Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
DAVID
Should I have stayed? Maybe. But Josh’s sister was important to him, and I’d been unprepared for the way she glared at me like I was shit on her shoe.
And I definitely hadn’t been ready to overhear her call me a “weird old man.” I’d clenched my teeth so hard my jaw ached, and I was halfway down the stairs with Wally tucked under an arm before I realized I was leaving.
The past few hours had been fucking abysmal, and I had no desire to hang around and be insulted. Maybe I should have stayed and pressed my ear against the door and tried to hear his response to her, but there had been no calming down after I heard those words.
Weird old man.
My stomach churned when I thought about those words. Josh had never made me feel that way. Not weird. Not old. Yes, the age gap was always present, it wasn’t something that would ever disappear, but he hadn’t minded one bit that I was old enough to be his dad.
My hands gripped the steering wheel so hard that they started to hurt, and that’s when I realized I couldn’t just drive around all night.
But I didn’t want to go home. Foolishly, I tried Jax’s place first, but he wasn’t there, which meant he was at Asher’s.
That’s where the three of them seemed to spend most of their time.
They weren’t officially moved in together yet, but I could see it coming a mile away.
The only problem with him being at Asher’s was that I didn’t have the address and getting it from Jax sounded like too much work.
Then he’d know that something was wrong.
Instead, I turned the corner and spotted Bennett’s diner and decided to pull in there.
Maybe I’d have a coffee and get a doggy bag to go.
The diner was quiet when I walked in. There were a few people sitting over in a booth in the far corner. I’d been here enough times to know that was the family booth. It used to be just Ethan and his boys who sat there, but everyone in that family had gotten bit by the lovebug and had partnered up.
As soon as I took a seat at the counter, Ethan was there to greet me.
“Coffee?”
“In a to-go cup, if you don’t mind. My dog is with me and I don’t want to leave him too long.”
“One coffee to go. Anything else?”
I didn’t think I could eat anything with the way my stomach churned and clenched, but maybe Wally would like a treat. There was no reason for both of us to be miserable. “Maybe just a plain burger patty for my dog if that’s possible.”
“Sure is, it’ll be just a couple minutes.”
I pulled a twenty out of my wallet and passed it to Ethan. “Keep the change.”
Ethan was about to say something when a younger man came up to the counter. “I have to head out now. But I’ll see you later?” He practically climbed over the counter, and I watched the way Ethan’s expression softened for him as he leaned in and stole a kiss.
The guy had to be half his age. Easily. And he kissed him out in the open like it was no big deal.
I must have been staring at them because Ethan arched an eyebrow at me and straightened up, making himself taller, broader, more imposing. Like he was ready to toss my ass out. “Is there a problem?”
I shook my head. “No, there’s no problem. My boyfriend is younger too.” I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to launch into my emotionally crippling insecurity that maybe I was too old for him.
“It’s a lot of work to keep up with him, but he’s worth it,” Ethan supplied smoothly. Filling a to-go cup with coffee, he left the lid off so I could add cream or sugar.
“Tell me about it.” I laughed dryly. While I focused on doctoring my coffee, Ethan slipped away to deal with other customers and when he returned, he had a burger patty in a container for me.
“You should bring your boyfriend here some time. Mickey and I have breakfast together every Monday. I don’t generally invite people to sit in the family booth, but the booth across from it isn’t technically the family booth and if you sat there, I bet that would make Mickey’s day.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
Ethan leaned on the counter. We weren’t friends exactly, but I’d been coming here for years so we’d known each other in a very vague acquaintance sort of way.
“I think Mickey would love to meet a guy who is dating another old fart. He’s the youngest among my kids and their partners, and I’m the oldest, obviously.
If you think your boyfriend wouldn’t mind knowing another guy who was into the older generation, bring him by.
” Ethan winced. “Sorry, was that too much?” He rubbed at the back of his neck.
“I just worry sometimes that he doesn’t know anyone who gets it. ”
“Well, he’s not the only one who doesn’t know anyone who gets it.” I gently snapped the lid on my coffee.
“You should come for breakfast Monday,” Ethan said again. “Hang out with a couple of people who get it. Just think about it.”
“I will,” I promised without knowing if there was even going to be an us come Monday. If it came down to Josh having to choose between his sister and me, I wasn’t going to let him choose me.
Josh’s family had already written him off, all except for his sister. I wasn’t going to be the reason for there to be a rift between them. He could find other men to love him, but he only had one sister.
I climbed into my car feeling every year of my life heavy on my bones.
I put the coffee in the cup holder and opened the container for Wally.
I broke the burger patty into smaller pieces and fed them to him one at a time, petting him and telling him how good he was.
And finally, when he was done, I drove home.
I’d turned my phone off when I left Josh’s, and I didn’t feel like turning it back on yet. Maybe I would in the morning. Maybe I wouldn’t. There was a large part of me that wanted to crawl under the blankets and not come out for a long time.
