Chapter 8
SLIP
THE PAST – EARLY MARCH – 12 MONTHS AGO.
10:37pm.
Maddy: You there?
Me: Yeah. Just got home from Mexico.
Maddy: How was the video clip shoot?
Me: Awesome. So much fun.
Maddy: Can’t wait to see the final cut.
Me: Me too. Single drops in three weeks.
Maddy: Looking forward to the launch.
Me: Same. Getting excited. How r u?
Maddy: Um...R u with the guys?
Me: No.
Maddy: Can I call you?
Me: Sure.
I closed the front door behind me and left my suitcase at the bottom of the stairs. As I headed for the kitchen, my cell phone buzzed to life.
I answered Maddy’s call after one ring. “Hey? What’s up?”
Shuffling my phone from hand to hand, I shrugged off my leather jacket and tossed it on one of the kitchen stools.
“Hey.” Maddy’s voice was so soft I could barely hear it. “I’ve just got home from the hospital,” she sobbed. “I’ve been there all day with Mom. She had a huge flare-up. Struggled to breathe. And was crippled with pain.”
“Fuck. Is she okay?”
“Yes, but no.” Maddy burst into tears. “I’m so sorry. I called Sutton, but she’s not answering.” Funny that ...Flint had just arrived home too. Doubted she’d be available for a couple of hours. “My other girlfriends are away, filming on location. Everyone in Canada has gone over to the islands for the weekend, and cell service is shit. I didn’t know who else to call.”
“Mads, you never have to be sorry. You can call me anytime.” I didn’t expect to be her number-one person to contact, but we were friends. I was happy even to make the list. “Your mom’s home, right? That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Maddy sniffled and snuffled. “She’s asleep on her recliner, maxed out on meds. She had all these tests. The doctors are concerned that her pneumonitis is getting worse. She’s now on oxygen therapy. Her health is going downhill.” The anguish in Maddy’s voice speared my heart. “Slip, what am I going to do?”
I had no idea. But she didn’t have to go through this alone. “Sit tight. I’m coming over. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” I hadn’t stopped for days, even weeks...no, months . Why stop now?
“No. It’s okay,” she whimpered. “You don’t have to do that. I just needed to talk to someone. Vent.”
Every bone in my body wanted to hold her and make her feel better. “Mads, you’re upset. I’m coming.”
“’Kay. That’d be really sweet,” she whispered through the speaker. “Do you remember my security gate code?”
“Yep.” I grinned, picking up my jacket and heading for the garage. “Two-seven-nine- zero, right?”
“Yeah.”
We’d hooked up again, for the fifth time, just after Valentine’s Day, when I’d gotten home from recording in New York. But tonight wasn’t about another sexy rendezvous. Maddy needed a friend. A shoulder to cry on. And I was there for that.
Twenty minutes later, after a quick stop via the grocery store, I rocked up to Maddy’s door and pressed the bell.
She opened it and stole my breath, even with red-rimmed eyes and unbrushed hair, and wearing faded Louis Vuitton sweatpants and a hoodie. Damn ! So sexy and hot.
I held up two shopping bags. “I didn’t know whether this called for ice cream, chocolate, popcorn, or wine, so I bought everything.”
A tear fell, catching on her cheek. “I need everything.”
I put down the bags just inside the door. “It looks like you need a hug the most.”
I drew her into my embrace and wound my arms around her. Her cheek rested against my shoulder, her fingers slid around my waist and clung onto my jacket. As I circled my hands around her back, she sobbed. I was there for as long as she needed. I was content to hold her and inhale the sweet, cocoa butter scent of her hair. That helped erase some of my own work stresses.
“Hey?” I kissed the side of her head. “Let’s eat something. Have a drink. You can tell me everything.” I picked up the groceries.
“I’d like that.” She took my free hand and led me down the hallway and into the living area.
Just as I placed the bags on the kitchen counter, Valerie rose from her recliner, staggering to her feet. I’d met Maddy’s mom after my first night there. It was clear to see where Maddy got her stunning looks from. The two women had the same dark brown eyes and mocha skin, but Valerie’s cheeks were blotched with angry red blemishes and her hair was short compared to Maddy’s long straight locks.
Maddy rushed to her mom’s side and caught her elbow, assisting her over to the kitchen.
Valerie slid onto one of the stools. “Sebastian. I didn’t expect to see you again.”
“I’m becoming a regular, aren’t I?” I waggled my eyebrows at Maddy as I got the items out of the bag and placed them on the counter.
