Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
DAVID
Josh stayed over that night, and he woke up next to me in the morning. We made breakfast together and ate at the kitchen table. The more time we spent together, the more it looked like there was something he had to say, but didn’t know how.
“You should just tell me, you know. Whatever it is, I bet you’ve worked it up in your head to be a lot worse than it is.”
Josh sighed and set his fork down. He took a deep breath and exhaled like taking that breath was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
“I asked Lukas to put me on the schedule. I have a scene coming up.” He stared at me like he was trying to read every micro-expression.
“I won’t be filming it. I’ll be starring in it. ”
“Okay.” I took a sip of my coffee and watched the way Josh tried to come to terms with my easy acceptance of his news.
“I—” he started, but stopped. “You’re—okay. That’s it? Nothing else? Just… okay?”
Setting my coffee down, I reached over and took his hand.
“Josh, I have been aware of what you do for a living for a while now. Loving you means accepting you. It means making room in my life for you. It means that sometimes your job has you doing certain activities that would be a dealbreaker for other couples.” I brought his hand to my mouth and dusted a kiss across his knuckles.
“We’re not other couples. My son is a porn star.
I’ve been aware of the difficulties he’s had in dating because of his job.
I’d like to go on a bit of an ego trip for a second and say that I think I understand better than most what it means to date someone whose job is to have sex on camera. ”
“How are you even real?” Josh asked, though I had a feeling it was a rhetorical question.
“So long as I know when you’re filming, and that you’re safe, and that your job is the only time you’re with other people, I can live with that.
” God, I really hoped I wasn’t lying. Nothing I said felt untrue, but I’d never been in the position of having the man I loved go off and have sex with someone else.
“When is the shoot?” I asked him when it became clear that he needed time for his brain to digest everything I said.
Josh glanced away, then back at me. “Next month,” he said. “I thought about not telling you until the day of the shoot so you wouldn’t have time to stress about it, but then I thought I should give you a proper amount of time to digest it and talk it over with me.”
“We’ll have as many conversations about it as you need to have to feel secure in your decision. Because it is your decision. Always.”
Josh’s next sigh seemed to take away some of the nervous energy with it, and he finally managed to smile at me. “Now if only my sister had the same mentality as you. God, I’m so sorry about the shit she said.”
“Well, thank you, but that’s not your apology to make. It hurt in the moment, and yeah, I let my insecurity get the best of me. I’m not saying it won’t happen again. Having a boyfriend who’s young and beautiful feels like… I don’t know.”
“My age is one thing I can’t change. I can’t magically make myself older.”
“And I can’t make myself younger.”
“I don’t want you younger.” Josh wrinkled his nose. “Have you seen my generation?”
I made a show of raking my stare over his body, letting him see me appreciate it. “I have, yes.”
“I don’t want you younger,” Josh said again. “And there will probably be other people who think the same way as my sister, and that’s okay. They can be wrong just like she was.”
At our feet, Nitro and Wally wrestled around and then Wally got up and headed for the back door. I got up and let them out and watched them through the window for a minute. Suddenly, there was a warm, familiar weight at my back. Josh wrapped his arms around me.
“Violet tries to protect me. She tries to put me into boxes she understands. She was the first one I told about me being trans and she didn’t understand much about it at first, but she was still in my corner.
She educated herself, though. She read books and googled things and really made it her mission to try and understand.
And when our parents—well, Violet was all I had for a long time. ”
I felt Josh press his forehead against my back. “That doesn’t mean she’s right. About you. About us. About anything. She says she’s sorry, and I believe her, but I’m still so fucking mad at her. I wish she never would have said any of those things, and so does she. I won’t ask you to forgive her.”
I’d probably never unhear the things she said, but maybe I could forgive them.
Knowing she came from a place of love and protection helped a little.
It was nice to know she wasn’t mean for the sake of it or trying to control Josh for other reasons.
She was just a concerned… well, a concerned parent.
And I could relate to that. She might not have raised Josh from infancy, but she’d been there through the hardest parts.
“I think I should meet your sister. Properly this time. Scripted and scheduled and planned in advance so no one is taken off-guard and everyone is wearing the proper amount of clothing.”
I felt Josh’s shock radiate through his body. “You do?”
“I do. I want to start over with her. Maybe we’ll get off on the right foot.”
“When?”
