Chapter 2
MADDY
Sitting in front of the gas firepit on my condo’s balcony, I drew the fluffy mink blanket across my chest. I stared over the top of the flames and across the broad expanse of Vancouver’s harbor toward Kip Point. The city lights reflected off the ocean’s surface like shimmering sheets of colored satin. Usually the cold winter air, sea breeze, and dark gray waters calmed and cleared my mind, but not today. Tears blurred my vision. My head pounded. The pain in my chest wouldn’t subside. I wanted to turn back the clock and erase the past twenty-four hours. But as I lifted my red wine to my lips, the huge yellow diamond and gold bands sparkled on my finger. Shit. Why was walking away so hard? I loved Slip. But I couldn’t marry him. The notion of being happy and together forever wasn’t in my life’s script. I was stuck in Groundhog Day , not The Princess Diaries .
My cell phone pinged on the glass-topped table. I didn’t even look at it. Was it Slip for the gazillionth time? Or my publicist, Jodie? After photos of Slip and me in Vegas had hit the gossip sites, she’d been in damage control, toning down what had happened and releasing a respect-our-privacy statement. That wasn’t her favorite part of the job. Writing off another wedding mistake wasn’t a highlight for me either.
How could I undo this mess without obliterating Slip’s heart? Wait...I’d already done that when I’d said I wanted an annulment and left. He didn’t deserve to be hurt. I was the wreck. Not him.
My phone buzzed again, skipping to life on the table. I couldn’t ignore everyone forever. I stole a glance at the screen. Sutton’s name blazed in the evening light. She’d called several times today. She’d be worried. All our friends would be. At least it wasn’t my mother. I wasn’t ready to return to that reality just yet.
I placed my hand on my belly to settle the lead weight in my stomach. I missed Sutton so much. I needed her now more than ever. I hated we were one thousand miles apart.
My hand trembled as I picked up my cell phone and hit the video call button. “Sutt?”
“Mads?” Worry swam through her dark blue eyes. “Are you okay? You married Slip but want to have it annulled? Why? Talk to me. Tell me everything.”
I scanned the living room behind her as she curled up on her sofa. “Has everyone gone?” Slip, the rest of the band, and their entourage should’ve left for Tokyo a few hours ago.
“Yes. I miss Flint already.” She pushed her bottom lip into a sulky pout and hugged a cushion against her chest. But then light shimmered in her eyes. “I’m already counting down the weeks until we see each other again.”
I closed my eyes, nodded, and zipped my lips together. Each breath hurt my lungs. “Was Slip okay?”
“Nope.” I loved how she didn’t sugarcoat anything. “He was wasted and devastated.” She narrowed her eyes and pointed a long red fingernail at the screen. “We’re gonna talk. You’re not getting out of this.”
I slumped back in my chair. “I wish I could. ”
“Well, you can’t. We’ve been through too much together. I’m here for you. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll have your back. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on. Your wonder woman strength. Your gatekeeper, minder of secrets, or your army if needed.”
I sniffled and nodded. “You’re the best.” We’d been best friends since we were twelve, after being cast together on the same TV show. We’d seen each other through relationship ups and downs, breakups, and fallouts, and had survived in the ruthless entertainment industry. Nothing hindered our friendship. We were besties for life.
“I know I am.” Her smile was full of cotton-candy sweetness, but then steel set in her glare and she raised her glass toward me. “So, go inside, refill that wine and start talking.”
“I don’t know where to begin.” With phone in hand, I dragged my feet inside and shut the door behind me. I headed into my kitchen, refreshed my drink, then sank onto my cozy cream sofa. Sitting sideways, I bent my knees and propped my cell phone against my thighs so I didn’t have to hold it. After wriggling until I was comfy, I leaned back against the padded armrest. “Last night is all a bit of a blur.”
Sutton took a sip of her drink, then licked her lips. “Do you remember any of it?”
I swept my fingertips across my eyebrow. The dull headache after the huge night hadn’t gone away. “Most of it comes back in flashes.”
