Chapter Four
Grayson
“ A re you sure you’re alright?” I ask, nibbling on my bottom lip nervously. I don’t want to leave Sugar alone, but I also need to do something. I’m so anxious, I feel like I’m going to lose it any minute. Sitting in the busy emergency room where there is almost no privacy is not helping me remain calm either.
Chuckling, Sugar shakes his head at me. “Yes, kid. Now, would ya go? You’re goin’ to make my concussion worse with this fuckin’ nervous energy comin’ off you in waves. Go check on your boy.” I look him up and down from where he is sitting up in the hospital bed, still in his partially torn and grime-covered clothes. I know he’s okay, but it’s hard to believe anyone is really okay after everything today.
“Okay. Call me if you need anything. I’ll still be in the hospital, and I’ll let you know as soon as I hear about Ryker and Atlas,” I tell him, having already filled him in about Axe on the ride to the hospital. Surprisingly, Sugar is taking everything in stride and seems fine. At least he’s putting on a front for me and seems fine. Or it’s the concussion and pain meds, I don’t know. But out of everyone, he seems like this is just another day. I don’t know whether I should be worried or not, but he is okay, which is all that matters right now.
After Sugar waves me off, I head towards the elevator, planning to head upstairs to Ryker’s room, but as the doors slide open on the main floor and a few people step on with me, I slip out and wander around until I find the cafeteria area and take a seat in a corner, pulling my phone out.
Biting my lower lip, I bounce my leg nervously as I debate how bad of an idea this is. Still, I need help, and there is one person I have grown closer to over the years, who I know will steer me in the right direction. Sighing, I press the call button and put the phone up to my ear.
After a few rings, he answers. “Grayson? You okay?” His voice comes out slightly rushed and out of breath, like he panicked when he heard his phone ringing.
I nod, forgetting he can’t see me. Jeez, my mind is a hot mess. “Yeah, yeah. Everything is okay. I mean, I don’t know what you know, but—”
“I’m still at Rage’s house,” he interrupts. “Stone came by and let me know about the explosion, told me he would keep me updated.”
“That's good. I just, I, well,” If there weren't so many people around right now, I probably would have just slammed my head against the table and let out a groan; I can’t even get it together enough to get the words out.
“Are you alright?” he asks gently, his voice surprisingly calm, which helps me get my words out.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. I just– I wanted to ask your advice about something, but Rage told us to stay away from you. We don’t even know what is really going on because he said it’s not his story to tell, and well–yeah. But I just need advice on whether I am about to do something really stupid or not.”
“Well, if you have to ask…” I roll my eyes as he teases before growing serious again. “Look, it’s not something I want to dive into right now, but Rage and I have always had an agreement, and I fucked it up, so right now, things are just…messy, I guess. Eventually, I will sit down and tell everyone everything, but I’m not ready to right now. But I promise, I’m good. So tell me the stupid thing.”
A small amount of the weight I feel on my shoulders is lifted hearing Nerds say he is okay, which makes it easier to talk to him about work things. “I have been debating calling Vance’s tech guy. I know Rage doesn’t like them much and keeps our contact with them to a minimum, and Vance really stirred the pot when he was here last. But I am nowhere near as good as you with everything that needs to be done. I could use some help and someone to continue to teach me. And with the explosion, I know even more is going to fall onto my shoulders, and I could use someone else to talk to.”
Nerds sighs before he speaks. “I want to just say come to me. It would be fine, but I have broken enough trust already. I can't make it worse right now. There’s a tech guy at the Tennessee chapter who helped with the warehouse stuff. I’d personally go to him first. I don’t think his skills are very good, but you never know. If he can’t help you, then yes. Contact Vance’s guy. Just know you might ruffle some feathers along the way, and you need to stand your ground. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re in the wrong if you know you aren’t. Speak up. Got me?”
As I exhale, my leg finally stops shaking. “Yeah. I got it. Would it be better if I took this to Rage first and kept him in the know?”
