Chapter 38 Roman #2
Carter pulls away and my world tilts without him, but Ignacio is there, swooping in and pulling me close to him.
I latch on, holding him tightly. When he grunts in pain, I try to back away, but his hold on me is firm.
We stay there for a long embrace, and my body trembles as I pour all my feelings onto his clothes.
Not just the past week’s emotions, but the months leading up to this moment.
From Cristian and Il Padrone being kidnapped, to breaking away from them, and then Lio and I being kidnapped ourselves.
All the feelings I’ve had bottled up since the very beginning of this wash over me, and if it wasn’t for the man holding me, I would have drowned.
Eventually, I run out of tears and my shaking stops.
“I’m sorry,” I say, pulling back and looking up at Ignacio. “I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”
“You’ve been holding it in for a long time. I don’t mind being the pillar that holds you up, Little One.”
I give him a gentle smile, knowing I don’t deserve this man. “Ti amo, Ignacio.”
He brushes his fingers across my cheek. “Non ci sono abbastanza parole per esprimere il mio amore per te.”
“I’m still in the room, you two,” Carter grouses.
I blush as I look over at my dad, but he has a small, happy smile on his face. There’s another knock on the door and Carter gets up to answer it, coming back with a tray of food.
I wrinkle my nose as he sets it down.
“I need to check in with Jude and Keegan, and Cole will be up from his nap soon. I promised him we’d bake brownies today. Will you be okay while I step out?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
He looks at me in concern. “I can always bake with Cole later… Maybe after his dinner.”
“No,” I say firmly. “I know firsthand what it’s like to grow up in this life.
I know how hard Cristian and Ten worked to make my childhood as normal as possible, but there were still a lot of broken promises and missed moments.
I don’t want that for my brother. So, go.
I have Ignacio. I promise, I’ll be fine. ”
“Okay.” Carter steps closer and Ignacio shifts a little to give him room to lean in and kiss my forehead. “Ti voglio bene, Figlio Mio, sempre.”
“Love you too, Dad. Tell my brother I love him.”
“I will.” Carter gives Ignacio a look. “Take care of my son.”
Ignacio tightens his hold on me a little. “Always.”
Carter leaves, and when it’s just me and Ignacio, I look up at him. “Are you okay? Do you need to sit? Fuck, did I hurt you by hugging you too hard?”
He smiles softly. “No, you didn’t hurt me, my Love. I promise, I’m fine.”
I look at his face, trying to find any signs of deceit in it, but all I see is his love for me. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry. Scooting back on the bed, I silently ask him to sit with me.
He sighs, but gets onto the bed beside me. He reaches over and pulls the tray table closer to the bed before he settles in, holding an arm out for me to snuggle into.
The bed should be too small for the two of us, but I fit perfectly at his side.
I acknowledge my lack of appetite has negatively affected me.
My normally slim, trim figure is more gaunt than it should be, but for now, Doc is letting me get away with small meals, so long as I show him I’m eating something.
Even a bite or two, because that’s all I’ve been able to stomach.
Though with Lio getting stronger, I know I’m going to have to put in the work as well.
Skating by on the bare minimum isn’t going to cut it anymore.
So, when Ignacio sets the plate on his lap and cuts a small piece of waffle with the fork, I open my mouth and accept it.
He feeds me a fourth of the waffle before I shake my head, pushing the next mouthful away.
Ignacio sighs. “You need to keep your strength up, Little One.”
“I know. I promise, I’m working on it. Everything is just so hard…” The lump in my throat is back as tears form in my eyes once more.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” He sets the plate back on the tray table, holding me tightly to him.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Hey, nothing’s wrong with you. You’ve been through a rough ordeal, and you’ve been healing.”
“My foot barely hurts anymore,” I lie. Though is it a lie when my soul hurts more than any physical pain ever could?
“Yeah, but your heart and head are healing as well, and those things take time. It may not be physical, but it’s still important for you to keep up your strength, so you can put in the hard work.”
“It’s stupid. I’m not as hurt as Lio—”
“No!” He shifts us a little so he can put his fingers under my chin and force my eyes to his.
I gasp at the intensity in his dark gaze, finding myself getting lost in them.
