Chapter 27
MADDY
We spent the glorious, sun-drenched afternoon in Monterosso. We had lunch in a café tucked away down some side street, were stopped by the occasional fan who recognized us and had selfies with them, and went swimming at one of the private beaches in the crystal-clear waters, jumping and diving off the rocks. But when the crowd on the shoreline grew more inquisitive, and a bunch of paparazzi photographed us with long-range lenses, Beckett got us out of there. On our quick route back to the car, Beckett cracked a huge smile when we ducked into a shop and bought him a triple-scoop chocolate gelato.
As the sun set, we hit the road and arrived back at the villa just in time for dinner. Hand in hand, Slip and I headed out on to the terrace where everyone was seated around the table.
“You two look like you had a good day?” Flint smiled over his beer. His face held a healthy glow, no doubt a result of his day at the spa with Sutton.
“We certainly did.” Slip planted a kiss on my cheek, then pulled out a chair for me.
But unease rocked low in my guts as we took a seat. Sitting across from Harper wasn’t ideal. We threw each other thin smiles as everyone continued to eat. The fact Slip only had eyes for me should’ve calmed me, but the flirtatious gazes Harper threw in Slip’s direction as she played with her tongue ring didn’t. But I’d take the upper hand and be nice.
“How was your day, Harper?” I asked as I filled Slip’s and my glasses full of wine. “What did you get up to?”
“Nothing much. I just hung out here by the pool.” She didn’t take her playful gaze off Slip as he chatted to Lewis. “Once Sloane took Flint and Sutton to the spa just down the road, he joined me. We just chilled. Read books. It was nice to have a few hours off from minding the kids.”
Sloane? The Flintlocks’ security team was here, resting and working when needed. I guessed there was nothing wrong with her hanging out with him when he wasn’t on duty. The team kept to themselves most of the time to ensure that client relations didn’t blur...Especially after what happened between Ava and Cole. They hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other.
Harper tore a soft bread roll in half and handed it to Charlotte, sitting next to her. “But it’s back to work now, hey, Charlotte?”
“Can we go swimming?” Charlotte stuffed the bread roll into her mouth, bit off a chunk, and showered her T-shirt in bread crumbs.
“After dinner.” Harper brushed the tip of Charlotte’s nose with her fingertip.
“Yay,” Charlotte hollered with her mouth full. “Can we swim all day tomorrow?”
“Yes. We’re not going anywhere.” Harper flicked her hair back and threw another mischievous glance at Slip. “It’ll be nice to hang out with the guys...and everyone...since I don’t see them much when they’re doing shows.”
“Me either.” Too much cattiness swayed in my tone as I put the bottle of wine down and did my best to remain civil. Was she trying to push my buttons? Piss me off? Upset me? Get into Slip’s pants? All the above? Ergh! “Tomorrow will be fun.” Yes, it will be. I’ll be with Slip.
Slip reached for the spinach and ricotta ravioli and loaded his plate. I did the same with a fresh Mediterranean salad. He stabbed a piece of ravioli with his fork and popped it into his mouth. He groaned as he chewed. “Mmmm. Oh, my fucking God. That is good.”
It was impossible not to giggle. What was with him and food? He’d had a food-gasm last night at his mom’s party, again at lunch today, and now, another one.
“Mads?” He stabbed another piece of pasta and held it toward my mouth. “Taste this. It’s to die for.”
“I don’t eat pasta.”
“Just one piece. Please?”
Damn. It looked delicious. How many calories are in that? One won’t hurt, will it? “Fine.” I ate the pasta off his fork and chewed. The garlic, buttery flavor combined with the fluffy ricotta cheese and soft pasta exploded in my mouth. If heaven had a taste, that would be it. My stomach cramped and ached. I was so hungry all the fucking time. But the never-ending voices of my mother and entertainment reporters filled my head. “You’re fat.” “Is she pregnant?” “Is that a bulge?” “OMG! Does she know the camera adds ten pounds?”
They never switched off. I kept reprimanding myself, telling myself not to listen, but some daysit was hard not to. “Mmmm.” I covered my mouth with my hand, forcing myself to swallow and keep the food down. “That’s amazing. Thank you, but that’s enough.”
“Is your salad better than this?” He swooped in and kissed me. With a flick of his tongue, he dove inside my mouth. My head spun with the combination of salad and pasta exploding across every taste bud. Smiling against his lips, I dug my fingers into his hair and kissed him back. This was one way to enjoy the food. But Slip didn’t stop. Luckily I was sitting, or my knees would’ve buckled. A low groan rumbled deep in his throat, sending jolts of heat through me, and pooled between my legs.
