Chapter 28
Ford
The next few days are tough. Despite my efforts to take her mind off things by meeting her for lunch and spending every waking moment with her whenever I’m not at the station, the spark in Ivy’s eyes doesn’t return to normal. It’s not as bright as it used to be.
She keeps me updated on Joe, though she doesn’t get many updates in the first place. He’s settled well into their aunt’s house—he said the same thing to me when I texted him a couple of days ago—and has been exploring Boston before school starts after the holidays.
Holidays he will spend with their aunt too.
Apparently, she didn’t bother to invite Ivy.
“You’re not spending Christmas alone,” I told her a few days ago as she fought back tears during our lunch date. “I was going to ask you anyway, but now you’re definitely coming with me and my family. My parents are flying in from Florida, and they won’t mind. They love a crowd.”
It took a few days and some extra convincing from Nash, but she ended up agreeing.
Now, she fidgets with the fabric of her dress as we drive to my parents’ house. It’s two days before Christmas, but since I’m on duty that day, and so is Rhys, we’re celebrating early.
“Nervous?” I ask her, my hand falling to her thigh.
“Well, yes,” she admits, honest as always, and starts playing with my fingers. “I’m hijacking your Christmas dinner. You said your brothers aren’t bringing anyone?”
Snow-covered rolling hills come into view when I take a turn. No matter how much time has passed, the roads leading to my childhood home never get less breathtaking.
“Rhys is bringing Lexi, but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking.”
She grabs my index finger and drops it against her leg like some deadweight. I have no clue what she’s doing, but I’m amused.
“I meant girlfriends or friends, you smartass.”
“Nash is single,” I tell her, which I’m pretty sure she already knows. “Rhys has a good relationship with Lexi’s mom, but she’s not coming. And he’s single, too, so.”
“And you? Are you single?”
The gate leading up to my parents’ house comes into view at the end of the road. I spread my hand on her thigh, rubbing circles on her skin with my thumb.
“We’re friends with a mutual crush. That’s the conclusion we reached the last time we talked about this,” I say, hoping my voice sounds light enough.
Unfortunately, as soon as I say them, the words sound as stupid as they did in my head.
Ivy leans back against the headrest. “Aren’t you tired?”
“Of what?”
“Of pretending that what we’re doing makes any sense.”
I park behind Rhys’s car in the driveway and kill the engine. Neither of us moves.
“I like you,” she says, her voice quiet. “A lot.”
Could my heart beat any fucking faster?
“I like you a lot more than a lot,” I confess.
“We sound like middle schoolers.”
I mirror her smirk, then feel my stomach drop when her face falls.
“What we’re doing is stupid. We clearly have feelings for each other, but….” She swallows. “But I don’t know if I’m ready for anything else. Not right now. My head is a mess. My life is a mess.”
I continue stroking her leg with my thumb. Play it cool. “I understand.”
“And you’re still hung up on your divorce, so we’re on the same page there.” She gives me a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Right?”
Once upon a time, that might have been true. When I met her, it certainly was. Hell, I even pushed her away when I thought she was flirting with me.
But now? Now I can’t imagine my life without her. Without seeing her, kissing her, making her laugh, keeping her safe. Making sure she’s happy and confident and reminding her how much of a badass she is.
Ivy has made me question everything I once stood for. Because now, life doesn’t look better when I imagine being alone.
Not when I’ve fallen in love with her.
“Ivy,” I start, unsure. “Can I be blunt with you?”
She nods. “That’s our thing.”
“Being alone, pushing me away…. Is that what you really want?”
Her eyes search mine, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t read them this time. “It’s what I need.”
“Is it?”
The tension inside the car heightens. Not because I think she’s mad at me, but because I suspect I’ve hit the bullseye, and she doesn’t like it.
She swallows. “Ford….”
“We’ll be just friends if that’s what your heart and your gut are telling you,” I reassure her, hoping she hears the sincerity in my voice. “But that’s not what I want, Ivy, and I don’t want to pretend. I refuse to lie to you.”
She lowers her gaze to her hands resting on her lap. “I just can’t…. I’m not in a good place to start a relationship right now.”
“I get that, and I don’t want to force you. That isn’t what this is.”
“I know. It’s not like you could force me to do anything if you tried—I’d kick your ass.”
That makes me smirk. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you.”
Her smirk mirrors mine for a second before her expression sobers again. “I don’t want to lead you on, that’s all.”
“Lead me on how?”
