Chapter 18
Istroke Antonio’s hair, watching the way his body trembles at my touch, wishing there was something I could do to take his demons and tension away.
It's been hours now since being sent away by Doc after waiting for news on Lio. Hours of my love, my Bel Fiore, breaking right in front of me.
From pacing back and forth so many times that I’m surprised there’s not a hole in the rug, to being put on his knees, then spanked and cared for, to putting us all to bed…Antonio has only relaxed in fractions the whole night.
During his spanking, he released some of his pent-up tears and endorphins, and throughout the aftercare the twins and I provided, he was quiet and tense once everything was over with, even if it helped settle him a little.
It wasn’t until he fell asleep in my arms that he actually relaxed, his tension easing.
Now though, after a few hours of restless sleep, he's back on his knees.
I was hoping spending time doing nothing but being good for me would help.
I don't want to go straight for impact play again just yet.
I will, if he proves he needs it, but I don't want him to hide in the pain.
There's a difference between being masochistic and needing a level of pain to help draw out the stress, and another to use it to hide the real issues.
I don't want us to fall into a dangerous pattern with no escape. Not when we've shown—each other and his Brothers—a healthier lifestyle than what they had before.
Not that I entirely fault Allesandro for what he showed them. Pain, pleasure…they're incredibly handy tools to have. Effective in stripping someone down to the core of themselves and giving them the reprieve they need. What I don't agree with is his methods.
As far as I can tell, he never hurt them in the moment, and that has been something I've been watching for every time I've been with Antonio. So far, there hasn't been a hint of past trauma due to a scene or playtime, which allows me to breathe easier.
No, my problem with Allesandro is him demanding their submission.
Kink and non-kink related, being Il Padrone meant he had a responsibility to his Boys.
And Antonio’s reactions to care, how vulnerable he is when asking for what he needs…
that tells me there were enough times he didn't get it that he's now prepared for my rejection. Fuck that.
My Bel Fiore deserved better. He deserved to know he was always a priority. Always important. I might have other lovers, but he will never be shut out, or left to feel alone and unloved.
If he needs to sleep cuddled in my arms from now on, then that's what we'll do. My other loves will understand. Especially when they're most likely bringing their own lovers to our bed. Fucking hell, we really do need that “orgy” bed.
Stroking my fingers down Antonio’s neck as he leans against me, I massage the tense muscles there as best I can.
I don't want to leave him down there for long, but my options are slowly running out.
“Antonio has a very difficult history with these types of matters.” Fuck, Keegan's words from earlier come back to haunt me as I consider my options.
My heart aches for my Bel Fiore and whatever pain still lies in his past. I won't ask, not because I don't care, but there's some things too painful to speak about.
So long as I keep a careful eye, and don't see anything concerning that may threaten to take my Boy away from me, I won't push for answers he may not be ready to give.
“He needs to get out of his head for a while.” The issue is figuring out what he needs without damaging him.
I can’t continue to push him physically, no matter how much he may want me to.
The consequences of giving him a high that lasts only as long as the chemicals in his brain are released…
It’s not a risk I want to take, not when it’d make me a hypocrite for judging Allesandro’s past actions.
“He needs to get out of his head for a while.” There was a look in Keegan's eyes, an expectant weight to his words that eludes me. Tone isn't always easy to decipher in people's voices, especially when it’s nuanced.
But it was as if he was silently giving me a nudge in the right direction without outright saying it. I can respect my fellow Dom and his reluctance to butt in when he wasn't asked.
What he means though… I should have asked more questions, or for ideas. Because while I'm confident in my skills as a Dom, I'm running through my bag of tricks and coming up empty.
Antonio tries to cuddle closer and I urge him up silently, worried about his poor knees. He tries to resist, but I get both my hands under his arms and scoop him into my lap, holding him tightly.
“I got you, Bello,” I whisper. “I got you.”
He shakes in my hold, letting out a whimper.
“Shhh.” I run my hand up and down his back.
My thoughts spin as I think of things I've tried and what I haven't, holding my Boy as close as possible.
