Chapter 21 #2
“You look great, okay? How you feel should be the priority.” I help him with the last few reps. “Besides, I don’t know if you know this, but Noah is obsessed with you.”
“I guess.” Jamie collapses against the ground. “What now?”
“Place both of your arms at your sides.” He does as he’s told and I get down on the mat in front of him. I place my hands on top of his knees.
“You need to bring your feet up. This part sucks, but I need you to lift your core as high as you can off the ground.” I watch Jamie try to do as I ask, but then he struggles to lift himself.
“It’s okay, here.” I get down on my knees in front of him, touching his hips.
“Just go slow and try to lift where you can.”
Jamie tries again with my help.
“As you get used to it, tighten up your stomach and keep it as flat as you can, using your abs to lift your body off the ground.”
“Oh my.” We both look up, with me between his legs and my hands on his hips. “This is what my wet dreams are made of.” Noah smiles at Bowen then mouths oh my god. “What new positions is Cam here showing you?”
Jamie shakes his head, rolling to get up. “Cam’s helping me with some workouts I can do.”
Noah frowns, wrapping his arms around his waist.
“What?”
“Don’t overdo it, alright?”
Jamie hooks his arm around Noah’s waist and kisses him.
“Jamie wants abs.” I snitch on him.
Noah’s frown deepens. “I love your body, though. I like your stomach. It’s great to lie on while I read, and it feels nice when you hug me while we sleep.” Jamie’s ears redden. “Just go easy, okay?”
Jamie nods, kissing the top of his head.
“You know, it might help using the treadmill. Great for cardio and stamina.”
“Oh, stamina, now that I can get behind.” He pokes his chest. “So you can get behind.”
“Stop,” Jamie chuckles, and his face reddens as well. “You guys get everything we need?”
“Well, I bought hard seltzers, beer, and a couple of bottles of wine. Our beautiful, smart, intelligent, heavy-handed friend said she’s bringing vodka. They have Christmas flavors, apparently.” That sounds like a stomach ache.
“I just have to tell Sam I’m leaving. Did you grab my duffel bag?” I ask Bo.
“Yeah, I did.” I almost reach for him, but pull back. We haven’t talked much since our dates. Luckily I’ve had to work late to make up for what I’m going to miss. I even slept on the couch for a couple of nights. I want to get us back on track this week, though.
“You got your inhaler?” I ask.
Bo rolls his eyes. “Yes, Mom, everything is packed.”
Noah claps his hands. “We’re going to have the best week ever!”
“This place is insane.” It really is. The two-story house sits on a lake, and I saw a deck outside when we came in. I know in a few hours it’s going to be dark out, even though it’s only two in the afternoon.
Noah showed us to our room, and there’s been a bit of tension between us all, especially Bo and me. We haven’t really talked much since our dates. I’ve been busy working and he’s spent a lot of time with Noah. I know he’s avoiding me.
Or maybe he’s spending time with Sawyer.
Shit, I didn’t think about that. Maybe he is. Maybe they clicked and they’re starting something new together. My stomach sinks.
No, it’s okay. This week I’m going to focus on getting us back on track. “I’ve never stayed somewhere this nice.” Bo unpacks his clothes, folding them neatly. I know it’s for show, and to keep his hands busy. He hates folding clothes.
Everything just feels awkward and tense. “Hey.” Noah pops his head in. “Can I ask a huge favor, Gym Daddy?”
Oh, we’re still doing that.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
“Can you please go with Hunter and Jamie to get a tree? I don’t want Jamie feeling brave and picking one up. Hunter might need help, though. Mark has these noodle arms and he—” Noah gets shoved out of the door frame.
“Hunter wants to know if you’ll help since you’re the strongest.” Mark glares at Noah. “If you can. If not, Xavi will go.”
“No problem.” In fact, I insist, because this tension between Bo and me is making me itch.
“Great! They’re leaving now.”
“Do you need help with anything?” Bo asks Noah.
“We’re going to order dinner, but if you want to hang out with us downstairs . . . Bri is pulling decorations out of the attic.”
“That sounds good.” He passes me, glancing at me quickly before heading out the door. I think I’m alone, but I look up and see Noah still in the doorway.
“What?”
Noah looks like he wants to say something. There’s a seriousness in his green eyes I’m not used to. “Nothing. Jamie and Hunter are downstairs already. It’ll be dark soon.”