Liar. I remembered every second. Dinner, drinking, dancing, his proposal, getting married, the hot sex, and feeling like everything was perfect.
Then I’d woken up.
“Oh. My. God.” She shot forward, closer to her cell phone screen. “Is that the ring he bought you? It’s gorgeous.”
“Rings.” I held up my hand, turning the oval, five-carat yellow diamond with two white baguettes cradling it on a gold band, and my wedding ring toward her. “Yep.”
Every time I looked at them, a lump lodged in my throat and an arrow rammed through the center of my chest. Ever since I’d panicked and rushed out of our penthouse suite at the Red Rock Resort Casino and Spa, I’d tried to make sense of what had happened. Nothing was clear other than I’d fucked up. And I needed to make things right.
“So if you want an annulment, why haven’t you taken the rings off?” Sutton softened her tone, probing for answers.
“Can you not start with such a hard question?”
“Okay.” She curled into her sofa. A sly smile slid across her lips. “Start from the beginning, and don’t leave out any details. How did you wind up married?”
“There was a lot of alcohol involved—like, ridiculous quantities. We’d stayed in the suite for most of the time we were away, however last night, after dinner and way too much champagne, we wanted to go out and have fun. Dance. But the moment we hit the dance floor, writhing against each other wasn’t good a good idea. We got too turned on and had to leave. As we passed some shops, he drew me to a halt, got down on one knee and proposed. In the moment, it seemed right. But in reality, it’s not.” I wasn’t reckless. I liked my fun, but I had too many demands on my time to contemplate a future with someone.
I’d been in complete control of my life before I’d met Slip. I had chased and landed a fabulous acting career. I took care of Mom. That was all I had time for. Slip was only ever supposed to be a bit of steamy fun.
But over the past eighteen months, lines had blurred. We kept falling for each other more and more. We’d gone from a one-night stand to secret lovers, to going public, to this mess. “I shouldn’t have married him. Between work and looking after Mom, I don’t have time for a married life. I can’t be his wife. I’m only home in LA for a few days, twice a month. Slip and I hardly see each other. That’s not going to change, and it’s not enough of a foundation to build a life together on.”
“It is if you want it to work.”
Did I? No . . . don’t go there. “This isn’t sane.”
Marriage was about sharing your life with someone, loving and supporting them, living in the same city, in the same house, coming home to each other every day. Living under the same roof wasn’t on the cards for us now or in the near future. If ever. I didn’t want to live like that. I didn’t come with just me.
“Slip doesn’t need to be dragged into dealing with Mom.” Taking care of her was my responsibility. It was hard managing everything from Canada or when I was home. I couldn’t give Slip my all when Mom took up most of my limited free time.
“He’s met her. He knows she’s part of the deal.”
I stared at the flickering fireplace and sucked in a deep breath to contain the ever-present fear that lurked in the depths of my veins. “Sutt...she’s getting worse. New tests and scans last week show her lungs are damaged. The doctor wants her to have surgery to drain the fluid around them, but she’s refusing to do so.”
Since Mom had been diagnosed with lupus eleven years ago when I was fourteen, she’d deteriorated quickly. She suffered from crippling joint pain, fatigue, pneumonitis, horrid flare-ups, and fevers, and she’d had a mild stroke two years ago. Her life had become an endless cycle of doctors, specialists, and physical therapy appointments. But the worst thing about her condition was she didn’t take care of herself. She ignored every piece of medical advice. The years of abusing alcohol, mixed with an abundance of strong medications and her excessive lifestyle, were now slowly destroying her organs.
“It’s my life. I’m gonna live it how I want.” That had always been Mom’s motto. But the way she was going, she wouldn’t have one for much longer. And that crushed me. I loved Mom. I’d taken care of her since Dad had taken off with her best friend when I was sixteen. My older brother, Timothy, had never gotten on with either of our parents. He’d left home the second he finished high school to travel around the world and save endangered animals. I was beyond fortunate that I could hire a nurse part-time to help care for Mom, and for a driver to chauffeur Mom everywhere she needed to go. I’d considered quitting my job, the acting role I loved, to look after Mom, but she wouldn’t hear of it. So now I went home to LA as often as I could. Once a month had turned into every two weeks.