He pulled back, grinned, and licked his lips. “Now that was delicious.”
Sutton, sitting next to Harper, fanned her face with her hand. “Damn. Take it easy at the table.”
Harper raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t Maddy satisfy you enough in the bedroom? We don’t need to see that while we eat.”
“Oh, Mads satisfies me in every way. I just want more and more.” Slip kept his hot gaze on me. Owning it.
Harper pushed her plate away and tossed her napkin beside it. “Looks like she’s not giving you enough. You never had that problem when we were together.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Harps.” Slip smirked at her, then lazed back in his chair. “Mads and I haven’t had a honeymoon yet, so everyone can just deal with it.”
“No, thanks.” Harper pushed her chair back and stood. “I’ll go play with the kids. Enjoy the rest of your dinner.”
I wasn’t upset she’d left.
After dessert, which I didn’t touch, and more wine, Sutton, Tia, Ava, and I sat by the pool as the guys played with the kids in the water. Harper sat on the pool step as they zipped and zoomed Charlotte and Josh around on pool noodles or played with the big beach balls. It was tough watching four of the hottest guys on the planet splash around in the water, or jump out of the pool showing off their saturated, ripped bodies when they retrieved a lost ball... not! But I glanced at my watch. It was getting late. Slip kept catching my gaze. Yep. We needed to talk.
Just as I nodded at him, Tia spun on her sun lounger toward me and the girls.
“Guess what?” Excitement flitted through Tia’s bright green eyes as she glanced from Sutton to Ava, then to me. “Lewis and I have made it no secret we want to have kids one day...but...we’re actually trying.”
“Oh, my God!” Sutton shrieked. “That is amazing. Do the guys know?”
Smiling, she shook her head. “No. But I’m sure you’ll tell Flint before the day is out.”
“Is now okay?” Sutton squealed and clapped.
“Sure.” Tia shrugged.
Sutton cupped her hands around her mouth and called out to Flint, swimming in the pool. “Flint? Lewis and Tia are trying to get pregnant.”
I giggled. Nothing subtle about that. Now everyone knew.
“What?” Cole leaped for Lewis and dunked him under the water. When Lewis came above the surface and laughed, Cole pointed at him. “You wanna knock up my sister for real?”
“Yep.” Beaming with a massive grin, Lewis shook his head, flicking water off his shoulder-length hair. “That’s the plan.”
“Fuck. That’s...fucking cool.” Cole hugged Lewis. “You’re a Flintlock. I love ya, man.”
“Thanks. Now get off me.” Lewis pushed him away, chuckling.
“Get ready for your life to change.” Ava raised her glass toward Tia. “But having a child is awesome. I live for Josh...and now Charlotte feels like mine too.”
“You and Cole seem very happy.”
“We are. Cole is amazing.” Her gaze softened as she watched Josh stand on Cole’s shoulders, then jump, flipping backward into the water. “Our kids get along. I love working for the band. But I’m scared. Scared I’m gonna wake up from this dream and everything will disappear. ”
After the ugly hell and awful custody battle she’d gone through with her ex, I could relate to being nervous about entering a new relationship. But Cole was smitten. So was she.
“Don’t be. You deserve to be happy. This is your reality now.” I sighed, fidgeting with the edge of my beach towel. “I’m envious you get to spend every day together.”
“You and Slip will have that opportunity after the tour.” Ava nodded. “Just be patient.”
Slip swam to the side of the pool and waggled his hooked finger at me. “Come here, babe.”
Butterflies and nerves swarmed through my belly. “After this glass.”
Mischief flared in his eyes. “Nah-ah. Now.”
When he looked at me like that, all reason and control disappeared. But I held my ground by a very fine thread. “Wine first.”
“I gave you fair warning.” He hauled himself out of the pool and sauntered toward me. Water glistened and dripped off his cut body. Those abs. That V. Mmmm. I momentarily forgot how to breathe. He scooped me up in his arms and turned toward the pool.
“Slip. No!” I squealed. “My drink.”
In a flash, Sutton swiped the glass from my hands. Slip dashed toward the water and jumped in with me in his arms.
Beneath the surface, water and bubbles swirled around me. The cool water was welcoming and refreshing against my skin, and provided relief from the dry summer heat.
As we came up for air, he wound his arms tighter around me and kissed me. “Much better.”
I swept his wet hair off his face. “Crazy man.”
“You love me. Can’t deny it.”
I placed my hands on his head and pushed him under the water. He blew bubbles between my legs, kissing the front of my bikini bottoms. Giggling, I swam back a foot.