“Don’t get used to it.” Maddy threw me a saucy smile before refocusing on her mom. “You shouldn’t be up. Can I get you anything? You need to go to bed and rest.”
“I’m fine.” She patted Maddy’s arm. “Luckily, I have you and Bridget to take care of me.”
I hadn’t met Bridget yet, but any nurse who helped Valerie there at home, took her to appointments, and relieved some of Maddy’s stress was a godsend.
“What’s all this?” Valerie circled her finger toward the groceries.
“Binge food.” I held up the tub of chocolate ice cream. “Want some?”
“No.” Valerie snapped. “And neither does Maddy. She can’t have any of that.”
“Why not?” I ripped off the lid and licked the melted ice cream that had gotten on my fingers. Maddy had eaten treats before.
“She’s on a strict diet.” Valerie’s voice turned short and cold. “She needs to lose a few pounds, not put on more.”
“Ah, no.” I jerked my chin back. “Mads doesn’t need to lose weight. She’s perfect.” I leaned toward Maddy and gave her a wink. “You’re beautiful. Sexy as fuck. Don’t listen to her.” Maddy was two or so inches shorter than me and slender but not bone-skinny. Fuck. There’d be nothing left of her if she lost weight.
“Slip. It’s alright.” Maddy sighed, brushing her mom’s comments off, but her tired eyes told a different story—one I’d ask about later. “Mom? Do you need anything? Help going to bed?”
“No.” She slid off the stool, waddled over to the cupboard, and fetched a wineglass. “I’ll have a drink, then I’ll go to bed.”
“What?” Maddy shot around the end of the white marble counter and blocked her mom’s path to the fridge. “You’ve just had a flare-up and you’re loaded with strong meds. You can’t drink.”
“I feel fine. One won’t hurt.” She shooed her hand at Maddy. “Please move, dear.”
“Mom?” Maddy closed her eyes, and her jaw tensed. “For one night, don’t drink. You’ve had a lot of treatment. Just go to bed.”
Shit. Now I understood why Maddy didn’t drink much. I shouldn’t have bought the wine. But Maddy loved a drop of red.
“Soon.” Valerie gently shoved Maddy aside. “One wine, then I will.”
I caught Maddy’s hand and drew her next to me. My heart hurt for her. Flashes of Phil’s daily intake of drugs and booze flickered through my mind. I’d turned a blind eye to his problems because I hadn’t wanted toadmitI’d been hovering on the edge of that path too. The four of us guys had. I never wanted to be like that again.
Phil’s death had heightened my awareness of addiction, of all levels, shapes, and forms. From what Maddy had told me about her mom’s mild stroke, lupus, meds, and alcohol intake, I was concerned for Valerie’s wellbeing. But more so, I genuinely cared about Maddy, about how upset she was, and how Valerie didn’t seem to give a fuck about listening to her. Something about Valerie rubbed me the wrong way and didn’t sit right in the pit of my gut. Something more than her need for a drink. I had a pretty good bullshit detector, and Valerie had set it off. Until I knew why, I’d be keeping a close eye on her.
But an even closer eye on looking out for Maddy.
“Mom?” Exhaustion swayed Maddy’s tone. “Are you seriously going to drink?”
“Oh, shh. It helps me relax.” She opened the fridge, pulled out the white wine from the door, and returned to the counter.
Hmph. I certainly liked a drink too. Vodka calmed my mind and eased the pain in my body. But I didn’t drink every day. Hardly at all now the guys and I were about to hit promo. We needed to protect our vocal cords. Performing drunk or with a hangover wasn’t good. The ache in my hip was kept on a leash thanks to decent pain-killers, not alcohol.
“Valerie?” I shook my head as she opened the bottle. “I’m glad you’re okay after today, but Maddy’s not.” I grabbed two dessert spoons out of the cutlery drawer, then picked up the ice cream. “She’s worried about you and upset. But since you’re feeling better and don’t need her help, she’s gonna have some time out with me. And that is going to involve ice cream.” I held out my other hand to Maddy. “Shall we?”
“Yeah.” With tear-filled eyes, she slid her hand into mine and led me toward the staircase.
“Where are you going?” Valerie fretted, calling after us as she poured half the contents of the bottle to the very top of her big glass. “Aren’t you staying down here?”
“No, we’re not.” Maddy stopped on the third step. I halted behind her. “If you can get a drink, you can put yourself to bed. So...’night.”
She continued up the stairs. I just smiled and followed.