Sutton blinked, jerking her chin back. “Why doesn’t she want surgery?”
Exhaustion seeped into my bones. “She thinks there’s nothing wrong with her. That everything will be fine.” But it wasn’t. No matter what I did for her or the treatments and meds she took, she deteriorated. The backs of my eyes stung. “Sutt. I don’t want to lose her.”
“Mads, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Thank you, but no. I’ve got everything under control.” A puff of air shot through my nose. I had to laugh, or I’d cry. “Well, I thought I did until last night.”
“Mads...be honest with me. You’ve given me the reasons why you shouldn’t have married Slip, but why did you?”
My heart shuddered. I took a long sip of my wine to drown the ache. Slip’s gorgeous brown eyes and broad smile that melted my panties flickered behind my eyelids. “He has this enrapturing way of making me believe anything is possible. That everything will be alright.”
Every time I was with Slip I felt like I’d landed in a different universe. To some degree, I did. His world of wild parties and rock music was far removed from my somewhat sedate studio life, filming a popular TV show in Vancouver .
Slip was my escape...from my work, my responsibilities, and my problems. Our hot catchups gave me something to look forward to. We’d become great friends. Loved each other. Had fun. But our moments together never lasted long.
Snippets of time couldn’t become a lifetime.
Now we’d landed in a mess. I’d married him. Being drunk was no excuse, but it was the only one I had.
Sutton topped up her glass of wine. “Isn’t believing anything is possible good?”
I slumped deeper into the soft sofa. “Yes. But Vegas was just supposed to be a quick catchup—not turn into forever.”
He’d been exhausted and stressed after the twelve-week US and Canadian leg of his band’s tour, and now he was heading overseas for six months. I’d had a week off after a busy awards season before entering another long season of filming. Time together, locked away in the gorgeous One 80 penthouse, miles from The Strip, had been just what we needed. I could still smell his cedarwood cologne lingering on me. Highly possible. I hadn’t showered since I’d left Vegas that morning.
“Sutt, he smelled so good, kept whispering sweet things in my ear, telling me I was beautiful, kissing me, and making me melt. He promised to love me forever. Assured me everything would work out. When he proposed outside a jewelry store, I couldn’t say no. We bought rings, went to a chapel, and said ‘I do. ’”
“So you do remember everything?”
“Yeah... And oh my God, Sutt...then we went back to the hotel.” I tilted my head back, unable to stop the replay of what we did in our suite from burning my brain or flushing my face. I placed my hand over my fiery cheek to cool down, but that didn’t work. “The sex...He’s so fucking good at fucking. My vagina is still throbbing and recovering.”
She laughed and nodded. “I hear you. I needed an ice pack after saying farewell to Flint several times this morning.”
I smiled for the first time since last night. She always made me feel better. “But Sutt, last night I screwed up. I lost sight of reality. I won’t mess up his life because of mine. I won’t do that. I can’t stay married to him.”
“But you love each other. He worships the ground you walk on. You light up whenever he’s around. He’s the first guy you’ve been with in years that has made you happy.” Love and concern darkened her gaze. “So do me a favor. Just stop. Breathe. And take a moment before you do something you might regret. Do you really want to end things?”
My heart struggled to beat. It had been too battered and bruised to ever work properly again. “I have to be sensible and logical.”
“No, you don’t. Not when it comes to love. All the things you’ve said about your work and your mom are issues you have to address, but they’re not the reason why you ran. So try again.”
God, I loved Sutton. We gave each other tough love, pushed each other to be true. But my truth hurt too much.
A tear slipped down my cheek. My chin trembled. “I’m so fucking scared, Sutt. Scared he’ll break my heart like Noah did. Leave. Fall for someone else.”
