Chapter 36
MADDY
Flint opened his front door and greeted me with his gorgeous smile. “Mads. It’s so good to see you.” He gave me a big hug, rocking me from side to side. “How you doing?”
“I’m good. You?” I handed him a bottle of wine. I couldn’t wait to hear about the last few weeks of the tour, catch up with the guys, the girls...and ask about Slip. I still cared about him. But somehow I had to wind us back to a just-friends status. I would. In time...we just needed time.
“Awesome, as always. It’s soooo good to be home.” He raked his fingers through the long front of his hair and ruffled it back off his face. “It still feels weird not traveling every few days. I already miss performing. But I love sleeping in my bed every night.”
“Isn’t that the best feeling after being away?”
“Fuck yeah.”
I followed him into the open-plan living room and over to the kitchen island. “Where’s Sutt?”
“She’s just taking a shower.” Flint grabbed two wineglasses and filled them up. “She won’t be long.”
Just as he handed me a drink, Sutton came out of the hallway in a strapless baby-pink romper and broke into a run, rushing over. She flung her arms around my shoulders and hugged me. “Oh! I missed you.”
“Same.” Love my bestie.
“Let’s go outside and enjoy this gorgeous evening.” She grabbed the other wine off the counter, took my hand, and led me out the sliding doors. “We have so much to catch up on.”
I kicked off my sandals, and we sat on the edge of the pool, dangling our bare feet in the cool water.
“First, cheers to being home.” She chinked her glass against mine. “The tour is finally over. Yay!” She hooked her free arm behind my back and gave me a cuddle. “How are you? You’re looking better.”
Slowly but surely, I was eating again, thanks to seeing a therapist. I had a long way to go to regain a healthy weight.
“I’m good.” I swirled my wine around in my glass. “But I had a long night. Mom had another bad flare-up. I had to take her to the hospital for treatment, but she’s okay.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” She rubbed my back. “You here for three days?”
“Yeah. Back to Van City on Monday night.”
“I can’t wait to start back at the studio next week.” Excitement skipped through her voice as she rounded her shoulders and smiled. “Season three, here we come.”
I loved she was happy. Her TV show, Angels in LA, had become a hit, and she thrived in her role. We’d both landed parts we adored. It just sucked that our shows were filmed in cities thousands of miles apart. “Are you finally going to hook up with your hot boss this season?”
She giggled and scrunched her nose. “You think Ethan is hot?”
“He’s okay.” I grinned over the rim of my glass. But yeah, he is .
“I don’t see it. Maybe that’s because I’m dating the hottest guy on the planet.” She bit her lip, and a sexy shimmer passed across her eyes as she tracked Flint coming out of the house with a plate of meat to grill on the barbecue. She blew him a kiss. He grinned. Then she turned to me and nudged her arm against mine. “But I’ve seen the script, and sorry, you might be disappointed.”
“Gotta keep the fans guessing, right?”
“Yeah. And you? I can’t believe you’re going to be away for at least two more years.” She pouted and rested her head against my shoulder. “I miss you so much.”
“I’ll always come home to see you. Time will fly by.”
“I’ll visit you too.” She rubbed my arm, and hope weaved through her voice. “And maybe Slip?”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We have to reset before we see each other again.” Was that even possible? I hoped so. I stared at the ripples running across the surface of the pool. “How’s he been these last few weeks?”
“Actually, he’s been good. Really good.” Sitting upright, she bobbed her head and swept her hair back over her shoulder. “He set his mind on getting better. He toned down the wild nights, didn’t drink much, took it steady on stage, and eased off the hard meds. The guys helped him a lot. One of them stayed with him all the time.” She softened her tone. “He had surgery the day after we got home. Only time will tell if it worked. But he really wanted to get off the pills and drugs, get sober, and rest. That’s why he went to rehab.”
I gulped down a large mouthful of wine to drown the ache in my chest. But it didn’t work. “I’m glad he’s getting help.”
She smiled, but no glint touched her eyes. “He misses you like crazy.”
