Chapter 34
That day after school, I gripped my backpack strap tightly as I walked outside. The sun was high, but the air was cool. Fall was sweeping in, and the change in the air almost left me giddy, despite what I was walking out to do.
The boys were already out on the football field, congregating before their practice started, and I found where the cheerleaders were all assembling on the other side of the fence.
Practice hadn’t started for them either, but they were all sitting on the ground to prepare for their warmups, stretching their legs.
Their heads swiveled up toward me when they noticed my approach, and even though my chest suddenly felt tight, I refused to let my steps falter. Instead, I held my head high and set my sights on Coach, who was looking at something on her phone.
She was seemingly unaware of me at all until I stopped right beside her. My hands were full of something that should’ve been light, but felt like a fifteen-pound weight in my palms. I cleared my throat to speak. “Hi, Coach.”
Coach glanced up, but quickly focused back down on her phone. “Way to grace us with your presence finally, Oliphant.”
Her tone was flat, borderline unfriendly. Totally deserved, though. I had cut practice all week without notice—after I’d been caught with the enemy. I was sure I was public enemy number one in Coach Chelsea’s book.
Which made what I needed to do a bit easier. “I just. Well.” I thrust my hands out, my folded uniform displayed on my palms. “I wanted to return this.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about giving up cheerleading, if I was being honest. It was something that was forced upon me, really, but I’d made peace with it.
Sort of. It wasn’t like I could be co-captains with Jade anymore, and honestly, the idea of staying on the squad even though everyone probably hated my guts wasn’t exactly exciting.
I didn’t feel relieved to be offering my uniform out, but I didn’t feel heartbroken, either.
I probably shouldn’t have done it in front of the girls, because they all looked on with dropped jaws. If practice hadn’t been about to start, I was sure they’d have run to grab their phones out of their duffels and record it for Babble.
My arms had begun to quiver by the time Coach lifted her gaze again, and she just stared at my outstretched bundle of clothes. “What’s this?”
“Uh, my uniform.”
“Why are you giving it to me?”
I blinked. “Because I’m quitting.” And then, as if she needed clarification, I added, “The squad.”
Coach still didn’t react. “I didn’t approve your request to step down as co-captain.”
Had she not heard what happened last weekend? That her beloved co-captain got fleas from the Bulldogs? “Uh—”
“In fact, if you hadn’t skipped practice all week, I would’ve told you my decision already.” Coach went as far as to push my uniform back at me. “Request denied.”
Request denied? “Coach—”
“Now get your butt out of those jeans and into shorts, because practice starts in five minutes.” She turned back to the girls. “Five minutes. Nina, get that class ring off, or so help me—”
“Coach Chelsea.” I blinked at her again, unable to close my mouth. “I—I can’t be on the squad anymore.”
“Why not? Because you had a fight with Jade? Because you’re making kissy faces at some boy from Jefferson, and everyone at school hates you for it?”
Instinctively, I looked toward the girls, who seemed torn between looking shocked and amused. “I mean, well, that’s part of it—”
“Do you know why I chose you for co-captain, Madison?”
I mutely shook my head.
“Because you’re a good leader. You have your head on straight, and you keep the girls on task, even when your tank is empty.
You’re Miss School Spirit because you love Brentwood, not because you love the spotlight.
” Coach lowered her voice so only I could hear her next words.
“And because I didn’t want it to be Jade. ”
My eyebrows shot up. “But—”
“I needed someone who would look out for the good of the squad as a whole, not just for the good of themselves.” Coach glanced over at the squad, and they quickly looked away, as if trying to hide the fact they’d clearly been eavesdropping. “I needed you to balance her out.”
“I’m sure someone else could step up and balance her out,” I told her. “Jen’s form has been really good—”
“Jade’s off the squad, Madison.”
Those words shocked me even more than the fact that she hadn’t wanted Jade as captain. Because—what? Jade, who lived and breathed cheerleading, was off the squad? “Why?”
“Her parents pulled her.”
Each blow was worse than the last. I let out a sharp breath. “From the squad?”
“From Brentwood.”
Her parents pulled her from Brentwood. Brentwood didn’t seem to be able to exist in my mind without the presence of Jade Dyer. They went hand in hand, inextricable. Her parents pulled her from Brentwood. “My—my mom didn’t say—”
“I spoke with her parents this afternoon when they returned her uniform. Apparently, it’s been planned for a while now, but they just weren’t sure when. Her father took a job in New York, and they need him at the start of next week.”
