Chapter 37
I let myself into the hotel room as quietly as possible. My dad was still awake, sitting in the lounge area watching the TV at a low volume.
"Hi," I mouthed. "Where is she?"
He pointed to one of the rooms, and I tiptoed in, eager to see my girl even though it had only been a few hours. The room was bathed in a soft glow from a lamp my dad left on. In the middle of the king-sized bed, my daughter slept soundly, looking adorable in her little pink sleepsuit.
My little angel.
I was careful not to wake her up as I quickly changed out of my blouse and pants, wincing slightly at my full boobs. Still, it was worth it to have a night of adult conversation and indulge in two glasses of wine. I could usually tolerate more, but since I hadn’t drunk alcohol for such a long time, I found myself quickly becoming tipsy. I decided to stick to water for the rest of the night. My head would thank me tomorrow for that.
I poked my head out the door. "I'm just going to pump, and then I'll be out."
After I pumped, I padded into the bathroom to wash off the minimal makeup I had on and to brush my teeth. Alani was still sleeping peacefully when I came back out. Hopefully she would stay that way all night, because after one night of chatting and laughing, I was almost dead on my feet.
When I finally joined my dad, he was busy washing out the bottles he'd used earlier.
"How was she?"
He turned and smiled indulgently at me. "An angel."
My lips twitched. I knew that my dad's answer would still be the same even if Alani had screamed her head off all night. He adored his granddaughter.
"How was the night?"
"It was good. Great food. It was nice to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a while."
Well, only some people. There were mutual friends who'd known Drew and me as a couple and only realized we’d split up when I'd posted a photo of my birth. The fact that I’d used my maiden name for Alani and not my married one had sent ripples of speculation through the group.
I knew they whispered about us. It was evident in their curious glances or conversations that stalled when I walked near.
There were questions about Alani, of course—all feigned interest so they could catch Drew's reaction. Thankfully, he never gave his true feelings away. He would fix me with a stare that told me everything he wanted me to know.
His true emotions were laid bare; and only I could decipher what that soulful look in his chocolate-brown eyes meant. He was still protective of me; it was clear in the way his brow would slightly crease in warning when someone tried to push me on what Alani looked like and who she took after. My answer was the same: she had my nose and my dad's fiery attitude.
I knew going into tonight that there would be gossip and speculation. The perfect golden couple splitting up. My daughter…possibly not his. Possibly the result of an affair? But I didn't care. I tuned those people out. It was no one's business but ours.
Drew surprised me, and probably a lot of people, by chatting to me for most of the night. Our earlier intimate moment had been forgotten, and we fell back into friendly conversation—if not a little strained since we had to sidestep our divorce and my daughter.
I couldn't get the image of him holding Alani out of my head. He'd been so tender with her, almost an expert and natural at cradling her. But the look on his face would always stay with me: the look of wonder, regret, and pain. Could I have asked to hold his baby if the roles were reversed? Not without having a nervous breakdown.
"Dad."
"Yeah?"
"What did you talk to Drew about?" I was too nervous to ask Drew myself.
He sighed heavily as he sat back down. "Nothing bad. I just asked how he was and told him I was here if he needed to talk. We hugged. I hope that's okay, pumpkin?"
I nodded. "Of course." I knew my dad was disappointed by the demise of our marriage, but not once did he judge or criticize me. He'd felt a lot of hurt and anger towards Drew, but I was happy that he was letting that go.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "To be honest, my first instinct was to give him a verbal smackdown. But I took one look at him and knew I couldn't kick a man when he was down."
"Down?"
"Anyone who’s dumb enough to let you go would be down in the dumps. When he saw me, he looked scared and then a little sad. Kinda felt sorry for the prick."
I puffed out a laugh before turning my attention to the TV. I watched the moving pictures with tired eyes before I quietly said, "He held Alani."
My dad did a double take. "He did?"
I nodded before my lips quivered at the memory. "I miss him."
"It's okay to miss him. You two have been together for such a long time. I miss him, too. Sometimes," he grumbled.
I picked at my fingernail, worrying it between my teeth. "I think he wants to get back together."
His eyes widened. "Uh…what? Really?"
That had been my reaction, too.
"And how do you feel?"
I shrugged. That was the million-dollar question. How did I feel? "I dunno. I still love him, but me falling pregnant by another man is not the reason we split."
He nodded thoughtfully. "You have a lot of hurt to sort through."
"He hurt me so much." My voice broke, and I sniffed back tears.
He reached over and patted my hand. "I know he did, pumpkin. He was a fool to mess with you like that. For what it's worth, the decision to end or stay in the marriage is up to you. I certainly won't judge. Marriage is hard. Your mom and I also had challenges, but we talked it through. We listened, and we were honest, no matter how hard. If you're considering letting him back into your life in any capacity, you have to demand full transparency. It's the only way."