Chapter 8
Then the moment was shattered by an angry French voice.
‘Felix!’
We broke apart and Felix looked up. We turned to see his boss, Yves, yelling at Felix from across the Brasserie and waving his hands around.
‘Merde,’ Felix whispered. ‘I have to get back to work.’ He smiled at me apologetically. ‘And I am working tonight, but tomorrow, I was thinking we could maybe go somewhere. For a date?’
‘A date?’ I said, more shock than a question. A grin escaped, and Felix matched it before Yves yelled across the Brasserie again.
‘Felix!’
‘I have to go.’ Felix put his hands on my arms and kissed me on both cheeks before turning away briefly, speaking in French to Yves. ‘But quickly. Give me your number and I will send you a message.’
We exchanged phone numbers, and then he jogged off towards Yves.
I watched him for a moment, how he spoke to his boss and the way Yves’ demeanour changed as Felix talked to him. After five minutes, they were both laughing, and I couldn’t help smiling in their direction.
As I turned away, I caught Delphine’s eye. She was clearing a table of plates, balancing three of them on her arm. Her gaze flicked towards mine and I swear she rolled her eyes again. Whatever.
I walked back to the mobile home, where I could hear Rue shouting before I even went inside.
And I guessed what it would be about. Her splints.
Rue was mostly good about wearing them, but sometimes she just exploded about it, because sometimes they rubbed, or sometimes she didn’t want to be different to anyone else. And I understood, we all did. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a pain in the ass to deal with.
‘I’m not wearing them!’ Rue shouted and launched a splint across the tiny living room, nearly hitting me as I walked through the door.
‘Rue, love, you’ll be doing lots of walking, they help your legs.’ Mum pleaded with her while Dad picked up the splint and Wren just sat beside her, looking sad.
‘I don’t care,’ Rue said through tears.
This wasn’t how Rue worked. You couldn’t plead with her. You couldn’t show weakness. Rue responded to deals.
I sat down beside her.
‘What if I message Lexie to see if her boyfriend is setting up that disability football team at their club that she talked about?’ I asked. Rue idolized our cousin Lexie.
And I could tell by the way her breathing changed that I had her attention. Mum, Dad and Wren were silent. Waiting for another explosion.
Rue crossed her arms furiously. But didn’t say anything.
‘And something else. Those exercises you have to do every day before you get your operation?’ I felt queasy every time the operation came up.
Not because I was squeamish – I just hated the thought of her having to go through it.
The Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy. When the doctors would cut some nerve roots in her spinal cord to try to help with her mobility.
Rue flashed her blue eyes at me.
‘You have to actually do them. Without complaining.’ I nudged her and she didn’t punch me back, so I knew I was getting somewhere. ‘Is it a deal?’
‘Only if you do it now,’ she said, her voice still shaking from all the crying.
‘Do what?’ I asked.
‘Message Lexie.’
‘Fine.’ I got out my phone and typed out a message to our cousin, before showing it to Rue, who nodded angrily.
‘Send,’ she said.
‘Sent,’ I confirmed, and stood up.
Mum took my spot. ‘You know, love, we only keep going on about these things to help you. We don’t do it to upset you. And hopefully, after your operation, everything will be a bit easier.’ Mum took Rue’s hand, and I watched as she didn’t snatch it away.
As I moved past Dad, he put a hand on my shoulder and whispered, ‘Thanks, Gogo.’
Then I left them to it. I went into my little bedroom, closed the door and took out the phone that had just buzzed in my pocket. My stomach lurched as I wondered if Ari or Theo had finally replied.
FELIX: I am looking forward to tomorrow already :)
ME: Me too x
And, just like that, the Ari and Theo rage disappeared. I looked at Felix’s message again and stretched out comfortably on my bed, smiling as I did. I scrolled through my WhatsApp messages and stopped on Priya’s name again.
ME: Hey … Long time no speak. I know it seems like totally out of the blue, and I know everything was all my fault. But I miss you P. Like really miss you. I’m on holiday, but would be great to catch up when I get home, you know, if you wanted to or whatever x
PRIYA is typing
My heart was in my mouth. I held my breath, waiting to see what she’d say. If she’d even reply. She stopped typing. Then started.
Then stopped. And my heart hurt all over again.
I was half asleep when Dad knocked on my door.
‘We’re going for dinner in ten minutes. The girls want pizza,’ Dad said with a roll of his eyes.
‘Again?’ I asked.
‘Again,’ he smiled. And it was nice to share a moment with him.
Rue didn’t complain about her splints at all that night.
Not even when we walked to the pizzeria, when the air was hot and they must have been rubbing against her skin.
She brought a football with her, dribbling it with Wren along the path as we walked.
She even said no when I offered her a piggyback.
‘Are you excited to learn surfing?’ I asked my sisters on the way back.
‘Yep!’ Rue said immediately. Wren was quiet.
‘Wren?’ I asked.
‘What if I fall in? What if Rue falls in?’ she asked, her big eyes even bigger than usual.
‘So what? You can both swim,’ I said, shrugging, trying to make her feel better.
‘But what if the waves are too big?’ she asked, and the fear in her voice was so real that I stopped her in the middle of the path.
‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And anyway, you won’t be in big waves, not right away and probably not at all this holiday. OK?’ I asked, and I watched the fear start to retreat from her eyes.
‘Aw!’ said Rue. ‘I wanted the big waves.’
‘What if the man isn’t nice to us?’ Wren looked at me, and I had to adjust my face because I’d been thinking the same thing. There was no way his arrogance wouldn’t spill over into the girls’ lesson.
‘He will be. I’m sure of it,’ I said with as much conviction as I could muster. ‘But I’ll be there anyway. So don’t worry. OK?’
Wren nodded, her blonde curls bouncing around her shoulders. ‘OK.’
We played cards the rest of the evening and into the warm night. Rue wouldn’t stop talking about the new football team she was going to join, so I just hoped that Lexie’s boyfriend actually did get it off the ground. My cousin hadn’t replied yet.
And Wren was happy, just because everyone was there. I flicked between not thinking about home at all, just daydreaming about Felix and the way he’d touched my hand, to my gut lurching with the shame of sending a message to Priya and getting no reply; it haunted me.
I took my hair out of its bobble and pulled at the strands that were turning curly again.
‘I miss your curls, Margot,’ Mum said, and I caught her eye.
‘Me too,’ said Wren.
‘Me three,’ said Rue. ‘Looks better when you match with us.’
‘Well I like it straight,’ I said. But was that even true?
Did I just straighten my hair to look more like Ari?
Because I thought Theo would like me better like that?
Is that what I was doing? It wasn’t conscious, not really.
But I thought back to how different I’d been before, how much I’d changed in one year – Ari and Theo the common denominators.
‘Well, you’ve always had your own mind anyway,’ Dad added to the conversation, coating my doubts with a layer of my own disappointment.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I asked with a laugh, knowing exactly what he’d meant, because I used to love it when he said that. But this last year? I’d had anything but my own mind.
‘Nothing.’ Dad held up his hands. ‘I just meant that ever since you were born, you’ve always known what you wanted and there’s no point trying to argue with you. Just like Rue.’
Rue grinned like she’d just won a prize.
‘Yeah, and like you,’ I replied, teasing Dad.
And that interaction, and the laughter that followed, brought me back to the way things used to be, if only for now.