He resurfaced and laughed. “Happy?”
I splashed water in his face. “When you do that...hell yeah.”
“That’s my cue to leave. I’m out of here.” Harper glided past us over to the steps and exited the pool. She stopped in our direct line of view and realigned her skimpy bikini bottom, revealing everything. No imagination was required to visualize what was underneath.
What the fuck? Dumbstruck, I pointed my hand at her. “Can you not do that please, Harper?”
“What?” She winked at Slip, grabbed her towel, and wrapped it around herself, then flapped her fingers at Cole. “I’ll take the kids inside and get them ready for bed.”
“Thanks, Harps.” Cole, apparently oblivious to what had happened, lifted Charlotte out of the water. Harper draped a fresh fluffy towel around Charlotte’s shoulders, dried her, then did the same to Josh. She took their hands and led the kids inside.
“Finished perving?” I play-punched Slip’s arm. “Did she have to flash her pussy at you?”
“Okay. That was hard not to see.” Chuckling, Slip caught my hand and pulled me into his embrace. “But she’s trying to get a rise out of you. Don’t let her get to you. She could strip naked, and I wouldn’t care.”
“That was not cool.”
“No, it wasn’t.” He rubbed my arms. “I’ll talk to her and tell her to stop.”
“I don’t want you near her.”
“I’m usually not.”
I wanted to be comfortable around her, accept her, but it was hard when she did shit like that.
“Hey?” Slip brushed his lips against mine. “Let’s go for a walk. Please? ”
Tension twisted in my temples. Harper had rubbed me the wrong way. A walk would do me good. “Okay.”
We jumped out of the pool, dried off, and pulled on T-shirts over our wet clothes, not bothering to change in the hot evening and put on flip-flops. Slip grabbed a joint and lighter out of his bag, then took my hand and led me toward the vineyard. He waved to everyone as we headed off. “We’ll catch up with you later. ’Night.”
But as we ambled down the hill through the rows of vines, I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. We had to talk about so much, make future plans, but my mind wasn’t in a good place, thanks to Harper.
“Slip?” We drew to a halt halfway along a trellis. “I know we need to talk about so many things, but can we wait until tomorrow? Harper’s upset me, and I don’t want to say something I might regret.”
“Mads, I don’t want her getting to you.” Slip stuffed the joint behind his ear and the lighter into his pocket. “She’s just playing games. Please ignore her.”
“I can’t.”
Under the full moon, he let go of my hand, clenched his jaw, and clutched at his hair. “Fuck, Maddy. How many times do I have to tell you she’s not a problem? Don’t make her one.”
“She is one.”
“I hear you. I’m doing everything I can to stay away from her. But you’re not hearing me . Why can’t you trust me?”
“I’m trying to.”
“Try harder.”
“I don’t know how to do that. I take one step forward and one back. Seeing her flash you along with all the I-wanna-fuck-you looks makes it really difficult to do that. I hate feeling like this.”
“Do you see me flirting with her? No.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and set determination in his gaze. “Tomorrow, we’ll sit down and talk to her. I won’t have her come between us. No fucking way. If you don’t like the outcome, I’ll get Cole to fire her. He won’t hesitate. Is that the solution you need? You want him to send Harper back to teaching in Nepal?”
Fuck ...that idea had some merit. But Harper was family. I couldn’t ask him to do that. And what if the next nanny was worse? Ergh. It made me sick to the stomach just thinking about it. Was I digging my grave if I let this slide? Shit!
“No. I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.”
“Neither do I. I’m sorry too.” He drew me into his embrace and held me against his chest. “I just can’t wait to be with you every day once the tour is over.”
My heart sank to the ground. “Not every day...not for at least the next two years.”
He took a step back and held me at arm’s length. As he closed his eyes, a muscle ticked in his jaw. “Why didn’t you tell me about your show being renewed?”
I lowered my chin and stared at the grass. “I only found out a couple days before I came here. I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I didn’t want you to talk me out of re-signing.”
“What?” The anguish in his voice punched me low in the guts. “I wouldn’t do that, but we could’ve at least talked about it first.”
“Why? What’s there to talk about?”
“It’s what married people do. That’s what we do. We’ve always talked about everything. I want to know what you’re doing so we can plan our lives together.”
“What lives?” Pain shot through my chest as I fought back the sting in my eyes. “I’m away. Mom’s getting worse and needs more care. After your tour finishes, we’ll spend some time together. But then it won’t be long until you’ll be locked away somewhere, working on the next album, then recording, then traveling across the globe doing promo and planning another tour.”
