Chapter 17
Itense at the knock on the door. Slowly, I call out, “Enter.”
Marcus steps in, his face completely blank, and the pit in my stomach grows. I’m confined to this fucking bed, but I heard the yelling. I know something has happened. The only question is who was hurt…and how bad.
“Allesandro.”
I don’t respond to his greeting, waiting instead for whatever bomb he’s about to drop. He glances away, as if he can’t bear to look at me. When his eyes meet mine, there’s determination there, but something else lurks, something too akin to fear for me. “We have a problem.”
“What happened?” I ask roughly, my hands clenching the blanket as I try to ground myself against whatever hell has rained down.
Marcus sighs deeply, falling into a parade rest, before saying the words that send my world crashing down.
“Lio…he had a breakdown. Sarah has stabilized him, but he tried to commit suicide. We’re not sure whether he’ll regain full use of his hands…
Of course, his sanity is more urgent at this point than anything else. ”
Sanity. What the fuck is that? There's no sanity in this blood-soaked world I dragged him into…
Guilt swamps me, taunting me with memories—the good, the bad, and the fucking evil I inflicted on him.
I shudder from the rapid progression, the twirl of life becoming more as our souls connected, and then to meaningless…
the black void of losing him stretching out in front of me for all eternity.
“Where is he?” I rasp out, silent tears gathering in my eyes as my heart thrums for him, always.
Marcus runs his fingers through his hair, dropping his gaze. “He’s…uh…here. But…Doc has decreed nobody is to go see him. He’s sedated. And they don’t want him upset. He’s to have no visitors for a couple days at least. I believe Doc and Sarah are looking to find someone for him to work with.”
“A therapist or psychiatrist?” I bite my lip, worried. While Doc and Sarah have done a great job prescribing medications for me…I’d rather Emilio have someone fully specialized.
Marcus blinks and shrugs. “I’m not sure? I just know that Doc has an idea of who he wants, and Sarah was going to check the names out.”
Breathing out, I force myself not to demand answers he doesn’t have. It’s brutal. While it’s been a relief to no longer be in charge, moments like this remind me of exactly where my place is—and it’s no longer making those decisions. However, they’ve forgotten one thing…
“I need to see Sarah.”
“I don’t think that’s an option.” Marcus immediately pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s…Padrone—I mean, fuck, Allesandro. Look. This isn’t a good time. They’re not even allowing Tennant and Hollis in. I know this has to be hard for you to hear, but they’d have priority.”
He’s right. It’s like swallowing glass, but not for the reason he thinks.
“Marcus, I will never complain about Emilio having those two. They were there for him when I wasn’t.
If they make him happy…that’s all I want for him.
But I need you to listen carefully here.
Emilio went through something similar when he walked out of Peter’s.
If he’s slid back to the point he’s breaking, I need to talk to Sarah.
Hell, probably Hollis and Tennant as well. ”
“I don’t know. That’s probably not a good idea.” He cringes and I understand why. I’m sure both Tennant and Hollis would cheerfully cut me into pieces, and they’d have that right.
Growling, I clench my hands tight. “Look, just let Sarah know I need to see her. She saw how Emilio was before, and we’ve talked about his PTSD several times. Regardless of what transpired between Emilio and me at the end…I still know him.”
“You think he needs his Master,” Marcus states flatly, his lip curled up at the thought.
Shrugging, I can’t deny that’s where my mind is at, but not for the reasons he thinks. “I think Emilio needs to be reminded that he doesn’t have to be strong on his own. He has all of us. And…he needs an emotional outlet. One that is safe.”
“Fuck. I’ll talk with Keegan and let him make the decision on whether to bring Sarah into it.” Marcus slumps, shaking his head. “But I won’t push if I’m told no.”
“I understand.” I breathe out in relief. It’s something. And if this doesn’t work…I’ll figure something else out if I need to, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Emilio will never again question whether I believe in him—whether I love him.
“Try to rest,” Marcus implores me, and I snort. “Yeah, I know. You’re just going to worry. But remember, if you’re going to help, you need to be healed.”
“Thank you, Marcus. For being War, for being my counsel. And thank you for loving your Brothers.”
“You did teach us that family is what you make of it.” He gives me a sad smile before he walks away, his shoulders tense, and I hate that I’ve put more on him. But in this case, I’m doing it for the right reason.
I may not be able to claim Emilio anymore, but he’s still the other half of me.
The only good part of my life—of my soul.
If he needs me, then I’ll be there. I’ll claw my way back to the surface and fight both of our demons to keep him safe.
All I need is a chance. I don’t deserve one, but fuck know I would never screw it up. Nothing is more important than him…
I’ve been stripped of my power. Of my persona. My emotions have been broken down to the very basics. But one thing remains. One thing will always remain. There is no me without him. And fuck if I’ll let anyone take that—not even the hell that chases him is strong enough to cleave us apart for long.