Chapter 29
SLIP
THE PAST – FEbrUARY – 5 MONTHS AGO
Two weeks out from ending the three-month US and Canadian leg of our tour, the hangover from hell pounded my head, and nausea swayed through my stomach. We’d arrived in New York earlier today after two shows in Boston. The after-party last night had been bigger than expected. A ton of alcohol had made for one wild night after a harrowing couple of days.
After Cole’s daughter had gone missing at the venue when Hannah—Charlotte’s grandmother, currently playing nanny—had fallen asleep, and we’d turned the place upside down to find her, Ava had been sent home to LA for breaking bodyguard protocol and for sleeping with Cole...again. I didn’t know Cole and Ava still had a thing for each other. But then...we all had secrets. Me included.
At least having a girlfriend wasn’t one of them anymore.
I was counting down the days until Maddy and I had a week off together before my band and I headed overseas.
With a night off before our next show, the guys and I would have dinner with Everhide—our friends, mentors, label owners, and biggest supporters. We wouldn’t be on this tour if it wasn’t for them. They’d signed us. Put us in front of Ashlem. Helped us become bigger than we ever could’ve imagined. At least tonight would be a relaxed and chilled affair. No press. No fans. No craziness.
As the guys and I entered the swanky restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen, I swiped my hand down my face, erasing the beads of sweat. After last night, I swear pure alcohol poured out of my skin. I’d fail a breathalyzer test...and a drug one too. Swallowing strong pain-killers was the only way I made it through each show.
I took a seat between Kyle and Lewis at the long table on the far side of the bar. The mouthwatering aroma of sizzling steak filled the air. Whiskeys, vodkas, and bottles I’d never seen before filled the bar’s shelves that reached toward the ceiling. Along the adjacent wall, a glass temperature-controlled wine cabinet took up the entire space. Hundreds of bottles lay resting, ready to be consumed. Didn’t matter how queasy my stomach was, I was always ready for a nice red.
We were quick to order food, then conversation and laughter filled the air as we drank wine and caught up. Everhide had recently signed Kill Hive, the band that had supported them during their last tour, to their label. Kill Hive would be stoked. I zoned out when the discussions turned to kids and families but tuned in again when Gemma said Everhide planned to record a new album later in the year. Kara’s fashion label had expanded into several new boutiques, and Lexi was working on projects for Rolling Stone magazine, photographing artists for articles during the band’s downtime. After their many ups and downs, our friends seemed so content. Happy. Fulfilled.
Balanced.
My band wasn’t there yet.
Well . . . I certainly wasn’t .
As dinner was placed in front of us and more wine was poured, Kyle raised his glass. In his leather jacket, plain white button-up, and sporting a new short haircut with no undercut, he looked more like a businessman than a chart-topping rock star. “Here’s to The Flintlocks. May you keep selling out tours across the globe.”
It still spins my head we’ve done that.
“Keep recording with us, and no one else,” he continued.
Deal. We love working with our friends.
“Keep topping the charts.”
Okay, if you insist .
“Gain millions of new fans each day.”
We wouldn’t be here without them.
“Make millions.”
Success has some bonuses.
“Always cherish each other. And live with love, in happiness, and with good health.”
Hell yeah.
“Cheers.” We said in sync, chinked glasses and sipped our reds. Hmmm. That’s a good drop.
But Kyle’s words had struck a nerve, rattling and unwinding something loose inside of me. More success puts more pressure on us to do the same again. Create more hits. Play more tours. Do more promotion. My chest tightened and my head throbbed with a low, dull beat. What was wrong with me? I loved my band, our success, and performing. Music lived in every cell in my body. But something new had invaded that space during the past several months and fought to overrule that. Maddy.
How would I see her with all that extra commitment?
Would I ever find a balance between her and music?
I had to.
Kyle nudged his arm against mine and lowered his voice. “Hey? You good, man? ”
“Always.” Liar.
“You sure about that?” Worry darkened his eyes. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” I grunted. We couldn’t all be the latest Calvin Klein model like he was. “Big night last night. Tired from touring. That’s it.”
“I’ve seen you and Mads in the headlines. Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I fidgeted with my glass resting on the table. “Going public has had its ups and downs. I can’t be in the same room as another woman without cheating allegations hitting the gossip sites. It’s fucked up. It’s not ideal, going on tour after going public.” Although it wasn’t the beginning of our relationship. We’d been together for more than a year, but Maddy constantly worried.
