Chapter 2
Mum, Dad, Rue and Wren were at the kitchen table eating dinner when I got in. I could smell the spaghetti bolognese from the hall. Rue’s favourite. Obviously Wren wasn’t eating that. She was eating her trademark chicken nuggets, waffles and beans.
And she was the first one who saw me. She turned in her seat and it was like she was trying to warn me with her big blue eyes to turn round and run back out the door. But I was too slow.
Rue turned round and grinned at me. ‘She’s home. Dad, you can yell at her now.’
‘Girls, please take your dinner into the living room. Then we can have cake after.’
‘OK, Dad.’ Rue got out of her seat and picked up her plate.
She threw me another smug smile and walked slowly and unsteadily across the tiles.
Rue’s cerebral palsy hadn’t been diagnosed until she was three.
The tightness in her legs made her unstable, so me and Wren were used to being careful around her.
And I’d never admit it out loud, but right then I was ashamed to even think that I was tempted to trip her up and watch the spaghetti bolognese destroy the white walls.
Wren stopped beside me with her dinner. ‘Dad’s really mad,’ she whispered. ‘Tell him you didn’t do it. Whatever it was. Mum’s a little bit on your side,’ she whispered.
I winked at her. ‘Thanks. I owe you one.’
I heard Rue cackling at the TV from the other room.
‘Sit down.’ Dad pushed his reading glasses up his nose, like he meant business.
I’d barely sat down before he started talking.
‘Family comes first, Margot. You know that. Rue’s birthday? You know how much she’s been looking forward to having everyone together.’
He was right. She’d been talking about it for weeks.
‘Sorry. I forgot.’ I shrugged, trying to channel Ari, trying to push back at the injustice. I was eighteen, for God’s sake.
‘You do a lot of forgetting these days. And I dread to think what you’re going to get in your A levels. Honestly, Margot, you need to start taking your life seriously.’
I picked up a piece of kitchen roll and started shredding it on the table. ‘I was just with my friends.’ And that seemed to piss off Dad even more.
‘Do you think these are the kind of friends you should have? Ones that are going to drag you down? This isn’t you, Margot.’ Dad shook his head.
And then I snapped. ‘How would you know who I am?’
‘Margot,’ said Mum.
‘I’m serious! Ever since I quit swimming, all you fucking care about is work, and Rue and Wren.’
‘Margot! Language!’ Dad’s voice boomed and Rue stopped laughing from next door.
‘You think they don’t swear?’ I pointed towards the living room. ‘Rue’s eight and is never done calling me a bitch.’
Dad slammed his fist on the table and Mum shot him a look. ‘This isn’t about them! This is about you! It’s your future, Margot, and you’re going to ruin it –’
‘Margot?’ Mum cut in.
I looked at Mum, who was staring at me. At my nose. ‘What?’
Dad followed her gaze. ‘What is it?’ Dad asked her, completely oblivious to the sparkling stud, just like he had been to the multiple ear piercings over the last year.
Mum pointed at her own nose, and I watched his expression darken even more as the penny dropped.
‘What is that in your face?’ he said, seething.
Shit.
Before I could say anything, Dad stood up. ‘Just get out of my sight, Margot. Go to your room. I don’t want to see you again until tomorrow. I need to speak to your mother. And I’ve locked that window, so don’t even bother trying to get out that way.’
‘Fine!’
I stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door behind me.
My parents were ridiculous. I stomped my way up the stairs, lay down on my bed, shoved my head into my pillow and screamed.
Then I pulled it away because it hurt my nose.
And when I turned over, I saw Wren staring at me from the doorway, wearing the pink onesie that she got changed into every day after school.
She was nine, but everyone treated her like she was younger because, unlike the holy terror that was Rue, she was so sweet.
And I guess she leaned into it. I probably would too if I were her.
Her blonde hair hadn’t darkened, not like mine and Rue’s had.
Ours was still light, but not the white blonde of Wren’s curls.
‘Are you OK, Gogo?’ I bit my lip, trying to calm down before I spoke to her. That was Dad’s stupid kid nickname for me, and it made my skin crawl every time he used it now. But Wren, Wren could use it.
