Chapter 31 #2
‘Felix!’ Lili came out of nowhere, her dark curls bouncing around her shoulders, and behind her, Delphine. Lili threw her arms round Felix when Sébastian let him go. ‘Do you remember the first barbecue, when everyone was sick?’ Lili laughed.
‘Unfortunately, I do remember.’ Felix smiled and stepped a bit closer to me.
‘Maybe I should do the barbecue tonight?’ Felix looked at Sébastian with raised eyebrows and he glared back at him, before bursting into a huge smile.
‘I thought you would never ask.’ Sébastian handed Felix the tongs and they switched places, so Sébastian was standing beside me.
‘I will get you a drink, Margot.’ He disappeared to a barrel filled with ice and came back with a can of beer.
‘Thanks,’ I said.
‘How are your legs?’ Delphine asked. Her hair was pulled into a messy updo, and a cardigan was draped over her elegant shoulders, revealing a dark summer minidress.
‘Tired,’ I admitted, thinking back to our run, then our lesson.
‘Good. We will do the same again tomorrow?’ she asked.
‘Delphine,’ Lili warned, then she touched my arm gently. ‘Sometimes Delphine is too strict. She makes people work too hard.’ Lili spoke to me, but she was looking at Delphine with a smirk. Delphine rolled her eyes.
‘It’s OK. I like to train hard,’ I said, and Delphine smiled smugly back at Lili.
‘And you will come to the qualifier, Fe?’ Sébastian asked Felix, who was turning burgers.
‘One step at a time,’ Felix replied, staring into the barbecue.
Then I heard Lili say ‘Antoine’ when she was talking to Delphine in French. The name caught my ear like it was meant for me. I followed their gaze towards the water, and there he was. A figure standing with his back to us, hands in pockets, just looking out at the ocean.
I looked back to Felix, who was surrounded by people I didn’t know. All of them smiling, talking to him, delighted that he had come.
So I slipped away towards the water, my full can of beer still in my hand.
I walked between the groups of people, dragging my feet through the cooling sand, towards Antoine.
He was wearing a white T-shirt and dark board shorts, his tattooed arms still jammed in their pockets when I reached him.
I nudged him with my shoulder. ‘Le flic de la plage. Still checking the water?’ I looked up at him and the side of his mouth twitched into the beginning of a smile that never actually materialized.
I had the urge to take his hand then. To squeeze it in mine, like this connection between us was so strong that it superseded everything else. Like how patronizing he’d been and the things he’d said, how it all just faded away.
But Felix was on the beach. And despite our conversation, I couldn’t do that to him.
So I just stood there, beer in hand, with the charged salt air fizzing with tension between us.
‘I hope you are not planning to drink that near the water.’ Antoine nodded at the beer can in my hand.
‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ I said.
‘Good. I have arrested people for less.’
I gave him a side eye and smirked.
‘Why did you come tonight?’
‘Because Felix wanted to.’ I shrugged.
‘He is here? Felix?’ Antoine glanced towards the crowd spread across the beach.
‘Yep,’ I answered.
Antoine sighed and scanned the crowd, as if to look for him.
‘Is that the only reason?’ he asked, letting his words hang in the air as he stared back out at the ocean.
He inhaled, and in those seconds, I couldn’t hear the rush of the waves, the bang of the drum or the chatter of French teenagers, because it was like everything was silent. Like it was just us on the beach.
‘No,’ I said. And I didn’t mean it to come out. Or maybe I did. Priya did tell me to be honest.
And he was about to say something. He opened his mouth and, desperate to hear what he had to say, I moved closer. But something had caught his attention behind us. He turned, and I watched the muscles in his shoulders immediately tense.
I followed his gaze. Felix. Far away, but unmistakable. His square-shouldered silhouette watched us from the glow of the bonfire beside him. Antoine turned to me, his expression hard, jaw set, and I wondered what condescending words would come out of his mouth.
But he just shook his head in frustration, then stormed away from me, up the beach, towards Felix. I jogged after him but was stopped by Sébastian, who held out an arm.
‘Be careful, Margot. It is better not to get mixed up.’ He looked down at me with pleading eyes beneath his blonde mop of hair.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
But I couldn’t hear his answer, because a crowd had gathered around Felix and Antoine, who were shouting at each other in French.
French that was far too fast for me to attempt to translate.
I looked between them. Felix looked angrier than I’d ever seen him.
His brown eyes flashed in the light of the bonfire, embers sparking around them, like even the universe was expecting a fight.
Antoine stood tall, holding his head up, chest out, seeming bigger than he was.
He paced on the sand in front of Felix as they fired angry words at each other.
Sébastian bent down and whispered into my ear. ‘Antoine is asking why he is here. He says that he lost the right to be here when he walked away three years ago.’
‘I don’t understand.’ I looked at Sébastian, confused. But he was listening again and hadn’t heard me.
‘They are talking about Gabriel now,’ Sebastain explained.
‘Gabriel. Felix’s brother?’ I asked. No answer.
I watched them again, and everything around me blurred, as a sickening revelation passed through my body. The bone structure. It was the same. The same defined jawline and high cheekbones. The eyes – same shape, different colour. Square shoulders, olive skin, toned but lean.
Gabriel was Antoine’s brother too.
I reached for Sébastian’s shirt beside me and tugged it. He bent down so he could hear me.
‘Felix and Antoine. They’re brothers?’ I looked into his eyes, hoping he’d shake his head, prove my stupid theory wrong.
But he nodded, his eyes still on them. ‘You knew … Non …? They have not spoken for three years. Not since Gabriel died.’ Sébastian translated again: ‘Antoine says that he was supposed to be there that day. That he felt guilty. And Felix is saying that it was him who took Gabriel out to surf, that it was all his fault, and that Antoine has blamed him ever since.’
I stared open-mouthed at Felix, whose pain was so visible that it was hard to watch. Sébastian kept translating. ‘I never blamed you. I blamed myself. You walked away. From me. From the ocean. I lost two brothers that day.’ He mirrored the painful animation in Antoine’s voice.
My hand moved reflexively to my mouth and a lump formed in my throat.
‘Felix says that he could not stay. Not with the ghost of Gabriel. Not when he thought Antoine hated him.’ Felix’s words were stilted, like he was about to cry.
But I couldn’t take any more. I pushed my way back through the crowd and sat down on the sand. My head was spinning. I’d found myself in the middle of this awful family tragedy. I should have seen it. The similarities, which were just so painfully obvious now that I knew.
And I had never felt more stupid.