“Oh, babe.” She pouted and shook her head. “That was so long ago.”
Five years, three months, and four days to be exact. But who was counting? “I only ever wanted to be causal with Slip. I had this fucked up mentality and reasoning that I could never get angry or jealous if he hooked up with someone else if we weren’t exclusive. But once we were and we went public, everything changed. Now we’re married, I’ll stress about him not being faithful. He’s on tour with temptation all around him. His ex, Harper, is basically living under the same roof as him. I can’t deal with that.”
Being dumped at the altar had done irrefutable damage to my soul. Men lied. They said they loved you and then left. They made you feel like you were the only one and made promises they never kept.
I’d found a new show, moved countries and drowned myself in work to bury the humiliation and heartache Noah had caused. I’d focused on me, my career, and avoided relationships at all costs. But then I’d met Slip. The more time we spent together, the more I liked him and the more my old insecurity raised its ugly head. My anxiety returned. I never wanted to be hurt again.
“I’ve met Harper.” Sutton shrugged. “She seems nice. But you didn’t see Slip this morning when they crossed paths. He isn’t into her. And if she still has a flame for him, she’s wasting her time. Slip loves you. He married you. He’s a great guy, and you have to trust him. He’s never given you a reason not to. So like you said to me when I was a mess over Flint, don’t walk away when you haven’t had the whole drink. You’ve only had a sip. You need to give yourselves the chance to see if this relationship is something amazing or not.”
We hadn’t—that was true. But this wasn’t just about trust, or my overloaded life, or his demanding music. Something about Slip had been off lately, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He’d fall into phases, lost in his thoughts, and stare off into space. He’d brushed me aside when I’d asked him what was wrong. The niggle in the pit of my stomach was in overdrive, and it wouldn’t switch off.
“If you honestly, deep down in the depths of your heart, can’t do this, end it.” Sutton’s tone sharpened, slicing my chest and stabbing my ribs. “Don’t hurt each other more than you have.”
“Are you on his side? ”
“No. Always yours.”
“Sutt . . . I never wanted to hurt him.”
“I know. But if you file for an annulment, it’s not just the marriage that will be over.” That was the low blow to my guts I’d wanted to avoid. “He won’t want to see you anymore. You can’t ever go back to just being a casual hookup.”
A lone tear fell onto my cheek. I flicked it off with my fingertips. The risk of having my heart broken drummed inside my head. The humiliation of having friends and family pitying me, laughing at me, ridiculing me for rushing into marrying Slip burned beneath my skin. Past betrayal by those I’d loved had crushed my soul. I couldn’t go through those things again.
But ending things with Slip would leave a huge hole in my heart. I wouldn’t be able to see Sutton as much as I’d like to when I was home in LA or at functions. She was tied to Flint. Slip was tied to Flint. Being around him would be awkward and uncomfortable.
Slip deserved to be with someone who could be with him all the time, who didn’t live so far away and didn’t have to care for a sick parent. He needed someone who loved him unconditionally and could give him their all.
That someone wasn’t me.
There was a loud knock on my door. I sniffled and wiped my damp eyes. “Sutt, someone’s here. It’s probably my neighbor who’s lost his cat again. I better go.”
“Okay . . . but what if it’s somebody else?”
“I highly doubt it,” I sighed, ignoring her curiosity. I lived in a secure building; no randoms could get in.
“Don’t doubt anything. So promise me one thing.” She softened her tone, raised her glass, and pointed a finger at me. “Talk to Slip. Please?”
“I will.” Tomorrow. Maybe the day after.
“Good. Call me anytime. I’m here for you. Always. ”
“Same. I love you.” I blew her a kiss.
“You too.”
I ended the call and placed my wine on the coffee table. Another knock sounded on my door. “Hold on. I’m coming.” I hauled myself off the sofa and opened the door.
My breath shot from my lungs.
My heart slammed against my ribs.
“Slip?” I clutched onto the door to steady myself. “W-what are you doing here?”