Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“BEAUTIFUL MESS - INSPIRED BY CHINA” BY KRISTIAN KOSTOV
BLADE
Iwatch as Luna kisses my brother after telling him she loves him, and I don’t feel jealous like I thought I might. We’ll get our time, because I know that I feel the same about her, and I’m pretty damn sure she returns the feeling.
She goes to stand, and I help her up, earning Chase’s glare because he’s desperate for some time with her. I just give him an asshole smirk, and he flips me the bird like we’re not in a hospital with the woman we’re all falling for and her life hanging in the balance.
The door opens as I get Luna back into the bed, Patty strolling in.
“Bloods are all good, your white count is a little low, but that’s to be expected,” she says, and Thorn comes to stand at the end of the bed.
“We can proceed with the treatment today. Here are your fluids to start.” She hooks up more fluids, and I see Luna wince.
I know it’s down to the fact that, in her words, she’s pissing like a racehorse because they’re pumping her so full of fluids.
Once Patty leaves, Thorn places his hands on the rail at the end of the bed and looks at Goldilocks.
“So here’s the thing—and don't give me that look—your white cell count is doing the limbo, and not in the fun way, but! I have a surprise that might actually make you smile.”
I watch as her lips already start to twitch upwards, even if she’s trying to hold in the smile. My brother just has that effect on people.
“Oh? And what’s the surprise?” she asks, and he pulls out his phone, giving her his signature cheeky grin.
“I made you a playlist, especially for such an occasion like this, which I think you will appreciate,” he says, the intro of “The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang coming over the portable speaker Thorn insisted on bringing.
He then proceeds to lip sync the words while doing a mixture of a stripper dancing—keeping his clothes on, thank fuck—and supposed animal mating dances that I’m pretty certain he makes up.
Either way, Luna is laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks, and even my cheeks ache with just how much of a fucking goof he is, but if it brings a smile to our girl’s face, he can goof out all he wants.
Patty returns with the first of the chemo today as Thorn is showing Luna a compilation of funny animal videos he found on YouTube, Luna’s laughter ringing out across the room as Thorn shuffles up by her head so Patty can hook up the drip.
“That’s what I like to see,” Patty comments, and I hold Luna tighter when her breathing speeds up.
I know it’s uncomfortable. Fuck, some parts of yesterday she was definitely in pain from the chemo, and I can see how nervous that makes her, the expectation of the pain adding to the shitty experience of actually feeling it.
“It’s nice to see smiles.” She leans down and whispers in Luna’s ear, “He’s a keeper. ”
“He is,” Luna agrees, and Thorn’s cheeks flush a little, which shows me just how gone he is over this girl. He doesn’t blush; he’s the ultimate playboy. Though I guess not anymore, not with the way he’s looking at Luna like she’s the moon her name suggests.
“Okay, you’re all set. I’ll be back this afternoon for the Etoposide,” Patty tells us, leaving as quietly as she entered. She really is fucking fantastic at her job, and I’m glad we secured her for Luna.
The morning passes by with Luna resting and napping, and then Chase gets lunch delivered even though the food here is more than adequate. Patty returns like she said she would, replacing the first round of treatment for the second and exchanging the empty fluid bag for a full one.
Chase finally has his time next to Luna when we swap places. She’s resting back against the pillows, and he’s stroking down her arm, his gaze fixed on her face, her eyes closed as she naps.
I watch from the armchair, Thorn crashed out on the single bed and gently snoring. I study her obsessively, and so spot when her cheeks flush and her heart rate picks up. I press the call button even before the monitors go off, waking both Luna and Thorn as Patty rushes into the room.
She takes a look at Luna, who is wide-eyed and clutching Chase’s hand, even if her eyes are a little glazed.
“Looks like a little reaction to the treatment. Nothing to worry about, I’ll just adjust the dispensing rate and add in some anti-allergy medication to be on the safe side.
” Patty is calm and professional, doing as she said and then popping out briefly before returning with what I assume is the anti-allergy stuff. “All sorted.”
Patty stays for the next ten minutes or so, monitoring Luna as the flush leaves her cheeks, her heart rate settling before Patty leaves, telling us to hit the button if it happens again.
I reach for Luna’s chart, taking a look at the numbers on it.
“How did you know?” Chase asks me, and I look up.
“Luna’s heart rate increased by 12 beats per minute before the visible symptom of flushing appeared.
I noticed it on the monitor,” I reply, and although I can see Luna is shaken, her muscles still tight, her shoulders loosen a little.
“The medication is causing a histamine response,” I tell her, and she looks at me like I have all the answers.
I fucking wish I did, but for now, I can assure her about this at least. “They needed to slow the infusion rate and add in some antihistamine, and it seems to be working. I’ve been tracking your reactions to each drug. Etoposide seems to hit you hardest.”
“Thank you, Blade,” she says quietly. “You all are taking such good care of me. Honestly, I can’t describe how grateful I am.”
My chest expands at her words, and I get up from the chair, placing the chart back on the wall. Taking her hand in mine, I bring it to my lips.
“We keep telling you, Goldilocks, no thanks is necessary.” Especially not with the way we treated her when she first came to us.
It still sickens me to my stomach that we hurt her in any way, made her cry, or feel like she wasn’t welcome.
We were too fucking blind, too full of our own importance to see what was right under our noses.
But no more. I will spend every moment I have researching how to beat this fucking disease for Luna, because I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. Treating her like the goddess she is and begging on my knees for her forgiveness.
“LET THE WORLD BURN (WITH G-EZAY the need is beyond physical.