“There is no comparison to the type of pain you both are in. No one has it better or worse than the other. Your pain is valid, and no one should ever make you feel bad for having the emotions you do, or for needing help.”
I swallow back more tears. “I don’t deserve you,” I whisper. “You’re far too good for me. Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t gone back to Benjamin yet. He’s far less work than I am.”
His grip on my chin tightens a little, not enough to leave bruises, but enough to get his point across.
“Benjamin…he isn’t what I need. I loved him, yes, and I do care for him, I always will, but you are my heart and soul, Roman.
I am nothing without you. I know now you’re my forever love, and I won’t let you tear yourself down because you think I deserve something better than my soulmate. ”
My heart flutters in my chest and I lose my battle against my stupid fucking tears. Shit. Why can’t I stop crying?
Ignacio brushes his fingers across my cheeks, collecting the tears there. He leans in to kiss me softly. “I love you. I’m here for you; please, don’t shut me out again. I don’t think my heart can take it. Jayden was five seconds away from tying me up.”
I laugh a little. “So Carter said. I’m sorry. I just…Lio is my Anima Gemella. He’s what I lived for while Cecily had us, and it’s hard to let that go, especially knowing he’s in so much pain.”
“I know, Little One. I know. He’s…not okay, but is getting there. His Owner, Daddy, and…Master, are giving him what he needs.”
I nod. “Yeah, Carter told me. I’m glad he has them.”
“Will you let me have you? I know Hollis and Tennant are busy right now, and so is Jude, but I also know, despite that, they’d drop everything for you should you ask.”
“They would. I don’t need them to, though. Not yet. I do want to see them…soon, but right now, I have you, right?”
“Always, Little One.”
He kisses me again, a little harder this time, making me moan as the love for him swirls through me, but that’s it. My head’s too much of a mess and my body is too exhausted to do more than want him next to me.
Besides, he’s not cleared for sex yet.
Pulling away from the kiss, I ask, “How are you? You’re walking on your own now?”
He smiles. “A little. I still have Jayden or Nico hovering over me whenever I do, and I have to use a walker or wheelchair after my PT because it wears me out too much. But for someone who should have died, I’m doing well.”
I scowl. “I’m so fucking sorry. I know Cristian had his reasons, and I don’t disagree with them…but there were other ways to get his point across.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. Is it fucked-up? Yeah, it is. I will never deny that. He took things too far, but…he’s a burning man, Roman. He came and apologized to me…well, it was half an apology, and half him trying not to have a fucking breakdown.
“He’s hurting, Roman. He made some good points about what he and Sandro came back to.
They expected us to be waiting for them in our normal places, but instead, we changed the rules of everything.
It doesn’t excuse either of them, but gives some insight into what they were thinking—or more how they weren’t thinking—at the time. ”
“I still don’t forgive him. I’m glad he apologized, but I feel weird because I don’t know if he did it because I asked him to, or if he really feels bad about his actions.”
Ignacio sighs. “I don’t have the answer to that. You’ll have to ask Cristian. He…I think he regrets taking it as far as he did, but he thought he was doing what was right. Things just got fucked up and I paid the price.”
“Never again,” I tell him fiercely. “You will never be the casualty of someone else’s fuck-up again.
I will burn the world down for you before I allow that to happen.
” First, Benjamin, then Cristian… Ignacio has been hurt two times too many, and the next person who even looks at him funny, I will show them why I am Lio’s stabby soulmate.
“My fierce Little One.” He smiles and kisses me again. “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, but I will always welcome you at my side.”
I sigh and snuggle as close as possible, sad I can’t get into his lap, but unwilling to compromise his healing. “I love you.”
“And I, you, Roman. Forever and always.”
Ignacio may be Chaos, but for me, he is the balm to my shattered soul.
The calm to my turbulent emotions. The piece of my heart I didn’t know I was missing, and I will never let him go.
Death or jealous lovers…kidnapping or the dark abyss that keeps trying to swallow me whole… none of it matters with him at my side.
For the first time since coming home, I feel as if I can climb out of this hole I find myself in.
I’ll get better. I will. For Ignacio. For Lio. For my dad and brother. For my other lovers… And for myself…
Because I refuse to allow them to feel the way I do, so…I'll do whatever it takes to feel Ignacio’s love around me forever.