn’t stop us, no, we were too desperate for that. But did that make things better or worse?
“I think that great escape was my fault this time,” Max sighs, sitting himself on the bed beside me, looking defeated.
“I mean, if we are keeping score then I’m pretty sure the last time was your fault too,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t help.
Max looks lost and I can’t say I blame him, I know how he feels about Zack, his heart mirrors my own, and I don’t think I can keep it from breaking alone.
When we are together it feels right, like we were made for one another, all of us, and I don’t understand how Zack can’t see that.
He’s too blinded by who we are to one another, instead of who we could be.
“You know Zack, what he’s like, he just needs some time to adjust,” I remind him, but his relationship with my brother is different to mine.
“Last night was good, or at least I thought it was, I don’t get his fucking problem.” I can hear the venom in his tone and it kills me.
I sit up and lean my head against his arm so I can bring my face to the side of his. “Last night was good, Max, I loved every second of it, but that doesn’t make the blurred lines between us all disappear, and Zack knows that.”
When his gaze meets mine, I see the turmoil, but I also see the love. “That therapist I’m paying for is really paying off, huh,” he jokes, and I shrug with a soft smile.
“Nah, I think it’s the drugs she gave me.” My response has him barking a laugh, reaching out to drag me into his lap until I am straddling his legs.
We just look at one another for a moment, soaking in each other’s presence. “We’re good, right? Like no matter what happens with your brother, you and I are still us?” I hate that he feels he has to ask, but I can’t say I blame him.
“Max, I love you, and I know I forgot how to for a while, but I promise I won’t let anything come between us again,” I tell him firmly, holding his stare, and he tips his head in a slight nod, before slamming his lips to mine and erasing everything else between us.
Once we’re both ready, we head down to the kitchen for breakfast, and I brace myself for however Zack is going to act. Except the only people we find are my mom, Elle, Jace, Riley, and the kids.
“Well if it isn’t the love birds,” Jace coos, eyeing me with a knowing smirk over his cup of coffee. “Have fun last night?” he adds in question, and I glare at him, before Riley hits him in the stomach.
“Knock it off, Playboy,” she scolds, but he only laughs, tossing me a wink, before helping Cash cut up his pancakes.
I take a seat next to my mom, who smiles brightly at me as she pours me a fresh cup of juice, while Max loads up a plate of food and places it in front of me. I’m used to Asher and Lincoln making themselves scarce, but I can’t help but wonder where Marcus and my dad are, and most importantly, Zack.
“Where’s everyone else?” I ask carefully, making Jace snort a laugh, earning him another glare, but other than that I ignore him.
“Oh, your brother asked your dad if he wanted to take the boat out as soon as he woke up, and then Elle made Marcus go with them,” my mom explains, and when I look at Elle in confusion, she only shrugs.
“I needed a break from his incessant, overbearing hovering,” Elle tells me with a wave of her hand, making me bite back a smile, because even barely being around them, I have still seen how over the top he has been since becoming a dad.
I just wish Zack didn’t feel the need to run from us, and with Elle still watching me, I’m sure she can read the thoughts all over my face.
“I was going to take the girls down to the water so Cassie can paddle in the waves, do you want to come?”
I know it’s more of a demand than a question, the same way I know that she will be able to figure out what’s wrong with me after about five minutes together, but still I nod.
“Sure, sounds great,” I tell her honestly, before turning back to my mom.
“Do you want to come with us?” I ask, and from the way her entire face lights up, I know I need to do much better with her too after the last year.
“A day with all my girls? I couldn’t ask for anything better,” she smiles, looking as if my invite has lifted the weight of the world off her shoulders, and I can’t stop myself from leaning to the side and embracing her.
“I love you, Mom.” I hear her sharp intake of breath at my words, but then her arms are around me in an instant.
“I love you too, my sweet girl.”
After breakfast, I help my mom pack some snacks for the kids, before I fill a bag with my towel and a book, and then head down to the beach with her and Elle.
I’ve always loved our house in the Hamptons, because of its location right on the waterfront, and it holds a vast sea of memories.
Logan and I used to spend every summer here as kids, and being here without him feels a little surreal.
Still, I take a seat on one of the loungers and watch as my mom takes Cassie and Cash to chase waves with their feet.