Chapter Three
Harley
A rriving at the hospital, they quickly unload Ryker, and I try to pay attention as the paramedics shoot off information to the nurses as we head into the emergency room, but I find it hard to focus on anything right now. I’ve tried the entire ride over here to shove my emotions down. Stop feeling. It shouldn’t be hard. I’ve done it lots of times in the past.
But this time, it doesn’t work. Every time I look down at Ryker passed out on the stretcher, my heart clenches, and my eyes burn with tears. His face is caked with grime, spots of blood everywhere; he doesn’t even look like himself. His favorite hoodie is ripped on the side from where something hit him in the explosion, and I can’t help but think about how mad he will be that it got ruined. A stupid thought to be having right now, I know.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t go any farther. Let me take you to the waiting area,” a lady with a kind smile says. She places her hand on my arm and gently guides me back the way we were coming, towards a waiting room. Before we get there, my mind starts processing again, and I remember Grayson was on the way with Colton.
“Wait, um, I—there is another guy. A big, burly, bearded biker with a younger guy with glasses who came with him,” I stumble over my words.
Stepping into the empty waiting room with me, she gently takes my shoulders in her hands and locks eyes with me. “Take a breath, sweetheart. I will go see if I can find them, and as soon as there is an update on anyone, I will come find you, I promise. For now, just sit here. Drink some coffee or water and try to breathe, alright?” When I nod, she releases me and asks, “How are you related to the boy who came in?”
“He’s my—” everything, “boyfriend,” I tell her hesitantly.
“Alright. What’s his name? Is there anyone I can call for either of you?”
“Ryker Anderson. And no. They will all be here soon. They just–” My throat feels like it’s closing on me.
“Okay, you try to relax. I will be back with updates as soon as possible,” she says as she takes her leave, and suddenly, I am alone.
I feel like I am never really alone anymore. Someone is always just there or within reach. Ryker, Cayden, and Grayson are always there . I never really go without prolonged contact with people anymore.
But now as I stand here alone in this sad little waiting room, I feel defeated.
How have we made it this far to have something like this happen? Is–is this all really worth it? Loving someone so hard to just lose them?
We talked about it so much before we took down the warehouse, before we went after the people involved in the trafficking, yet nothing makes it as clear as right now in the moment when you don’t know who is still breathing and who isn’t.
Stop thinking, Harley.
After pacing for over an hour, refusing to sit and let myself be comfortable, the same nurse from earlier comes back in. The second I spot her, I numbly ask, “Is he dead?”
It’s better to just rip the Band-Aid off, right?
“No, sweetheart. He is okay. His shoulder was dislocated and he had some shrapnel in his side that they were able to remove. He is on some antibiotics right now, and they are going to get a CT done as soon as possible, but he is awake if you would like to come sit with him.” She smiles gently at me.
As we head down the hallway towards an elevator, I ask, “What about the other guy? His name is Colton. Is there any update on him?”
She shakes her head. “Not yet. I haven’t found anything. He could be here and his name just isn’t in our system. I was going to check the ER, because if he wasn’t badly hurt, they wouldn’t have taken him back right away like they did with Ryker. I haven’t had a chance to go yet, but I will after I drop you off, okay?”
I nod and follow her when the doors to the elevator open. Passing many other rooms, she stops in front of a closed door and knocks softly before pushing it open slightly. “You have a visitor.”
Once I am inside, she shuts the door behind me, leaving us alone. Ryker grins at me from where he lays in the hospital bed, hooked up to different machines, an IV in his arm. He’s covered with a thin white blanket and wearing a hospital gown. I just stand there, staring at him. He looks more like himself now than when we got here. He has been cleaned up, and his skin seems to have more color to it than earlier.
He’s okay, but how do I do this? How do I just continue to let everyone in when losing them could destroy me?
I can feel the panic beginning to take root, and it takes everything in me not to scream and punch a wall. Five steps forward, ten steps back. I thought I was getting past all my issues, but here we are again. I just want to shut down and not deal with it, because it feels easier and safer then whatever the hell it is I am feeling.
The more I fall in love with these guys, the more I come to love everyone in the club, the tighter the barbed wire around my heart gets. It fucking hurts.
“I’m not very patient, little flame, so if you don’t get your ass over here on this bed in the next ten seconds, I will drag myself up and make you come over here, and I don’t think my nurses would appreciate that very much,” Ryker tells me, narrowing his eyes, as if he can see every thought going through my head like subtitles in front of me.