“I’ll leave that part up to you. You know her best.”
“Well, it won’t be today, or soon, because I’m still pissed at her. But I’ll text her and set something up.”
I turned around so I could face Josh. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close.
We didn’t kiss, we didn’t try to make it sexual, though my dick wanted me to.
It throbbed and thickened and urged me to press myself against Josh just a little harder.
It was nice to stand there and just hold him.
To let myself bask in the feeling of being in love.
It had been a long time since I felt this way about another person. And what a pair we made.
Josh had his insecurities about his job, one that I’d never ask him to give up.
If he chose to, I’d support his decision, but I’d never demand it of him.
I had my hangups about my age. There was no avoiding the fact that I was older.
Old enough to be his father. That thought wormed its way into the dark corners of my brain, and I found myself wondering something.
“You’re not attracted to me because you have some kind of daddy issues, are you? Because I don’t mind dirty talk, but I don’t think I’d like to be called daddy in a sexual way.”
Josh’s body shook with silent laughter. “You’re ridiculous.” He pulled back and looked up at me. “What goes on in your head?”
“Nothing good, apparently.”
“I don’t have the urge to call you daddy, nor am I into that. More power to those who are, but it’s not my kink.” Talking about kink made Josh get a mischievous look on his face.
“What is your kink? Or should I be afraid to ask?” My cock wasn’t afraid to ask.
Hell, it practically salivated. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been this aroused so often.
All I had to do lately was think about Josh, and my dick wanted to get in on the action.
And even though I had a long recovery time, he never seemed to be bothered by that.
We found other ways to enjoy each other while my body recovered enough to go again.
“Are you sure you want to know?” The look in Josh’s eyes screamed danger. It screamed mischief and mayhem. His expression was nothing but trouble.
“I’m sure I need to know. If you don’t tell me, I’m going to wonder, and I’m going to invent things in my head. And I’ll probably end up scaring myself if I think about it too long.”
“Okay, but I warned you.” Josh lifted himself up on his toes and brushed a kiss against my mouth. “I really, really, really, want to get my hand inside you. All four fingers. And my thumb. I want to finger you until you come, and then I want to fist you until you cry.”
“Which—” I had to stop and clear my throat. “Which of those are your kinks? The fisting or the crying?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Not sure. Maybe both.”
“Well, I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but I think I’d let you do almost anything to me.”
“Almost?” Josh shook his head. “That’s kind of disappointing.”
“I might be open-minded, but even I have limits. So yes, almost anything. But if it makes you feel better, I’d definitely let you fist me until I cried.”
Josh let out a moan and shifted against me, brushing up against my cock. “We’ll need to work you up to it.” His voice was thick with lust, like it was strangled by it. “You’re too tight. It’ll take a bit to get you used to the stretch so I don’t hurt you. That’s not the way I want to make you cry.”
“Oh no,” I said, injecting my voice with fake concern. “You’re going to have to play with my ass. How will I manage? What will I do? The horror.”
He laughed and gave me a shove, but I didn’t move away. I just laughed with him and held him a little tighter.
“You’ll really let me fist you?”
“Not today, like you said, but yeah, we can work up to that.” My dick disagreed.
It wanted to demand that we do it today.
Right now in fact. He didn’t care that we were dressed, and vertical, and in the kitchen.
He wanted what he wanted, and he wanted it now.
Which was why he wasn’t in charge of anything.
“Now all I want to do is take you back to bed and play with that magnificent ass of yours. But I have to work today. Lukas has been busy and has some new footage for me to edit. Plus, I do a lot of the website updates and stuff. I have a bunch of videos to write summaries for.”
“I have the afternoon shifts this week, so I wouldn’t be able to indulge for long before I had to get ready for work.”
“Work is stupid. Money is dumb.”
“Yes, but work keeps the lights on and the lube stocked.”
Josh’s eyes sparkled. “Then you should really get to work. You don’t want to be late.”
“I have a little time, yet.”
He raised an eyebrow. “How much time?”
“Time enough to do this.” Cupping his cheek, I pulled him to me, drawing him closer so I could bring my mouth down on his.
Our lips met, and I tasted coffee on his mouth.
I tasted coffee and sugar when I kissed him again, deeper that time.
“And this.” I said when I pulled away briefly.
And then I kissed him again, softer, deeper, longer.
I was almost late for work.