Chapter Ten
Michelle had been in hospice for over a week now, having given up on treatments after tests showed no progress. She’d foregone her last treatment and had begun preparing for her death.
She could no longer lift her hand to stroke Gina’s face when the little girl laid her head on her chest to tell her good night. Her breathing had become slow and shallow over the last few hours. Every time he walked into her room, Rico braced himself in fear he’d find her gone.
The hospice nurse had been coming in the mornings and evenings since she’d informed Rico that Michelle was showing signs that the end was fast approaching. She thought Michelle might pass within the week. Michelle had tried to convey to Gina that she wasn’t going to make it, but Rico hadn’t been able to give up yet.
Rico didn’t know how to tell Gina her mama would be gone soon but needed to say something.
Maybe tomorrow.
After a long pause, Gina lifted her head and stared at her mama a long time before giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Night, Mama. Love you lots.”
She waited for Michelle’s usual response of “Love you more,” but it didn’t come. Slowly, Gina slid off the bed, never taking her gaze off of Michelle as if trying to memorize her face for the day she would no longer be here.
“Okay, Sweetie, time for bed,” Rico whispered. He tucked the blanket over Michelle’s shoulders and turned off the bedside lamp to let her continue sleeping.
Leaving Michelle’s room with his arm tucked around Gina’s shoulders, he left the door open in case Michelle might call out to him and be too weak to lift the bell he left by her hand on the bed.
Not that he expected to hear either.
After Gina had brushed her teeth and dressed in her jammies, he tucked her in. She blurted out, “Mama’s going to die, isn’t she?”
Looks like I tell her tonight.
“Your mama’s fought so hard, but her body is super tired right now. I know she doesn’t want to leave you, but she doesn’t have any fight left.” He drew a breath, then steeled himself. “I’m so sorry, but yes, she’s going to die. She would never do that if she could help it. She loves you, Sweetie, more than anything.”
Gina struggled to still the quiver in her chin, pressing her lips tightly together.
“I’m so sorry, Gina. But I don’t want you to be afraid. Your mama made arrangements so that I will become your legal guardian. Do you know what that means?” She shook her head. “It means you’ll live with me. You don’t have to worry about ever being alone, because we’ll make our home together.”
“If I go live with you, will I have to leave my school?”
Rico hadn’t thought about Gina having to change schools or a million other things concerning the transition, for that matter. Michelle would want him to consider what was best for him and his business as well as what Gina would need. He just didn’t know what either entailed.
“We’ll figure everything out when the time comes.”
His lame answer didn’t wipe the worry off her face, but eventually, she said, “I love you, Zio Rico, but I want to live with Mama.”
“I know you do, Sweetie, and your mama knows too. And right now, she would want you to get some sleep. You have school tomorrow.”
She reached up on the shelf above her headboard and pulled down her stuffed monkey to hug to her chest. “G’night.”
He kissed her on the forehead, and she curled over onto her side facing away from him. Rico hated that she had to go through this, especially at such a young age. Michelle’s death would be hard on him but totally devastating for her.
Help me raise her right, Miche.
Rico didn’t know if his prayer would be answered as he made his way down the hallway to where Franco sat on the sofa. He resisted the need to sit beside him, fearing he might be too tempted to lay his head on Franco’s chest and let him hug away some of the hurt and anxiety. Instead, he took a seat in the chair to the man’s right.
“I think everyone’s settled in for the night.”
“When’s the last time you made it into a bed to sleep?”
Rico tried to think back, but it had been longer than he could remember. Usually he caught a few hours’ sleep on the sofa where Franco now sat. He shrugged. “It’s been a rough couple of weeks since she went under hospice care.”
“There’s no hope?”
“I think there’s always hope, but I don’t see a way out of the inevitable anymore.” Rico cleared the lump in his throat before continuing. “She’s too weak. She manages a few sips of those Ensure shakes, but that’s not enough to sustain anyone. It must be obvious to Gina now too. She just asked me if her mama was going to die.”
“I’m really sorry, Rico. I can tell how much you and Gina mean to each other.”
Don’t fucking make me cry in front of you.
Rico cleared his throat again and blinked rapidly to keep any tears from falling. “Where are my manners? Can I get you something to drink? A beer? Wine? Coffee?”
“Don’t add me to your list of people you take care of, Rico.” Franco stood. “Question is, what can I do to help you?”
It had been a while since anyone other than hospice volunteers had asked him that. “Honestly, being here tonight to help Gina with her homework was the best help of all. I couldn’t have handled that on top of taking care of Michelle after the hospice aide left a few hours ago.”
