Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
JOSH
Lukas’s house was a second home to me and I often found myself there when things got hard or lonely.
He never had a shortage of footage for me to work on, and he welcomed my presence even if I wasn’t working.
His home was a safe haven for me. And it was a good thing Lara tolerated Nitro really well, because in the days following the Jax is David’s son bombshell, I hadn’t been home much.
I spent a large amount of time hiding away in the office at Lukas’s house, pretending to edit footage.
In reality, I wasn’t getting much of anything done.
And usually Lukas didn’t mention my comings or goings.
His door was always open, no questions asked, but I could tell he was just about to burst with curiosity.
He’d never ask, though. It wasn’t his way.
Asher, on the other hand, had no such rules about privacy, personal space, or curiosity. It was day three or four that I’d spent hiding at Lukas’s that Asher finally came and broke the silence.
I was pretending to work on a scene, one without Jax, thank you very much, when Asher came into the office and flopped down onto the couch.
He draped himself dramatically over the furniture, one arm flung up over his head, one leg bent with his foot flat on the floor.
The other leg was stretched out on the couch.
“What’s up?” he asked. Asher was Lukas’s assistant and one of Jax’s two boyfriends. He’d also recently started an on-screen career of his own, opposite Jax and Blue—their other boyfriend.
I glanced over at him and tried to decide if Jax had told him or not. Did he know what was up and he was just trying to fish for information? I slid my gaze back to the computer. “Nothing. Just busy.”
“Bullshit,” Asher scoffed. “Lukas is worried, which means I’m worried. And if I’m worried, I’ll get all tangled up about it and make everyone miserable when it drives me to do stupid shit. So, for the good of… well, everyone, you should definitely tell me what’s going on.”
A sigh slipped out, and I leaned back in the computer chair. “What makes Lukas think there’s anything to be worried about?”
“Dude.” Asher sat up and stared at me, his expression saying are you for fucking real? “You’ve barely left this room in days. You go home, sleep, hopefully eat, and then you’re back here the next day. Lukas said the rate you usually work at, there shouldn’t be anything left to edit.”
“Maybe I’m a perfectionist.”
“Maybe you’re hiding,” Asher countered.
“Maybe I’m trying to perfect new editing techniques.”
“Maybe you’re stalling.” Asher patted the spot on the couch next to him. “Come here, River.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why?”
“Just do it, you stubborn fool. I won’t bite. I promise.”
Relenting, only because my eyes were burning from staring at the computer screen for so long, I got up and crossed the room. Asher shuffled down so he was sitting at the far edge of the couch. When I got close enough, he pulled me down and tugged me close, encouraging me to snuggle into his side.
“What are you doing?” Amusement colored my voice.
“Cuddling. Blue swears by it.” Asher then proceeded to pet me, stroking his fingers through my hair. “Talking helps, you know.”
I sat there for a few minutes trying to think of how I got into this mess and what I planned to do about it.
I liked David. A lot. The other morning had been so perfect.
Peaceful in a way I’d never felt before.
There’d been this soft, thrilling kind of domesticity that had wrapped around me like a warm blanket.
Great sex. A good sleep. A morning spent staring at David, barely able to restrain myself from reaching for him.
I got up to let the dogs out, decided to cook breakfast, and then everything went sideways after that and I was still spinning out.
“I did something… not on purpose.”
“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I can help you hide a body if you need me too. I don’t have much in savings, but I could get you bailed out if you needed it.”
Asher continued to hold me and pet me, and I found myself letting out a breath that made my shoulders relax for the first time in days.
“The other day, I went out with this guy. I met him not long ago, and we’ve really hit it off. I told him that I edit films, but I neglected to mention what kind of films or that I star in them sometimes.”
“Oh, God. And he found out? Well… fuck him if he doesn’t like your career choice.”
“That’s not it. At all actually. I don’t think.”
“Elaborate, ‘cause I’m kind of lost now.”
“Well, we went out the other night, and it was great. Holy shit, dinner was fabulous, he took me to the botanical gardens, and then we went back to his place. And our dogs love each other. So I woke up the next morning, and I let the dogs out, and I decided hey, while I’m up, I’ll cook us breakfast. So there I am, in a pair of borrowed pajama pants, frying his bacon when he gets up.
And he’s all kissing me and shit… and then his son walks in. ”
“Oh shit.” Asher’s voice was a whisper.
“That’s not even the worst part.”
“It gets worse than being walked in on by someone’s kid?”
He sounded incredulous, and I was glad that I wasn’t facing him when I said the next part.