“If we keep doing what we’re doing—this friends-with-benefits thing or whatever you want to call it—I can’t…. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for something more. I’m a mess right now. I can’t think straight.”
I grab her hand in mine, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. How can such a faint touch ignite my heart like this?
“There are no terms and conditions to our relationship. We don’t have to define it until you’re ready. You’re going through a lot, and the last thing I want is to add to your plate. I’ll always be Team Ivy, okay? I’m here, unconditionally.”
A beat of silence passes. And then she says, “How do you expect me not to kiss you when you say things like that?”
“I didn’t say any of that for a kiss. It’s how I feel, Ivy. It’s—”
I don’t get to finish that sentence.
With her free hand, she pulls at the collar of my jacket and brings my lips to hers. It’s a short kiss, firm, like it’s sealing some kind of unbreakable contract between us.
“I don’t want to push you away,” she says when she pulls back. “But I don’t want to hurt you either.”
“You won’t hurt me,” I promise her, coming out of my Ivy-induced haze. Damn it, those lips. “This is my choice. You are my choice.”
“You’re my choice too,” she says quietly, a kind of yearning in her voice I’ve never heard before. “Thank you for being patient with me.”
Before I can tell her that me being patient is the bare fucking minimum she deserves, there’s a tap on my car window. I turn just in time to see Nash’s shit-eating grin.
“You coming, lovebirds?” he teases.
He laughs at the middle finger I send him, and so does Ivy.
Just like I’d suspected, my parents love Ivy right away. They’re both easygoing, welcoming people, but they made sure she felt extra included by asking about her life and her job. I’d warned them in advance about the situation with Joe, so they were tactful when asking about him.
It helps that Ivy brought gifts, despite my insistence that she didn’t have to. Flowers for my mom—vase included, which Mom says is extra thoughtful—and a charcuterie board in the shape of a pine tree that Lexi finds fascinating.
And just like I’d thought, both of my parents ask me if there’s anything going on between us. Since my divorce, they’ve encouraged me to date again, so I feel bad for killing their hopes.
“She’s such a sweet girl,” my mom comments when I tell her that Ivy and I aren’t exactly in a relationship. “Make sure you keep her around. And be good to her.”
“Ford is great to Ivy,” Nash says, casually hijacking the conversation. “Did you know she works for me?”
“I know everything,” my mom says, not lying in the slightest. “Don’t you try anything with that poor woman. Mingling with your employees in that way is unprofessional.”
Nash puts both of his hands in the air. “I like her, but I’m not interested in her like that.”
My eyes settle on Ivy from across the room. She’s sitting on the couch with Lexi, playing some kind of game on a tablet with her while she talks to my dad and Rhys.
“Plus, I don’t mix business with pleasure,” Nash adds, to which Mom rolls her eyes.
It’s not that she doesn’t believe him. To my knowledge, he has never been involved with anyone he’s worked with. For all his former player ways, Nash is firm in his current dating boundaries. Those may include taking a break from romance, apparently, since he’s been single for a while.
Our mom hums. “You’d better not. Although I won’t say no to more grandchildren.”
I point my chin toward my brother. “Turn to him for that. You know what my answer is.”
To her credit, she smiles and pats me on the arm. “I know, my boy. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Bringing a baby into this world is a serious deal. You shouldn’t do it unless you’re a hundred percent sure that’s what you want.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll have enough kids for the both of us,” Nash says.
“If you ever settle down,” Mom points out. “Because, at this rate….”
“Ouch.” Nash rubs his chest and fakes a grimace. “Have some faith in your handsomest son.”
“Mom has plenty of faith in me,” Rhys chimes in, sounding like his usual dry self, as he grabs the apple juice Lexi likes from the fridge.
“Not with that long beard you’re trying to grow, she doesn’t,” I tease him.
Mom huffs. “We’re not arguing about this again. You’re all ugly.”
Lexi chooses that moment to yell from the couch, “Who’s ugly, Gramma?”
“Your daddy and your uncles, honey,” she answers without missing a beat.
My niece giggles, and so does Ivy next to her. The heathens.
“Daddy, you’re not ugly,” Lexi tells her dad when he gives her the apple juice.
“It’s the beard that’s throwing everybody off,” Nash says.
Rhys rolls his eyes but otherwise ignores his comment.
“It’s not the beard; it’s the length. It doesn’t suit you,” our dad weighs in.
“It does look better when it’s shorter,” Mom agrees.