Chapter 4
Freddie
As I cycle the small commute back to my parents’ home, I feel the nerves settling in the pit of my stomach. They won’t care when I let them in on the type of work I intend to do. They were the most supportive, open-minded parents a young gay guy in Scotland could ask for.
While I never had to come out per se, they were still always encouraging and full of unconditional love for my sisters and me.
But the nerves were reserved for what happened after I told them that I intended to start a sex blog.
That I was hoping they would invest their hard-earned money in it. In me.
Leaning my bike against the wall of the house by the garage, I make my way inside, picking at the skin around my nails. I had my spreadsheets, the research, and a business plan that was colour-coded and ready to go.
I just had to hope they could see the potential and know I wouldn’t let them down. Because it was one of the few places in the house with a lock that could keep my sisters from barging in, I had asked them both to meet me in the downstairs study.
They were already waiting once I had grabbed my laptop and jogged back downstairs, Da with a bowl of popcorn that he was sneaking pieces of while my Ma sorted the bookshelf, looking a little worried.
“Hey,” I huff out, a little out of breath from dashing around so fast to get back to them.
“Honey. Everything okay?” Ma asks as she slaps my Da’s hand to stop him eating their movie snack.
“I’m sure he’s fine, June. Unless you’ve broken lockdown by being with Benji?”
“No, no, nothing like that!” I croak. Okay, here goes. I click the door shut behind me and lock it, knowing full well that there would likely be several ears about to be pressed against it on the other side.
“I want to start a blog. As a job. A job that would involve my blogging. A written blog, one of those you see online?” Crap, I was blowing it.
“Calm down, Fee. Unless you’re telling us you’re planning on committing a crime with this written blog online, then we will support it,” my Ma reassures.
I look to Da. Fuck, I’ve lost his attention on this as he’s picking at the popcorn again. My Ma jabs him with her elbow discreetly, but I still catch it and cover my mouth not to hide my laugh.
“Out with it, please. There’s a new documentary on those creepy things, you know, whatever they’re called,” my Da grumbles with his eyes still fixed on the bowl.
God forbid he needs to give up his documentaries for one minute.
I roll my eyes, but only because I know he’s not even looking at me or paying attention to this situation at all.
“I need investment, and before you say no, please look at the business plan I have. I promise this isn’t just a hobby because of lockdown.
I’ve put weeks of research into and planning to make it a workable business,” I state, squaring my shoulders more confidently now as I hold over my folder that I’d let Stacy cover in glittered jewels this morning.
Ma takes it and only gets as far as the front page. The one that has the name and what the business entails. She takes a deep breath before elbowing my Da again to show him. I chew at the hangnail on my thumb, red-faced because I bloody well know what’s coming next.
“Oh, fuck off! I knew I should have gone to the bank or taken one of those dodgy loans out or got a sugar daddy! Give it back!” I moan with my hand darting out, annoyed at their laughter as it grows louder.
Da’s shoulders shake, and his eyes shut tight. Red-faced, he coughs and laughs along with Ma. The popcorn is now bouncing about, kernels falling all over the study carpet.
I grab at the file again, but Ma pulls it out of my grasp, so I resort to the only thing I have in my armoury. Grabbing her under the armpits, I tickle her until she drops it. Her tiny frame always being her only weakness.
“Okay, we’re done. We promise, don’t we Keith,” my Ma says to me through the last of her panting laughs.
“Yes, and son, just know we’re giving you the money purely because of the first page. We don’t need to know anymore, thanks for the laugh, it’s been ages,” Da says as he goes into another mixed coughing, laughing fit.
Ma pats him on the back, rubbing circles there to make sure he’s okay before turning her attention back to me.
“We’re proud of you, y’know? Confident, brave, and a sex writer. We couldn’t be prouder! Don’t forget to share the toys those big companies will want to send you. We want investor benefits, don’t we, Keith!”
I stand awestruck at how utterly lucky I am to have such amazing parents. I considered asking them to sign something to protect me from my sisters when they found out, but I hadn’t planned that far ahead in my business plan.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Also, ew, never talk about sex toys like that ever again, Ma,” I say as I join them in one big group hug.
Fuck, I was going to do it. I was going to run a blog based on sexual education, interviews with sex workers, club owners, and who knows what else. I was going to put my writing hobby to the test.
It was time to test the fuck out of sex toys and review them so no other would ever waste a crap ton of money for zero pleasure! Look out world, here I come (both sexually and in world domination).