Chapter 7 Sandro
My nerves are pulled taut and the world is spinning out of control.
I hate being stuck in this bed, forced to do nothing but rely on the crumbs of knowledge thrown my way.
Cristian has been popping in and out to keep me semi-updated.
Unfortunately, his own information is lacking as he has also been brushed to the side by everyone.
At least, I know that Roman and Emilio are here and safe.
I can breathe easier knowing that. Still, having next to no information about their state…
it grates. Not that I don’t deserve it. Although, I worry for Cristian.
He’s not handling it well. While he was granted the privilege of rescuing his son, everyone has made it clear they’d rather he be anywhere else.
My heart hurts for him, but it’s not anything we don’t deserve.
It would help if he’d at least apologize to Ignacio…
but so far, I haven’t been able to get that through to him.
I shrug, wincing as it pulls at my healing wound.
Tilting my head back, I stare at the ceiling and let my thoughts take me back to a time when things were right… but fuck if I even know them anymore.
The sharp strike of heels against the floor has me turning my head toward the doorway, in a desperate hope that Sarah will come speak with me. I blink in shock when she actually does come in, and I wonder if I’m hallucinating it. Yet, if I was, I’m sure I wouldn’t imagine her looking so tired.
“Are you taking care of yourself?” I ask, my voice almost rusty from disuse, even with Cristian’s occasional visits.
She rolls her eyes at me and it brings a partial smile to my face. One of my favorite things about Sarah is that she never backs down to me—even before I fucked everything up.
“If people could stop getting injured and take care of themselves, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting rest. Then again, this is helping prepare me for my next venture.”
I tilt my head and gesture for her to sit down. “Next venture?”
Sighing, she gives me a sad smile. “I have a lot to update you on. First, I know you’re worried about Lio.”
“And Roman,” I interrupt.
Her brows raise dramatically in response, but she doesn’t ask why. “Very well. And Roman. What I can tell you is that both are likely suffering severe trauma responses. I’ll leave it up to the mental health professionals to determine any formal diagnoses.”
“Then you’re going to get them help?” I ask hopefully.
She narrows her eyes, her lips pursing as she studies me. Slowly, she retorts, “I’m surprised you’re advocating for it.”
Snorting, I shake my head. “I advocated for Emilio to have therapy when he was finally free of Peter. You know that.”
“True.” She waves her hand in acknowledgement. “I suppose I forgot because you didn’t take care of your own mental health and decided to destroy everything instead.”
Cringing, I glance away. She’s not wrong. Properly chastised, I sigh in frustration. “Yes, I know. But can you find someone that will work?”
“Doc has a name. I’m going to check it over, but I trust him.” Her eyes soften as she stares at me. “I’ll advocate for Lio and Roman. Like I should have with you.”
I swallow roughly at that. “It probably wouldn’t have made a difference. But so long as they get help, that’s what matters. I haven’t been told much about what they went through, but I can’t imagine it was easy.”
“Let’s just say that while comparing trauma is never right, I have a bad feeling this will affect Lio more than what he went through with Peter.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. I remember how he was afterward, the lengths I had to go to in order to bring him back. And he still can’t eat pancakes. “Thank you… Thank you for being there for him when I can’t.”
She shrugs one shoulder, glancing away from me. “Lio is special. I…am grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And while I feel like I failed you, I will make sure things are in place for him before I leave.”
Panic floods me at her words. My jaw drops as I shake my head, and my hand trembles as I run my fingers through my hair. Clearing my throat, I try—but fail—to keep my voice steady as I ask, “Leave?”
“Yes. It’s…time. I’ve been given quite the offer. I’ll be heading over to the Petrov Organization. With my background as a doctor, and the fact I’ve kept up my studies in the Russian language, I’ll hopefully be a solid asset to them.”
“You’ll be far more than an asset,” I retort sharply. “And I expect them to treat you as such. I’m sure Emilio will say the same, if he hasn’t already. I’m surprised he’s willing to part with you.”
“I haven’t told him yet. And right now isn’t the time. Regardless, we’ve formed a new organization here—a new Family—and it’s best for only one doctor to take point. In this case, Doc is the better option.”
I bite my tongue to argue against that. I no longer have the right to offer my opinion on these decisions. But in my mind, Sarah will always be the best there is. Instead, I give her the honesty she deserves as I gruffly say, “You will certainly be missed. I hope that you keep in contact.”
I know I’m probably asking too much. At most, she’ll likely keep in contact with Lio, simply as he won’t allow otherwise, and perhaps Doc, as they’ve formed a friendship. But me? I can’t imagine that.
“I will. Yes, that includes you.” I give her a weak smile, surprise overwhelming me. “You’ve done a great deal for me. It won’t be forgotten. And…I should have pushed for you to get help.”
I don’t say anything to that. I’m not sure Cristian and I could have been stopped in our descent into madness.
Then again, it never occurred to me to try, or that I was struggling with the aftereffects of what I went through.
Such an emotional response would have been considered inappropriate, yet even I’m not immune it seems.
“Still, I wish you well. You’ll do great things.”
“I’m not leaving yet. Not until the threat to our family is gone.
However, I need you to make me a promise.
” She leans forward, grasping my hand firmly.
I stare at her in expectation. “Get help. I need you to show Lio that therapy isn’t a dirty word.
You may no longer be the Boss, but you can still lead by example, especially with him.
He still loves you. If you really do love him, prove it. ”
“I will.” It’s a simple promise to make, but one that will not be easy to uphold, and she knows it.
“Alright, I’ll check in with you later. Until then, you need to continue getting some rest. We’ll start you on some light exercises later this week.”
With that, she’s up and out of the chair so quickly it’s almost like she was never here. But I think that’s the extent of the emotional conversation we can have at the moment anyway. It certainly left me exhausted.
Therapy…I don’t have anything against it in a general sense. Yet, the idea of being stripped down for a stranger is terrifying. It was one thing when it was Luca who stripped me of my falsehoods. But a stranger? Yet, if it’ll help Emilio, of course I’ll do it.
And really…I know I can’t continue as I am. I’m stagnant. I’ll never get better, never find a path back to those who deserve my care. If someone can help me, then fuck, I’ll throw my remaining ego aside and reach out gladly.
I can’t say I’m ready to face therapy for myself yet. Maybe someday. But for Emilio, Cristian, the Boys, and this newfound Family…that’s what I’ll do. I just hope whoever Doc knows is ready. My Emilio won’t make it easy on them when he’s the one facing therapy.