Chapter 11
MADDY
Hand in hand, I dragged Slip back through the games room, across the dining area, and stepped outside. I drew him to a halt by the pool. “Why didn’t you ever tell me you hooked up with Harper all the time ?”
“Because it was never anything serious.” He tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and rounded his shoulders. “I’ve always been honest and told you we’d been together. I’m sorry I didn’t give you explicit details.”
My chest cinched around my heart. “I don’t like being made a fool. She’s got her eyes set on you. You know that?”
“She may, but tough.” He shrugged. “I’ve talked to her about us. I’ve drawn the line. She may have old feelings for me, but they’re not reciprocated.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “She’s gorgeous. I’m terrified you’ll fall back into her bed.”
“I won’t,” he snapped. “You’re more beautiful than she is, inside and out. I’m not a fucking cheater, Maddy. So please, just...trust me.” He turned to head inside, but I caught his arm.
“Please don’t walk away. If you want us to work, you can’t brush off my concerns. We need to talk them out. No matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant or hurtful they are.”
He stared at the sky, closed his eyes, and let out a long, measured breath. “Okay.” He nodded. “I’m sorry. But she’s not an issue.”
“She is for me.” I splayed my hand over my heart. “When Noah ran off with Jocelyn, it broke me. He lied about his feelings for her. I worry you’re going to do the same thing with Harper.”
He took a small step toward me. Fire flared in his dark eyes. “I’m not lying to you about Harper.”
“Why did you fuck her all the time?”
“Why do you need to know this stuff?”
“Because I’m worried.”
Anguish and fear and pain flooded his eyes. Shaking his head, he lowered his chin. He inhaled sharply, then let it out slowly. “But the truth just makes me out to be an asshole. And I don’t want you to think that way about me.”
“I would rather know you were an asshole than be standing here, thinking you’re denying you have feelings for her.”
“I don’t.” He cupped my face between his palms. “I honestly don’t.”
“Then tell me about her.” I lowered his hands and held them tight. I hated being insecure and jealous, but to move forward, to get past this, I needed to know the details. It was like some twisted, sick illness that had to be fed. God, I’m a fucked up mess.
Trouble furrowed his brow as he nodded. “Okay.”
We walked over to a sun lounger and sat side by side.
He held my hand between his and kissed my fingers, then fidgeted and fumbled with my wedding rings. “You know I lost my virginity to her, but it was nothing romantic or special. I was a shit of a guy.”
“How so?”
“When she moved into Cole’s place during our senior year and she was in her final semester at college, she was the first girl to show any interest in me. I was a skinny, pimply, awkward teenager. All my friends had lost their virginity—even Phil, who was two years younger than me. I was the only one of us guys who hadn’t. Cole’s parents were always away. He threw this party one night. I got drunk and just wanted to sleep with someone to find out what all the fuss was about. Get it over and done with. Harper was there.”
“You’re not the first person to fuck someone just to lose their V-card. But you kept seeing her, right?”
Shadows darkened his eyes as he stared toward the pool. “For a few months, yes. Mads, my first time was awful. I had no idea what I was doing. I blew my load within seconds. She didn’t talk to me for weeks afterward. I was really bad in the sack.”
Thank goodness he’d learned a lot since then. I’d never complain about that.
“But at the next party, she suggested a rerun. She offered to teach me a few things. We hooked up several more times at different parties. I got better at it. I fucking liked her tongue ring. That’s it. We never went out on a date. She never came to our gigs. She was never my girlfriend. It was just sex.”
Confusion rattled my brain. “So why did it end badly?”
He entwined our fingers and held them against his thigh. “She wanted more; I didn’t. She wouldn’t accept no for an answer...So I did a shitty thing and fucked another girl at Cole’s next party, just so she saw me with someone else. It got the message through, loud and clear. She got angry and upset. Two broken lamps, three picture frames, and one window later, she left. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I did.”
“So she’s unstable?” Should I be worried about getting knifed in the dark?
“Harper? God, no. She just didn’t handle the end well.”
“Okay. So if it ended badly, why did you go back to her? ”
He shot out a short breath as he stretched out his legs. “Because I was fucking stupid. Or drunk. High. Traumatized. I wanted something with no strings and no hassle.”
Hmph. I could relate to that. It was how Slip and I used to be. “Did you know she had feelings for you?”
“When I was in high school, yeah.” He swiveled my wedding band around my finger, then realigned it with my engagement ring. “She left for about a year and I’d thought she’d put what had happened between us behind her. When we hooked up again, we agreed it was just for some innocent fun. Clearly that went wrong.”
“A bit like us?” I nudged my arm against his.
“No.” Certainty set in his soft tone. “Hooking up with you again and again has never been wrong. I tried to deny it, Mads, but I’ve been yours from the moment we met. We’re together because we fell in love. I never loved Harper. I swear on my heart and soul, she’s not an issue. I’m yours and yours only.” He kissed my hand, like he always did.
God, I loved that.
But my fucked up head wouldn’t let things rest. “It’s hard when she’s into you, and you’re around her all the time. Temptation, for old times’ sake.”