“How are you doing?” I ask. My brothers are both dozing, Blade on the pull-out bed and Thorn on the couch.
There’s not much else to do here really, and the emotional toll is making us all exhausted.
Not that we’d be anywhere else, but I am surprised how hard it’s been, watching her go through this, not knowing if all the pain will pay off.
She parts her lips, then shuts them and sighs. “I’m scared for next time. This feels tougher than last time, more draining. Although having you guys with me is making a huge difference.”
I give her a soft smile, shuffling down the bed so my head is on the pillow and I’m facing her, but being careful of her IV lines coming from the other side.
“And we will be there at the next one too. You aren’t alone in this, Luna, no matter what happens,” I assure her, and her hand reaches out to take mine, our fingers tangling together.
“I know. It’s just a part of me wants to give up now because this is so hard, and it’s only going to get worse.
” The words are whispered, and I know she doesn’t really mean them, because our new stepsister is a fighter.
Just look at how she faced off against us every time we were assholes to her.
She’s no quitter, and I tell her as much.
“I get it, but you’re a fighter, Luna May Wilder, and we aren’t about to let you give up.
” She smiles at me, making my insides heat like the summer sun just came out from behind a cloud.
“Plus, it’s not aligned with your best interests.
So we can revisit options if you like, but this is the best course of treatment for you.
So while I appreciate your perspective, trust me when I say that I know best.”
Her eyes narrow at me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. There she is, our moon goddess, our blazing sun. My lips must twitch because she rolls her eyes at me. “I know your game, Chase Banks. Thorn tries to distract me with laughter, and you try to piss me off by being an overbearing asshole.”
“I do, do I?” I ask, raising a haughty brow, and she chuckles.
“Yeah, like that,” she huffs, her lips all puffed out, and I can’t fight the urge anymore.
I close the distance between us, placing my lips on hers, and she moans into my mouth as my hand places hers on my chest so I can cup her cheeks and deepen our kiss.
She tastes like starlight, and I lose myself in her, exploring the galaxy that exists inside her, wishing I could be inside her too, because that’s when I feel like I’ve come home. Alas, now is not the time, so with great reluctance, I pull away from her, resting my forehead against hers.
“I would do anything, be anything for you, Star. I would catch the moon and give it to you if you asked,” I confess against her lips, the feelings I have for this woman overwhelming me.
“I’m scared of this too,” she utters against my lips, and I pull back, just enough so I can stare into those big blue eyes of hers. “I’m scared that this isn’t real, or that it is but I won’t be around long enough to truly enjoy it.”
“We aren’t letting you go anywhere, Star,” I tell her, my voice a fierce vow.
“That’s not even an option, and as for this not being real…
” I take an inhale. Feelings aren’t easy for me, she’s right about them being scary, downright terrifying most of the time, but I will get over my fear to show her that she doesn’t need to worry about this thing at least. “It wouldn’t feel like I can’t breathe without you next to me if it wasn’t real.
It wouldn’t feel as though I’ve been living in darkness, in a black hole, and have just emerged into the most wonderful universe that is bursting with potential.
This is real, Luna. Believe that if nothing else. ”
Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears, her tongue darting out to lick her dry lips.
“Okay, Chase,” she agrees softly, the low light in the room making this moment feel private, just between us.
We continue to stare into each other’s eyes, just breathing the other in until sleep overtakes her, and I only let my eyes close when her breathing is deep and she’s settled.
I don’t want to miss a single moment, because as much as I want to rage against the idea that she’s going anywhere, a part of me knows that it is a very real possibility, and that makes what we have all the more precious.
“WILDFIRE” BY SYML
THORN
A piercing, feminine scream jerks me awake, my heart thrashing as I sit up in the single pull-out bed to find Luna shaking and teary in Chase’s arms. She looks at him in a daze, like she almost doesn’t know who he is, before her vision clears.
“Chase?” Her voice is scratchy, raw-sounding, and I wince as I get out of the single bed and move closer to hers. When I reach the bedside, I grab the insulated water cup with the straw Blade got for her and hold it out to Chase.
“I’m here, baby. We’re all here,” Chase soothes her as he takes the cup, encouraging her to drink a little before handing it back to me.
Blade is on the other side of the bed, his jaw clenched tight, his brows deeply furrowed as he looks at her.
His hands hover at his sides, like he wants to reach for her but isn’t sure he should.
We’ve all had night terrors before, and I know that sometimes being held was the last thing I wanted, but she is clinging to Chase, so maybe that’s what she needs.
“What happened? In your dream?” I ask, and her tear-filled eyes turn to look at me, her throat swallowing hard.
“I was dying, all alone, and calling and calling, but no one came.” She breaks down, burying her face in Chase’s chest and sobbing into him. My chest hurts, the pain fracturing inside me as I watch her after she’s shared what is clearly a deep fear.
I catch Chase’s eye, and then Blade’s, and by an unspoken agreement, Blade gets on the bed next to Luna, careful of her drip. I get on the other side of Chase, and though it’s a tight fit, almost impossible, her cries quieten as we all touch her.
“That will never happen, Goldilocks,” Blade assures her, his hand smoothing up and down her spine as he snuggles in close. “We would never leave you.”
“That’s right, Goldie. I’m afraid you’re stuck with us forever now,” I add as she peeks up at me, a small smile on her beautiful lips.
“Promise?”
She damn near breaks my heart with her plea.
“Pinkie promise, the most sacred of all promises,” I tell her solemnly, holding out my hand and extending my little finger.
She untangles herself enough to link her pinkie with mine, and we stay like that, lying around her, our bodies all pressed together and showing her that she is not alone. Not anymore.