Chapter 3
MADDY
Slip rushed through my front door. He caught my face between his hands and kissed me. Kissed me hard. The flick and taste of his tongue made my head spin. His pain and heartache and anguish jolted through my bones. I grabbed onto his arms for support. My knees, too weak to hold me upright.
Cradling my face, he shuffled me backward into the living room. My heavy front door closed behind him. “Mads, I didn’t know whether to kiss you or fall to my knees and beg you not to walk away. But this option was the clear winner.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” I trembled all over. “You have the tour.”
“You’re more important.”
I shook my head. Placing my hand on his chest, I pushed back a step and put a foot of distance between us, clinging onto my resolve. “No. We made a mistake.”
“We didn’t.” He closed the gap I’d just made and cupped the side of my neck. “I’m dead sober, and I’d still marry you in a heartbeat. I want to stay married.”
“We can’t. We have to be sensible.”
“Not my forte.” He clutched my shoulders and pinned me with his gaze. “I don’t need to know every detail about your past, but I want to know more and more about you. We’ve had other relationships that didn’t end well. But I got you to the altar. I didn’t run off with someone else. I married you because I love you and want this to work.”
The blood drained from my face. “You . . . you know about Noah?”
“Yes. Sutton told me.” Hurt flashed in his eyes in slow waves. “Why didn’t you ever tell me the whole story?”
“Um...” I eased out of his hold and rubbed the ache in my brow. “You don’t dump that kind of shit on someone you’re causally fucking.”
“We passed that stage a long time ago, and you know it. Nothing about your ex would’ve changed the way I feel about you. The universe intervened and stopped you from making a mistake with Noah. But what we did isn’t one.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because we love each other.”
“Stop saying that.” I winced, my heart shuddering and skipping each time his words slammed into me.
“Why?” Anguish drifted across his eyes. “Are...are you seeing someone else?”
“No.”
“Then why do you want to end this?” Frustration furled through his voice.
I stood my ground. “What kind of marriage will we have when we’ll be apart most of the time?”
“Tour won’t last forever. Neither will your show.”
“It’s not just the next few months we have to consider, Slip. It’s life beyond that too.” I walked over to the fireplace on the far wall and stared at the flickering flames. “I love my show. I’m here for at least fifteen more months. If the show is extended in July, I don’t want to leave. I could be here for years. ”
He ambled across the room with slow, heavy steps and joined me. “It’s okay.” He caught my arm, turned me to face him, and rubbed my shoulders. “We’ll figure it out. It’s still not forever. Time apart will keep the spice alive.” A sexy smirk curled the corner of his mouth. “If last night is anything to go by, we’ll need the occasional break from each other to recover.”
He’s gotten that right. “We’ve never lived together and haven’t spent more than seven days in a row with each other. Last night was one of the best nights of my life, but we went too far.” I crushed my folded hands against my chest. “I don’t want to hurt you. But you don’t need to be tied to me.”
“I want to be tied to you.”
“I don’t want to burden you with Mom.”
“In sickness and in health, Mads. That includes your mom. We’ll take care of her together.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. Mom’s more than a handful.”
He puffed and smirked. “You haven’t met all my family yet.”
“Isn’t that wrong?” It so is. “We’ve gotten married before I’ve met everyone.”
“I didn’t want them to scare you away.”
What could be wrong with a huge, loud Italian family? “Your family doesn’t scare me.” But my burned, broken heart did. “Trusting you does. Noah humiliated me, betrayed my trust, and left me. I don’t ever want to go through something like that again. I’m petrified you’ll do the same thing.”
“And I trusted you, but you left me in Vegas.”
My heart shriveled and shuddered. “I’m so sorry.”
“You shouldn’t have run away.” He took my hands in his and swiped his thumb over my rings. Fire simmered low and determined in his tone. “What we have is special, Mads. I’ve never cheated on anyone. So trust me. Trust the way we feel about each other. ”
My chin trembled. So did my heart. “How I feel terrifies me.”
“Why?” he whispered, running his gaze over my face as if searching for answers.
“Just because something feels right doesn’t mean it is.” What we had was intense, loving, and good, but it couldn’t evolve into something more. That was the hard-hitting truth. “We see each other for a few hours a month. You’re my escape. We can’t be anything more than that. I can’t give you more time. I have no more to give.”
“And for the next six months, I don’t either. But you’re the one I love and want to be with. I’m coming home to see you during our tour breaks. I’ll call and text you every day. I live to see you.”
Why couldn’t he see reason when it is all I saw? A tear slipped onto my cheek, burning my skin. Anguish darkened his eyes as he brushed it away with the calloused pad of his thumb.
“Mads?” He shuffled a tiny step closer. “Believe in us. After the tour, things will change. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m not.” He smoothed his hand over my hair and clutched the back of my head. “Have you filed the annulment?”
“No.” I leaned into his touch, wanting more of it, but I shouldn’t. My body betrayed me when I was around him. He was my weakness. My strength. My lover. But I wanted to protect him from my responsibilities. He had enough stress without taking mine onboard.
“Please don’t send it.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “Give me, give us, a chance.”
I twisted my head against his. “Why do you want to be with me when you can have any girl at the click of your fingers? Your life, family, music, and friends are in LA. I’m not. If my show ends, who knows where the next role will take me?”
