Chapter 31
MADDY
Running late for Sutton’s birthday, I rushed into her house and scanned the living room full of guests and waiters. Divine smells came from the kitchen and an extravagant amount of hot pink and yellow party directions were draped around the room. But I couldn’t see Slip.
Shit. Where is he? He should’ve been there by now.
Since Italy four weeks ago, our texts and calls had been short. Work had been so busy we hadn’t had time for any decent conversation. I was exhausted. He was tired. Marriage shouldn’t have caused this much stress, or more problems than we’d had before tying the knot. But we were holding on... just .
Sutton lit up the room with her infectious laugh and sweet smile as she talked to the girls—Peyton and Mia—from her show. Swinging my gift bag from my fingertips, I skirted around the crowd and joined them by the bar.
“Happy birthday, gorgeous.” I hugged Sutton hello, then the girls before the two of them scurried off to find food. I stepped back, clutching onto Sutton’s hand, and took in her stunning fuchsia party dress. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you.” She smoothed her hands over her skirt, then brushed her fingertips over her earlobes. Huge sparkling solitaire diamonds glittered in the bright light. “Look what Flint got me. Not the diamonds I was hoping for, but they’re beautiful.” She turned her head this way and that, showing off both ears.
“Oh my God, they’re stunning.” I swooped forward to admire the bling. “If they’re any indication of what’s to come, you won’t be disappointed.”
“I know.” But she was. She wanted that ring on her finger.
Maybe she could have my rings. They were too big for me now. Both bands slipped and slid around my fingers all the time, never staying straight. No...they’re mine.
I thumbed my rings, realigning the diamonds on my hand. I’d lost another two pounds. I was often so busy I’d forget to have lunch or dinner, or I didn’t have time to grab something on the way home. Just the thought of eating made me nauseous. None of my clothes fitted anymore. Too big. Too loose. Too frumpy. Work was in overdrive. Travel was constant. Mom’s surgery had eased the pain and pressure in her lungs but her flare-ups had become more frequent. Stressing about Slip hadn’t eased my blood pressure either.
But I was okay . Not really, but I had to be. I flicked my worries aside and pasted on a reassuring smile. “Sutt, it will happen. Just be patient.” I should take my own advice. Every day, I wished the tour would hurry up and end. I swung my gift bag at Sutton, teasing her with the Chanel logo. I had every confidence she’d love the necklace. She loved gold jewelry as much as I did. “This is for you. But please, open it later.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Ooooh. Thank you. I will.”
I placed the present on the bar next to some other gifts, then grabbed two champagnes from a waiter passing by. I handed one to Sutton. We chinked our glasses together and took a sip.
As Sutton lowered her glass, she scanned my pale blue dress. I hated the flicker of concern clouding her dark blue eyes, but she didn’t say anything about my further weight loss. Good. That was the least of my worries. She smiled and squeezed my hand. “I miss you.”
“Yeah. Me too. It won’t be long until you’re home from traveling.”
But new anxiety had embedded in my gut as the end of the tour approached. Slip’s fatigue, his sliding health, and the latest headlines about him messing up songs during another show had set off amber warning lights inside my head. So had more gossip swirling around the new photos of him sitting next to Harper during a dinner with the band. But Ava, Tia, and Sutton had been there too. It was nothing. It was just dinner. With everyone. Still, jealousy and fear ate my insides. I’d beaten myself up, over and over again, and told myself to trust him. But some days wore me down. Speculation poisoned my mind. The only thing that kept me sane was the fact he’d be home in five weeks.
“How are you handling touring with the guys?” I asked, subtly hinting for Sutton to tell me about Slip.
“A-mazingly.” She waved her champagne through the air. “It’s so much fun. I don’t know how the guys do what they do. I’m exhausted, and I’m only on the sideline. They have such a good time. And yes...Slip is...” She winced, drew her lips into a barely there smile, and softened her voice. “He’s hanging in there. Counting down every second till he comes home to you.”