“Eventually.” Fatigue hovered low in his voice. “But I’m not in a rush to repeat those things.”
“But you will.”
“Yeah. One day...maybe. But I’d always discuss the band’s plans with you first, so we can align our schedules. So we can maximize our time together.” His shoulders slumped as hurt flooded his eyes. “But you didn’t even consider me in your re-signing.”
“You’re not part of it.”
“Fuck, Maddy. Yes, I am.” He stormed farther down the hill toward the creek.
“Shit. Slip. Wait.”
I didn’t want to argue. It was exhausting. But every time we were together, things often ended that way. We both had commitments. Both loved our careers. We hated being apart.
I grabbed his arm and spun him round. “Okay. Yes. I should’ve talked to you.”
“You don’t get it, Mads. I will work around your filming schedule and help you care for your mom. I will go to every appointment you take her to just to be with you. I will fly to and from Vancouver or wherever you are as often as I can. I will be with you at every chance. You come first now. Not the band.”
“What?” My heart jolted hard against my ribs. How could I be more important than them? “Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth. If you don’t see that, comprehend that, get that...or feel the same way, then end this. I’d give up everything to be with you. I don’t want to...but I fucking will. I love you. More than anything. If you can’t commit to us, or don’t want to be with me, or won’t ever trust me, tell me the fuck now so my heart can break, so I can hate myself for believing you were mine, and so I can get the fuck on with my life.”
“Slip. I do love you.”
“Then what’s the fucking problem?” Hurt hissed in his tone. “Am I not good enough for you?”
“You are enough.” My head pounded with turmoil. “This is a me thing. I’m an insecure, fucked up mess. I want to come home to you every night and be a part of your every day. That’s not what we have. Or may ever have. This is just not what I envisioned for a marriage.”
“No, maybe not.” His jaw tensed as too much emotion swirled through his eyes. “But I live to hear your voice, read your texts, to see you. There is no better high than making love to you and seeing you smile. I will work with you on aligning our calendars, live between two cities, and spend every second I can with you. We don’t have a normal life of day jobs, staying at home, and playing house. I don’t want that. But if you do, and you need me to walk away from the band, the tour, LA— say the word . I am dead fucking serious.” He softened his tone, spearing my heart. “No one gets me like you do. We’ve seen each other through so much over the past two years. You have become my strength. I have your name tattooed on my flesh. I’ll get one over my heart, too, if it helps.” He splayed his hand across his chest as a warm breeze teased his loose hair. “So enough with the bullshit. We have busy lives. We’re all afraid of getting hurt again. But I’m not Noah. You’re not Courtney...thank fuck. I’m willing to risk everything for you. I fucking love you. But the ball is in your court, Mads. Don’t drag this on any longer if you already know the answer.”
“I don’t have an answer.” Not a clear one.
“You should.” His gaze burned into mine. “Deep down, in the depths of your heart, your gut, your soul, you should know.”
“I need time together. Can we just wait until after the tour like we planned? Please?” My heart cried. I couldn’t form any more words to tell him how much I loved him and how afraid I was to lose him. That I was scared he’d break my heart.
His eyes glassed over. My ribs cracked.
His shoulders slumped as the air drained from his lungs.
Shit. I’d broken him.
“Can’t you give me anything, Maddy?” His voice was nothing but a pained whisper.
“Yes. I want us to work. I want to see our plan through.”
“To stick to our agreement is one thing, but I need you to trust me. Love me as much as I love you. Can you do that?”
“Love isn’t the only factor at play, Slip. We need time together to work things out.”
“Fine.” He wiped his hand down his tired face. He stared off into the distance across the vineyard, sucked in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “That’s fine. But right now, I need time alone. I’m going for a walk. I’ll see you later.”
He disappeared into the darkness, down into the vineyard.
Why couldn’t I stop him? Why couldn’t I just let go of all my doubts and trust him, love him with everything I had to offer, kill my insecurities... andbe free of my responsibilities?
Fuck .
My heartbeat stabbed my ribs with sharp blows.
What a mess.
I staggered back to my room and flopped onto my bed and cried. All the sheets smelled of Slip. I tugged his pillow against my chest and inhaled his scent.
A soft knock came on my door.
“Mads? It’s me.”
Sutton.
The door eased open, and she crept inside. She sat on the side of the bed and stroked my hair. “What happened? You okay?”
“I hate fighting. I hate that we only see each other for such short periods of time. I hate that our future together will only ever be on a part-time basis.”
“Hey?” She grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand and handed it to me. “Can I give you some tough love?”
“You wouldn’t be my best friend otherwise.” I dabbed the tears from my eyes.
