Chapter 32
MADDY
“Nothing is going on.” Irritation sliced through Slip’s tone as he shuffled away from Harper. His bloodshot eyes were glassier than they had been before. Fuck. What has he taken?
“Don’t lie to me.” Hurt twisted my insides. “Isn’t seeing each other every day on the tour enough? Now you’re going to sit here and carry on in front of my face?”
“Maddy, we’re not.” Harper held up her hands. “Seriously. We were talking about you.”
“It doesn’t matter who or what you’re talking about—it’s the closeness, the touching, the laughs.” I threw Harper a razor-sharp glare. “You’re still into him.” Then my heart tore in two as I turned to Slip. “And you’re happy around her.”
Slip shook his head. “We’re friends. That’s it.”
“Yeah, so were Noah and Jocelyn,” I snapped.
“Shit, Mads. No.” He shot to his feet and caught my arms. “This is nothing like that. You’re reading this all wrong.”
“Maddy?” Harper softened her tone. “I swear, there is nothing between us. We hardly see each other on tour—that’s why we were just chatting.”
I glared at her, waving my flute toward her face. “Thatwas not chatting .”
“Maddy, it’s the truth.” Harper’s calmness offered no solace. “I’m sorry for stirring you in Italy. It was kinda funny, but I didn’t mean to upset you. When I first came home it was awkward seeing the two of you together. But I got over it. Slip has never faltered in being yours.”
“Then why are you all over him?”
“What are you talking about?” She grimaced.
“There was nothing friendly about that kiss.”
“Yep. It was purely innocent.” There was no waver in her tone.
Fuck! Was I reading too much into it? Maybe I was just emotionally heightened after being cornered by my friends. I was worried about Slip. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
“Babe, come here?” Slip drew me toward the glass fence that overlooked the hillside and Hollywood Boulevard below. Traffic snaked along the road. Hazy pollution filled the air. The setting sun scalded my heart. Slip wiped the sweat off his brow, then rubbed his cheek. “Please don’t do this. There is nothing going on between Harper and me. ”
“It’s hard to believe when you’re acting like that. You don’t see me flirting and falling all over Cole, Lewis, and Flint, or any other guy when we’re talking, do you?”
“Um . . . no.” He winced. “I guess not.”
“No, you don’t. She makes you laugh. All we do is fight.”
“She cracked a joke, so yep, I laughed. And you and I don’t always fight.”
“But—”
“Jesus fuck, Maddy.” He rubbed his furrowed brow. “I’m not into Harper. I have been patient, understanding, and talked to you about this time and time again. After all these months, after all the texts, calls, doing everything I can to prove to you how much I love you and want to be with you, and that you’re the only girl for me, you still doubt the way I feel for you.”
“Seeing you with her sets alarms off in my head.”
“You want to know what we were talking about?” His shoulders deflated two inches. “About where I should take you on a honeymoon. And about her finally seeing someone new. And I’m stoked for her. That’s it.”
“Oh...” Fuck , why did he continually swipe me off my feet? I couldn’t blame him for getting frustrated. I got frustrated at myself for being stuck in this endless loop of doubt and couldn’t wait for it to end when he got home. “Who...who’s she seeing?”
“Sloane.”
“Flint’s bodyguard?”
“Yes. Maddy? This has to stop. We’re not kids.” He flattened his hand against his chest. “I have given you everything inside my heart and soul. I’ve given my all to the band. I am holding on by a fine thread, waiting to be with you when the tour ends. Please trust me. I’m not with her. Stop creating something out of nothing.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. But this isn’t just about Harper. It’s about everything. It’s about you. Me. Us. Look at you, Slip.” I placed my hand on his arm and my heart shuddered. “You’re shaking. Sweating. Drinking. How many pills have you popped today? What about coke? I hate that you’re hurting, pushing yourself too hard, and not taking care of yourself. You’re sick and need help.”
“What about you?” Sadness clouded his eyes. “You’re skin and bone. Am I causing this?” He waved his hand up and down before me. “Am I stressing you out that much? I don’t want to do that, Maddy. You’re my reason to face every day. But you’re fading away before my eyes.”
I clutched onto the glass fence to steady myself. I lowered my chin and nodded. “The last few months have been hell. I worry about you all the time. ”
“I don’t want that.” His shoulders slumped. “Maddy, I’m tired. So fucking tired. Of touring. Of everyone worrying about me. Me worrying about you. Having to make it through another day without you by my side. You should be excited I’m almost home. That we’re finally going to be together.” He closed his eyes, clenched his jaw, and fell back half a step. “But after all this time, no matter what I’ve said, done, tattooed on my flesh, you still don’t trust me. That’s no basis for a relationship. Or a marriage.”
“It’s just hard being apart.”
“Yes, you should miss me, look forward to seeing me, but trust me to be yours.” His voice dialed down a notch. “I want a life with you. To be together forever. I have not looked at another woman since we first hooked up. But I’ve never erased your insecurities. I hate that I can’t. I don’t know what else to do.” He swayed on his feet. “I hate that I’m not enough for you. I love you, but I’m at my wits end on how to be everything you need. The thing is...I’m not sure I ever will be.” He let out a jagged breath and shook his head. His anguish shredded my heart into pieces.