Giving him the best smile I can, I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed next to his hip, gripping his hand. “How are you feeling?” I ask as my eyes roam over his face and arms, noting the scratches and marks from the explosion.
“I feel like I got the shit beat out of me,” he says. “Is everyone else alright? I don’t remember much besides talking to the guys and then feeling this insane pressure in my head, like a gust of razor sharp wind knocking me over.”
“Um, Sugar is here somewhere, but I don’t have an update yet. Axe was okay, just some bruised ribs I think. He’s still at the club. When I left with you, they hadn’t found Atlas yet,” I explain numbly.
“Harley–” he starts, bringing his free hand up to caress my arm, but it’s too much, and I don’t want to break down right now, so I jump up and cut him off.
“Don’t. I’m fine. You just worry about getting better.”
Ryker drops his hand and glares at me as I step back from the bed. He opens his mouth, but I speak first. “The nurse was going to find out about Sugar. Maybe I should go find them and check in. Grayson is with him, and I’m sure he is wanting to know how you are doing.”
“Harley, babe–” I shake my head, staring at the floor, thanking whatever stopped Ryker from saying more. I just can’t handle talking right now. I know I will eventually have to deal with it all, but at the moment, I would prefer to just pretend everything is fine. My stupid confusing feelings can take a back seat.
But with the way these guys force those feelings to the front of my mind with just a simple look, I don’t know if I will make it. At least for now, Ryker seems to understand, but looking at his scratched up face, worried eyes, and almost angry expression is too much, so I keep my eyes firmly planted on the ground.
That is, until Ryker sucks in a sharp breath and the machines start beeping wildly. Jerking my head up, I find his face scrunched up in pain until it falls to a blank look like he has just vanished from his body. The room swarms with people yelling out things that sound like barely breathing…hemorrhaging…needed that CT…
My back collides with the wall as my breathing comes faster. I can’t stop staring at his lifeless face even as they roll him out of the room. “Miss? Hey, miss, you need to breathe.” Someone grips my shoulders, but I jerk out of the hold and move away from them. I can’t breathe. “Is there someone I can call for you?”
Grabbing my phone from my jacket pocket, I call Cade as quickly as my shaky fingers allow. The second he answers, I break.
“Cade–” I gasp as my chest grows impossibly tighter.
“Baby girl?” his raspy voice questions.
“He–they–Cade, fuck.”
“Hey, baby girl, breathe for me. What’s going on?”
I gasp before getting out, “He stopped breathing.”
The tears break through, and I can’t hear anything he says as I sob uncontrollably. I feel soft fingers grasp the phone and gently take it from my hand as I slide to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest, and rock back and forth.
I can faintly hear the nurse speaking, but I block out whatever she is saying as my mind berates me for being so heartless and broken.
Cayden
I listen to the nurse explain Ryker had internal bleeding and he is now going into surgery to fix it. I breathe out and walk over towards Rage standing by the carnage from the explosion, gesturing for him to walk away from the others when he notices me.
We head over towards the corner of the parking lot where it’s a bit quieter and I click my phone over to the speaker. “Thank you for letting me know. Do you know if there is any update on Colton? He would’ve been brought in about the same time as Ryker.”
“Yes, I was coming to let Harley know. He is downstairs in our emergency room. Looks like he has a broken foot and some bruising. He did hit his head pretty hard, so they are going to put him in a room for the night to keep an eye on him, but after he gets his cast tomorrow, he will be good to go home,” the nurse explains.
“Great. Thank you. Can you hand the phone back to Harley?” I ask.
“Um–I’ll just put the phone on speaker and set it next to her. She is still in Ryker’s room but currently is on the floor. I am going to give her some space and shut the door. But I would recommend someone get here for her soon.” We hear her talking softly to Harley and then the door clicking shut a moment later.
I glance at Rage, whose brows are drawn down in concern at the quiet sobs and gasping breaths through the phone.
“Harley?” Rage asks quietly, but she doesn’t respond.
“Harley? I’m going to come get you, alright?” I tell her as I watch Rage bring up Grayson’s number. I was planning to stay here and help with whatever I could, but the thought of Harley being in distress makes me want to sprint to her. “I’m going,” I tell Rage, who just nods in agreement and tries to call Grayson while I click my phone off speaker and run towards Noah to grab his truck keys from him.