What was with that? Was something wrong? I glanced around the crowded living room and the outside entertainment area by the pool. “Is he here somewhere?”
“No. Not yet.” She shook her head and pursed her lips.
“Oh. Okay.” We’d texted. He shouldn’t have been far off.
But my skin prickled. Something wasn’t right.
“Hey?” Flint walked up to us and kissed me hello on the cheek. But as he stepped back, a shiver ran down my spine. “Mads, you got a sec? Can we talk? Outside?”
“Flint?” Sutton swallowed hard as she placed her hand on his arm. “Do we have to do this now?”
“Yep.” He gave her a curt nod.
“What’s going on?” I glanced back and forth between them. Unease crawled beneath my skin, quickening my pulse. “Is everything okay?”
“No. It’s not.” Flint tilted his head toward the patio. “This won’t take long.”
Shit. Sutton and I drained our drinks and placed our empty flutes on top of the bar. I followed her and Flint out of the house to the far end of the pool, away from the gathering of friends. My chest constricted, making every breath more difficult to draw as Cole and Lewis joined us.
Why did this feel like an ambush?
Flint slid his hand around Sutton’s waist, but deep grooves furrowed his brow as he spoke to me. “Mads, we’re worried about Slip. And you. This whole bullshit ‘holding out to be together’ is fucking with both of you.”
An arrow speared my heart. My insides twisted into a ball. I never wanted to upset Slip—not ever. That hadn’t been part of the plan.
“No, it’s not bullshit.” Sutton fired a stern warning at him, then took my trembling hand in hers. “But being apart has played a role in this. We love and support the two of you one thousand percent and want you to have a happy life together. But this is about him taking too many pills.”
Confusion tapped my brain. “His meds?”
“And the coke. And E. And fuck knows what else.” Flint’s anguish stabbed a knife through my heart.
“Oh. Shit.” My hands quaked in Sutton’s hold. “I...I didn’t know he’d been taking those things. ”
“It’s gone on for too long and gone too far. And we’re intervening.” Flint slammed his eyes shut. “Dealing with his injury is one thing, but it’s the turmoil going on behind the scenes that is messing with him more.” The distress in Flint’s tone jarred my lungs. “Mads, we’ve got five weeks left of the tour. I don’t need to see him broken over another girl, especially one who doesn’t know what she wants.”
“What?” I stepped back, dropping Sutton’s hands. Fire charged through my veins. “You...you don’t know shit. This has been hard on both of us. We’re not perfect. It’s not a case of not wanting him, Flint. I do want to be with him. But we can’t sort out what that looks like or will be until he’s home.”
“Hey?” Cole hooked his arms around my shoulders and gave me a half-hug. “It’s okay. We know that. But this is affecting all of us, Mads. Look at you.” He rubbed my bony arm. “You’ve lost so much weight in the past few months. Slip is pushing himself too hard, regardless of how much we tell him to slow down. He’s whacked out on pain-killers and shit every day. Drinking too much. He’s worried about you and your future. I’ve never seen him like this.”
Lewis tucked his hands in the back pocket of his jeans and lowered his chin. “He’s not good, Mads. We will do whatever we can to help him. But we’re worried about you too.”
I placed my hands on my nauseous stomach to ease the ache. A light fogginess swept through my head. I inhaled, long and slow, to fight back the sting in my eyes. “It’s just stress.”
“Mads, I love you.” Sutton stepped forward and took hold of my hands once again. Tears welled in her eyes and jolted my heart. Her voice came out as a wisp of soul-wrenching softness. “But I think it’s more serious than that. I don’t want you to get sick. As your friend, and if you need me to, I want to take you to a doctor, a therapist. We need you to be healthy, and we need to help Slip. He’s not listening to anyone, but we think he will listen to you.”
A tear escaped and zigzagged down my cheek. I wiped it from my face and stole a sideways glance toward the gathering of guests hovering by the house. Shit. My throat ran dry. They were looking in our direction. My breath quickened, dragging in and out of my lungs in jagged rips. I swayed on my feet. My mind raced. “Can we not do this now? You’re embarrassing me in front of everyone.”
