Chapter 28
SLIP
I took a long drag on my joint, held my breath, then blew smoke into the night air. Perched on top of an old wine barrel outside one of the villa’s work sheds, I closed my eyes, rested my head back against the stone wall, and let the calmness consume me.
I’d walked through the vineyard for more than an hour and sat by the creek for another one before making my way back up to the villa. But I wasn’t ready to go to bed. I had to get my head and heart in check first. After an amazing day with Maddy, how could she have let Harper get to her? I never gave Harper the time of day. Each second Maddy was here, I wanted to be with her, my wife. Being away on the tour wasn’t an ideal way to start our marriage. But no matter what I’d said and done, she still doubted me, didn’t trust me, didn’t think we’d work thanks to our hectic schedules. My heart lurched, then sank into the dirt. I was on this ride alone. How long could I hold on until I had to pull the plug and get off this wreck of a roller coaster?
Should I just let her go?
Would that make her happy?
Fuck , I didn’t want to lose her.
“Slip?” Flint’s voice broke the silence, sailing through the air from somewhere down in the vineyard. “Slip? Where the fuck are you?”
I didn’t move or respond. I took another drag and savored the last few seconds of peace.
As I blew another puff of smoke into the air, Flint strode around the corner of the building, waving a flashlight right into my eyes.
I winced, blocking the beam with my hand.
“Here you are.” He ambled toward me. “What the fuck? Are you okay?”
“Do I look okay?” I took another drag. The buzz of marijuana spun through my head and relaxed every muscle in my body.
“No. Why are you sitting in the dark?”
“Thinking.” I stared across the vineyard, focusing on nothing in particular. “What are you doing out wandering around?”
“Looking for you.” He switched off the small torch and stuffed it in the back pocket of his shorts. It wasn’t needed with the full moon. “After Sutton told me Maddy was upset, I thought I’d come find you. I’ve been looking for ages. I walked down to the road, along the creek track, and up through the vineyard. I was about to get security. Have you been here the whole time?”
“No. I was down at the creek. I’ve been here for about five minutes.”
He pointed toward my joint, then gave me a give-me-some flick of his fingers. I hesitated. Flint hadn’t touched any form of drug—not since Phil had died. I wished I could say the same thing. But I wasn’t one to judge. I handed it to him.
He took a puff, inhaled deeply, held his breath, and handed it back to me. He half-grinned, nodded, and let out his breath.
I smirked. Yeah. It was good shit.
“So what’s up?” He leaned against the barrel next to me. “You wanna talk?”
I loved him...but my love life was off-limits. “ Nope.” I didn’t want him to get angry at Maddy. I wouldn’t have him say a bad word about her. I was the problem. Not Maddy. She’d had her life sorted out until I’d stepped in on the scene and interfered. I’d texted her all those months ago. I’d wanted to keep seeing her. I was the one who’d taken us to Vegas, gotten excessively drunk, and asked her to marry me. Why the fuck had she said yes?
Hurt flitted across Flint’s eyes. “Why not? We talk about everything.”
“No, we don’t.” Too much curt bluntness snapped through my tone, but I was in a shit of a mood and didn’t care.
“Yes, we do.” Flint jerked his chin back. “What don’t I talk to you about?”
“Phil.” Low blow, but it was true.
He winced and lowered his chin. “Okay...you got me. That’s still hard.” He fidgeted with his silver bracelet from Phil that shimmered in the moonlight. “It doesn’t mean I don’t think about him or miss him like crazy. I’m sorry it’s taking so long, but I’m getting better. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore. We can talk about him if you need to.”
He straightened as if bracing himself for a hard blow. But I didn’t want to talk about Phil. Not right then, anyway.
“Not today.” I shook my head as I flicked ash off the end of the joint.
“Okay.” Relief swept over his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. “So...are you and Maddy alright?”
“Nope.” I rested my head back against the wall. “Everything is fucked up. Leave it at that.”