“Yeah. I miss him too. It’s been hard.” I twisted my glass around in my hands, wishing it would make moving on easier .
She leaned back, propping herself up on her hand, and glided her toes through the pool water. “He asked about you all the time. He kept staring at his phone as if he was waiting for you to call or text like you used to do. He messaged you to see if you were okay, but you never replied. He hounded me to check in on you, which I did.”
“Yeah, I know. I did the same thing. So, thank you.” My stomach sank to the bottom of the pool. Not texting him had been one of the hardest things to do. One of the things I’d missed most. Sutton had respected my need to distance myself from him after what had happened. I loved her for that. “But we needed to sever ties.”
“I don’t think you can. Something always pulls you two together. Something made you want him all to yourself. Otherwise, Harper wouldn’t have brought out your claws and insecurities. The fights you had with Slip were never about different opinions and views of the world. They were about wanting to see each other more often. You could never stay away from him. Nor he from you.” She took a sip of wine, then balanced her glass on her knee. “You always found time to be with him when you were in town. Those moments, even if they were only short, bound you together. Yes, you got scared about getting hurt again. We all do. Yes, he got messed up on meds and drugs there for a couple months. But what happened to Phil has scarred the guys deeply. None of them want to go down that path. Not even Slip. I’m not making light of his problem, but he was strong enough to admit he has an issue. He will get better. I honestly believe that. Through all this craziness, you were always his end goal. And that look in your eyes tells me you’re still holding on too.”
“No, I’m not. I’m just still coming to terms with us being over.”
She flicked a finger toward my hand. “Then why are you still wearing your wedding rings?”
“Shit.” I held out my flattened hand before me. The yellow diamond sparkled in the fading afternoon sun. My breath shuddered through my chest. I’d take them off tonight. Maybe. Yes. No. Fuck. I tucked my hand underneath my leg so I couldn’t see the bands. “I’m just used to wearing them.”
Sutton sipped her wine, then licked and popped her lips. “So...have you signed the annulment?”
“No.” I rubbed at the ache lingering in my chest. “I haven’t had time. But I will.”
She gave me a yeah-right smirk. “If you really wanted to end things, you would’ve done that by now.” She shook my knee. “You still love him. With the guys taking a break, you could really give your marriage the chance you promised me you would.”
My pulse quickened, tenfold. “What break?”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.” Regret skipped across her eyes. “They had a lot to work out and didn’t want anyone to know until they’d finished the tour. They’ve agreed to take time off. At least a year or more. They’ll make an official announcement next week.” Worry clouded her eyes as she pursed her lips. “Flint’s nervous their hiatus will be permanent.”
He would be. He lived for the band. They all did.
“Wow. A break?” Dizziness swam through my head. “They’re so hot right now and so good together. I thought they’d keep riding the wave.” But I couldn’t argue. Time off was what Slip needed.
“Yeah.” Sutton’s volume nosedived. “But life changes.”
Don’t I know that one! I wriggled my toes in the water, not sure I wanted to hear the answer to my next question. “So what’s Slip going to do? Did he tell you?”
“Yes, he wanted to live on an island somewhere. Away from LA. Hopefully with you. ”
“Fuck, Sutt.” Every part of me ached. “How can I be with him? After hurting each other so much.”
She rested her elbows on her legs and cradled her glass between her hands. “By forgiving each other. You love him. Can you honestly walk away from that? You’re in that I’ll-never-know-if-we-could’ve-been-happy zone. You bought the bottle and only had a sip. You split a bit here and there, and made a mess of each other, but now the rest is ready for the taking. You’ve gotta finish the bottle, Mads. You’ve gotta give your marriage a chance. Only then will you be able to say yes, we worked, or no, we didn’t.”
“But we didn’t.” Can I feel any crappier? Yep. “We went off the tracks from day one.”