“Mads. It’s okay.” Sutton squeezed my hands, her voice calm and reassuring. “We’re not here to upset you. You both mean the world to us. We want to work together to help you and Slip get better.”
My whole body trembled as my gaze darted across the partygoers. More heads turned. My heart galloped against my ribs. My head spun. I couldn’t breathe. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Were people taking photos? Over there? Maybe. Yes. Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.
“Maddy?” Sutton’s soothing voice drifted through my ears as she cupped my cheek. “Maddy, you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re surrounded by people who love you. I’m here. We’re not leaving you. Not ever.”
My gaze shot from her, to Flint, to Cole, to Lewis. They stood, circled around me. Their bodies shielded me from the onlookers. Oh...oh, wow! They were protecting me. Taking care of me. They had my back.
I closed my eyes and nodded. How lucky was I to have such amazing people in my life? Who loved me for all my flaws and faults—and all my total fucked-upness. Somehow, I found my breath. I inhaled...then exhaled. Inhaled. Exhaled.
“We’re here for you. Always.” Sutton rubbed my arms in comforting strokes. “We wanted you to know what was going on before Slip gets here.” She eased back beside Flint, still holding onto my hand. “We want the two of you to be happy. So after the party tonight, we’re going to sit the two of you down, talk, and come up with a plan.”
“Okay.” I sniffled, nodded, and wiped tears from my eyes.
“Mads, I’m sorry too.” Flint dipped his chin. I loved his fierce protectiveness of the guys. They were his family, and he would do anything for any of them. “I’m not gonna lose him. Not like Phil. I can’t stand by and do nothing.”
The light disappeared from Cole’s eyes. “The way he’s going, he won’t make it until the end of the tour.”
Ice shot through my heart. “What?”
“He will. Don’t freak her out like that, dick.” Lewis sneered and smacked Cole on the arm. “Mads, we’re watching him. Blake has grown concerned too and isn’t giving him any more blow. We’re at the point of further intervention. But nothing we do will work unless he wants to get better. I honestly believe you’re the only one who can get through to him.”
Me? Why would he listen to me over them? But I cared about him. Loved him. I nodded as an ache exploded in my chest. Fucking pills. Fucking drugs. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
“Thank you.” Sutton hugged me. “Are you okay? You want to come get a drink?”
I nodded. Sutton stepped back, took Flint’s hand, and led him inside. But as he passed me, he gave me a this-isn’t-over, worry-filled glance.
Great. Another thing to be concerned about — Flint.
Rejoining the party, I caught up with my old castmates, Polly and Rowena, from the show where I’d first met Sutton. But I struggled to make conversation, my mind stuck on Slip. Ten minutes later, when I chatted with Duke and his band, a shudder ran up my spine. I turned toward the front door. Slip walked through the crowd toward me with sunken shoulders. My heart cried. His hair was a mass of straw-like strands. Black circles surrounded his sunken, bloodshot eyes. His skin held a grayish hue. He’d lost more weight than I had.
“Oh, babe.” I fell into his embrace and gave him a big hug. I breathed him in, but he didn’t even smell the same. No cedarwood scent. No freshness. Just pot. “You look like shit.”
He kissed the side of my neck and murmured, “So do you.”
“What are you doing?”
He flinched and held me tighter. “Holding my beautiful wife.”
I stepped back and drew him into the foyer, away from the guests. “No, I mean...this.” My heart hurt as I brushed my palm down his thin face that used to have a healthy glow. I pursed my lips as I swiped my thumb across his protruding cheekbone and the dark circle beneath his eye. “Everyone just talked to me. They’re worried about you, and so am I.”
“Why? I’m good.” He jittered on the spot.
“Slip? You promised you’d never lie to me. They’re worried about the drugs you’re on. I am too. Please talk to me?” I cared about him. I didn’t want him to suffer.