“I won’t leave it alone. You’re upset, and I’m here for you.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “I know, man. It’s just gotten so hard, and tiring, and I feel like we’re going backward. We’re barely holding on, and I hate it.” I sucked on the joint, let the buzz drift in waves through my head, then let the smoke out slowly. “ She doesn’t trust me. She thinks I’m gonna run back to Harper. Harper’s not helping, taunting the hell out of Mads. She doesn’t know Harper is just shit-stirring. I hate Mads doesn’t believe me. Being away from her and all the gossip circling around us is just causing more problems.” So much for not talking.
“Fuck. I’m sorry, bud.” Flint took a small step forward. “We’ll deal with Harper. But you and Mads? What can we do to help?
“Nothing.”
“But you understand that this would be extra hard on her.” He folded his arms and leaned against the barrel again. “She’s not here and has to deal with all the bullshit online.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? I call her and text her every day. We’ve been together for two fucking years. What’s it gonna take for her to trust me?”
“Time together.” He shrugged as if the answer were obvious.
“I want that. I want this tour over so we can do that.” But nausea flooded my gut. I was afraid Maddy and I wouldn’t last that long.
Flint shot air through his nose. “I haven’t seen you fucked up over a girl in a long time.”
“No relationship should take this much effort or be this hard.” I fought back the sting in my eyes. “I’m losing her, and I hate myself for ruining what we had. Getting married was supposed to make things better, not fuck up everything.”
“Hey?” He patted and rubbed my knee. “Hang in there. Wait until we get home, then you two can sort your shit out.”
“I hope so.”
“I’m sorry you and Maddy had a fight.” Flint softened his tone. “But you always work shit out. So please, just let it go for tonight. You’re stoned. Not thinking straight. And upset. Tour is tiring all of us. You’ve got your hip to deal with. But I promise we’ll get through everything together. We only have two months left...or if it’s really too hard and too much, we’ll cancel the rest of the shows.”
“Are you mad? I don’t want to do that.” I took one last drag on the joint, stubbed it out and flicked the bud into the grass. “We’re not canceling.”
“You’re more important than a few shows.” He jutted his chin toward me. “If you’re seriously not coping and need to sort your shit out with Maddy, we’ll cancel or postpone the dates until you’re ready to hit the stage again. You come first.”
He was serious, but so was I. I had to keep my shit together. Stay focused on Maddy. The tour. Making it through every day until we could be together.
“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary. I’m fucked up, but I’ll be okay.” I wouldn’t let down the guys, our team, or the fans. I wasn’t that much of a mess. Am I? No. I’ll be okay.
“Alright then.” Flint jerked his thumb toward the main villa. “Let’s go have some vodka, play some pool, and see the sun come up.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Flint? Slip?” Sutton’s shrill voice pierced the night from over near the terrace. “Guys? Come back. Quick.”
Worry flashed in Flint’s eyes. My heartbeat stalled.
“That doesn’t sound good. Let’s go.” Flint clutched my hand and hauled me to my feet.
At a steady jog, and with me ignoring the ache in my hip, we headed toward the villa.
But the moment we stepped inside, my knees buckled.
Maddy sat on the sofa. Tears streamed down her face.
Fear trickled down my spine, then speared the center of my chest.
“Maddy’s leaving,” Sutton said, curling into Flint’s embrace.
Fuck. What? My heart imploded. Were we over? Just like that? What happened to waiting?
“Baby, no.” I rushed to Maddy and fell to my knees. My hip screamed in pain, but I didn’t care. “Please don’t go. We’ll work things out. I promise.”
She shook her head. “It’s not about us. It’s Mom. She’s in the hospital.”
“Oh, shit.” I clutched her trembling hands in mine. “What’s happened?”
“She collapsed on the way to an appointment. She couldn’t breathe. Bridget was with her, called the ambulance, and took her to the hospital. The doctors ran tests and couldn’t really find anything wrong. She’s in horrible pain and insists it’s her lungs. She’s finally agreed to have surgery to drain the fluid off them,” Maddy whimpered and lowered her voice. “I have to go home.”
“No. Please stay. Can’t the surgery be delayed until you go back?”