“Glad to help. Thanks for letting me do that. I told her to have you call me anytime she needed help. That goes for you too—and not just to do things for her. I have to work and can’t always predict my schedule, but I live fifteen minutes away, so all you have to do is ask.”
Rico nodded. Asking for help was never something he’d been very good at. He had no problem hiring professional caregivers or allowing hospice volunteers to come in, but asking a friend or family member for anything just wasn’t in his DNA.
You’re going to have to change that attitude real quick—for Gina. If not for you.
“Thanks, Franco. I’ll be sure and do that.”
I’ll try to, anyway.
Rico leaned his head back against the chair’s back. “I’m so damned tired.”
“I should leave so you can get some rest while you can.”
Rico wished he could find an excuse to keep him here a little longer. He didn’t want to face this alone, but Michelle and Gina were his responsibility, not Franco’s.
Rico stood too. When Franco closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around him, Rico lost it. The tears he’d been fighting to hold back poured from him in a torrent, and he latched onto Franco as if he were a drowning man. Franco murmured something in his ear, and Rico felt the caring and support his friend offered during this difficult time.
After several minutes, Rico pulled away, a little disappointed that Franco let him go. Then Franco gripped him by the upper arms. “I’m going to come over after work tomorrow unless I have an investigation to work. What can I bring you guys to eat?”
“Any kind of pasta would be amazing. I need some comfort food. And Michelle no longer seems to get nauseous at the smells of what we’re cooking or eating.” Or if she was, she didn’t make it known. “Thanks for the offer. I really appreciate it, even if you can’t make it.”
“I’ll do my best but will let you know if I can’t. And while I’m here, I can help Gina with anything she needs. One less person for you to worry about.”
“I’m afraid I’ll be worrying about her until my dying day.”
Franco cocked his head.
“I agreed to accept guardianship of Gina after…”
“Rico, you have a huge heart. Most cousins wouldn’t do that.”
“I’m all she’ll have left—and she’s the last of the line for this branch of our family. Besides, I couldn’t love that kid more if I’d fathered her myself.”
“You’ll make a great papa.”
He hadn’t thought about Gina considering him her papa, but she’d never had one before, so if that’s what she wanted to call him, so be it.
“I’ll sure try. But if I screw things up, I also hope I’ll be able to fix them later on.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Most people start parenting with babies. You’ve already missed out on her first decade or so.”
“I did get to watch her growing up, albeit from two hours away.”
“It’s obvious how much she loves you.”
Rico glanced toward the hallway. “She’d much rather have her mama get out of bed and play with her. How much can a ten-year-old understand about the permanency of death?”
“She’s too young to have to go through this. Such a sweet kid.”
Rico nodded. “Michelle did a great job with her, all on her own.”
“Deadbeat dad?”
“Who knows? She never told me anything other than it was a college fling that netted her a beautiful baby.”
“They’re both lucky to have you in their lives, Rico. But you need to remember to take care of yourself first. Just like in a plane, you put your mask on first before helping others.”
“Yes, Sir.” The words came out automatically in response to hearing the authoritative tone in Franco’s voice. It made Rico smile as he remembered their brief time together at the club.
Rico would gladly let a Dom take over everything right about now. To have someone tell him what to do and when to do it sounded sublime.
Franco smiled too. “A good Dom takes care of his sub. While we only had a brief power exchange that one time, I feel a need to take care of you, Rico. I might not wait for you to ask me for something. If I can identify a need, I’ll fill it.”
“I’m all yours.” Well, not all maybe. Perhaps someday, though. Not that he had time to think about dating relationships anytime soon. “I’m tired of being in charge. Running a business is easy compared to the decisions I’ve had to make these past few months.”
“Well, I need to get out of here so you can sleep.”
Rico wished there was a bed for them to go to and snuggle together. He didn’t want Franco to leave. But this wasn’t a sofa bed so that option was out.
“I’ll be back with dinner tomorrow as soon as I’m able to get here.”
“Just buzz us on the intercom when you get here, and one of us will ring you up.”
Rico almost couldn’t muster the energy to put one foot in front of the other to escort Franco out, but Franco took him by the hand, and they walked to the door together. Franco turned to face him and framed his face before placing a tender kiss on his lips. It only left Rico wanting more.
“Stay strong, Rico. Lean on me anytime you want. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Thanks, Franco. I appreciate that.” His voice sounded raspy again with unshed tears and utter exhaustion, or perhaps the gentleness of that sweet kiss had something to do with it.
“Now, get some sleep. That’s an order from your Dom.”
He grinned. “Yes, Sir.”
Franco kissed him on the forehead before opening the door and leaving.
Minutes later, Rico had made up the sofa and stretched out on it. He stared up at the ceiling a little while before his eyelids grew too heavy.