He threaded his hand beneath my hair and cupped the back of my neck. He rested his forehead against mine. Fuck, he was hot, sweating, quaking. “I’m just exhausted from the tour.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly, still pressing my brow against his. “I don’t believe you.” Anguish twisted low in my voice. “You’re shaking, but it’s not cold. I’m frightened and worried about you.”
“Don’t be.” He stepped back, taking my hands in his. “I’ve got it under control.”
“I want you to come home to me alive and well—not in a body bag.”
He staggered back a step and closed his eyes. “Fuck. Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Mads, I swear. I’m okay. ”
“No. You’re not,” I whispered. “You need help.”
“Coming home to you is what I’m living for.” A low fire burned in his unwavering voice. “That’s what keeps me going every day. I have the drugs and meds under control, so can we not talk about that anymore? I want to enjoy the party. I want to catch up with everyone, have some fun, then make excuses so I can take you home. We have one night together; I want to make the most of every second I’m here with you.”
“Okay.” I nodded, still fretting over how much he’d changed in the past month. “But can we stay at my place? So I can see Mom before I fly out tomorrow at noon?”
“What?” Frustration flashed in his eyes as he pinched his eyebrows together. “Can’t we spend time together at my place and then see your mom in the morning?”
“Please? She hasn’t been well.” I needed time with both of them to make sure they were okay.
“Fuck. Whatever.” He flicked my hand out of his. “Let’s get a drink.”
At the bar, Slip poured a tumbler full of vodka and I grabbed a fresh champagne. Although...I didn’t feel like drinking.
While I caught up with Tia and Ava, Slip disappeared into the crowd. His sexy voice filled the air as he laughed and hollered and told funny stories, but then I lost sight of him. With my untouched drink in hand, I went in search of my husband. But I froze when I saw him walking out of the hallway behind Harper. They were laughing and jostling along. But as they hit the living room, she squeezed his arm and mouthed, ‘ See you later .’
A chill shot through my veins. Why did she have to be there? No. Don’t go there....It’s okay. I sucked in a sharp breath and feigned a smile as she passed.
“Hey?” Slip glided over to me and wrapped his hand around my waist. “You okay? ”
“Yes.” I wasn’t. Far from it. But Slip drew me over to the bar, poured himself another two fingers of vodka, and downed it. Then he refreshed his drink, and we joined the celebrations. Slip drinking vodka was nothing new, but that much, that fast, on top of the other couple of glasses he’d already had, was.
Thirty minutes later, he’d disappeared again. I wasn’t clingy, but he wasn’t himself and I was worried. I mingled with the guests inside, unable to see him. Heading outside, I spotted him by the pool with Harper, sitting on the outdoor sofa, their arms touching and with their backs toward me.
As they leaned in close to one another, they seemed to be lost in serious conversation. But then they laughed and joked and nudged each other. What cut me the most was how happy Harper looked. How calm and content Slip seemed. How comfortable they were with each other.
I gripped my flute tighter. How many times had I seen Noah talk like that with Jocelyn? They’d hung out, lying to my face and saying their relationship was nothing more than friendship...until the shit hit the fan on my wedding day...when they’d run off together...leaving me at the altar.
Then, Slip hugged Harper. A warm, deep hug. She kissed him, lingering on his cheek for way too long.
My heart splintered inside my chest. Queasiness pooled in the pit of my gut. Panic struck my veins.
Had all the gossip surrounding Slip and Harper been true? I’d been holding onto faith. I’d dared to believe him. I’d promised not to do anything rash before Slip and I got to spend more time together after the tour.
But pain split my head and heart.
I couldn’t sit here and be embarrassed by my husband, sitting and joking and flirting and hugging and being kissed by his ex, in front of family and friends.
I didn’t want to cause a scene. So I drew my shoulders back and headed over to them at a steady pace. As I turned to stand in front of them, I waggled a lazy finger between them and summoned my sweetest smile. But acid fell from my tongue. “Can you kindly tell me...what the fuck is going on?”