“Nope. None.” His calm voice held no ripples or cracks. “I honestly don’t see Harper very much. She’s been to maybe two or three shows with Charlotte. She rarely eats with us, never travels in the same car or bus as we do, and always stays in a suite with Cole. The guys and I are at the venues from mid-afternoon onwards doing sound check, meet and greets, and the show. She’s never around. So you have nothing to worry about.”
“All I do is worry,” I whispered.
“What can I do to stop that?” He hooked his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my bicep. “I can’t leave the tour. I can’t come home more often. You’re filming. We’ve just got to ride this out for five more months. It’s not that long.”
“I know.” I sniffled as tears prickled my eyes. “I’ve never been insecure or jealous before. I don’t like being like this. But I don’t trust her.”
He threw me a sexy, saucy grin, and his eyes glinted in the soft light. “Hmm. I like you being a little bit jealous.” He nudged his leg against mine. “But it goes both ways, Mads. I want to deck any guy who looks at you. I’m just as insecure and anxious as you are. You’re so beautiful. A star. You turn every guy’s head when you walk in a room.”
I play-punched him in the thigh. “I do not.”
“You do.” So much seriousness set in his tone it struck each of my heartstrings with a hard thud. “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you. That you won’t want to stay with me. Since Harper, every girlfriend I’ve ever had has dumped me. They didn’t like me, my music, my friends, and have hated that I didn’t spend enough time with them. Fuck, Mads, even you left me. You walked out on our wedding night. That fucking broke me.”
His heartache slammed into me, crushing my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, drew his head against my shoulder, and kissed his temple. “I never meant to hurt you.” But I had. And I wanted to do everything I could to reassure him that the past would never be repeated.
“This isn’t one-sided, Mads.” He draped his arm across my waist and hugged my hip. “I continually worry you’ll find someone better.”
“No chance.” I rested my cheek against his head. “We’re as bad as each other, aren’t we?” Trust was a two-way street, and we had to build it together.
“Yeah. We are.” He sat upright and tucked a piece of my loose hair behind my ear, then rubbed the back of my neck, soothing away some of the stress. “If it helps, I will text and call you every second I can. I will leave my phone on video every night so you can watch me sleep and see that I am alone, missing you like crazy. Being apart is hard, but we’ll get there. I promise.” He gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “I want a life with you—without all this stress and interference. I’m counting down the days until we can be together. I’m not looking forward to heading off again on Monday night. But until then, I want to spend as much time with you as possible, so you wanna get out of here?”
I brushed my thumb across the fine stubble shadowing his top lip. “Yes. Please.”
After saying good night to everyone, we drove back to Slip’s house and made our way inside.
At the top of the staircase, he captured me in his arms. Kissed me. As he cradled my face, he walked me backward into the bedroom. “ Ti amo . I promise I will always be honest, faithful, and yours until the end of time. End of story.”
“I will too. Time is still subject to many things. But I love you and I’m committed to making us work.”
“That’s all we need.”
I peeled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. “How about you show me how much you’re mine?”
He slid his hand down my chest and played with my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. His touch shot heat straight to my core. He spun me ’round. Stepping in close, he pressed his body flush against my back, and whispered into my ear. “Mads?” His hand glided down my belly and cupped my pussy through my flimsy skirt. “I will do whatever you want. Whatever you need. You want me to mark you, come on you, get down on my knees and be your slave? Just say the words.”
He bit and tugged on my earlobe, sending goose bumps skipping down my neck and arms .
I wanted him to do all those things and more.
He unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor. He yanked off my tank top, unclipped my bra, then rid me of my panties.
I glanced over my shoulder. As he loomed behind me, he discarded his clothes. Oh yeah. Taking hold of my hips, he guided me forward towards the huge window that overlooked the secluded dark garden below. Towering bamboo covered the high fence line that surrounded the entire house. Small solar lights lit the path around the pool and garden edges. With only the bathroom light on behind us, our naked reflection was clear as a TV screen in front of us.
Oh, wow.
He placed my palms on the glass above my head. “Don’t move them. I want you to see how hot you are when we fuck. How fucking beautiful you are.” He kissed my neck as he circled his hands over my breasts, tweaking my nipples into hardened peaks.
His palm ventured lower, down my stomach, and dipped between my legs. Two of his fingers parted me, eased into my folds, and met my arousal. I moaned.
Mmmm.
My knees weakened as he glided up and down my wet pussy and circled my clit. My head fell to the side and his hot breath showered my skin. He nipped and licked and sucked my neck. I turned my head just so I could kiss him.
Sliding my hand down his thigh, I clawed my fingernails through the fine hairs on his leg. His muscles, toned and taut, blazed against my fingertips. Touching him made me melt, want more, succumb to his every move.
He nudged his erection against my butt. “I want you and only you.”
I wanted to believe him wholeheartedly. But I couldn’t get the challenge in Harper’s eyes out of my head .
She wanted Slip.
I didn’t want more complications added to the mix when determining my future with Slip.
But they just kept on mounting.
When would we get a break from all the chaos flying around us? When would the clouds clear and the stress disappear so we could forge a way forward?
In five months?
I could hold on. I had to.
Oh...fuck . He slid his cock into my wet pussy from behind and fucked me slow.
Hard.
Deep.
Argh! If Slip kept making me feel this good, he’d be worth the wait.