“No.” Nerds chuckles nervously. “I know that probably will make you feel like you are doing horrible things, but remember how much things have changed around the club in the last two years. He has Harley now, who is his main priority. Plus, his trust in outsiders is nonexistent, so in this case, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”
“Crap. Okay.” I run a hand through my hair and pinch my lips together. Can I even handle this? What if I royally fuck everything up or let someone in who fucks over the club even more?
I know one thing for sure: I can’t drag the others into this with me. I have to handle this one on my own. If I fuck it up, it needs to be my fuck up alone.
“Remember what I said, Grayson: stand your ground. You have fire in you; I have seen it before. You are the current tech guy in the club. That means you are the center of it all. Yes, Rage is your president and all the others are above you, but you control that club by doing my job. Stand your fucking ground, kid. And call me if you need me.”
After getting off the phone with Nerds, I glance at my phone and find missed calls and texts from Rage and Cade. Before I look at them, I set my phone down and scrub my hands down my face. This is going to suck.
When I get up to Ryker’s floor, I walk up to the counter where some nurses are and hear something about security and disgusting, but I disregard them as I smile at the one who notices me.
“Can I help you?” she asks with a friendly smile.
“Yeah, which room is Ryker Anderson in? The ER told me to come up to this floor but not what room he was in.”
“Let me check, hun.” She glances down at the computer screen and clicks a few times before the pleasant smile on her face drops, and my stomach drops with it. Is something wrong with Ryker?
“Ah–um, his room is 303. He is currently in surgery, but, uh–” She glances behind her. “I’m assuming you probably know his other visitors?” Furrowing my brows, I nod, knowing it’s probably Harley and Cade. I don’t think anyone else is here yet.
“Well, you may want to go in and tell them it’s time to go. We’ve called security due to the um—noise, but we haven’t gone in.” She grimaces.
“W–what?” I stutter.
I can feel the burn of my cheeks turning impossibly red as everything clicks. Giving a quick nod, I head straight towards the room. The second the door hits the wall, I think my eyes literally bulge out of my head.
Blinking a few times to clear my mind, I finally step inside and shut the door behind me. Harley is cursing under her breath as she stumbles around, trying to pull her pants back on, while Cade takes his sweet time pulling his jeans up. “What were you guys thinking?” I hiss quietly as I walk closer to Cade. “Holy–what happened to you?” I gasp. Cade has a split lip, his cheek beet red, a bite mark on neck and another bite mark on his hand.
Approaching Harley, I take her chin in my grasp and tilt her head back, looking at her neck; she has blood drying on her skin and dripping down to her shirt. “I–I have so many questions,” I start as I release Harley, and she winces before glancing away as her cheeks turn pink. “But we need to go. Harley, use the bathroom in here and wipe the blood off your neck. Cade–just, um, maybe keep your head down? We need to go. Security will be in here any minute, and I’d prefer to avoid any more embarrassment.”
As Harley disappears into the bathroom, I scowl at Cade. “Don’t look at me like that. We forgot where we were. It's not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” My voice rises and I exhale through my nose to calm myself down. How can he think this isn’t a big deal? “Ryker is in surgery, Sugar is down in the ER, and we don’t even know about Atlas yet! And you are up here doing… I don’t even think I want to know what you two were doing but it wasn’t the time or place! What if they had kicked us out completely? That could’ve happened! Then we wouldn't have been able to be with Ryker!”
“Grayson–” Harley starts having walked back out during my rant. Her eyes are wide as she stares at me in shock, I don’t know if she has ever seen me not put together but right now I feel like I am being held up by strings and the fact that they were just in here fucking around while everything else is a mess– it makes me furious.
Shaking my head I walk over to the door and grab the handle. “Let’s go. We need to head down and wait for Noah to show up. That’s the only way we can see Ryker now,” I tell them before heading out. My anger has topped any embarrassment I may have felt, so it makes it easier to give the nurses a small apology as I walk past their station, Cade and Harley behind me.
When we get to the elevators, I press the down arrow and wait, but the longer I stand here with them, the angrier I become. It was reckless and stupid what they did. They should’ve been thinking about Ryker or the others, not themselves.