I closed her bedroom door behind us. Maddy’s vast room, with its soft yellow walls, a huge white bed covered in a mass of white fluffy and sparkly cushions and pillows, and amber lighting radiated warmth and sunshine, just like she usually did. But today had dimmed her light. I hoped I could help reset it.
I took off my leather jacket and tossed it on the bed bench. We kicked off our shoes and sat on the mattress. As we leaned against the padded headboard, we ate spoonful after spoonful of creamy, chocolate ice cream. Well, I ate. Maddy had the occasional tiny scoop.
“Your mom is something.” I loaded my spoon with ice cream, then popped it into my mouth.
“Yeah.” Maddy fidgeted with her spoon. “Days like today are hard. Even worse when she doesn’t follow the doctor’s orders.”
“Does anything have to change with her care?”
“I’ll know more once she’s had a follow-up in a few days. They’re concerned about the fluid build-up in her lungs, but they think they can get that under control with meds. She’s always had a limp since her stroke, but now she’ll need more physical therapy to manage the growing pain in her joints. Each flare-up is getting worse.”
“That’s not good,” I mumbled over a mouthful of ice cream. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“No. I’m just tired.” Maddy stabbed her spoon into the tub over and over again. “And frustrated that she doesn’t help herself. She goes out. And drinks. And pops so many pills I don’t know what she’s taking half the time. I can’t get her to change. Should I be doing something different? Doing more for her?”
“Hey.” I placed my hand over hers, took her spoon, and fed her a mouthful of ice cream. Maddy licked the spoon clean, then touched her fingertips to her lips. Hmmm. I’d have loved to kiss and lick the chocolate off her mouth ...and the rest of her body...but she didn’t need that right now. “Your mom’s lucky to have you. I know it’s hard, but if she doesn’t want help, maybe you’re doing all you can.”
She puffed air through her nose and rubbed my knee. “You’re so like Sutton. Tough love, right? ”
“No bullshit.” I waggled the spoon at her.
“I like that.” A small smile touched her lips as she slumped back against the headboard. “Bridget was with me at the hospital. She’s agreed to work a few more hours per week and check in on Mom.”
“See? You’ve done something more for her.”
“Is it enough?” Worry shot through her tone. “Having Mom move into my home was supposed to make caring for her easier and less stressful since she won’t move to Canada. I don’t want to quit my job unnecessarily. I absolutely love my show. Is that wrong? Is it wrong that I pay for someone to help care for Mom? Am I selfish?”
“No.” I loaded the spoon with ice cream and held it out for Maddy. “You’re allowed to have a life too, especially if your mom can kinda take care of herself.”
“It doesn’t feel like I have a life.” She hesitated, staring at the spoon, then demolished the mouthful.
“I, of all people, understand that.” I could barely recall a time I’d done something that didn’t involve my band. “Sometimes you can’t think straight. Work and responsibilities can be overwhelming. Time isn’t your own. I feel like that every day, especially with a new album coming out.”
“You do?”
“Constantly.”
“Wouldn’t it be nice to have no stress? Be able to get away from everything?” Tears welled in her eyes again. Yeah. We get each other. “I just feel so helpless sometimes. I feel guilty for being in Vancouver a lot of the time.”
“Hey?” Enough ice cream. I placed the spoons and the tub on the nightstand. Turning, I waved my fingers at her. “Come here.”
We stretched out, shuffling down on the bed. Maddy curled into my side, resting her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. After breathing her in, I kissed her head. Hmmm. I could get used to this. “What you do for your mom is amazing. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s scary when someone you love is sick, in denial, can’t admit they have a problem, and no doubt they’re terrified but keep spiraling and self-sabotaging.” I took a steadying breath to keep my own struggles subsided. “We lost Phil to addiction and had to scrape Flint out of depression. Their illnesses may be different to your mom’s, but I understand what you’re going through. You always wish they would just stop and get better. That you could do more for them, had acted sooner, and you’d do anything to take their pain away. But at the end of the day, they’re the ones who need to want to help themselves. You can intervene, but they need to find that thing that makes them want to get well. It sucks that that thing may not be you. We were too late to help Phil find his reason. We’re beyond grateful Flint found Sutton. Your mom needs to find hers. And I can help you do that. I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“Thank you, but she’s my problem, not yours.” She swirled and stroked her fingernails in tiny movements across the center of my chest. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What drove you to change after losing Phil?”
Maddy wasn’t na?ve. She was aware of my wild past. We’d texted and talked about everything. Past relationships, drugs, parties, work, family...us. We didn’t want our hookups to become serious. Or to get emotionally involved. Yet...there I was.