“I’m on my way there, Harley. I’ll stay on the phone with you until Grayson or I are with you,” I tell her, even though she doesn’t respond. I can hear her uneven breathing as she cries, probably panicking.
Driving much faster than I should, I make it to the hospital in half the time it would normally take. Keeping the phone firmly pressed against my ear, I find out what room Ryker is in and make my way up there. I don’t say anything else to Harley; I just listen to her trying to breathe as she panics, and my heart clenches the longer it takes me to get to her.
“Harley?” I walk into the room and find her huddled against the wall with her knees drawn up to her chest, her face tucked between them. Her phone rests next to her feet, and I hang up before squatting down in front of her. Running my hands down her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, I speak softly. “Baby girl, Ryker is okay. He is in surgery, but they said he is going to be okay. Can you look at me?”
When she doesn’t move or acknowledge anything I say, I grip her arms and pull on them until her hold loosens and I can get her to look at me. Still, she doesn’t really look at me. She looks through me with a vacant gaze. “Harley, talk to me. Did you hear what I said?”
She blinks slowly, more tears falling down her face before she speaks in a detached voice. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” I ask as a new feeling settles in my gut. Fear? Worry?
All I know is, she can’t leave us. I won’t let her. Not now.
Instead of answering, she shakes her head and tries to hide her face again. Growing tired of how she is retreating further and further into herself, I get a little snappy. “Alright, get up,” I say as I stand and hold out my hands for her to take. When she doesn’t, I raise my voice. “Get the fuck up, Harley.”
When she still doesn’t, I reach down and grip under her arms, pulling her up until she is standing in front of me. “Stop this shit and talk to me, Harley.”
Something in her snaps, because she narrows her eyes on me before shoving at my chest. I refuse to move, so she balls her hands into fists and hits my chest harder. “I can’t do this,” she says through clenched teeth. “I can’t be normal. I can’t be okay with losing someone or even thinking about losing one of you. I can’t be the comforting, perfect girlfriend you all need and deserve. I. Can’t. Do. It,” she says as she heaves and hits my chest with each word.
No. She doesn’t get to do this. Gripping her wrists, I pull them up before pushing her until her back hits the wall, and press her wrists against it on either side of her head. “Shut up. You don’t get to do that. You think the rest of us aren’t scared? Harley, I never cared about anyone or anything before you. I thought I cared about my brothers, but I don’t think I really truly did until you came into our lives and made me feel things I never thought possible. So, no.”
I breathe through my nose, trying not to yell at her. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to decide you aren't what we deserve. You are scared. You are trying to protect yourself from the unknown pain that comes when something like this happens. I fucking get it. But you don’t hide from us. You don’t run from us. And you most certainly don’t fucking try to leave us. You forced these feelings out of me. You made me love you, and I will love you with everything I am for the rest of my life, even if it means I have to tie you to my fucking bed so you can’t let these thoughts make you think you can leave us now.”
Her eyes narrow to slits, and she opens her mouth to say something, but before she can, I move her hands above her head, trapping them against the wall with one hand and slapping my free hand over her mouth. “No, I’m not fucking done. You want to be scared? Talk to us. You want to be pissed something happened? Tell us. We will help you fight it out of your system. But you don’t get to just worm your way into our lives and make us all fucking love you and then try to say you can’t do it anymore because one of us is hurt. It doesn’t fucking work that way,” I seethe.
Harley wiggles in my grip enough that my hand loosens just enough for her to open her mouth and bite down on my hand—fucking hard. “Fuck.” I yank my hand away, glancing down at the blood dripping down my hand. When I look back up at her, she yanks her hands away and shoves me hard enough, I stumble back a step.
“You don’t get to tell me I can’t leave. If I want to fucking leave, I will. I will never be someone's captive again. I will never be at someone’s mercy like that again, you fucking asshole.” She shoves me again, and then her hand comes flying at my face, smacking me hard enough to split my lip. Licking my bleeding bottom lip, I glance at her and raise a brow.
“I’m not fucking taking back what I said. You will never be at our mercy in the way you are thinking and I think you fucking know that. But do you really think Ryker would just let you walk away? Are you telling me you really want to walk away from us? You would rip out Grayson’s heart and take it with you. You would make Ryker lose his shit. I’d–” I pinch my lips, refusing to even think about what her leaving would truly do to me.
Shaking my head, I scoff and take a step towards her again. “No.”
“No?” she repeats back, her chest heaving as I take another step towards her.