Then he dreamed of Franco taking care of him by washing him in the shower followed by a sensual massage. It was almost as if Franco had actually been there to do those things. Rico slept better than he had in months.
Franco got off work and headed to his favorite Sicilian restaurant to pick up the to-go orders he’d called in an hour ago. He hated the reason he’d been invited back into Rico’s life but was content that he could help ease some of Rico’s burden at this time.
Gina buzzed him up and let him into the apartment. No Rico in sight, so he was probably in Michelle’s bedroom. Franco laid the bags on the dining room table.
“Guess what!” Gina asked.
Franco grinned. It seemed to be a favorite expression of hers. “I have no clue.”
“I got 100 percent on my math homework!” She beamed at him.
He wanted to just wrap her in a big hug but didn’t want to step outside the boundaries. She didn’t know him well enough.
“Once we analyzed that first problem, you whipped through the rest, champ. High five!” Gina held up her hand, and Franco slapped it in the air. “Do you have homework tonight?”
“No, silly. It’s Friday. We never have homework on weekends.”
As it should be for a fourth grader.
“Why don’t you help set the table while I warm up our dinners?”
She went into the kitchen and opened a drawer, pulling out silverware as he set the oven at 250 degrees to keep the pasta alla Norma and bread warm until Rico was ready to eat. He wondered what was happening in the other room but wouldn’t intrude in the personal space of a woman he didn’t even know.
“What have you been doing since school let out?”
“Zio Rico picked me up as always, but we couldn’t go anywhere. He said Mama needed him, so we came back here. I’ve been drawing.”
“You like to draw?”
She pulled several napkins out of the holder and meticulously placed the silverware on top of one on the first placemat. Apparently, she’d been taught to be self-reliant and to help out at home. Michelle must be a really good mother.
“I love art of all kinds. It’s my best subject.”
He’d never been particularly artistic as a kid. “Maybe while we wait for Rico, you can show me some of your work.”
Gina quickly slapped a fork and knife at the second and third place settings. “I’ll be right back!” She was halfway down the hallway toward her bedroom in seconds.
Franco opened several cupboards before finding plates and salad bowls and pulled them out. He’d just finished transferring the salads into three bowls when Gina came back in with an armful of papers of various sizes and colors.
Stopping what he was doing, he came to sit down beside her at the far end of the table where there were no placemats. Over the next fifteen minutes, he got to see several of her masterpieces.
“I take it you like horses?” There must have been a horse in every picture.
“I love them! Do you?”
“I’ve never been around them much, but my brother and his wife own some mustangs.”
“Really!? Can I go see them sometime?”
He wasn’t sure how to respond, because he wasn’t sure where he might fit into her future. “We’ll see.” Wasn’t that what parents said when they didn’t have an answer?
“We’ll see what?”
Franco turned to the doorway to see Rico standing there looking a little lost.
“Franco’s brother has some horses, and he’s going to take me to see them.”
Wait, how did ‘we’ll see’ turn into a sure thing?
Rico smiled at him. “Gina, I think he said we’ll see about it. That doesn’t mean it will happen for sure.”
The little girl looked from one man to the other before settling on Franco. “Try really, really hard, Zio Franco! Please?” She cocked her head to the side as she awaited his response.
Zio? With the use of that honorific he’d only heard her use for Rico up to now, Gina wrapped him around her little finger.
“I’ll get in touch with my brother Matteo and his wife, Dakota, and see what we can work out.” There might come a time real soon when Gina would need the distraction.
“What smells so good?” Rico asked.
“Your dinner. Sit down.” He picked up their salad bowls and put one at each of the three place settings. “The pasta and bread are warming in the oven. What can I get you to drink?”
“Why don’t I get the drinks?” Rico asked.
Franco gave Rico his best Dom stare, and it was rather comical to watch Rico lowering his gaze in true submissive fashion.
I could get used to this.
“Um, there’s some flavored water in the fridge for Gina, and I’ll take spring water from the jug on the counter. Help yourself to whatever else you see in there that you’d like to drink, S…Franco.”
Had Rico almost called him Sir? The thought made Franco’s smile grow wider.
“Water’s fine for me too.” Wine would taste better, but he ought to drink more water anyway.
Franco wanted to ask Rico about Michelle, but not in front of Gina, so they made small talk as they ate their salads with Gina doing most of the talking even as she picked out the items she didn’t want in her salad. Next time, he’d remember not to put mushrooms or cucumbers on hers.
“Busy day at work?” Rico asked him.
“No new cases. Just follow-ups and evidence handling.” He still had no leads in the fire that had killed the family of five yesterday. Of course, it was still early in the investigation. “But I do have some news from home.”
