Chapter 34 #2
And I didn’t know if I was brave enough to try to get him back.
I traced the edge of the table with my nail, feeling like the world’s biggest coward. But this—I could at least do this.
I didn’t know how much time passed before Noah came up to the booth, carrying a small iced drink. He set it down in front of me.
I looked up in surprise. “You know my order?”
“I saw Logan make it enough to remember. No offense, but it’s pretty basic.”
A corner of my mouth tugged up as I caught the straw between my teeth. “Thanks.”
“I’m assuming this is about the deal Logan made with your friend?” Noah settled back into his seat and folded his arms across his chest, arching a languid eyebrow. “You want me to tell you what I know? Because I do know everything—I was there.”
It hadn’t been what I’d come there for, but his words made me falter. “You were there?”
“When Jade came into Expresso’s and threatened him.”
I closed my eyes. I’d wondered how their paths had crossed in the beginning, and having even just a glimpse into the mental image hurt.
I set the iced coffee back down on the table, forcing myself to look him in the eye and not cower.
“I’m not here about Logan,” I told Noah finally, one of my legs bouncing underneath the table. “I’m here to apologize.”
Now his other eyebrow lifted. “To me? For what?”
“For what the Top Tier did to you. For what my friends did to you.” I cringed a little. “Or, ex friends. I know it’s not nearly the same, but I’m here to apologize.”
Noah scratched the side of his neck a little awkwardly, and he looked so much like Logan in that moment that it was a little strange. “You already apologized. At the bonfire.”
“I wanted to do it again.” I leaned onto the table. “And I wanted to offer to help bring it to light. We can take it to my mom. She’s the principal at Brentwood. She’d be ready to fight for you, even if it meant the football team would get in trouble.”
Mom had been busy this past week. While I was wasting away in my bedroom, she was collecting evidence.
She’d taken screenshots from the Madison Exposé webpage, downloaded all of the pictures and videos, and was trying to figure out how to trace it all back to Ashton and Kyle and Riley and Jade.
With Brentwood’s “No Bullying” policy, she’d be able to nail them—if she could prove it was them.
Which she hadn’t been able to do just yet.
I was okay with letting it go, to be honest. I didn’t need to bring them down, and I didn’t feel the need to prove my innocence.
The students at Brentwood could think what they wanted.
Walking into the cafeteria had shown me that—it hadn’t been nearly as terrifying as I’d built it up to be.
People had looked, sure, but most of them just went back to their food and their friends.
The world hadn’t stopped spinning because of me.
And that was another interesting thing about the life post Top Tier status—to realize there truly was more to life than popularity status in high school.
“Brentwood films every game,” I told Noah now. “We can pull the footage from last year’s game, and—”
Noah lifted his palm, and I cut myself off. “Why are you doing this? Because you feel guilty?”
“Because what happened to you wasn’t right. And it shouldn’t be swept under the rug.” I scanned his expression. “Not if you don’t want it to be.”
And that applied to a lot of things. Landon had gone up to Hudson and offered to go to my mom together, to come clean about what really happened freshman year when the Top Tier boys had targeted him.
Hudson had declined, though, saying that he didn’t care what the school thought about him—that he knew the truth.
He and I were a lot alike in that regard.
Noah had such a steady gaze as he watched me, so remote that it was hard to tell what he was thinking until he spoke.
“I don’t mind if it is. Swept under the rug, I mean.
” He tipped his head to the side. “Bringing it back up isn’t going to make me be able to play again.
” Underneath the table, he tapped his leg.
“But you could keep them from playing.”
Noah shrugged. “They have, what, five games left this season? Let’s be honest, they’re not talented enough to be scouted, anyway.
” To that, he smirked. “I appreciate the offer, though. It’s just…
bringing it back up also brings back up what I did, you know?
And I’d rather just let sleeping dogs lie. ”
“What you did?”
“The whole thing with the bribe. You know that part, too, right?”
I frowned. “I thought they asked Logan to take the bribe.”
Noah stilled. “What?”
“Yeah, Logan said that they tried to offer him money, he said no, and broke your leg in retaliation.”
“They offered me money,” Noah corrected, still seeming stunned. “Like, a half hour before the game started. Paid me to fumble a few times, miss a pass, that sort of thing. But they—they went to Logan before that?”
“Yeah, I think he said they’d gone to him the day before the game.”My fingers slid a little on my coffee, the gears in my mind turning along with his. “Wait, so you did accept the bribe?” Logan had said they’d told him he was easier to bribe than Noah.
“Yeah, c’mon. It was three hundred bucks.”
Well, I mean. Fair. “Logan never said? You never told Logan?”
“He—I always thought he knew. When—when he said Jade threatened to frame him for a bribe last year, I thought that meant he—” Noah broke off with a swear, letting his head hit the seat of the booth as his eyebrows screwed together. “Always freaking keeping everything to himself.”
My chest ached. “Mr. I Can Handle It.”
Noah reached up and pressed his fingers into his eyes. “When he said Jade threatened him about the bribe, I thought he knew. I didn’t know they’d tried offering him money first. So that means this entire time he was just—God, he probably just thought it was all his fault. Idiot.”
I could hear the frustration in Noah’s voice, and the affection.
The two twined around each other, alongside a third emotion—guilt.
Even though he was usually so hard to read, I understood him perfectly in that moment, because they were the same emotions I’d felt.
He probably just thought it was all his fault. “I think we’re all… idiots.”
“Amen.” Noah’s hands dropped into his lap, but the pained look on his face didn’t fade. “I screwed myself over, Logan made a deal with the devil, and you… well. You cut out all your toxic friends. I’d say you’re the sanest among us.”
“I’m healing my idiocy.”
Noah snorted a little, borderline a laugh. “I appreciate the apology, though. And the offer to right the wrongs and everything. Now I have a long overdue chat with Logan, too.”
That was where I was an idiot, still. My long overdue chat.
“I’m sorry for not giving you a fair shake,” Noah went on. “It was childish, honestly.”
“My friends broke your leg. I get it.”
The door to Expresso’s opened then, the bell chiming the announcement of the newcomer. “I’ll be right with you,” Noah called to them, rising from the booth with a little sigh. He turned to me one final time. “They’re performing Romeo and Juliet tomorrow at Jefferson.”
I sucked in a breath. “That’s tomorrow?”
“Yep. Hypothetically, if you tell the ticket collector you’re Noah Park’s plus one, you’d get in for free.”
Going to the Jefferson play? Seeing Logan there, after everything? The idea was terrifying.
Noah didn’t wait for me to try and form an answer. He glanced at the counter, where the customer was still looking over the menu, and gave me a little nod. He started to walk away.
“I’m not mad at him,” I called to him, not knowing why I felt the need to say it. “Logan. It’s not him.”
“Believe me, I get it.” Noah nodded again, this time like he was bobbing his head to his thoughts more than to me. “But when you forgive yourself, and if you ever think about calling him, just know he’ll pick up on the first ring.”
And with that, Noah turned around and headed to the counter.
I looked down at my iced coffee, at the melting cubes inside the soft brown liquid.
When you forgive yourself. It wasn’t until that singular moment, with those words echoing in my head, that I realized that that was what I needed. To forgive myself.
Apparently, just as I’d understood a bit more of Noah, he’d understood a lot more of me, too. And it made me smile.