Maddy shook her head. “Mom needs it done now.”
“But we only have a few more days together. Bridget is with her.”
“I have to go. If I stay, I’ll just sit here worrying about her. I don’t want that. I need to be there for her. She needs me. I’m all she’s got.”
I closed my eyes, but my guts twisted. It was so wrong to have horrible thoughts when someone was sick, but I didn’t put it past Valerie to opt for this surgery just to get Maddy home. She was supposed to have had this procedure months ago. Suddenly she needed it when Maddy was with me? I didn’t want to follow that train of thought, but I had.
“So, are you just going to drop everything and run home to her?” I tightened my hold on her hands as I spoke through my tensed jaw. “You do this every time she calls with a problem. If the doctors can’t find anything seriously wrong with her, not even a flare-up, that screams to me she’s playing you. She wants you home just because she doesn’t want you here with me. ”
“Please, don’t say that.” Maddy pulled her hands free of mine. “This isn’t minor, Slip. It’s surgery.”
“I get that.” I closed my eyes and took a breath to keep calm. “I love that you care about your mom—I do.” I splayed my hand across my chest. “I will do everything to help her. But this is not urgent. It could wait. She knows that. You know that.”
“Don’t do this.” Fresh tears welled in Maddy’s eyes. “She needs me. She’s my mom.”
“I need you too.”
“I’ll make it up to you.” Maddy cradled my face between her hands and pressed her forehead against mine. “I promise. When you’re home next or after the tour. But right now, I have to get on a plane back to LA.” Anguish tore through her soft tone. “Ava’s in the dining room, trying to get me on the next flight out of Rome or Milan.”
“Okay.” I nodded, my mind still spinning. “I’m sorry. I’ll come with you. She’s my mother-in-law. My family too.” The long flight, a short day in LA with Valerie, then returning would tire me. I’d wanted to avoid quick turnaround trips when Mom’s birthday first came up. I’d have no time to rest before hitting our next show, but I’d do this for Maddy.
I glanced at the guys. A second of holy shit passed across their faces, but then they nodded.
“You can’t.” Maddy sniffed and wiped her nose. “You have the tour.”
“It’ll be cutting it fine, but I’ll be back before our show in Austria.” If not, we’d cancel or reschedule a show or two.
“Slip...no. You have a huge line of concerts coming up. You need your rest. Please stay.” She wound her arms around my shoulders and hugged me tight. “I’ll be okay. I’m sorry I have to cut our time short.”
Three days together wasn’t enough. I buried my nose into her thick hair and breathed her in. “I just don’t like it when life interrupts our plans. I hate it when we fight. I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to be with you.”
“I do too. We’ll be together soon. I love you.”
“ Ti amo .”
Thank God she was still mine.
Within the hour, a helicopter flew in and picked up Maddy. I hated saying goodbye. I hated her stepping out of my embrace. Hated her letting go of my hand. After I took one last taste of her lips, she turned and dashed into the helicopter. Emptiness and loneliness exploded in my chest the moment she disappeared into the air.
It would be a month until I saw her again.
“Fuuuuck!”
Frustration furled through my veins. Yet again, my time with Maddy had been interrupted. Valerie had a power over Maddy that worried me. I was convinced Valerie was jealous Maddy was spending time with me, not her. I prayed that I was wrong.
I didn’t want to be irrational. Or illogical.
Valerie was sick. I understood that. I did.
But my gut wouldn’t let the notion go.
I didn’t like compromising my time with Maddy. It burned me to the core when our tight plans had to change. Shit! Had I turned into Valerie?
Fuck. No.
Valerie was important to Maddy. I’d always respect that.
It was just extra hard to say goodbye to Maddy when we were holding on by a frayed thread.
I already missed her like crazy.
I stormed back inside the villa and grabbed a bottle of vodka off the bar. I excused myself from my friends and headed into my room. I strode into the bathroom, found my pills, and swallowed two oxy. My hip ached, but my chest hurt like a fucking bitch.
The drugs would stop me from feeling.
Feeling everything.
And I didn’t want to feel anything anymore.