Chapter 17
Throughout the school day on Monday, the queasy feeling that stirred in my stomach only worsened.
At lunch, I felt so nauseous to the point that I was sure if I tried to force anything down, it’d come straight back up.
Instead of going to the Top Tier table in the cafeteria, I went to my mom’s office.
She was suspicious, of course, but I just curled into one of her plush chairs and cited, “Cramps.” She offered ibuprofen and didn’t push further.
She also totally ate the entire pizza yesterday. Just out of spite.
The idea of giving up co-captain for Jade had been weighing on me ever since the suggestion had fallen from her lips. I’d barely slept last night, wired awake. You’d do anything for me—and I would’ve. But there were some things you didn’t ask of your best friends, right?
I never would’ve dreamed of even considering the insane question if it hadn’t been for what I’d done on Saturday.
The guilt of seeing Logan behind Jade’s back was crushing, equally as crushing as the weight of her ask.
If Jade found out about Logan, she would see it as confirmation—that I wanted her title and the guy she didn’t want me to be with.
So, I swallowed my pride and the bile rising in my throat, and marched into cheer practice.
Football practice was alive and loud in the background, with their coach shouting drills and instructions to the players like they were dogs instead of high schoolers.
Coach Chelsea was a sweetheart in comparison, even though she had her moments of biting steel.
She stood with her hands in her pockets now, watching me approach.
“You almost didn’t make it, Oliphant,” she said with a little twist to her lips. “I was beginning to think you were going to skip practice. Again.”
I ducked my head as my cheeks pinked, and though the call out was embarrassing, I knew it was going to be beneficial in the long run. Instead of apologizing, I hurried to stand beside Jade.
Chelsea clapped her hands. “Hair up, jewelry off, ladies—yes, Nina, that means your boyfriend’s class ring, too. You try to leave it on for one more practice, and you’re benched next game.”
The cheer squad sang a chorus of oohs under their breath, watching as Nina slid the ring off and tucked it into the pocket of her athletic shorts.
“Great.” Coach Chelsea turned. “Jade, Madison—lead us in warmups?”
“Of course!” Jade’s voice was cheery, the total opposite of how she’d sounded the day before.
She bounded to the front of the squad, whereas I trailed at a slower pace.
This would be the last time I’d open a practice with warmups.
The last time I’d stand before the girls as their leader, not just their peer.
They all looked at Jade and me expectantly, faces bright and ready for a good practice.
I scanned each of their faces, even Riley’s, as Jade began the dynamic stretches. This isn’t right, a small part of me screamed, rebelling like a toddler stomping their feet. This isn’t fair.
But life wasn’t fair. Best to fall in line and realize it now.
After the dynamic stretches, Coach Chelsea worked her way back to the front as we practiced our cheer routine.
We added two new ones into the mix for Friday’s upcoming game, and Chelsea asked both Jade and I to demonstrate them to the squad.
Jade, with a bright smile, walked through the trick with all the confidence in the world.
Maybe Jade had been right—she was more made for the captain role. Maybe this was how things were supposed to have been.
I let Jade lead cool-downs, and instead of standing by her side, I faced her like the rest of the squad, unable to look her in the eye. I could feel her gaze, though. Waiting. Expectant.
I wondered what Logan would say if he knew what I was about to do.
Jade gathered her things, her light laughter so totally at odds with my mood. So totally at odds with the mood she’d been in yesterday. But that was Jade Dyer—she was able to smile through anything, whether that be a broken nail or the prospect of her family forcing her to give up the Top Tier.
Coach Chelsea sat in the grass with her legs stretched out in front of her. She tipped her head up at me as I approached, but I couldn’t see her eyes beyond her sunglasses. “You pulled back during practice today,” she said without missing a beat. “I take it this is about that?”
My fists were tight at my sides. “Yes.”
Chelsea sighed, getting her feet under her. “Madison,” she said, the name punctuated with meaning I was supposed to deduce.
I waited, but she didn’t go on. “I don’t think I can lead the girls,” I said, staring at her collarbone. “I don’t think I have what it takes to be co-captain. I’m not… leader material.”
I’d practiced all throughout the day what to say to sound believable. The truth wasn’t an option, of course, but mentioning leader material would do it. If I showed doubt, she needed to cut me out like cancer.
