Chapter 26
Cam
As I walk through the woods with Jamie, my mind is on Bo. I really wanted to talk to him, but I just need a bit of space. What he said to me still hurts. I know he didn’t really mean it, but still. It hurts.
I’ve hurt him too. I need to talk to him when I get back, but I figured I’d let us both wake up and let him ease his hangover first. I look up, noticing the sky around us darken, and my skin starts to prickle.
I don’t want to look like a loser in front of Jamie.
It’s fine, it’s literally mid-morning. It’s not like the world is going to suddenly turn dark.
“You alright?”
“Huh?” Jamie’s brow furrows. His eyes are so dark they’re nearly black. Kind of like the sky above. “Yeah, I’m fine.” My head is a mess. I’ll be fine. Seriously I’m twenty-fucking-six. I shouldn’t be this afraid of the dark. Even in these creepy woods.
“We’re almost there. You want to get a tattoo? Today’s a walk-in day. Ian’s letting us come in before they open. First dibs. As long as it’s small.”
“Oh uh, no.” I only have one on my back, and I’ll never do it again. It was so painful, and sitting still that long sucked. “What are you getting done?”
“I want to get my sister’s name tattooed. When I told Ian we were coming down for the week he said he wanted to do it.” We break through the woods, walking further until we come to a street. Brick buildings line the small area. It’s eerily quiet right now.
We turn down another street, and I nearly run into Jamie’s back as he stands still watching a blonde White woman ahead walking into one of the businesses. “You okay?” Her blonde hair swings as she looks at Jamie. Her eyes narrow, then she rushes inside. “You alright?”
“Uh yeah, sorry.”
“Ex?”
“Family of an ex,” he says quietly, walking faster now toward the tattoo shop. “I’m fine.”
We walk quietly down the street. The silence makes me itch, but I can tell he’s struggling with something so I try not to fill it.
Finally we come to a brick building with the words Madd Ink in graffiti.
He opens the black door. I follow Jamie through and rock music greets us immediately.
The place is neat. Tons of art hangs from the walls. I bet Amira would love it. “Madd Ink?”
Jamie waits at the desk, nodding. “My best friend named it. His name was Maddox. The one in that accident.”
Oh.
Before I can ask about it, a Black man covered in tattoos walks through from the back room.
It looks like every inch of him is covered.
He’s extremely handsome, with warmth in his brown eyes when he looks at Jamie.
“Hey.” He comes over, giving him a hug. “Ian will be right out.” The man’s eyes level on me, interest glinting in them.
“And who do we have here?” His eyes travel over my body.
“Julian, stop ogling my customers.” A White man—also covered in tattoos—with an auburn fohawk walks into the showroom. He’s wearing a deep V T-shirt that displays what looks like a galaxy across his chest. Both of them have very little skin left to show. “Are you getting a tattoo also?”
“I’m free.” Julian puts his elbows on the counter top, leaning forward with a smile. “I got time, handsome.”
Ian rolls his eyes. “Ignore him. Anna’s not here today to rein him in.”
“Uh, no, I’m not.” Although the thought comes to mind to get a tattoo. Then an idea pops into my brain. “Actually, um, yeah, if I can?” Jamie looks at me, surprised, and well . . . me too. I don’t know what possessed me to say that, but before I know it Ian hands us both waivers.
“What are you getting?”
“I just had an idea.” I look back at Julian. “It’s small.” I am kind of freaking out about the pain. I want this, though. It’s tiny. It can’t be too bad, right?
Once our paperwork is done, I sit in Julian’s chair. Jamie’s right next to us, sitting in Ian’s. “So, are we still grossly in love?” He smirks as the soft hum of the tattoo gun comes alive.
“I’ve never been happier in my life.” I let Julian set up, but I see his eyes flick to Ian.
“That’s amazing, dude. That’s gotta be amazing. I’m happy for you,” Ian says softly. Julian’s eyes don’t leave Ian until he notices me looking.
“So . . .” He clears his throat. “What are we doing?” The only part of his body that doesn’t seem to have any ink is his neck. Damn, all that had to hurt. He even has the word “Treasure” curved with the flow of his eyebrow. Something feels off. There’s this anxiety that feels tangible.
“Can I get two little strawberries and a banana, here, on my on my wrist?" The spot where Bo kissed me. Bo made me feel seen. I can’t describe it. I’ve never had someone treat my body that way. Bo touched me, kissed me, like I was something special. Like I meant something.
I felt wanted for the first time in my life.
It’s not that I don’t love pleasuring my partners, because I do.
Looking back, though, I realize it’s all been a bit one-sided.
