Chapter 1
I’d hoped they’d forgotten about it that afternoon at the start of the summer holidays. But there it was, at the bottom of Theo’s bed – the unopened package, sending me vomit vibes from on top of the navy duvet cover.
‘Oh my God I can’t wait for this,’ Ari said, grabbing the package and ripping it open.
I sat at the top of the single bed, holding Theo’s pillow in front of my face, breathing in the smell of him. Lynx Africa, musky, with a hint of lime. The scent that always calmed my heartbeat. But this time, it didn’t work.
I shook my head. ‘I don’t think I can do it. You do it first.’
‘No way, you drew the short straw, bitch.’ Ari laughed and slid out the box, raising her eyebrows and giving me a deranged smile.
She’d tied her poker-straight black hair up in a high ponytail, making her angles even more sharp.
The total opposite to my blonde curls, round face and turned-up nose.
Other than that, we’d morphed into each other over the last year.
Well, I’d morphed into her. Black eye make-up, black nail varnish, chokers, piercings dotted the whole way up our ears.
Even our clothes were the same. Band T-shirts, ripped jeans, skin-tight black lace and fingerless gloves.
I even straightened my curls, despite Mum’s protests.
‘It’ll be fine, babe,’ Theo drawled, sitting on his desk chair in his oversized NFL hoody, blue-jeaned-legs splayed, scrolling through his phone.
‘At least hold my hand.’ I hid behind the cushion, a last-ditch attempt at convincing them, without actually having to say it, that I really, really didn’t want to do this.
Theo didn’t even look at my outstretched hand. He was laughing at something on his phone.
‘Theo, hold her hand! Actually, even better, give her this.’ Ari bent down to the floor and rifled in her bag. She pulled out a bottle of tequila.
‘Where’d you get that?’ I put down the pillow.
‘My mum is dead into margaritas at the minute.’ Ari shrugged and handed it to me. ‘Dutch courage.’
I screwed the cap off the bottle, smelled it and almost retched at the scent. Like one of Dad’s socks had been marinated inside. But I took a swig anyway, scrunching up my face and forcing the rancid liquid down my throat.
‘We drinking?’ Theo spun round, deciding to give us some attention. He smiled at me, wide and bright. I found his eyes. The same brown eyes that made me melt like butter every single time I lost myself in them. Which was a lot.
I pretended to hand him the bottle, then pulled it back. ‘You doing it too? Only get to drink if you’re taking part.’
‘Oh really?’ He launched himself on to the bed and kissed my neck, knowing it always made me laugh. I held the bottle up, trying not to let it spill.
‘Just give it to him, Marge,’ Ari said. The nickname I’d asked her a million times to stop using. It was funny the first time, but after that, it was just annoying.
Theo kept kissing and I kept laughing.
‘Theo, Lav is texting you.’ Ari held up his phone. ‘And he says –’
And just like that Theo was up, snatching his phone from Ari, and sitting back down on his chair.
And now Ari was beside me, opening the box and sliding out the piercing gun. She dumped a bag on my knee and my stomach lurched. ‘Choose one.’
My heart was racing again, and I felt like I was going to puke.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t been pierced before.
But it had always been at a jeweller’s, or at that place at the back of the car park that was mad cheap.
DIY piercing was a first. Mum and Dad had just about got used to all my ear piercings, so I’d no idea what they’d think of a hole in my nose.
I inhaled, telling myself I didn’t care.
I looked at the nose studs in my lap – sparkling diamanté, pinks, blues and clear. I picked up a tiny clear one. ‘This one. What do you think?’
‘It’s your nose,’ she said, shrugging. ‘But yeah, it’s nice.’
‘What do you reckon, Theo?’ I asked, but he was still looking at his phone.
‘You ready?’ Ari came closer, an alcohol wipe coming towards me. I backed away, my nose burning from the harsh bitterness of the smell.
‘Ugh, you do it then.’ She threw it on top of me.
I wiped my nose with it, taking way longer than I needed to.
‘Theo, put your phone down. Marge needs you.’ Ari slapped his thigh playfully. I hated that I was jealous of the look he gave her. The arched eyebrow and the smile that turned up at one side. The smile that was usually reserved for me.
‘It’ll only hurt for a second, Margot. I promise.’
I closed my eyes and played him saying my name again. Slow, lazy, smooth. I reached for his hand, while Ari set up the needles.
He laced his fingers through mine. I stared at our hands. I’d always loved the contrast of the size of his hands against mine. He kissed my fingers and his shaggy hair brushed gently against my arm. ‘I think it’ll look really hot.’
‘Really?’ I asked.
‘Ready!’ called Ari, and she moved between us, breaking apart our hands. ‘Sorry, I need to get in here.’ She snapped the latex gloves, just to make the whole experience even more unpleasant.
I closed my eyes, blood rushing to my head, heartbeat in my ears.
‘It’ll just take a second.’ Ari’s finger on my nose, the smell of the gloves reminding me of the dentist.
Snap!
‘Fuck!’ It felt like someone had stuck a lit match up my nostril.
I reached up and felt the stud. ‘Is that it? It’s in?’ I asked. I looked towards Theo.
‘Wow, babe, you look even whiter than usual. Doesn’t she, Ari?’
But their words sounded far away, and I was sweating. I needed a drink and felt like I was going to pass out.
Theo leaned in to get a closer look. ‘Looks good.’
‘Yeah?’ I asked, instinctively touching my nose and feeling the metal stud.
‘It’s all good, bitch. But your phone has been blowing up for the last five minutes.’ Ari dropped my phone on to my stomach, and I picked it up.
Six missed calls. From home. Shit.
‘My mum and dad,’ I said, pulling myself up. ‘They’re going to hit the roof when they see this.’
‘Fuck ’em. We’re eighteen. Adults!’ Ari scoffed. ‘And why are they so anal anyway? We’ve finished school.’
WhatsApp messages flashed up on the screen.
DAD: Margot where are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago.
DAD: Come home now!
I sat up. Panicked.
‘Shit. Rue’s birthday,’ I said. I reached up to touch the stud in my nose again, then pulled my hand away because it hurt. ‘And I completely forgot. I better go.’
‘Sucks for you,’ Ari said, grinning.
I stood up and Ari air-kissed me goodbye. I held out my hand to pull Theo to the door with me.
‘Don’t worry about anything, babe. It’ll all be cool.’ He kissed me, slow and gentle. And I wanted to believe him.
But I knew nothing about going home right then would be ‘cool’.