“No. I don’t want to continue this ridiculous conversation. You aren’t fucking leaving. I know it and you fucking know it.” Step. “What do you really want, Harley? You want me to show you how possessive you’ve made me?” Another step. “Do you want to fight to distract yourself from your fears?” I take the final step, bringing us chest to chest. She tilts her head back to look at my eyes. “Do you want me to fuck you until these intrusive thoughts you’re having leave your mind?”
When her breath hitches and her pupils dilate, I can’t help but smirk down at her. I have my answer.
“I–” she starts and then bites her lip and glances down. Using a finger, I push her chin up until her eyes meet mine again. “Tell me you aren’t going anywhere and you're just scared.”
“Cade—” she starts but doesn’t continue. Moving my hand to grip the front of her throat, I press my lips against hers in a bruising kiss. Taking everything I can from her, I leave her gasping for air and gripping my arms, her nails digging in until the point of pain. Releasing her throat, I reach down and lift her from the backs of her thighs, walking forward until her back slams against the wall. Pulling my mouth away from hers, I move my hand back up and grip her throat again, pressing her against it.
“Tell me.”
She shoves against my chest and then digs her nails into my forearm. “No,” she whispers.
“Harley...” I growl.
“No.” Tears gather in the corners of her eyes. “No. I– Please, just take my mind off everything. Make me stop thinking.” She tries to lean forward to reach my lips again, but with my grip on her throat she can’t. “Cayden! Please!” She says desperately.
Wanting to take away the fears, pain, and desperation in her voice, I give in and kiss her again as I guide her legs back down until she is standing so I can undo her jeans. I yank them down and help her kick them and her shoes off before I lift her up again. When her legs wrap around me and I kiss her again, she reaches between us and quickly undoes my jeans, pulling my cock out. She rubs her hand up and down my shaft, making me groan against her and bite her bottom lip until I taste blood.
“Fuck,” she hisses. “Please, Cade.”
Part of me wants to slow this down, wants to take my time devouring her body for the first time, to make sweet love to her, but now isn’t that time. Right now, all I want to do is punish her, make her feel me for days, get it through her head that she can’t fucking leave me.
I yank her soaked panties to the side as she lines my cock up with her entrance, and with one hard thrust, I enter her, groaning as she gasps and digs her nails into my back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Harley chants.
Not giving her any time to adjust to me, I pull out and push back in, harder, and continue to thrust into her sweet, tight cunt. It’s like nothing I have ever felt before, and I have to fight hard to stop myself from coming on the spot. “Cade!” she squeals, lifting slightly to find relief, but I grip her hips and hold her, still pounding harder.
“No. Take it, baby girl. Feel me everywhere. Feel what you do to me. You make me so fucking hard. You make me love you. You make me fucking pissed. Fuck!” I shout, slamming my hand against the wall and kissing her swollen yet soft lips.
Harley makes me feel like I am going insane. I knew loving her would make me feel in ways I never have before, but the thought of her wanting to leave or being so scared of losing us she would much rather not have us makes me feral.
Pulling my hand away from the wall, I run it down between our bodies until I reach her clit. I circle it with the pads of my fingers, making her gasp against my mouth and jolt against me. When I feel her walls tightening around me and her body tense up slightly as she tosses her head back, I pull out to just the tip and pause my fingers on her clit.
“What the fuck?” she shouts and shoots me a glare, trying to move against me, but I don’t let her.
“Tell me.”
“What?” She scrunches her brows in confusion.
“Tell me, Harley.”
“Cade.” She lets out a small growl, digging her nails into my back again.
“Fucking tell me!” I demand, feeling my body shake with all these fucking emotions.
“Fine!” she shouts and then locks eyes with me. “I’m terrified. I don’t ever want to lose you guys or leave you. But I’m scared and broken, and I can’t—please, Cade,” she cries, and I start moving again, pinching her clit between my fingers while she bites down on my neck and lets out a small scream, jolting in my hold.
My cock twitches as she squeezes the life out of me, and I feel my body tense up before I release inside her. “Fuck,” I groan, dropping my forehead to her shoulder as we both catch our breath
Harley unlocks her legs from around my waist, and I step back slightly to let her legs drop to the ground, making sure she is steady before fully letting go.
Catching me off guard, her hand flies up, and she slaps me across the face before shoving me back a step. “Fuck you Cade!” she yells just as the door bursts open.