I’ve never wanted to ask. If they wanted to, they would, right?
I love foreplay, but I am very much a giver in all my relationships.
Except the other night.
Except with Bo.
Heat sprinkles across my nose. Okay, don’t let your mind go there right now.
The last thing I need is to pop a boner in front of a stranger.
“That’s cute.” Julian draws on his tablet.
I look behind me and watch Ian tattoo a name on Jamie’s bicep, the words hugging and flowing with the edge of a snake.
“I’m talking him into a back piece.” Ian grins, wiggling his eyebrows. “Going to take over where my man left off.” I listen to Ian, but I see the way Julian’s breaths amp up a touch. Whatever is going on there isn’t my business, I guess, but I know masking emotions when I see it.
“How’s this?” He shows me the tablet with the two strawberries and the banana in a line.
“I like the way they look, but can it go strawberry, banana, strawberry?” Julian’s brows rise. “If you can do that?”
“I mean, I can do it . . .” He goes back to the tablet and draws, then he cocks his head and looks at me before turning it around. “You sure?”
I smile, looking at the lifelike fruit, the banana right in between the strawberries. It’s perfect. “It’s perfect.”
“You . . . sure? Just like this? You don’t think the placement is weird?”
“I want it on my wrist.” I nod. “That’s it. It’s perfect.” I show him on my wrist what size I want it.
He sighs, a smirk on his lips. “Okay.” Julian leaves to print off the stencil.
My knee begins to bounce, and the more I think about the pain, the more it’s starting to freak me out.
It’s fine, and this is perfect. More strawberry than banana.
Me and him. Bo and yours truly. I love it.
It’s fine. It’s only going to sting a bit.
It’s going to sting and then it’ll be okay.
“My scars,” Jamie says to Ian, and I totally forgot they were talking about Jamie’s backpiece.
Ian just shrugs, unfazed as he finishes up the name. “I think with what I have in mind the scars will flow perfectly.” Ian finishes up his tattoo. “It’ll hurt though, I won’t lie. The back sucks in general.”
“Ready?” I blink, startled by Julian’s voice.
“How’s the placement?” I look at the small fruit on my wrist, just about two inches, and I nod, tensing a bit as the machine comes on.
I look at the little stencil, wincing at the bite of the machine.
“You okay?” Julian cocks an eyebrow. I think he’s making fun until I notice the serious set to his eyes. He isn’t making fun of me.
“Sorry, I’m a bit of a baby.”
Julian shakes his head, shutting off his machine. “You’re getting a needle in your skin. You’re not a baby, you’re human. Let me know if you need to stop. No shame in it.” Julian’s warm smile settles something in my chest. The machine hums back to life.
I bite the inside of my cheek as he does the outline. I hate this burn. It feels like cat scratches flaming my skin. Jamie comes over, looking at my tattoo with a smile that falls instantly. “Cam, that’s—”
“It’s a little lame, I know.”
“He has a penis tattooed on his chest. Don’t let him make fun of you.”
All my new friend does is laugh, still looking at it as Julian begins the color. “It’s perfect,” I say.
Jamie says, “Can I ask why strawberries and a banana?”
My cheeks heat with the memory. “The same reason you have that penis on your chest.” Understanding softens his eyes.
“This shop is going to get a reputation.” Julian huffs a laugh, finishing up the strawberry.
“Of what?” I ask.
“Of really great relationship tattoos.” Ian laughs, walking away.
Darkness rolls over the shop, the big windows not letting any light in.
There’s only what’s at this station. Is it going to storm?
Thunderstorms are rare in winter, but not impossible.
The pain is getting to me, and my legs twitch with restlessness.
It’s just a simple tattoo, calm down. I flinch. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he says calmly, dipping the machine into the yellow.
Julian starts the banana, and I look down, trying to distract myself by watching him shade in the tiny little fruit.
My eyes flick up. A mixture of rain and snow begins to tap against the windows.
“Shit. I was hoping it wouldn’t start until later. ”
They keep talking, but I focus on the fruit.
On the shading. Julian adds brown to the stem and dimension to the peel.
I grip the arm of the chair. Closing my eyes, I breathe.
In. Out. Nose. Mouth. It’s fine. It’ll be fine.
My chest grows tighter, my lungs constrict.
It feels too tight. Everything feels too tight.
“Hey.” Jamie looks at me. “What’s going on? ”
“He’s having a panic attack,” Ian says. Julian shuts the machine off. Rain pelts the windows. Another crack of thunder. Another flash of lightening. No. No. No. Not right now. Not right now!