Social media posts about me and the guys meeting overzealous fans, being dragged into too many selfies, and being photographed by the paparazzi just when some person rushed past security and thought it would be perfectly fine to hug and kiss you had never bothered me before. But that had all changed since I’d been with Maddy. I didn’t want to be on the phone every day with her, having to explain every bullshit shot and the crap we had to deal with. I loved her. I was faithful. I was hers. End of story.
She should’ve trusted me by now. What more could I do to prove that I was hers? Something would come to mind...I’d deal with that later.
“You guys are killing it.” Kyle topped up our wines. “You’ve been ranking on the charts for weeks. Flooding social feeds. Sold out every show overseas. It’s exciting, right?”
“Yeah. It’s incredible. None of us expected to get this big.” But a fevered rush of nausea washed over me. The pressures from touring kept mounting. “So tell me...how did you handle it? The sudden rise in fame? ”
He chuckled. “You mean the overnight success that took us five years?”
“Yeah. That.” We’d been successful since our first album. Popular. But we could still walk down the street or go out to a bar without turning too many heads. This tour, however, had taken on a whole new level of insanity. Screaming fans waited outside our hotels or at the airports to see us. Paparazzi followed us everywhere. We trended daily on social media.
Kyle wiped his mouth on his napkin, then replaced it over his lap. “Winning that YouTube contest all those years ago changed our lives. Yes, we became famous super-fast. We went from being nobodies to stars within a couple of months. We’d never been in the spotlight before. We had no grounding, no guidance or clue on what to expect. It was a wild ride. We were lucky to have a big company behind us who trained us, told us where to go and what to do. But they also nearly destroyed us.” He tilted his head toward his bandmates. “The three of us survived because we had each other. I owe my life to Gemma and Hunter. We saw each other through more ups and downs than I care to think about. Relationships. Drugs. Drama. Things got better once we went out on our own and Hayden joined us. The key to surviving in this business is to always be honest with yourself, and each other, and surround yourself with people who you not only trust your life with but would take a bullet for you.”
“I do. These guys are my world. So is Maddy. I’ve just got to work out the balance.”
He popped a piece of cheese into his mouth, chewed, and grinned. “Let me know when you find that. Gem and I are still working on it.”
That was news to me. “But you seem to have it all together.”
“I wish.” His eyes glinted as he laughed. “But it is good. Real good.” He lazily played with Gemma’s long brown hair as she sat on the other side of him, chatting with Cole. “Gem would churn out another album and go on tour tomorrow if we could. But we have Skye now. Hunter and Hayden have kids and wives too. Life changed. We’ve had to slow down. We’ve been too close to burnout several times.”
Am I? Some days it felt like it. We hadn’t had a decent break in years. We’d released two albums and completed two tours before we lost Phil. The six months following his death had been a blur as Cole and I’d helped Flint claw his way back from depression. Then we’d hit the studio, churned out another album, and had flown around the country on a promotional tour. Now, here we were, three months into the first leg of our nine-month global tour.
Kyle took a sip of wine, then placed his glass down. “Leaving SureHaven-Grant Records was the best thing we ever did. Having control over our music changed everything. Having an album that topped anything we ever did with them was even better.” A shit-eating smile inched across his face. “That was fucking sweet. But we know this business can be tough. Draining. Exhausting. Dark. So if you need help, ask. If you need anything, call. If you’re not feeling right about something, talk about it. I’m here if you need to do any of those things.”
“Thanks, man.” I slumped back in my chair and glanced at my friends scattered about the table, chatting. These people were my life. But there’d been a shift inside of me, and I couldn’t switch it off. I swiveled my head back to Kyle. “Have you ever had that moment when you had your future all worked out, but then something or someone came into your life and changed everything ?”
“Yeah. The day I met Gemma in high school...and then the day I nearly lost her to my best friend.”
Smirking, I shook my head. “That is fucked up.”
“It was torture seeing Gem and Hunter together all those years ago.” Old anguish washed over his dark eyes, but within a blink, it was gone. “I paid the price for not having the balls to tell her how I felt and was afraid of losing our friendship.” Light returned to his gaze. “But luckily, Gem thought he was a shit kisser, and he was in love with someone else. It all worked out. But it wasn’t an easy road.”
I picked up my wine and stared at the rich red liquid and inhaled the peppery aroma. “I think I’m on that road right now.”
“This about Maddy?” Concern set in his tone.
“Yeah.” I took a sip, then licked my lips. “She’s not in the music business. Or LA. Her mom’s sick and takes up a lot of her time. But we’ve become great friends. She grounds me. When I’m with her, everything feels right.”