I guess it’s time to get a tree.
“We shouldn’t have waited this long.”
“And what should we have done? Find a tree weeks ago and strap it to the jeep then?”
“Or a fake one.” Hunter shakes his head. “There are no trees left at any of these farms.” It’s been about an hour and the sky is starting to blacken. I hate winter for this reason only. It gets dark way to early.
“This close to Christmas, what did you expect?”
Hunter drives slowly, looking out of the window. Jamie’s knee bounces. I saw him smoke before we left. I let him sit in the front, and his naturally tan skin is about four shades lighter.”
“You alright?” I poke my head through the center.
“The snow isn’t helping.”
“I have four wheel drive and I’m a great driver.” Hunter pats Jamie’s thigh. “You’re okay.” He looks out the window. “Hey! Look here.” We drive into the parking lot of a motel with a couple of trees lying against a fence.
“Why would a motel have them?”
“Sometimes people bring them from their farms to sell,” Hunter says as he parks and we all get out. It’s dead quiet and eerie out here. “Which one?”
“These are the saddest-looking trees I’ve ever seen,” Jamie grumbles. All of them look about about five foot tall and are in different stages of losing their needles.
Hunter pulls out some money, shoving it in the little box they have outside for customers. No one seems to be here. It’s dead out here right now. The sky above is overcast and thick with the promise of snow. It’s so quiet it’s unnerving.
“Want me to cut it loose?” I ask.
“Ah no, it’s okay. Why don’t you hold the top still and I’ll untie it from the fence.”
I step out of Hunter’s way and grab hold of the top.
“Ow!” I suck on my finger. “It’s fucking sharp.”
“Sharp?” Hunter touches the pine needs, pulling his hand back. “Dammit. Anyone bring spare clothes?”
“I have an extra sweater. I can hold the trunk and drag it once it’s free,” Jamie says.
Hunter snorts. “Sure thing.”
“I can drag shit. I have strength in my arms.”
“And pain in your spine.” Hunter shakes his head. “Let Puck and Gym Daddy handle this.” Jamie flips him off. “Jealous you don’t have a Daddy name?” He sticks out his tongue.
“You wouldn’t believe the things Noah calls me in bed, so no. I’m not.” Jamie pulls a vape out of his pocket that I’m assuming is not filled with nicotine. “Besides, you act as if you don’t have knee problems.”
“Here, let me.” I grab Jamie’s extra sweater after he gets it from the car, wrapping it around the trunk.
Hunter wrestles with it, and a couple of the needles touch my skin.
Damn, why are they so pointy?! “This’ll be a death trap if it falls.
Good thing you don’t have animals,” I say. “Okay, got it!”
I drag the tree. Despite it looking like it came from a landfill, it’s a nice size at least.
“Here, I’ll grab the trunk. Try to lift without the needles touching you,” Hunter says. Despite it’s ragged state it’s heavier than it looks. “Jesus.”
“You guys are doing great.” Jamie takes another hit.
“Mr. Arm Strength, would you like to help, just a little?”
“Can’t. My back.” Jamie grins. “You’re doing amazing, guys.” Somehow we heave it up onto the top of Hunter’s jeep and he ties it down. “Great work, fellas.” Jamie grins getting, into the front seat.
We drive back to the house, but something catches my eye. “Hey, what’s that?” I look at the big sign in front of a park.
“Oh, they do this light thing every year,” Jamie says.
“Do you think we can go?” Bo would love something like that. It’s almost four now and getting darker.
“If they aren’t shitfaced drunk by the time we get back, of course. That sounds like fun.”
Luckily they were all sober, for the most part.
It’s almost seven now. We got back to the house and set up the tree, then they decorated it and we ate, and now we’re heading to the light show in the park.
I’ve never been to something like this, and I don’t think Bo has either.
We decided to ride with Noah and Jamie. Hunter and Mark took Bri and Xavi. It’s freezing out right now.
I look at Bo wearing a thick hoodie—my thick hoodie from high school. It’s adorable on him. We pull up to the parking lot after paying the fee to get in. “It’s starting to snow,” I say.
Noah looks at Jamie. “It’s alright. We aren’t far from the house and we won’t be here long.” He squeezes Jamie’s knee, and Jamie slips his fingers through Noah’s, giving him a quick squeeze then gets out of the car.