Even if I’d been able to do that, which I couldn't because I had Wally to think about, the presence of a familiar car in my driveway made that an impossibility. I pulled in beside the car and got out.
Sitting on my front steps, with Nitro in his arms, was Josh. He looked like a ghost. He was so pale. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He’d obviously been crying. I hated myself for contributing to that.
He stood when I approached and set Nitro down. Wally, none the wiser to any tension, greeted Nitro with his typical wiggly body.
“I was worried about you.” Josh sounded small and sad and a little broken.
“Sorry. I—sorry.” I didn’t know that I could explain why I left or what I was thinking or feeling when I did. I wasn’t even sure I was ready for this conversation, but there was no way to get out of it now. “Did you want to come in?”
“Did I—of course, I want to come in. David.” Josh sighed and reached for me. His hand was cold on my skin. “There’s a lot I need to say to you, and I don’t want to do it out here.”
I nodded, trying to hide the way my heart was breaking.
There was no way this wasn’t going to be an it’s not you, it’s me conversation.
I wouldn’t blame him for choosing his family over me.
I was just some old guy who’d had a bit of a delusional spell when he thought he’d found the one.
And maybe I had, but that didn’t mean I’d get to keep him.
Josh, Nitro, and Wally followed me inside. Josh took one look at the state of my kitchen, something I’d forgotten about until just now, and he stopped dead in his tracks.
“I was cooking when Wally got into the chocolate muffins,” I said to explain the pots and pans on the stove. The food strewn around the counter. An onion, half chopped, sat on the cutting board. “I kind of forgot about the mess.”
“David, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Josh reached for me, and I let him take my hand because I was weak and wanted his comfort even when I knew he was just trying to soften the blow.
I took a deep breath and tried to reassure him, but at the same time I spoke, so did he.
“I understand,” I said.
“I’m in love with you,” Josh said.
Time stopped. I think my heart did too. I know I wasn’t breathing anymore.
“You what?”
“I love you.” Josh stepped closer. His free hand cupped the side of my face, making me feel small and precious. Treasured. “I’m sorry about Violet. She’s… a terror of a person sometimes. I’m assuming you heard some of what she said.”
I nodded, unable to speak. The words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat.
Josh loved me, and I wanted that to be enough.
I wanted love to fix the way I felt, but I was still scared and sad and maybe a little angry at Violet.
And then I realized I wasn’t even angry about what she said, but at the way she’d barged in and acted like she had any right to say it at all.
“I heard enough.”
“Her opinion doesn’t matter. Hell, that’s not even her real opinion.
She’s just a shoot first kind of person.
She can be overbearing, and it’s been an issue between us for a while now.
Admittedly, I haven’t done enough to stop her from acting like this.
But I’m going to because you’re important to me. ”
“I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note when I left. I hadn’t planned to leave and then I was halfway to my car.”
“You could have at least left your phone on,” Josh chided, softening the rebuke with a kiss to my cheek. “Where did you go? I came straight here, but you weren’t here obviously.”
“I drove around for a while.” I kept the part about stopping at the diner to myself for now. I’d tell him later, if there was a later. “I was worried you were going to break up with me.”
Josh flinched like I’d slapped him. “Why would I do that?”
My shoulders shrugged without my permission. “Your sister was pretty upset. I didn’t, don’t, won’t ever be something that comes between you and your family.”
“Come here.” Josh toed out of his shoes and after I did the same, he led me to the living room where he made me sit on the couch. And then suddenly I had a lap full of Josh. He straddled me, letting me feel the full weight of him.
“Listen to me, David. I love my sister, and she’s important to me.
But I’ve lost other family, and I’ve survived.
I’ve made it this far in life living it my way, and it’s cost me, yeah, but if people can’t be in my life and be quiet about my decisions, then they don’t need to be in my life.
Besides, I’m not without family. I have Lukas and Asher and Jax and Blue, and that’s just to start.
I have friends who love me, who care about me.
Violet isn’t going anywhere, but even if she did, I’d survive losing her.
But I’m not sure I’d survive losing you. ”
“Josh,” I gasped his name.
“I love you, David. And it’s not that I don’t care that you’re older.
I like that you’re older. I like the salt-and-pepper hair.
I like the body that’s helped you survive half a century.
I like the softness around your middle and the gray hairs that have popped up on your chest. I like the way you treat me like a person.
I like the way you say my name. I like the way you look after me.
And when you put all of those things together, it makes me crazy about you.
I’m so in love with you that I can’t think straight sometimes. ”
“So… you’re not breaking up with me?”
Josh smiled and shook his head. “No, I’m not.”
“Thank fucking God, because I was trying to be okay with being without you, but I’m not. And I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with that.” I paused, seeing nothing except love and hope on his face. It was his strength that gave me the courage to whisper back, “And I love you too.”