Chapter 47
"H i, sweetie—oh! God, what's happened now?"
My mom pulled me inside, and I bent down to accept her hug. Her hugs usually made me feel better, but I was battling an inner turmoil that refused to abate. Anger. Jealousy. Hurt. Guilt.
'What's happened?" she continued to press.
"Frankie." It was all I could say. All I needed to say. All my thoughts and actions revolved around her. And Alani. Someone who was becoming just as important to me as Frankie.
"I thought you two were making strides?"
Mom had been super excited that Frankie and I were starting steps towards reconciliation. She'd wanted to have dinner with all five of us—Dan and Alani included. She'd also been pushing hard to meet Alani. I was grateful that my mom was so supportive. Not many parents would be so welcoming of a baby born in such circumstances, but my mom was one in a million. Truthfully, I worried she would trade me out for Frankie and Alani.
"We are." I shook my head. " Were ," I corrected. "I fucked up," I confessed with a shuddering sigh.
She sat down on the couch with a concerned frown. "Tell me."
So I did. I told her everything. I went back to when Frankie told me about meeting Carlos in Mexico, which was painful for me to relive. I told her how amazing the past few weeks have been, getting to know Frankie again—as a woman, my wife, and a mother. Alani was a part of her, and I accepted her wholeheartedly. Yes, there were times when Alani looked at me with an expression that didn't match Frankie's, and I was reminded that she was part of another man. A man who wasn't me. Still, being without Frankie and Alani was ten times worse than the occasional sting of knowing Frankie had been with another man.
I then relayed how I felt Frankie slipping away from me, growing distant, until I found out the reason for her behavior.
Mom was silent for a while. Her features conflicted as she processed everything. Her sigh was deep and long. She leaned forward and placed her hand on top of mine. "Son, I can see this is difficult for you," she gently said. "Are you sure you can handle this?"
"What do you mean?"
"You love Frankie. I love Frankie. You've made a lot of mistakes in your marriage, and I know that you want to work things out with her." She squeezed my hand. "And I'm so proud of how much you've grown. But I also know how hurt you are, how difficult it's been for you to know that she's had a baby with another man."
I closed my eyes. "I am, Mom," I confessed. "But the thing is, it was me that drove her to his arms. I feel like I shouldn't feel this way."
"Feel like what?"
My cheeks bloomed. “Hurt. Jealous."
Her lips rolled in, and she nodded in understanding.
"Truth is, Mom, I adore Alani. She's such a little character." I met mom's gaze head-on so she knew I was serious. "I love her, and I accept her fully." It was the first time I'd said it out loud. I knew I felt affection and tenderness for Alani. Not once did I ever feel resentful of her presence.
"But, I guess the longer we didn't hear from—from him …the more I could pretend that he didn't happen."
Mom's face softened. "Sweetheart, you need to tell Frankie this. It's not good to bottle it in. You need to be all in, honey. There's a little girl's well-being on the line."
"I know, Mom. And I'm thinking about her. Truly. This dude hasn't been in her life for eleven months. He didn't even check in on Frankie after she gave birth. And now he suddenly wants to meet her?" I scoffed as fury rolled through me.
"I understand. Believe me, I do. Every time your father popped into your life, I let him. Do you know why? Not because I still loved him or wanted to work things out, but because I had a little boy who was missing their dad. A little boy who was desperately seeking a male role model."
She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Granted, he was the worst role model to expose you to, and I'll forever regret that. But I was doing the best I could as a single mom with no support."
I didn't blame my mom for allowing my father to pop in and out of my life. I recalled being a grumpy little shit, silently blaming my mom for keeping my dad away and not realizing that he was doing that willingly on his own.
"Take it from me, Frankie is only thinking of Alani. Of her future. The more people in her village, the better. Right now, she has her dad, Nellie, and Sene. You. And me once you stop hogging that little munchkin," she joked.
My lips curved a tad. What she said made sense, and I was ashamed that I'd reacted the way I had. Frankie had put her feelings aside to do what was best for Alani. Even if Carlos turned out to be a dud, I knew Frankie would always put Alani first and protect her.
"The more people in Alani's corner, supporting her and loving her, the better. Frankie’s very forgiving, but don't mistake her kindness for weakness. As a mama bear, I know she'd cut off her left foot if she knew it would keep Alani safe. Darling, I know this is tough for you. I know you probably don't want to be in the same room as this man. But if you're all in like you say you are, you have to learn how to deal with this."
She squeezed my knee. "Talk to Frankie. She needs you more than ever right now, and I know she'll understand your concerns and feelings.
I blew my breath out and nodded. "Okay."
I wasted no time. I drove back over to Frankie's, not caring that I’d been eating up the miles with all the trips I’d been doing the last twenty-four hours. This was too important.
I knocked on her door, praying she was home. My heartbeat rose before dropping again at the sight of Frankie. She'd answered the door. But my joy was replaced by fear when I saw that she'd been crying.