“What...what are you saying?” My voice fell in a pained whisper across my lips.
Hardness set in his eyes that sent a chill through my bones. “No matter where we live, or how often we are together, we will always have to spend time apart because of our jobs. The honest and cutting truth is that you will never trust me or love me like I love you. That’s the fucking reality, isn’t it?” He let out a short breath. “I have tried to kill every one of your concerns. I really have. I have held on, hoped, prayed, counted down the days to be with you, but I can’t do that anymore. I just can’t. I have nothing left inside me. Nothing left to give. I’m done. So done. Fuck this, Maddy. Sign the annulment. Let’s move the fuck on. ”
What the fuck?
My heartbeat failed as he turned and stormed past the pool toward the house.
“Slip? Wait.” I rushed after him, catching his arm. “No. I’m sorry—”
He spun around and held up his finger. “No. Enough. I can’t take any more of this bullshit.” His gaze shot around the crowd. Too many heads were turned in our direction. Shit. Slip lowered his voice. “I’m leaving before we make more of a scene. I won’t do that to you. I care about you too fucking much. I’m going home. To my place. I don’t give a fuck what you do anymore. Go to your mom’s...It’s where you want to be rather than with me.”
He strode through the house, leaving me trembling in the middle of the outdoor entertainment area.
Everyone was looking. At me. Oh shit. My breath quickened. My pulse raced. A fevered heat washed over me. Fuck. So much for not causing a scene. Oh God...how humiliating.
Sutton rushed to my side as tears ran down my face.
“Mads?” Sutton wrapped her arms around me.
“He left me,” I hyperventilated. “And it’s my fault.”
Oh...oh, shit. Dizziness spiraled through my head. The world turned. My champagne flute slipped from my fingers, smashing on the ground.
My knees buckled.
I fell, collapsing against Sutton’s chest.
She caught me around my middle before I hit the tiles.
“Lewis?” she cried to him standing nearby. “Help.”
He rushed over and scooped me into his arms.
“Take her to my room.” Sutton’s voice trembled as everyone cleared a path for him.
My vision blurred behind my tears. My heart didn’t want to beat .
Lewis placed me on Sutton’s bed and wiped my hair off my face. “Mads, you okay?”
“No.” I curled into a ball and cried.
“Lewis?” Sutton’s voice drifted above me. “Grab me an orange juice and a plate of food. She needs something to eat.”
“On it.” He disappeared out the door into the hallway, where Flint, Cole, Ava, and Tia hovered.
“It’s okay. I got this.” Sutton shut the door, blocking them outside.
She came and sank onto the king bed beside me. The room smelled of Flint, but I caught the subtle scent of Sutton’s floral perfume.
My tears coated the soft, down-filled pillow. “He’s gone. Wants to end it.”
“I don’t believe that.” She grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on her nightstand and handed them to me. “Give him time to calm down. You’ll work it out. You always do.”
“Not sure that’s possible anymore.” Each time I dabbed my tears away, new ones fell. The stream, never-ending.
Sutton combed her fingers through my hair, tucked it behind my ear, and smoothed the long strands over my shoulder. “You promised me you wouldn’t do anything rash until you spent time together after the tour. That’s only a few weeks away. Don’t give up now. He’s just tired and not himself on all the meds.”
I wasn’t myself either. I used to be strong and fierce, and stood my ground. Now I was a neurotic mess. I didn’t want to be like this anymore. I was better than this. How could I fix me?...And Slip? “He’s not well, and I’m scared.”
“We all are.” Sutton rubbed my arm, her touch full of warm comfort. “But you have to stop doubting Slip’s feelings for you. That man loves you. He’s always late on tour because he’s been texting and calling you. He doesn’t stop raving about you at every lunch, dinner, sound check and when we’re all hanging out together after a show. He doesn’t shut up about you. You are everything to him. With hand on heart, I honestly believe that.”
“Really?” I sniffled.
“Yes. I’d bet my life on it.”
I shut my eyes and grimaced. Her observations slammed into my chest. She’d been traveling with the guys. Seen every move they made with her own eyes. She would’ve called me if she’d even gotten a whiff of Slip being into somebody else. Especially Harper. But she hadn’t. I trusted her with my life. There was no doubt in her voice.
Fuck!
The time Slip and I had spent talking and texting since we’d met bordered on obsessive. Even during the past few months, our short messages hadn’t always focused on putting out gossip fires or resolving disagreements. Most were about us. They were fun. Quick and flirty. Dirty . Checking up on each other to make sure each other was okay. Each emoji, like, heart, or snapped photo was a quick reminder to let the other person know we were thinking about one another. Hanging out to be together.
Slip dared me to dream. We belonged together. He’d shown me how much I’d hidden behind the cameras, behind my smile, behind my lies...just like he had.
My past had hurt me so much. I hadn’t comprehended how deep until I’d destroyed the one thing that had been good in my life since Noah had broken me. Slip had become my addiction. I needed my fix of him every day. I didn’t want to lose him. “What am I going to do?”