I don’t even know why this is bothering me so much, but I feel ready to explode on them. That’s the last thing we need, though, so I turn away and mumble about taking the stairs before following the signs to the stairwell. I faintly hear Harley call out to me, but she thankfully doesn’t follow.
Harley
Waiting in the main lobby of the hospital feels like torture. There is nothing to do right now, but none of us want to leave. Not even Grayson, who is currently sitting as far away from us in the waiting room as he can get. I want to go to him, talk with him, but Cade told me to give him some time. Cade said he’s not truly mad at us, he’s just overwhelmed.
That I can understand, but there is still this little bug under my skin not letting me let go of Grayson’s disappointed and angry face in Ryker’s room. Since making it official with the guys, we have always felt like a team, like everything hits the outside of our bubble but it never gets through to us. But this feels different, like we have a wedge between us. Besides Cade, surprisingly. He seems the most content, like he is the one holding us all together. I want to be mad at him, but I can’t be.
I feel like I can breathe a little easier and my head isn’t so fuzzy. Everything is chaotic right now, and I know this is going to hit all of us hard eventually, but at least now, I can realize I let my demons get the best of me. I’m stronger than them, and I can handle anything. Especially with my people by my side even if some of them are hurt.
Five steps forward, ten steps back is a stupid train of thought. Instead, it should be ten steps forward, five steps in place, because no matter what happens, you never fully lose the progress you’ve made. You become a new person who learns new ways to face things. Every once in a while, you find yourself stuck, but that doesn’t mean you went backwards.
Blinking as I stare straight ahead at the wall, I let out a big breath realizing the amount of progress I’ve made. That progress wouldn’t have happened without these people. I was wrong for how I felt when Ryker got hurt. Assuming that I just couldn’t do this. I could do it, I was just scared. Which is normal.
All of these thoughts make me wonder what the terrified fifteen year old girl locked in a basement would think if she saw us now.
“Harley,” someone says as a hand lands on my thigh and squeezes gently. Jolting slightly, I turn my head towards the voice to find Cade leaning over the arm of his chair towards me, his forehead creased with worry as he scans my face. “You good? Rage texted. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”
Nodding, I sigh and lay my hand on top of his. “Did he say anything about Atlas?”
“No, just that he was here with some others and asked where we were.” Cade replies.
Leaning my head against his shoulder I let my eyes fall shut and remind myself I have people to lean on. I just need to be hopeful Atlas is okay.
I feel someone approach, and I crack an eye open as Grayson takes a seat next to me and looks between us. “What are you guys planning on telling Rage?” he asks quietly.
“Nothing,” Cade answers.
“You don’t think he will question your face? Or neck? Or why we are all out here and not waiting in Ryker’s room? Or why we can’t go back and see Ryker without Noah?” Grayson seethes, staring down Cade.
I sit up straight again, wanting to soothe Grayson, but Cade speaks first. “Calm down, Grayson. Rage will be too worried about everyone else to be overly concerned about my face, and if he is, then I will just brush him off. As for Ryker, that was a temporary room. He’ll probably be here for a bit after surgery, so they will put him in his own room.”
Before Grayson can respond, the main doors slide open, and Gabe walks in, running a hand through his tousled hair. His shoulders are tense, and he has a frown on his face as he rounds the corner. “Atlas?” I ask, standing up.
“He’s here. They took him straight back to surgery. It’s not good.” He shakes his head as he takes a big breath. “They said they won’t know anything for sure until they can get a closer look at it–”
“At what?” I ask, slightly frantic. I can feel my heartrate picking up as dread settles deep in my gut. Grayson and Cayden, who must have stood right after me, each lay a hand on me, and it helps to keep me anchored. Still, I can’t take my eyes off Gabe.
“A rod.” He grimaces. “It looked like a piece from the bike lift we had in the garage. It was sticking out from his chest area. I don’t know more. He didn’t have a pulse at first, but they got it back before they even left the club. Lincoln said he was stable the whole ride over.”
Sucking in a breath, I mumble, “Brielle?” I can’t even imagine how terrified she must be.