“It was Jax. Jax is the son. I slept with Jax’s dad.”
Asher was as quiet and still as a corpse, and I worried that I’d killed him with surprise, and then he let out a slow breath.
“No shit?”
“No shit.”
And then… Asher laughed. “You boned Jax’s dad? That’s amazing. He’s hot, right? It’s nice to know that Jax is going to be as hot as sin like his dad when he gets older.”
I pried myself out of Asher’s arms and sat up on the opposite end of the couch. “I wish you’d take this seriously.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
“Oh, River, I’m sorry. It’s just… Jax came home the other day in a really good mood.
He clearly thought something was hilarious because he kept laughing, but he wouldn’t tell Blue and me what it was.
He swore he would if it was our business, but it wasn’t even his business, he said.
But it was obvious that he was happy about something. ”
“Happy? I fucked his dad. Jax and I… we’ve worked together. Why would he be okay with me hooking up with his dad?”
Asher looked at me like I was born yesterday. “Maybe because he loves his dad. Seriously, those two are more like best friends than father and son. You just don’t know that because you’ve never seen them interact before. If Jax is happy, it’s because his dad was happy. Easy math.”
It almost made it worse to know that they were more than father and son. They were best friends. If I was the cause of a rift between them, I’d never forgive myself. How could I when I’d already destroyed my own family? The last thing I wanted was to ruin someone else's too.
“But Jax and I have had sex.”
Asher rolled his eyes. “River, that was before I even started working here. If it happened when I was still a teenager, it doesn’t count. That’s the law.”
“Whose law?”
“Mine. The universe’s. Take your pick. So you had sex. Were feelings involved?”
I shook my head. “No, it was work.”
“There you go. You worked with his son once, years ago. If they don’t mind, why should you? Like, I don’t know Jax’s dad as well as Jax does, obviously, but if he’s okay with his son making porn, and his son’s boyfriends making porn, why would he be upset that you’ve made porn?”
Asher kept coming at me with logic, but all I could hold on to was my fear. I still remembered the way it felt when my family fractured. The crushing loneliness that came after. The knowledge that I’d ruined something just by existing had been a lot to bear.
I had to do something to move on from David, that much was clear to me. I wouldn’t be the reason for friction between father and son.
“Who’s available to shoot with soon?” I asked Asher. “I haven’t done a scene in a while, and my bank account could use a boost.”
My bank account was fine. I hadn’t done a scene in a while because I hadn’t needed—or wanted—to.
But maybe if I dove back into being in front of the camera, David would naturally lose interest in me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about causing problems between father and son.
On the surface, Jax seemed okay with it, but right now he was distracted by his own blossoming relationship.
What would happen when or if Jax had more time to think about it?
Though, who was I kidding? I wasn’t important enough to Jax to cause a problem with him and his dad. That thought was less helpful than I’d anticipated.
Asher narrowed his gaze at me. “You know Lukas makes the matches, right? And you know that he’s going to want to know why you suddenly showed up here, haven’t left in half a week, and now are desperate for a scene. He’ll know you’re running from something.”
“He’s not some omnipotent god. He doesn’t know everything.”
“He knows enough. He knows you.” Asher slid closer and leaned his head on my shoulder.
“And I know you. We’re family, River. Until Jax and Blue, this place, Lukas, you, the rest of the guys, you’re all I had.
And when I thought I was in love with Lukas, I made stupid decisions that almost cost me dearly.
I thought for sure Lukas would want nothing to do with me.
But he’s Lukas. He’s the softest person I know.
He’s got a huge heart. We’re a family, River.
You, me, Lukas, everyone. Don’t make us let you do something you might not want to actually do. ”
I let Asher use me for a pillow. Eventually he reached for my hand and twined our fingers together. Ever since he’d partnered up with Jax and Blue, he’d been more casually affectionate with other people. It must be Blue rubbing off on him. Blue had always been like that.
“And if I actually want to do it?” I asked, still not sure if I was serious about it or not.
He let out a sigh. “Then we’ll stand by you like a family is supposed to do.”
Asher made some pretty good arguments, even if I wouldn’t admit it to him. “How are your kittens?” I asked, blatantly changing the subject. Asher let me because… kittens.
“They’re so big now.” He pulled his phone out and looking at his cat pictures turned into watching cat videos on the internet for the next hour. By the time he had to get up and leave, I still hadn’t decided what to do, but at least I felt a little less alone.
Now I just had to decide what I was going to do next so I could respond to David’s voicemail and let him know one way or the other. Was I in? Or was I out?