Sutton placed her hand on my hip and gave it a gentle pat. “If you truly love him, you need to be prepared for a long battle ahead. His reliance on meds, mixed with alcohol and the occasional hit of other things, has put him on the edge of having a problem. Are you going to stand by him, love him unconditionally, and help him get better, or walk away?”
My chest cinched around my heart. “I don’t have the strength to deal with this.”
“Yes, you do.” There was no question in her tone. “You’ve looked after your mom for years. The difference is Slip doesn’t have an underlying health issue...and doesn’t drink anywhere near as much as Valerie does. Once he’s home and gets well, he’ll be himself again. The man you fell in love with. We’ve just got to help him get there.”
“What if he gets worse?”
“We won’t let him.” She shuffled closer to me on the bed. Draping her arm over my hip, she rubbed my back. “We’ve intervened. You vowed to love him through sickness and in health. Did you mean that? He needs you now more than ever. After he has surgery and gets clean, he still might need meds of some kind to manage any ongoing pain. We don’t want him to go down this path of getting sick again. We need to make sure he never does. He also might not be able to do the things he used to do, like surfing and jumping around on stage. That will be tough on him. He’ll have to slow down.”
My body sank deeper into the mattress. Slip loved life. Stopping anything would be hard for him. “Slip? Slow down? Don’t think that’s in his capacity.”
“It has to be.” She toyed with the ends of my hair. “If he wants to tour again, he has to rein it in. Or he’ll have to give it up.”
“I don’t want him to give up music.” I shook my head and sniffled. Music was who he was.
“Then don’t let him.”
“It was never supposed to be like this.” I blew my nose into the tissue and grabbed another one. “All we do is stress. We had it so good before we got married.”
“You can get back there and have an amazing life together.” Reassurance set in her tone. “But it will take time and work. If he’s who you want, you’re going to have to fight for him, trust him, and stand by him every step of the way. Give him your all and I know he’ll do the same.”
My chest constricted, jolting my ribs. “I’ve lived with Mom being hooked on prescription meds and alcohol for years. I can’t deal with Slip too.” It was beyond frustrating and heartbreaking when she never admitted she had a problem.
“Then it’s over.” Sadness swept through Sutton’s voice as her shoulders slumped.
I scrunched my eyes closed. My head throbbed.
Shit. I didn’t want that. Do I?
Like Slip, I’d held on, waiting to be together. I’d held onto the way he made me feel when we were together. I wanted that. So was I prepared to walk away from him when we hadn’t had a chance to see if we could work?
No .
I wasn’t a quitter.
Did I have the strength to support him? If he genuinely wanted to get better, get off the drugs...then yes.
Rather than doubt, I had to believe. He wasn’t with Harper. He only loved me. If Slip and I were going to make this marriage work, we needed to be there for each other. I was hanging by a tattered thread too. I hoped Slip’s hadn’t totally been severed. There was only one way to find out if we could salvage what we had. “I don’t want us to end. I’m only here for tonight. I need to go see him so we can sort things out.”
“You sure?” Worry creased her brow. “Maybe you should wait a few more hours. Give him time to calm down.”
“No. Time isn’t on my side this visit.” I sat upright and wiped my cheeks dry with my fingertips. “We’ll be fine.” Hopefully.
“Okay.” Sutton gave me a hug. “But not until you eat something. ”
My stomach cramped, agreeing.
Lewis returned with a plate loaded with food and a glass of juice. He handed them to me, then scurried off. Sutton stayed with me while I nibbled on some crackers, a small piece of cake, and some carrot sticks and nuts.
Voices scampered through my head like beetles as I took another bite of cake. That’s full of sugar. You don’t need that. That’s enough, fatty. I pursed my lips and pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. I had to get better too. I took a sip of juice to wash down the food, then turned to Sutton. “I’m sorry for ruining your party.”
“You haven’t.” She rubbed my knee. “You’re more important than some party. We’re family. We’re going to get through this together.”
I nodded, brushing the crumbs from the corners of my mouth. “Thank you. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
But as I nibbled on a cracker and stared out the window across the garden, Harper stood with Sloane by the side gate. He was officially on duty, but they were talking. She was blushing. Touching his shirt. Then she kissed him.
“Holy shit.” I pointed. “Slip was telling the truth. Harper is with Sloane.”
“Wow. Really?” Sutton gaped. “I’ve seen them talking but didn’t know they were into each other. Damn ...they kinda look cute together.”
Sloane was built like a black Mack truck, and Harper was a slender, glamorous blonde. He could break her with a squish of his hand. Hmmm...That had some merit. But no. Be nice.
“See, Mads?” Sutton nudged my arm. “Everyone can move on. Even Harper. So can you.”
After eating two small crackers, half the tiny cake, one carrot stick, and a few nuts, and drinking all the juice, I’d had enough. “Sutt, I have to go.”
“Okay. You call me if you need me.”
“Will do.”
I gave her the biggest of hugs, then headed to Slip’s.
We had a lot of shit to sort out.
And it was about to go down.