“I only want you. I’ll fly anywhere to see you. If you have to film on the other side of the world, we’ll find a way to make it work.” He eased back and brushed his thumb along the edge of my jaw. “You’re it, Mads. I don’t have every answer about a life together, but I’m willing to find them with you.” He took my hand in his and held it up, turning it this way and that. My diamonds sparkled in the soft light. “These rings are a symbol of our love and commitment to each other. Don’t walk away when we haven’t even started. Do you honestly want to do that?”
Why did he have to own my heart? Why couldn’t my head follow? Why did he have to be so unrelenting and chip away at my resolve?
This was so him—making me believe everything and anything was possible. Dare I do that? Believe him?
I wanted to.
God , I wanted to.
“Slip—” I pursed my lips and sniffled.
“You love me.” He narrowed his gaze, challenging me to disagree, but I couldn’t. “You can’t deny it. I’m sorry I’m about to go away for a few months. It’s not forever. But I’m not sorry I married you.” He grabbed my other hand, holding them both against his chest, and gave them a gentle shake. “It’s a huge ask...but please wait. Wait until I get home so we can have the chance to live together. Give me time to prove that this is right. Let’s see how we go over the next twelve months. Can you do that?” He pleaded as he fidgeted with my fingers. “If you still want out after that, we’ll file for an annulment. I won’t argue.”
“You make it sound so easy.” I’d never had anyone stand up for me, fight for me, fly across the country or want me this much. It did the craziest things to my shattered heart.
“It won’t be.” He wasn’t wrong about that. “But I will do everything I can to make this work. I don’t want to lose you without trying.” He swept my long hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear. “We can do this. ”
Can we?
We couldn’t take another step forward with blinders on. “Slip, we have so many odds against us. Marrying you has unleashed a swarm of old insecurities that sting. I’ve kept them from you because I’ve never wanted to face them or hurt you.”
“We all have issues, Mads. We’ll deal with them, one by one. I come with a fucked up band, injuries, and more stresses than I can count...but you knew that and still said yes.”
I wanted to be logical, sensible, and considerate, and set him free, but he made it impossible to do so. He always put his friends before himself. He pushed himself to go beyond everyone’s expectations. He hid too much pain behind his bright smile. We’d seen each other through some rough times. I’d fallen in love with him—that was no lie. But how could two messed up people be good for each other? Would we just fuck each other up even more?
I wanted to have as much faith in us as he did.
Did I want this? A life together? Could we ever be happy?
I guessed there was only one way to find out.
“I did say yes.” I closed my eyes, remembering the first time I saw him at Dalton’s Nightclub. His unruly, dirty blond hair that reached just past his shoulders gave him more of a sexy surfer vibe than that of a rockstar. Black jeans and a button-down had hinted at a tight, toned body. Oh yeah ...I’d found out just how taut it was a couple of months later. But what did me in, what rendered me useless, what captivated me each and every time, was his smile. When it was genuine and it lit his face and touched his eyes, and he looked at me, his energy and warmth hit my soul. My heart doubled in size. His kindness, complexity, and compassion won me over. He’d cracked the titanium wall guarding my heart. Was I willing to let him in even more?... Maybe.
“Slip, this is crazy. But there is something about you I can’t say no to. You walk in the room, and I can’t stay away from you.”
“That’s a good thing.” He slid his hands up my arms and rested them on my shoulders. “I can’t stay away from you either.”
I scrunched my nose. “You should get help for that.”
He chuckled. “You too.”
Probably. But I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I tugged on the hemline of his T-shirt. “Do you really want to stay married?”
“More than anything. Ti amo. I love you, so fucking much.”
My heart thundered against my ribs, my stomach knotted, and my head ached. I did want this. I had to stop letting things mess with my mind. “I love you. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not, but...okay. I want to give us a chance. No holding back. Let’s give this a shot for one year and then we’ll see where we’re at.” I prayed I didn’t regret this.
“Mads . . . I’m banking on forever.”
He pulled my lips to his and kissed me, stealing my breath. Guiding me backward, he crushed me against the wall near the fireplace. Fire filled the air as our lips molded together. Entering my mouth, his tongue taunted mine. Tasting. Licking. Savoring. Every touch sent jolts of electricity straight to my core. My heart raced in time with his. Our bodies aligned. Within a minute, he had my panties off and his jeans unzipped, and he fucked me senseless where we stood.
Yep. Rendered. Useless.
I’d never expected him to turn up on my doorstep, fight for me, or steal another piece of my fractured heart.
Luckily he was there, otherwise this weekend would’ve ended differently. I would’ve filed the annulment. No question. And I’d probably have regretted it every day that followed.
Were we crazy to stay married? Yep. Totally.
But that was Slip. He always wanted to jump, not worried if he flew or fell. That was why I loved him. He had a go at anything. Lived.
Now I was on this ride with him.
We led mad lives where our paths rarely crossed. Our work and responsibilities often got in the way of spending time together. I didn’t want to give up my career. I’d never let him give up his. Somehow we had to find a balance.
I wasn’t convinced everything in our past was buried, forgiven, or forgotten.
So were we a good thing? Would loving each other be enough?
I had my reservations. Doubts. Fears.
But yeah . . . I wanted to give this a shot.
I wanted us to work.
If I could just let go of the past, everything would be fine.