“She’s here. Raven, Stone, and Carly brought her separately. No one will leave her alone,” Gabe says before asking, “What do we know about Ryker?”
“He’s still in surgery. No updates yet,” Cade says before Grayson or I can say anything.
“Okay, let’s go find the others, and I’ll make sure they know where to find us for updates about Ryker,” Gabe states as he gestures for us to follow him.
Grayson starts to follow, but before he can get far, I grab his wrist. “Grayson and I need some caffeine, so just text me where to go, and we will be over in a few,” I tell Gabe.
Pinching his lips together, Grayson stares at me, clearly not wanting to go, but he doesn’t contradict me either.
After Gabe and Cade take off, I pull Grayson with me and follow the signs to the cafeteria. I grab two water bottles for us and then find a corner table in relative seclusion.
“Are you not going to say anything?” I ask after Grayson sits, quietly fidgeting with his water bottle.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Literally anything would be better than silence. I’m sorry we upset you. Things did get out of hand. I was not handling things well—”
“So you fuck Cade when Ryker, someone we all love, could die? Because that’s what matters?” Grayson hisses.
I do my best to hide my shock at Grayson swearing and realize what this is about. Cade is right; it isn’t about us. “You’re scared you might lose Ryker,” I state. When his eyes shoot to mine and he opens his mouth to speak, I shake my head and keep going. “We are all scared. Three people we all care about deeply were hurt, and it has been up in the air how they are doing. Everyone is going to handle that in different ways.”
I chuckle. “Surprisingly, Cade is the most put together. He hasn’t shut down on us. He has been calm and collected the whole time. I, on the other hand, haven’t been. I had some very shitty thoughts when I first got here with Ryker. Then, I let those thoughts get the best of me. He woke up for a minute, you know?”
Grayson’s eyes widen slightly, and he shakes his head as I swipe the stray tear from my cheek. “Yeah. It was just for a minute. I didn’t go to him. It’s all he wanted. But I was so stuck in my head, I didn’t go to him before he got pulled into the emergency surgery. I will forever regret that. I let my demons get the best of me, and I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t been panicking so hard, I would’ve just booked it and left the hospital all together. Cade pulled me out in his own special way.”
“He kissed me,” Grayson blurts out, his eyes wide and filling with tears as he stares at me, waiting to see my reaction.
As much as I would like to fly out of the chair and hug Grayson, I don’t. I stay silent and let him get his thoughts together.
Taking a deep breath, he finally continues, looking at the other people wandering around the area. “Before, when he walked me to the tech room. He kissed me, and I felt whole. I felt like I had all of you and I was getting more of him, and somehow, our weird relationships were all going to come together and be perfect. But, the explosion happened, and it felt like an omen, Like I let myself get too content with things. Then, the one person I would normally have in my corner telling me my thoughts are ridiculous was the one hurt. I felt like I was out of control, and then it felt like I couldn’t function without Ryker. I mean, he has been my best friend for years; he has been there dragging me out of my shell, supporting me, allowing me to just be me. Doing things without him never even occurred to me. Even when you came into our lives, he was still there. Ryker brought us all together. Ryker brought Cade and me together. I’m scared, and I let the fear turn into anger at you guys.”
Reaching across the small table, I take his hands and make sure I have his full attention. “Something I am learning and I think we all have to learn is that it’s not just us. We have so many people now. When things like this happen, we have to lean on everyone. Come to Cade or me. Go to Rage, Noah, Nerds. Everyone is here for you. We are all here for each other. Ryker’s crazy ass may have dragged us all together, but it’s up to us, together, to make it last.”
Grayson smiles softly, but before anything else can be said, my phone buzzes on the table. We both glance at it to see a text from Cayden—they have updates. “We should probably go,” I say as I stand.
We walk over to the garbage can to toss our water bottles, but before I can leave the cafeteria, Grayson grabs my wrist and spins me towards him so we are chest to chest. I glance up at him as he cups my face and gently kisses my lips before pressing his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry.”
“I love you,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“I love you too,” he murmurs. “Everything is going to work out.” I’m not sure I fully believe him, but I give him a tight lipped smile and nod in agreement anyway.