24. Liam
It’s been two weeks since Conor was killed, and I haven’t seen Emily since his funeral services a week ago. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me… Not that I expected her to. But still, I hoped she would. I struggle with wanting to push for something more and leaving her be.
Rhys is right. She’s not a game. But I can’t help but replay Conor’s words in my mind.
“You’re filth. Nothing. Replaceable.”
Although her engagement with Ryan is officially over because of his untimely death, I can’t allow myself to be with her, especially not after everything I said.
She deserved so much more than I gave her and ripping out her heart? Fuck, she didn’t deserve the words that I said. She didn’t deserve to be left in the rain to cry.
The battle that raged throughout my body when she screamed my name was unbearable. I had to get away from her as fast as possible before I said, ‘fuck it’ and stayed with her.
Fuck. My mind and heart can’t fucking decide what to do.
I’m in crutches for a few weeks while I heal, so searching for Emily on this vast property has been difficult. I know she’s likely been spending the majority of her time in the garden, but I can’t navigate the terrain with these damned things.
I want to speak with her and ensure she handles the recent events okay. But would she even want me to? She doesn’t look at me and avoids being in the same room as me.
The fact that our relationship is completely destroyed is slowly killing me. I swear I can still smell her when I lie in my bed and feel the gentle caress of her lips on my chest or neck. I can still hear her soft and sweet laugh.
I’m so fucked.
As I hobble through the front doors of the mansion, I hear her chuckle from the kitchen and stop short in the foyer.
Now is my chance to see her. To speak with her.
I tap my fingers along the handles of the crutches, contemplating what I should do.
My body is moving before I officially decide.
I hear Niall speaking with her and her chuckles fills my ears once more. My stomach flutters at the sound. Her laugh is one of my favorite things about her. It’s a melody that I could listen to for the rest of my life and never tire from.
As the kitchen comes into view, Emily is seated on a stool in front of the kitchen island. She’s in a tight pair of jeans and a pale pink knitted sweater. Her red hair sits atop her head in a messy bun with strands that frame her beautiful face.
Niall spots me first.
“Morning, Liam. How are you feelin’ today?”
Emily’s shoulders go rigid, and I internally wince at the sight.
“I’m grand, Niall.”
I head toward Emily and sit on the stool next to her. She shifts slightly away from me.
“How are you, Em?” I ask quietly.
“Niall, I think I’ll go eat in my room.” She ignores me completely and stands.
I reach out and grasp her wrist to keep her from leaving.
“Why you avoidin’ me, eh?”
Her face is void of emotion as she pivots her eyes between mine, but I can see the pain in her swirls of ocean blue.
“I have nothing to say to you, Liam.” She pulls her arm to try and escape my hold, but I tighten my grasp.
I open my mouth to say something but shut it when I hear the sound of footsteps making their way toward us. I quickly drop my hand from her wrist and turn toward the counter.
Emily lets out a disappointed huff and from my peripheral, I see her shake her head.
“Morning boss,” Niall says with a nod.
“Good morning, Niall. What do you have planned for breakfast today?” Declan replies.
I tune out the rest of the conversation because I’m so focused on Emily. She still hasn’t left but she has taken a seat on the stool farthest from me.
Declan claps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it.
“And how are you feeling, Liam?”
Niall sets a mug of black coffee in front of me, and I raise it in Declan’s direction. “Just grand.”
“Just a few more weeks and you’ll be rid of these damned things.” He gestures toward my crutches.
“Aye, and I can’t wait.”
Caetlin steps into the kitchen and we all greet her. She decided to stay a while to help Declan’s transition to leadership. Her face has paled, and her cheeks are thinner, but when she is out of her room, her poker face is unwavering.
I don’t know how she does it. If I had lost Emily… No, I can’t even think of that. Losing her in such a permanent way would be my undoing.
Emily stands and walks over to Caetlin. They hug each other tightly for several seconds before pulling away. Caetlin strokes Emily’s cheek gently and nods at whatever Emily whispers to her.
“How are you, mam?” Declan says and pulls her into his chest.
“Oh, you know. Just grand.” She lets out a humorless laugh and steps away from Declan.
“It’s good to see you, Liam.”
It is?
I have no doubts she knows that I broke Emily’s heart, so I’m surprised she’s not ripping me apart.
“It’s always good to see you, Caetlin.” I nod.
She smiles warmly at me and then makes her way to the table where Niall is setting down a cup of tea and her plate of breakfast.
The tension coming off Emily rises, and I struggle to breathe. If I can’t have her romantically, I’d still like to be her friend.
Ha! That’s ridiculous. Being her friend is not possible.
I turn to meet her eyes and she averts her gaze to her plate of food. The need to touch her and breathe her in is suffocating.
Even with Conor gone, I can’t see Declan accepting my love for her. He’d likely tell me the same thing his father did. That I’m not worthy of her.
“Thank you for breakfast, Niall.” Emily says and then all but runs out of the kitchen.
I sit for a beat before pushing to a stand. Tucking the crutches under my arms, I follow Emily without a word to the others.
I’m huffing and sweat beads down my back by the time I’ve made it through to the garden. Emily is sitting with back to me. Her knees are tucked up to her chin and her arms are wrapped tightly around them. Her bun has been taken down so her soft strands down cascade down her back.
“Go away,” she says without turning in my direction.
“No. We need to talk.”
She snorts but doesn’t respond.
I hobble toward her and sit next to her on the grass. She closes her eyes and avoids looking at me. There is a gentle breeze that pushes a small strand of her hair in front of her face, and I reach out to push it behind her ear.
Her eyes tighten and she lip twitches as though she is holding back a sob.
“Look at me, Emily,” I whisper.
“What do you want, Liam?” she mumbles.
“I want to make sure you’re okay… with everything that has happened.”
She looks up at me and I see the anger in her eyes.
“You mean like how you shattered my heart and then a month later my fiancé and father are assassinated in front of me?” she huffs out a humorless laugh. “I’m great!”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You don’t get to say that to me after telling me I was nothing but a hole to fill and you don’t want me.” She pulls away, but I see the pain spread across her face.
“It’s for the best.” I try to reason.
“Just… Please leave me alone.” Her lip quivers and it takes everything in me not to pull her into my arms.
“I still want to be here for you, Emily. I want us to still be friends.”
Her face contorts with anger, and she shakes her head.
“I don’t want to be anything to you after what you’ve said and done. Not after you tossed me aside like trash.”
The tears start to form, and I swallow tightly.
“I’m going to Ireland when my ma leaves and I don’t want to hear from you ever again.” She stands and leaves me alone in the garden.