“Spill.”
“Come January, I’m going to become an uncle—twice over.”
“You mean Dakota and Carmella finally announced they’re pregnant? That’s awesome!”
Franco cocked his head. “How’d you hear?” Angelina, no doubt.
“I knew the day of the wedding. Well, I strongly suspected, anyway. I knew Michelle was pregnant before she did. It’s a knack I have. I’ll bet your mama is over the moon.”
“That’s an understatement. You could have knocked her over with a feather when Tony and Carmella stood up and announced they were expecting too, right after Matteo and Dakota told everyone their news.”
“She was born to be a nonna. She’ll be great at it.”
Franco took a few more bites of his salad. “Who’s been holding down the fort at the pub?”
“My manager has been a godsend. I’ll have to give her a raise. And Angie helped her learn some of the things I hadn’t taught her before I had to leave. Everyone’s been amazing making it easier for me to be here with Michelle and this little one.” He smiled at Gina who grinned back at him.
“I wish you could live with us all the time, Zio Rico.”
Rico swallowed hard before responding. “Are you sure you wouldn’t get sick of me after a while?”
Her eyes opened wide as her jaw dropped. “No way! You’re too much fun.”
Rico raised a brow as though dubious at her words. “But we haven’t been able to go anywhere or do anything in a long time.”
“But you took me to the zoo and roller skating and lots of places before Mama got too sick. When she’s better, we can do that again.”
Rico winced as if stabbed, and he turned his focus back to his salad. Franco thought he’d told her that her mama might not get better, but it didn’t sound as though the prognosis had sunk in.
Of course, how could the unthinkable ever make any sense?
Hoping to break the tension, Franco asked, “How’d Zio Rico do at roller skating, Gina?”
She smiled again. “He waves his arms in the air and falls down a lot.”
“Hope you didn’t damage anything important, Rico.”
Rico gave him a lopsided smile and a half shrug. “Just my ego. How’d I get too old to be able to roller skate?”
Despite being a couple years older than Rico, Franco liked to think he’d still know how to skate if he ever went back to a rink. “I don’t think it’s an age thing so much as a lack of practice. Maybe when you two get out there again, you’ll improve.”
“Maybe you ought to come along,” Rico invited. “You’ll see it’s not as easy as you think.”
“You’re on.” Having finished his salad and seeing that the two of them almost had too, Franco stood up. He removed the aluminum containers from the oven and plated the pasta for each of them. The domesticity of the scene wasn’t lost on him. Again, thoughts of having his own kids someday flitted into his psyche, but he shoved them back down. It wasn’t that simple.
“This is one of the best pasta dishes I’ve ever eaten,” Rico commented a few minutes later, “which is saying something considering how good your mama’s and Angie’s versions taste.”
“The chef’s an immigrant from Sicily. She knows her pasta alla Norma.”
The three of them enjoyed their meal in relative silence until Rico finished and said, “I hope you’ll excuse me. I’d better go check on Michelle.”
“No problem.” When Rico started to pick up his plate, Franco waved him off. “I’ll take care of it.”
“I can help do dishes,” Gina offered. “I help Mama all the time.”
“Great!” Franco hadn’t seen a dishwasher in the apartment, so it looked like they’d be doing them by hand. After the two of them finished eating, he scraped the plates while Gina pulled up a stool. She ran the water, swishing it to make more bubbles.
“What do you usually do on weekends?” he asked. Maybe Franco could help occupy her while Rico was busy with Michelle.
“I draw and read.”
“What kinds of books do you like?”
“Goosebumps.”
“Really? I used to read those when I was your age.” He was surprised they were still popular.
“I like the Magic Tree House books too.”
He asked her what those were about, and they discussed some of her favorites as they washed and rinsed the dishes then put them in the drainer. Soon they were finished, and he wondered what to do next. He had no desire to head back to his apartment yet.
“Wanna play The Game of Life with me?” she asked.
This girl’s like a Mini-Me.
“One of my favorite games, but I haven’t played that in decades. You might have to refresh my memory on the rules.”
“No problem!” She handed him the last washed plate, got down from her stool, and ran toward the back of the apartment while he finished rinsing and stacking it. He assumed they’d play on the table where they’d just eaten, so he wiped down the table and was drying it off when Gina came in with the board game. He glanced down the hall to where Rico was, but figured he had his hands too full to take a break. At least Franco felt he could help by spending as much time with Gina as Rico probably used to.
Franco’s only regret was that he hadn’t reached out to Rico weeks ago, but he’d thought perhaps Rico hadn’t wanted to see him after their scene at the Masters at Arms Club.
How many of his perceptions about other people were also far off the mark?