“My friends.” I said, combing my fingers through the long strands of her hair. “They’re my life—my family.”
She tilted her head back. “You really love them, don’t you?”
“Yes.” But as our gazes held, a wave of warmth settled over me. I ran one fingertip down her cheek and whispered, “Or maybe I’m still looking for my thing .” Or maybe I’ve found it ...
“Maybe.” She tensed for the span of a single heartbeat, then lowered her chin, cuddling into me closer. “We have more in common than you think. Mom’s had depression for years. She got sick when I was fourteen. Then two years later, she lost her modeling career, and Dad ran off with her best friend.”
“Wow. They are rough blows.”
“Yeah. Mom was the face for several cosmetic companies for years. But once the lupus rashes affected her skin, she lost her contracts. She used to be a runway model as well, but the meds made her put on a lot of weight. Having kids supposedly ruined her figure too.”
“Is her modeling background why she goes off about you eating?”
“I guess.” Maddy sighed, letting out a tired breath. “She’s adamant no one wants a fat actress.”
“Um . . . yeah.” I grimaced. “All shapes and sizes these days.”
“Oh, everyone else can be full-figured, but not me.”
Who talked to their kid like that? Oh . . . Valerie.
I kissed Maddy on the head and held her closer. “My mother would sit you down and feed you until you couldn’t walk. That’s the Italian way.”
“I wouldn’t know what that’s like.” Maddy’s body sunk deeper into the mattress. “I haven’t eaten pizza or pasta for more than five years.”
Shit. She’s serious. “Life is too short to miss out on good food. You’ll have to try mamma’s. It’s the best.” I toyed with her hair again, loving the silky strands sliding through my fingertips. But then I stilled. I rested my cheek against her head and held her tight. “Promise me you won’t listen to your mom. You’re so beautiful, Mads. Just the way you are. Mio bel girasole.”
“What’s that?” She draped her hand across my waist. “Beautiful what? ”
“My beautiful sunflower.” Grinning, I nuzzled my nose into her hair. “The first night we met, you wore a short, sexy yellow dress with white outlines of sunflowers on it. Your smile was like sunshine. Your hair was down. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.” I pressed my lips against her forehead. “ Bel girasole .”
She jabbed her finger softly against my ribs. “You’re smooth, but that’s sweet.”
“It’s the truth.” I caught her hand and entwined our fingers.
Sighing, she slumped against my shoulder. “Thank you. But I’m just not feeling sunny tonight.”
“That’s okay. I got you.” I brushed my fingertip down the bridge of her nose. “Why don’t you have a shower and get ready for bed while I run this ice cream down to the freezer before it melts everywhere.”
She glanced up at me. “Then are you going to do wicked things to me to help me forget the day?”
Mmmm. That was a tempting option, but I didn’t want to be there just for sex. “Mads, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. But how about we just get under the covers and see what happens?”
“I’d like that.”
After returning from downstairs, I stripped to my boxer briefs and crawled into Maddy’s bed. I’d showered before leaving Mexico; I didn’t need another one. By the time Maddy had freshened up and snuggled in beside me in her silky yellow pajamas, she could barely keep her eyes open.
As she lay against my chest, I ran my fingers slowly up and down her spine. With every touch, her breath deepened. She fit perfectly in my arms. Smelled like cocoa butter. It’d been a long time since I’d fallen for a girl. Every day I felt myself fall for Maddy more and more. I wasn’t sure that was a good thing. With everything going on in our lives, the time wasn’t right to contemplate a more meaningful relationship. Did I even want one? Nope. Maybe...Ergh! But I couldn’t deny this was good...being friends who hooked up. Perfect .
But I really liked her.
I wanted to keep seeing her.
After the day she’d had, now wasn’t the time to discuss us.
“This is nice.” Sleepiness drifted through her soft voice.
“Yeah, it is.” I kissed the top of her head.
“Thank you.” She snuggled deeper, closer, tighter into my chest. “For coming over. For being here. For the ice cream.”
“Anytime.”
As I listened to her breathing, and her heart beat against mine, she melted into my side. “I’m sorry. I’m so tired.”
“Maddy, stop saying you’re sorry. It’s okay.” Grinning, I rubbed her arm. But for some strange reason, this was what I needed too. Just to stop. Relax. Be with someone who knew how crazy life could get. Who wanted nothing from me. “I just want to hold you. Watch you fall asleep. Wake up next to you in the morning.”
“You sure?” she murmured.
“Yeah, Mads. I got you. Always.”