Going over his reactions to things…the punishments, the impact play, the way he seeks my touch and comfort…
fucking hell. It's not that simple, is it?
Though…there's nothing simple about the path I'm currently considering going down.
It's not something I ever considered. But…
it makes sense with what I know about Antonio as a submissive.
“I'll be right back, Bello,” I tell him, moving him onto the bed. He protests, reaching for me. “Hush, don't wake the Stars. I'll just be a minute.”
In the ensuite, I take a few deep breaths to level myself, wondering if this is what Keegan meant. If he had an inkling based on what he saw with Emilio, and his experience as a dominant, or if this is my own training and instincts coming into play. Maybe both?
Fuck if I know. If it works…if it helps my beautiful flower get out of his head and rest easier, then I’m all for trying. Worst case scenario, I’m wrong and he hates it. Best case…well, I’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
It’s not an automatic no from me; it's just not something I’ve thought about or had much experience with.
Tugging at my curls, I take a minute to let some sense of calm come over me. If I’m not sure of myself and what needs doing, I can’t expect my Boy to trust me, and this…requires far more trust than anything we’ve done before.
After grounding myself, I start the bath in the corner of the room.
We haven’t used it yet, as while the shower is big enough for all four of us, the bath decidedly isn’t.
Rooting around in the cabinets, I find a bottle of bubble bath, so I add that to the water, check the temperature, and then head back into the bedroom for my flower.
Antonio is right where I left him, curled into himself on the bed next to Nicolo. He holds himself so still, as if taking my caution about not waking the twins seriously. My poor Bel Fiore…
I scoop him up. “Sir… Your leg…”
“Is fine, Sweetheart. Come on, let me take care of you.”
The new term of endearment earns me a look, but I ignore him, carrying him into the bathroom.
His weight isn’t a hardship for me. Not only did I get another session with Jayden before the chaos of today, but another shot for the pain.
And even if I didn’t, there’s no way I wouldn’t carry my Boy from one room to another—I’d carry him to the ends of the earth if need be.
In the ensuite, I set him down and lift his face up so I can stare into his wide, sad chocolate eyes. The pain in them steals my breath away for a moment.
The look on his face…the utter silent need for something, gives me the courage to take this final step.
“Daddy’s going to take care of you, Sweetheart.”
Antonio’s breath catches. “D—Daddy?”
“Mmm. You need something, don’t you, Sweetheart? You need Daddy to take care of you. Need love and relaxation, so you don’t have to do anything but be my good Bel Fiore. Do you want that?”
“I…” Tears fill his eyes and his lip wobbles as he releases a shuddering breath. “You’re sure? You…want this? Want me like this…”
Leaning in, I press a soft kiss to his beautiful mouth.
“I want to care for you, Sweetheart. I want to be whatever you need: your safe space, the one who gives you pain and pleasure, the one who you trust to shut the world out for you, your Dom and Daddy in equal measure… Everything. You’re mine, Antonio. And all I want is to show you that.”
“Please…please…Daddy. I need you.”
“Shhh. I know, Sweetheart, I know.” I undress him slowly, making sure to caress every inch of skin. He’s a puddle of soft, barely audible whimpers, unable to hide his trembling by the time I remove what little clothing he had on.
Leading him by the hand to the bath, I shut the water off and help him in. Then I undress quickly, leaving my clothes in a pile on the floor, and my hearing aids on the counter. Getting into the tub, I slide down into the water and pull my Boy onto my lap, feeling him relax in slow increments.
I’m not sure this is how Keegan thought I’d approach the dynamic, but it’s what we both need right now.
Something soft, sweet, a safe place for Antonio to realize I mean what I’m offering.
We’re in this together, he and I, and if he needs Daddy to carry his burdens when he can’t…
then there’s nothing I’d rather do than help take that from him.
“Daddy loves you,” I whisper into his hair.
Closing my eyes, I drink in the scent of him, mixed with the bubble bath, feeling my tension release right along with his… Maybe Antonio wasn’t the only one who needed this…