Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
JOSH
I’d meant to tell Violet about David, but time had gotten away from me.
And if I was honest with myself, Violet could be a harsh judge of my choices.
She always had my back, and she always supported me in the end, but sometimes it was hard to get her to understand that she didn’t have to be okay with my choices in order for me to make them.
Case in point, my career choice. My work in the porn industry had been a bone of contention between us since day one.
To this day, it was a subject we didn’t agree on, and she’d thankfully given up on trying to change my mind.
But now I could see the wheels in her head turning as she came face to face with a boyfriend she’d heard nothing about.
“Did you want a coffee, David?” I asked as I poured water into the carafe to get a pot going.
“That would be nice actually,” David said.
I glanced at him and shot him a smile. One I hoped would reassure him.
I hadn’t planned for him to meet Violet yet, and I’d kind of hoped to put it off for a while.
I’d also wanted to warn him about her. Before our parents decided that I didn’t exist, Violet had been an amazing big sister.
But when they turned their backs on me, it was like a switch flipped in her brain and she’d gone into overprotective momma bear mode.
It didn’t seem to matter to her that I was an adult now, living an adult life, paying adult bills. To her, I was still the same scared teenager with shitty parents and little hope for my own future.
“So David, how did you meet my brother?”
“I met Josh at the dog park. Our dogs were rescued from the same person.” The dogs in question had curled up on my couch and had gone to sleep.
“That’s sweet.” Violet sounded almost sincere. “Now I know why he wouldn’t let me set him up with this client of mine.”
“I wouldn’t let you because I’m not interested in my sister running my dating life. I also wouldn’t let you because, full offense, Vi, you have horrible taste in men.” I’d finished measuring the coffee into the basket and started the pot, so I joined David again, slinging my arm around his waist.
“Ouch. Baby brother has claws today.”
“Did you want to sit?” I asked David. “You had a hell of a day by the sounds of it.”
“Sure.”
He didn’t sound sure. I wanted Violet to leave, but I didn’t want to kick her out too soon.
I wanted her to like David, and she wouldn’t if she felt I was being weird about him.
We moved to the living room where Violet took the chair and David and I sat on the couch with the dogs.
It didn’t improve the situation any because now she stared at us like we were being interviewed.
Interrogated.
“So, David, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a custodian at the university.”
“David took me to the botanical gardens there actually. I’d never been before. You should go, Vi. It’s so pretty there.”
Violet smiled softly. “That sounds nice.”
“I used to take Jax there all the time when he was a kid, but I’ve never taken a date there before. It was a bit of a gamble, but I think it paid off.”
“Jax?” Violet’s eyebrows scrunched together.
“My son.”
She tilted her head. “You have kids?”
“Just the one. Raised him myself. He’s all grown up with a couple of boyfriends now.”
“Hey, Violet, I wanted to show you something.” I practically leapt up off the couch and grabbed her arm. “Come on, it’ll just take a minute.”
I tugged at her arm until she got up, and I led her down the hallway to my room, sparing a quick glance back for David so I could shoot him a smile that I hoped would be reassuring.
I yanked her into my room and closed the door.
“Don’t you dare, Vi. I’m warning you,” I whisper-yelled.
“He’s old as fuck, though. He has a kid who is old enough to have boyfriends. Plural. Don’t you think that’s strange?”
“Shhhh.” I glanced at the door. “Keep your voice down.”
Violet’s eyes flashed, and she set her jaw. Folding her arms over her chest, she tilted her chin up. It was Violet’s classic fighting stance.
“That wasn’t a no,” she said triumphantly.
“It was a hell no. It was a it’s none of your fucking business. It was a he makes me deliriously fucking happy. Should I continue or are you ready to acknowledge that none of this is your business? I love you, Vi, but you don’t get to make decisions for me.”
“While that might be true, I still get to have opinions.”
“No, you don’t. I didn’t ask for your opinion, and I don’t want it.
You can either be supportive and happy for me, and quiet about what you think, or you can leave.
David has had a shitty fucking day, and the last thing he needed was you crashing in here with your holier than thou, Violet to the rescue attitude.
I need you in my corner, not my business. ”
“He’s old enough to be our father. Doesn’t that make you uncomfortable?”
“What makes me uncomfortable is that you care. I think it’s horrible that I found someone who makes me happy, who doesn’t think my job has ruined my life, who cares about me, and your reaction is to shit all over it.”
“Of course he wouldn’t care about your job.” Violet scoffed as though it was somehow a bad thing that David was accepting of my choices.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that he’s a weird old man who wants an easy target.”
I reared back like I’d been slapped. Violet’s harsh expression fell, crumpling into something that resembled regret.
“River, I’m sorry. I—there’s no excuse for what I just said.”
I nodded, my expression tightening into a scowl.
