Chapter 46
S omething was going on with Frankie, and it was sending me into a slight panic. I went through the Rolodex of advice I’d procured from my books and online seminars. I scrolled through the last few weeks, trying to think of what I could have said or done to make her distant.
I knew it was common for a wronged spouse to sink back into painful memories. The recovery wasn’t linear. Frankie could be fine one day, laughing and joking, and then the next, something could happen to cause her withdrawal. I had to be patient and understanding.
And I was.
But I was also fucking nervous. Nervous and scared that the emotional scars I’d caused would always be in the way, and she’d decide that she wanted to proceed with the divorce. God, I missed her. Having her and Alani live so far away from me was hell. It was why I’d held off finding myself a bigger place in St Louis. I wanted to be with Frankie and Alani and would settle wherever they wanted to live. Whether Columbia or Timbuktu, I was ready to make the move.
“Just ask her,” Sene pressed.
I was over at his place, watching a game I had no interest in. My mind was constantly on Frankie. She and I had talked every day over the last week, but I could hear the strain in her voice, the hesitancy.
“I want to. I’m just scared of her response. I’m worried that she’s going to say that it’s too hard, and that’ll be that.”
Sene sighed and slapped his hand on my back, giving me a little shake. “You don’t know until you ask.”
He was right. So the following day, I texted her, asking if we could meet up. Tomorrow was Friday, but I had no problem taking the day off.
I drove straight to Frankie’s home, my stomach battling nerves as a million and one possibilities ran through my head. When I pulled up, Daniel had Alani in her stroller, about to take her for a walk. I crouched down in front of my little buddy, my heart breaking at her wide smile and outstretched arms.
“I’ll see you real soon, sweetheart,” I promised. “You be good for grandad.”
I chatted for a few minutes with Dan. He and I had come to an understanding. He warned me to be good to his daughter this time, or he’d kick my ass. I understood that he was serious. I hoped we could continue our previous friendly rapport one day, but I knew that would take some time.
Frankie was waiting for me in the kitchen when I came in. She was seated at the dining table with a cup of coffee cradled between her hands. As it always did when I saw her, my heart picked up a rapid beat. The love I felt for her overwhelmed me at times. It was hard to imagine that I’d ever treated her any way other than precious.
“Hi,” she murmured.
My eyes ate her up. She was wearing a plain white tee with a deep v-neck. Since she’d had Alani, her breasts had grown considerably. Her hips were also wider, and she had a cute pooch that I knew she was self-conscious about. I hoped one day I could show her how sexy I found her. Her luscious curves wrecked hell on my body, and it was hard to contain myself whenever she was near.
“Frankie.” I bent down to plant a kiss on her warm cheek, wishing I could do more. I sat across from her. Her smile was tentative and shy.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d planned on having a few minutes of small talk with her before ultimately asking if we were okay. But I couldn’t hold it back any longer.
I reached across and grasped her hands. “Frankie, I love you.”
Her eyes softened before she squeezed my hands back. She hadn’t told me she loved me yet, but I knew she felt it. She wasn’t ready; I understood that and could be patient. As long as she didn’t let go of us.
I took a deep breath. “But I feel like you’re pulling away from me.” Her eyes dropped from mine, and my heart sank. “Tell me, Frankie,” I urged. “Whatever it is, we can work through it. I can handle it.”
She licked her lips, her eyes still turned away. “It’s not you,” she whispered. “It’s Alani’s father.”
My brow pulled down, and I knew it was stupid, but for a split second, a part of me still thought she was talking about me . “Her father?” I quizzed.
She gave a small nod. “Carlos.”
Carlos.
Or, as I had dubbed him in my head, ‘The Asshole Sperm Donor.’
Ever since she’d told me his name and how… Alani was conceived…his name had bounced around in my head—haunting my dreams—no less than twenty times a day.
My throat suddenly felt parched. But I held onto her hands, letting her know I supported her.
“What about him?”
“He called me last week, asking to meet up.” Her eyes finally met mine. “He wants to meet Alani.”
My breath stilled. It felt like my heart halted with it. “And you’re gonna let him?” I rasped.
Her eyes chastised me softly. “He’s her father, Drew.”
This time, I released her hands. Anger and jealousy swirled inside me, threatening to overwhelm and consume. “He hasn’t been in her life since she was born.” I fought to keep the harshness out of my voice, the judgement. “He hasn’t even contacted you to see how you are, how she is.”
“I know that, Drew. But he’s here now, and whether you like it or not, he is her father.”
I stood up, unable to contain my agitation. I didn’t want to hear any details about him. He had been out of sight and out of mind. I didn’t want him in the picture. He didn’t deserve to be in the picture.
“I know this is hard for you, Drew. I just want what’s best for Alani.”
I shook my head. “I’m protective of Alani.” That part was true. I didn’t want anything to hurt her. But I could also admit that the thought of Carlos coming within two feet of Frankie sent spikes of fear down my spine. “I want what’s best for her, too.”
“Knowing her father is what’s best. I’m giving him a chance because he’s young and scared. He just finished college –”
Wait, he what? I whirled around. “Wait, how old is this guy?”
Pink climbed her cheeks. “He’s twenty-three. Well, twenty-four now, probably,” she mumbled.
I ran a hand through my hair. “Jesus. Really, Frankie?” Rippling jealousy coursed through me. Twenty-three? Twenty-fucking-three? I didn’t know what I pictured Carlos to look like. Some suave businessman, perhaps. But a college student was not it. How could I compete with that?
Frankie stood up at my derisive tone. I instantly felt ashamed, but my panic and jealousy over this boy creeping back in overtook me. “I’m not doing this with you. He has a right to know about Alani,” she bit out. “I’ve given him a chance because, at some point, Alani will wonder about the other half of her. He could also sue me for access if I deny him, which is not what I want. This situation is not ideal, especially considering our relationship, but I’m trying my best.”
Shame hit me at her words. “Frankie –”
She shook her head, her face tight with anger. “We clearly need some space from each other. I know this is a sensitive topic for you, but the last thing I need is for you to judge my decisions when it comes to my daughter.”
But she’s my daughter, too, I wanted to scream.
“I’m not judging you,” I furiously denied.
But she wasn’t listening. “We can talk about this more later,” she bargained. “I don’t want us to say anything we’ll regret.”
Fuck. I’d fucked this up royally. But she was right. We both needed a little space right now. I left Columbia with my heart in tatters. But it twisted even more when I realized I’d left without saying goodbye to Alani.