“Maybe. But if you want it bad enough, you can fix it.” She clutched my hand and ran her thumb over my diamond ring. “This is a symbol of your love and commitment to each other. Don’t let that go. Not yet. Be crazy and daring like you were in Vegas and have faith. Faith that he loves you and would do anything for you. Trust him. Trust yourself. Find a way to be together that will give you what you both want and need. Make it happen.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“You’ll figure it out. Trust me .” She hooked her arm around me again and gave me a hug. “I love you. It’s time to listen to your heart, not your head.”
“That’s what got me into this mess.”
“Yes, but now you’re where you wanted to be six months ago. You have the chance to finally live together. Work things out. Make decisions about your future. If the two of you can’t agree on anything, sign the annulment like you originally intended to do and move on.” She straightened her shoulders and rubbed my arm. “But don’t you want to see if this was meant to be? It’s not going to be easy going forward. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure it’s a decision you won’t regret.”
“Are you trying to make this more difficult?”
“No. I just want you to be happy.”
“I’d like that too.”
“Good. You’ve got this.” She rested the side of her head against mine.
“Yeah. Maybe.” I stared into my glass. The sauvignon blanc caught the light, like embers flickering with their last glow...but they weren’t dead yet. Shit!
Was Sutton right?
Could Slip and I work things out?
Did I want to even try?
“Sutt?” Flint called from the grill. “Can you come here for a sec? Do you want all this meat cooked or not?”
“Coming, hun.” She jumped to her feet and dashed over to him on wet tiptoes.
I loved seeing them happy.
But as the others arrived, and we had dinner, I struggled to join in the laughter and jokes. Cole kept whispering in Ava’s ear, making her blush. Tia and Lewis constantly injected dirty banter into every conversation. Flint and Sutton kissed and hugged and helped each other host our impromptu gathering in perfect sync. I loved my friends, but being around them didn’t feel the same without Slip.
I wasn’t the same either.
I missed him . . . and I didn’t want to.
Since I had a busy day tomorrow, taking Mom to appointments, I headed home just after ten.
I walked into my living room, tossed my keys in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, and found Mom asleep on her recliner in front of the blaring TV.
I ambled over to the coffee table and grabbed the remote to switch it off. But as I pointed the controller toward the television, orcas swimming off the Canadian coastline filled the screen. The whales played in the dark waters as they made their way up the channel. Sprawling forests covered the islands in the background. Mountains and blue skies stretched all around them.
My chest ached. Slip had always said he wanted to buy a house off the coast so we could get away from the craze we faced most days. So we could have somewhere to escape the paparazzi, the fans, and the demands of work. A little haven away from the city lights, traffic, and the hospitals—just for the two of us.
Was that ludicrous? Crazy that we both wanted the same thing?
No.
He’d always been willing to compromise... no, wait. He’d always been willing to give up everything to be with me. What had I been prepared to do for him?
Nothing. I didn’t want to be like that. I wasn’t like that.
Why hadn’t I believed him?
Because I’d been afraid . . . and a fool.
Because I loved him so much, the thought of losing him was unbearable.
Yet, here I was . . . without him.
Lonely.
Sutton was right. I hadn’t given my marriage a shot. I couldn’t hold out for some stupid ideal that didn’t exist in our world. We had demanding jobs—I could live with that. I could travel—no issues there. But...I couldn’t live without him.
Nope. Not ever.
I loved him. I missed him.
I wanted to sit by his side, hold his hand, and help him get better.
Or was I too late? Had I caused irreparable damage ?
There was only one way to find out.
I wouldn’t let him go without a fight.
How could I apologize for hurting him? For not trusting him? And for not having faith in us?
What could I do to show him I was all in? How far was I willing to go to prove to him I was his, like he’d always done for me?
My mind ticked and raced. Shit. I’d lost sight of why we’d gotten married.
He’d made me feel loved, adored, beautiful, and most of all, like anything and everything was possible.
My insecurities had taken hold. My health had suffered. I’d doubted the way forward.
But not anymore.
We were good together. Mad about each other.
So what could I do to fix us? What could I do to ensure he’d never leave me again?
A smile curled across my lips.
Oh yeah.
I knew exactly what I had to do.