“He calls me Josh, you know. He makes me feel comfortable around him. Like when I’m with him, he sees the version of me that I’d always wanted to be.
The calm, slightly cool, maybe a little awkward dude that it’s taken me years to find when I look into a mirror.
He calls me Josh and he accepts me for who I am.
With the job I have and the body I have, he doesn’t make me feel bad for any of it. ”
“I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.” Violet reached for me, but I pulled away.
“The best for me is for you to be my sister. Not my mother. My mother thinks I’m an abomination.
My mother thinks I’ve killed her daughter.
My mother hates me and all the choices I’ve ever made.
I don’t need you to be that. I need you to be my sister.
I need you to celebrate my choices, not judge them.
I don’t need unsolicited advice, and I don’t need you to protect me.
Especially not from David. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ”
By the time I finished, my chest was heaving, and Violet had tears in her eyes.
“I—you—Mom still calls sometimes,” Violet blurted. “I never answer, but I always listen to the voicemails. She—I’m not like her. I’m not.” Violet looked like she wanted to reach for me again, so she clasped her hands together and kept them in front of herself.
“If you’re not like her, then you’ll go out there and apologize to David for being an asshole.
You’ll sit and make polite conversation, or you’ll leave.
It’s that simple, Vi. Supporting me means not being a bitch to my boyfriend.
It means not interrogating people like you’re the FBI.
It means being happy for me.” My stupid voice cracked the word happy in half, like it was some kind of peace offering that we could share.
“Okay.” Violet sniffled. “For the record, I’m sorry, okay. For all of it. For all the things you told me you’re mad about, and all the things you forgot to mention.” She sniffled again and wiped a tear away. “Okay, one apology coming right up.”
Violet left the room and I followed. The coffee maker rumbled as it finished brewing. Nitro paced in the kitchen. Alone. It was strange for Wally not to be glued to his side.
My stomach dropped to my feet when I realized that Wally was gone. David was gone.
“What the fuck,” I said, more to myself than to Violet.
“Do you think he heard?”
I whipped around to face Violet. “Of course I think he heard.” I wasted no time shoving my feet into my shoes and snapping a leash on Nitro’s collar.
“What are you doing?”
“What do you think? I’m going to find my boyfriend and beg him to forget all the shit he heard my—” I bit back a mouthful of insults. “—sister say.”
“I can take Nitro if you want.” Her offer was sincere, but the last thing I wanted was for her to have my dog so then I’d have to see her later.
“It’s fine. I have him.” I glanced around the apartment, looking for a note that he might have left while I waited for Violet to grab the carrier she came over to collect. Once it was certain that there was no note, I ushered us out of my apartment.
There was no note. No text. Nothing. Just a gaping hole in my chest.
“Riv—Josh. I’m sorry,” Violet said as we took the elevator to the ground floor. “I never meant to upset anyone.”
“Didn’t you, though?” I turned to her, suddenly exhausted to my core. “You weren’t very welcoming. You immediately looked for reasons to hate him.”
“I don’t want to hate him. I just want to make sure he’s good enough for you.”
“You don’t get to make that decision. I do.” The elevator doors opened, and I stepped out, Violet hot on my heels.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you’re sorry, and what’s worse is that I know I’ll forgive you because you’re family.
” I took a deep breath. “But you’re not the only family I have anymore, Vi.
Just like you have your dog clients and your friends and your book club girls, I have a whole support system too.
You don’t have to be everything for me anymore.
I have people who care about me, and one of them is David.
I know you’re not fond of my career choice, but some of the people I’ve worked with have stepped in and stepped up when other people in my life shoved me away.
And I’m tired of trying to explain to you that my choices are mine.
That I don’t want to date your clients' cute gay brothers or whatever. I just want you to be my sister. Not my mom, not my matchmaker, not anything else. Just my sister. Can you do that?”
Violet nodded. Sniffled. Tried to talk but bit off what was sure to be a sob. Then she nodded again. “I can,” she said, her voice small.
“Good. Then I’ll see you later. I’m going to find my boyfriend.” I started to walk toward my car, but Violet called for me again.
“Josh.” Her voice was still shaky but a little stronger.
I turned my head and made eye contact with her.
“Tell him I’m sorry?”
I nodded then turned around and walked away.
I’d tell him a lot of things when I found him.
Like the fact that I loved him. I’d tell him about how much I didn’t care about his age.
I’d tell him what a wonderful man I thought he was.
I’d tell him that I was sorry for not sending her away and for not warning him about her.
I’d explain that I’d always meant to tell her to back off, and I had before, but I think she could tell that I hadn’t quite meant it until now.
I’d tell him that I fell asleep thinking about him and woke up wishing he were next to me. I’d tell him that I never wanted to be without him. And, yeah, I’d tell him that she was sorry but not as sorry as I was that I’d let her hurt him.
But first I had to find him.