“That’s awesome.” Kyle cut another slice of cheese off the platter and popped it in his mouth. “If it is right, and she’s what you want, don’t listen to anything or anyone else but yourself. It can be hard to do that with so much noise going on around you. You’re the only one who can find a path that will make you happy. Life’s too fucking short.” He waved the cheese knife at me. “You, of all people, know that. We’ve lost people we’ve loved and cared about. Live with no regrets.”
I puffed air through my nose. “I’ve had a few of those.”
“Yeah...me too.” Clouds drifted across his eyes as he nodded. “Gem, Hayds, Hunt, and I went through many rough and shitty times, but we also treasured and celebrated every win. We wanted this life; we made it happen. I can finally say I’m in a good place, and I’m truly happy. I’ve got Gem. She’s it. I’d do anything for her.”
My breath shuddered through my chest. “That scares me because I feel that way about Maddy.”
“When you find the one, you gotta do what’s right for you.”
“Yeah. After the tour.”
Grinning, he slapped me on the back. “Yep. After the tour.”
** *
Four days later, our tour hit Pittsburgh. Our last week of the US leg. I couldn’t wait to get home. Sleep in my bed. Be with Maddy. The guys and I had two weeks off before we headed overseas. My body ached just thinking about the long six months ahead.
But today was my birthday—yet another crippling reminder Phil was gone. It had been two years since he died, but it still felt like it’d happened yesterday. Luckily we had no show tonight. Once we arrived at our hotel just after noon, I popped a Tramadol and went to sleep. I woke in the early evening, smoked a joint out on the balcony, then headed to dinner with everyone. But somberness hung in the air. Cole and Flint were quiet. Glassiness shimmered across Tia’s eyes. This day was hard on all of us. No one wanted to be there, so we finished our meals and drinks quickly and headed back to the hotel.
Enjoying the calm of evening on the balcony, I took a drag on another joint. As I puffed out the smoke, my phone pinged.
Maddy’s name blazed across my screen. I smiled, feeling lighter.
Maddy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Me: Thx. It sucked.
Maddy: You at The Fairmont or out?
Me: At the hotel. Having an early one. How was awards lunch today?
Maddy: Don’t know. Wasn’t there.
Me: ??? Why not?
There was a knock on my door. Who the fuck wanted me at this hour? Was it the guys finally wanting to talk about Phil? Or was it Cole, still upset over Ava leaving? He’d been hell-bent on coming up with ideas to win her back. I hoped his plan worked. He’d been a mopey sack of shit since she’d left. At least I’d pretended everything was okay. I didn’t like dragging others into my problems. I’d deal with them myself—all in due course.
I stubbed out my joint in the potted plant, hauled my ass off the ground, and made my way to the door.
I peered through the peephole.
My heart fucking stopped.
Maddy stood there with Beckett.
I yanked the door open and struggled to breathe, happy but confused. “Mads? What are you doing here?” I dragged her to my room, thanked Beckett with a dip of my chin, and shut the door. She dropped her carry-on by the closet, wrapped her arms around my shoulders, then kissed me.
Oh my God. I’d missed her.
“Hi.” She swept her hands over my hair. “It’s your birthday. I wanted to surprise you.”
“You have.” I rested my forehead against hers. “This is amazing. But why? I hate my birthday.”
She placed her hand over my pounding heart. “I know this day is hard for you. For everyone. So I wanted to be here for you. Do something special. I can listen to your stories about Phil if you’d like to talk about him and get the stuff you hold close off your chest.” She slid her hands around my waist and clutched my ass. “Or I could take your mind off what happened by doing wicked things to this hot body of yours and hopefully give you a reason to like your birthday again. So, what’s it gonna be? How would you like to spend the last couple hours of today?”
I cupped her cheek and brushed my thumb across her soft pink lips. “Both. I’m still in shock. That you’re here...for me?” Why did the back of my eyes sting? She’d flown across the country to see me for my birthday. To help me through the day I fucking hated. Fuck . I’d been in love with her before this moment, but I kept falling for her, more and more, time and time again.
“Well then...” She linked her hands behind my neck. “I brought candles, massage oil and pot. Let’s get high, talk, fuck, and forget the rest of the world exists tonight. ”
“I’m already high.”
“I can smell it.” Smiling, she wrinkled her nose.
“I’m down for everything else, though. You’re perfect. Just what I need.”
How could this beautiful, thoughtful, kind-hearted woman not be my future?...Be my forever?