‘I’ll be fine, just a bit mad.’
‘At Mum and Dad?’ She looked like she was going to cry.
‘You know how you get mad at Rue sometimes?’ I said, pulling myself up and patting the bed beside me. She walked over and curled up next to me.
‘Yeah.’
‘Well, it’s kind of like that. It’ll be fine again soon. Mum and Dad just need to get over their tantrum.’
‘Like Rue,’ she said.
‘Just like Rue.’
‘She said she’s not wearing her night-time splints tonight.’ Wren looked worried, an expression that wasn’t unusual.
‘She’s such a brat. She knows they’ll help.
’ It was shit that she had to wear them, and it wasn’t like my heart didn’t sink when she fell or couldn’t join in with something, but I couldn’t help getting pissed off at the serious favouritism that had existed ever since she was born more than two months early.
And if Wren felt it too, she never let it show.
‘I just don’t think they’re very comfortable. I’ll go and see if I can convince her.’ Wren left me alone with the rage that had been calmed slightly by her presence.
The next morning, I went downstairs to everyone eating breakfast at the table.
Rue’s standing frame was beside her, and when I looked at the anger that darkened her face, I knew it was going to be a huge fight to get her to use it.
She was supposed to use it an hour a day.
Something to do with posture. Mum was already reaching for the chocolate buttons, her usual bribe.
I sighed – as if I’d ever have been allowed chocolate at breakfast at that age.
‘Rue, please. Listen, we’re going on holiday tomorrow. Just try and use your frame as much as you can before we go.’
I left before Rue exploded, and just about made it back up the stairs and into my room before I heard her yelling. I phoned Theo.
I lay back on my bed and smiled when his beautiful face filled the screen.
‘My mum and dad are freaking out at the minute. About my future.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘I need a hug.’ I pulled a sad face.
‘Well come and get one tonight. Ari is meeting some of the Birch ones up the Cave Hill, and it’s better than listening to my mum yelling at Kobe.’
I could sleep to Theo’s voice. Sometimes I played his voicemails on repeat at night, and within a couple of minutes I was drifting off.
‘Yeah, I’d love to, but I better lay low tonight.’ I wasn’t about to admit that Dad had basically locked me in the house. ‘They’re away on holiday tomorrow for four weeks though, so I’ll have a free house,’ I said, smirking at him suggestively.
‘Awesome. Can’t wait to come and keep you company.’
‘Tell me about it.’ I smiled. I rolled on to my side and let my hair fall over half of my face.
‘Are you wearing those cute heart pjs?’ Theo asked.
I lifted the camera high above me and showed him.
‘Mmm,’ he said. ‘It’s a shame I’m not there, but listen, babe, we’ll have all summer together, and Kobe’s mate’s parents have that place in Portrush. We can go down there too, and I’ll teach you how to surf? Forget all about this PG school stuff.’
‘Surf? I don’t do water any more,’ I said, wondering if he would ask me to elaborate, but knowing he wouldn’t. It had been over a year since I’d quit swimming, and he’d never really asked why.
‘You can chill on the beach then, babe.’
A knock at my door.
‘Shit, got to go,’ I whispered and blew him a kiss. He winked into the camera and hung up.
Dad walked into my room, sighing like I didn’t already know he was pissed off at me.
‘Your mother and I had a chat last night. You clearly can’t be trusted to be left alone while the rest of us go on holiday. I’m not leaving this house to be destroyed for four weeks –’
‘I’m not going to Nan’s, she talks to that cat like it’s an actual baby. Super creepy,’ I cut in.
‘You think I’d make Nan have you? No, Margot, you’re coming with us.’
‘To Eurocamp?’ I could barely get the words out. He couldn’t possibly mean that he wanted me to go to France with them to Camp Loser.
‘To Eurocamp,’ he confirmed. ‘You’re going to spend time with your family and maybe you’ll be reminded of what’s important in life.’
And I waited until he’d left the room before I screamed into my pillow so hard my throat hurt, as the perfect summer I’d almost had flashed before my eyes.