As we step into the park the entire area glows with bright light.
It’s a little disorienting at first. When we first walk in we’re in a garden, all the shrubs and trees dripping with lights—golds, blues, and reds.
“This is so pretty.” Bo smiles. We walk side by side, and I have the urge to hold his hand.
My fingers keep brushing the back of his.
Jamie and Noah are up ahead, doing just that. Nerves caress my stomach, and I give in to the thought, gently slipping my hand through his. “Your fingers are cold. You alright?” I brought his inhaler just in case.
“I’m fine.” White puffs leave his lips. Further into the park there’s a giant tree decorated with lights, and Chinese lanterns are lit up and strung along the path to light our way. Reds and golds illuminate the path and gleam against the freshly fallen snow.
Bo walks toward a small cobblestone path with trees lit up on either side, making it seem like something from a Grimm’s fairy tale. “This is really cool.” Bo smiles. “It feels like a different world.”
We come out into an area with various animals and Christmas animations all lit up. Santa is glowing in his sleigh, followed by his reindeer. I squeeze Bo’s hand harder, and while everything around us is so beautiful, watching his face is what makes me smile.
A Ferris wheel is up ahead, flashing with blue strobe lights, as well as more animals and Christmas décor—a snowman, some elves.
There’s are a path lined with cone-shaped trees, and glowing orbs with flashing balls inside.
We see replicas of famous places—the Eiffel Tower, the pyramids, and Mount Everest—and a giant teddy bear sitting with gifts next to him. It’s all so pretty.
We see a tunnel and I point to it. “Want to go in there?”
Bo’s fingers tighten in mine. I notice the way he’s breathing. “Yeah.”
I let go of his fingers and get in front of him, crouching down. “Come on. Get on.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Come on, Bo. Ride me.”
“Do you know how much I hate you?” I just laugh and wait for him to give in.
I know he wants to. We’ve walked a fair bit and it’s freezing out here.
He hops on, his arms going around my neck, and I grab his legs, soaking in the warm weight of him.
He’s not heavy at all, but it’s a weight that comforts me. Just like when we’re sleeping in bed.
We head for the tunnel. We’ve lost our friends, but that’s okay.
They have to be around here somewhere. The path is lit by a tunnel of pink and blue lights.
We look up, surrounded by the glow, and it feels like falling into another dimension.
“This is so pretty.” Bo’s arms tighten around my neck as we walk through.
“It really is.”
“I want to take a picture.”
Bo slips off my back, reaching into his pocket for his phone. “Do you want your inhaler?”
He shakes his head, clicking on the camera. “Smile.” He comes over to me, taking a selfie of us both. “Smile.” I do, and he takes the photo, but I don’t move away. “What?”
Why do I keep running away from this? I mean, I know why. I’ll inevitably fuck this up. It’s just a fact based on history. It’s bound to happen. Losing Bo will be the worst thing that will ever happen to me.
What if it doesn’t have to be that way, though?
“I want to kiss you.” I straighten, looking down at him. “That’s what I’m thinking.”
Bo searches my face for a moment, dark brown eyes with so much light and love inside them. His cheeks are so pink, and his nose is red. His skin is nearly two shades lighter than it normally is. I know he’s cold.
He licks his lips, and I track the movement. “Then kiss me,” he says softly.
I swallow, not minding anyone around us in this tunnel surrounded by lights.
All they do is make every one of his features stand out.
I cup his face, leaning down, and when our lips press together my stomach flips.
It feels like a first kiss. It feels new and exciting, even though I’ve done this a thousand times before.
He grabs on to my wrists as my hands cup his face, and we stand there.
I’m soaking in the warmth I feel, and drinking in the soft press of his lips.
I want this forever. Why can’t I have this?
His tongue pokes out, caressing the seam of my mouth.
I kiss him a touch harder then pull back, not risking another playground disaster. Not that anyone here seems to mind.
I want to ask him what this means. I want to ask him if he wants to try.
The thing is, though, through all of this Bo hasn’t said a word about it.
What if he doesn’t want this? What if this is just something fun?
Maybe Bo doesn’t want to be with anyone.
He’s never really shown a desire to. And that’s okay, right?
I know I need to talk to him. I do. But I’m terrified.
The thing is, I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be just friends.