“You are married.” She took my hand in hers and gave it a shake. “That is a full-time commitment. There’s nothing part-time about it. So stop thinking like that. You might not be together physically, but you are emotionally and spiritually.”
I shook my head. “I’m an emotional wreck. That’s what.”
“You’re a bit messed up. We all go through periods like that.” Heartache washed across her eyes. “You’ve been together for almost two years. During those months when you were just hooking up, you didn’t see him every day. But that didn’t stop you from planning to see him or falling for him. You live busy lives. You gotta get out of your head the notion that you have to be under the same roof every day. When you were engaged to Noah, did you honestly think you were going to work together on the same show until you died? No. It doesn’t work like that in this business. Shows don’t last forever...unless you work on something like The Simpsons . Time apart won’t last an eternity.”
“You didn’t want to do a long-distance relationship with Flint.”
“God no, I didn’t. But if I got that job in Maine and left LA, I honestly believe that we would’ve found our way back to each other and made it work. You just helped us get there a lot quicker.”
Yep. Slip and I had helped. But this was different.
I ran my hand over the mattress’s divot where he’d slept. “Slip’s pissed because I didn’t discuss re-signing with him.”
“Flint would be pissed at me too if I didn’t talk about my show contracts and schedule with him. But he’d never stop me from doing what I loved. Our guys will do anything to support us. They’re good men.”
“I know that. I love my show. I love Slip.” Tears pooled on the rims of my eyes, then cascaded down my cheeks. My heart hurt. “But I’m married, and he’s not around...and I’m so fucking lonely.” Fuuuuck. Was that it? Yes. I’m lonely! All the damn time.
“Oh, sweetie.” Leaning beside me on the pillow, Sutton hugged me and kissed my head. “I know it’s hard. But you have something amazing with Slip. I don’t want to see you lose him over a few problems that I’m sure you’ll work out after the tour. Hang in there. Okay?”
“I will. I am.”
“Get some rest. Talk to him tomorrow.” She sat upright and rubbed my arm. “I love you. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yeah. ’Night.”
She left, closing the door behind her.
But I couldn’t sleep.
I tossed and turned for a couple of hours. Slip didn’t come back to our room.
Just after midnight, I went downstairs to look for him.
No one else was up.
He wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room, or out on the terrace.
Was he still in the vineyard? Or had he crashed in one of the spare rooms? My head ached. Was he with Harper? Shit. Surely not.
I had to stop letting my insecurities rule me. I had to stop letting other elements in our life get in the way of what we had. If Slip and I were to survive, I had to do those things.
We’d had a disagreement . . . that wasn’t uncommon for us. Nothing unusual.
I just wanted stability. Security. Him .
I made a cup of green tea and headed out onto the terrace.
Taking a seat on the outdoor sofa, I curled my feet underneath me and stared across the dark expanse of the vineyard. The village lights twinkled like stars in the distance. My diamond caught the soft light streaming through the glass windows behind me. I held out my hand and fidgeted with my rings.
I’d never believed in love at first sight, but Slip had stolen my breath the moment I’d laid eyes on him. I’d never wanted our casual relationship to turn serious...but it did.
Was spending less than fifty percent of our time together better than being completely lonely?
Fuck.
I took a sip of tea, savored the warmth on my tongue, and closed my eyes.
Images of Slip filled my mind. His breathtaking face and electric smile. His bronzed skin and gorgeous hair. The way he looked at me every time we were in the same room together. He made me laugh, feel alive and treasured. Those stolen moments made life bearable.
But it was the nights and days where we’d been there for each other, when life had felt like it was falling apart and we’d rushed over to see each other or spent hours talking on the phone, that were impossible to ignore. We’d become each other’s rock.
He believed in me. Supported me. Loved me.
Was I crazy for contemplating ending our marriage?
No. There were many pros and cons. We had a lot of shit to sort out.
Sutton was right about another thing. I had been looking for a reason to end this. I was afraid. But I didn’t want to exist without Slip.
I had to stop fighting him at every turn.
Hell...we’d already been married longer than a lot of people who got hitched in Vegas .
I hated what Noah had done to me. I’d been humiliated, hurt, and hauled through the press. My heart had been marred and mangled. But Slip had helped to put it slowly back together. I wanted us to work. I had to trust him. Whatever the universe threw at us, I was sure we’d survive. I had to believe that.
I glared at the sky and sneered. “You got something else you want to throw at us, bitch? Bring it.”
It was time to love Slip with everything I had.
Give him my all.
But then my cell phone rang. Mom lit the screen.
What the hell did she want?