Chelsea sighed again, this time slipping her sunglasses off. The length of her silence roiled my stomach further. “Madison,” she said again. “Is being a captain a joke to you?”
The insinuation hit me like a jolt of electricity. “No, ma’am.”
“Is it something you can just be lazy at?”
“No, ma’am.”
She hooked her sunglasses on the collar of her shirt. “What does it mean to be a captain, then?”
“It means leading your fellow cheerleaders through routines, through games, and setting a good example for your squad.” My breaths came quicker. “It’s an honor.”
“It’s an honor. And yet you’re throwing it away?”
“I’m not. I—I just—I don’t feel confident—”
“Then do better.” Her voice wasn’t cruel, but it was hard, allowing no room for negotiation. “Don’t come to me complaining about how bad a leader you feel you are. Do better.”
No, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to tell her to take me off as co-captain, and she was supposed to agree. She wasn’t supposed to refuse.
Jade would say I didn’t plead the case hard enough because I secretly hoped Coach would say no.
Chelsea began walking away, but in a blind panic, my hand shot out and latched onto hers. “Coach,” I all but gasped. “I—I can’t be co-captain.”
Desperation shook my voice, and I winced from how obvious it was.
Coach Chelsea stared at me pointedly, as if waiting for me to crack underneath the probing gaze and spill my guts. I didn’t though. I even went as far as to press my lips together, all but holding my breath. “Is this about the Most Likely To?”
My lips parted, surprised she knew about the list. But I shook my head. “No, it’s not about that.”
She reached over and laid her other hand on top of mine, giving it an unexpectedly gentle pat. “I’ll think on it.”
“But—”
And then she brushed my grip off, grabbing her water bottle where she’d left it on the ground. The girls had dispersed by then, not a single one lingering to catch wind of the gossip. Jade had even disappeared, apparently deciding not to wait for Connor to finish practice.
I stood still even as Coach Chelsea walked away, trying to breathe evenly through my nose.
I’ll think on it. It wasn’t the quick agreement that I’d been hoping for—that I was sure Jade had been hoping for.
It wasn’t the okay I’d been expecting, but the uncertainty rolled some of that weight off my chest. Just a little.
And maybe that was a sign I was doing the wrong thing.
That night, I scrolled through Brentwood Babble until the blue LED light of my phone burned into my retinas.
The blog only went back two years, but I typed my name in the search back and scrolled, and scrolled, lost into the realm that was the high school’s gossip website.
Going into my senior year, I’d scoured the pages day in and day out, but now, two weeks later, I opened the webpage up for the first time since the Most Likely Tos dropped.
The comments on the MLT post were mostly the same—shock that so many in the Top Tier had been thrown under the bus, amused at the treason, or confused by the callouts. The owner of the site, Ava, had posted a few new threads since last Monday.
brENTWOOD’S NEWEST IT COUPLE: LACEDON
This Week’s Juicy Gossip
ALERT THE MEDIA—It Must Be Date Night!
It was the article about us showing up at Allen’s Alley.
She mostly talked about Jade and Connor, tying in a bit of Reed and Cindy, and briefly mentioned Landon and me.
Since Ava was Maisie’s BFF, she left out the Coke waterfall ordeal, but even though it hadn’t been written about, someone commented about it. A picture, in fact.
Maisie was in plain view, with her mouth dropped in a shocked O. Her boyfriend’s eyes were round as he stared at the mess he’d created, his body a blur of motion as he’d been in the process of pushing his chair back.
I looked at the comment attached to the picture, my stomach dropping.
JDBobcatBabe01: Did the weather call for rain?
Of course, given the angle the photo had been taken at, it could have been no one other than Jade. That was Jade’s Babble handle, too. My stomach plummeted further as I read through the comments poking fun at Maisie. Why had she even taken the picture? Why did she care so much?
Most of the other comments were in regard to the post, where Ava had keyed heavily on Jannor’s Cuteness!
!! and Landon’s new sweetheart?! For some reason, my skin crawled reading it all, especially about Jade and Connor.
No one had any idea that they’d argued the entire car ride to Allen’s Alley.
On the outside, they were a picture-perfect couple.
No one knew how they really were at all.
Of course they don’t, I thought bitterly. That’s the whole point.
I went through the comments, but there was only one about me.
BundlesOfBobcats: Anyone else thought Landon and Madison were going to end up together?
The thread devolved from there, though, focusing on Landon and Lacey’s relationship.