The image of Jade sobbing filled my mind, the day she’d come to my house in the middle of watching Romeo and Juliet.
My dad… He got a job offer in New York. It hadn’t been a lie after all.
I took a breath in, but it was like the oxygen couldn’t touch my lungs.
They burned, empty. “Oh.” It was all I could say.
“Get me through the end of the football season,” Coach persuaded, and even though it didn’t sound like a question, I knew it was one. “Be my captain until the last football game. And if by then, if you still want to quit, I’ll let you.”
“I don’t know if the girls will follow me,” I said quietly. “After everything—”
“They will.” Coach raised her voice, looking at the squad. “Because my squad cares about their own more than they care about gossip. Isn’t that right?”
“Yes, Coach!” they harmonized, and then Gina stepped forward. “Seriously, Mads. We’re on your side.”
“Even though you’re kissing the enemy,” Kaitlin muttered, and Jen elbowed her in the side.
“At least she’s getting kissed,” Nina clapped back, propping a hand on her hip. “When’s the last time you were kissed, huh, Katie?”
They began bickering in earnest, and some of the girls stepped in trying to calm them down.
I watched them with a touch of affection.
But as the girls shifted, I found myself meeting Riley’s gaze.
She was frowning at me, but so separate from the other girls, as if free floating within them.
Without her leader, she seemed almost… lost.
Coach turned to me, as if saying, see? I need you.
I dragged my thumb over the uniform still in my grip, looking down at the blue and gold captain embroidery. An honor. I could still remember the day Coach had called my name, even though my reaction in my memory was clouded by Jade’s. She’d been shocked, scrambling to hide her offended expression.
Before, I’d wondered if I’d liked cheerleading because I genuinely liked it, or because Jade had liked it. This was my chance to find out—to find me. “’Til the end of the season,” I told Coach, even though those words tasted like an immediate lie.
She slapped me on the shoulder. “Go get changed, or I’ll make you cheer in jeans.”
I actually chuckled. “Yes, Coach.”
The bell to Expresso’s Café dinged as I nudged the door open, and just like the Friday all those weeks ago, it was packed.
The line of people waiting to order stretched to the door, and the second I walked in, everyone turned—and glared.
I was in my Brentwood cheer uniform, wearing the colors like a badge of honor in enemy territory.
I smiled at the girl in the nearest booth, who wore Jefferson black and red. She didn’t smile back.
The line shuffled forward, and my heart picked up its pace every time I inched along. A tall man stood in front of me, which I was grateful for, because I could hide almost perfectly behind his broad shoulders. It was cowardly, but I needed to build my courage.
Plus, too, hiding gave me the chance to change my mind and bolt without him seeing me.
But all too soon, the tall man, after having placed his order, stepped aside. “I’ll be right—” the barista began, and then stopped as recognition set in. “What are you doing here?”
The question itself wasn’t outright hostile, but it wouldn’t surprise me with our history. Noah blinked at me, his eyebrows ducking underneath the rims of his glasses. My palms all at once felt far too sweaty, and I wiped them on my skirt.
Before I had a chance to reply, he said, “Logan doesn’t work Fridays.”
“I-I know.”
“So you’re still avoiding him?”
“I’m here to talk to you.”
Noah looked at me for a moment expressionless, and there was nothing but the roar of the espresso machine in the air. For a moment, I thought he was about to send me packing. “You’ll have to wait,” he said instead. “Until the rush is over.”
I technically didn’t have to be back to the school until five-forty-five, since our away game was only the next town over. “Okay.”
Without ordering anything, I walked over to the booth nearest to the bathrooms, away from the windows and prying eyes.
It was strange being in Expresso’s without Logan at my side. The last time I’d been in here, we’d stumbled upon Maisie and Connor—they totally were here on a date, those little liars. That night honestly felt like a lifetime ago, and, weirdly, as did everything with Logan.
After I’d found out he was from Jefferson, I’d been heartbroken—not over the loss of him, but over the loss of potential It Couple status. I could admit that now. I’d been hurt, but it’d been more of my pride than my heart.
I could physically feel the difference now. I could feel it in the hollow ache in my chest, the way my body still leaned toward the door as if he might walk through it at any second. Now, there was no idea of popularity to mourn. Only the loss of him.