Chapter 37
The next morning, I woke up at five thirty. Not to train, but because I owed it to Delphine to tell her in person that I couldn’t stay. And that I wasn’t doing the qualifier.
When I got to the beach, the sun was attempting to rise and Delphine smiled when she saw me.
‘You are late, Margot! We need to make up for our missed session yesterday.’
I slowed down, reluctant to have another conversation that just left me feeling empty.
I didn’t go straight to the rack of surfboards like I usually did, didn’t dump my stuff in the usual spot. I just stood there trying to work out what to say.
‘What is wrong?’ she asked, putting down the tin of board wax in her hand. ‘You are OK?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t do it.’
‘You can, Margot! You are brilliant,’ she said.
I wished so hard that’s all it was. A crisis of confidence.
I shook my head. ‘My sister, her operation has been moved forward, and we have to leave. Tomorrow.’
‘Oh …’ Delphine said as the information hit home. ‘Family. It is important.’ Her voice was laced with disappointment.
I nodded.
‘But so are you …’
‘It’s for the best anyway. I mean, it was unrealistic to think that I could qualify and stay in France by myself. And Felix and Antoine, it’s all such a mess.’ Now I was the one with my hand in my hair. It got stuck in my tangled curls.
‘Margot! Non!’ Delphine said with conviction, and it made me look up at her in confusion.
‘No?’
‘If I can say one thing it is that you should never make your decisions based on boys. It is you and your life. They might be a part of your life, but we must make our own decisions. You are eighteen, non?’
I nodded.
‘Well then you must make your own decisions. You are an adult now, and you must act like one.’ She’d gone back to the frosty tone I knew from a couple of weeks ago.
‘Your sister. That is a different decision, but do not let Felix or Antoine influence what you want from your life. Do you understand what I am saying?’ She paused. ‘I can tell you a secret?’
‘Of course.’
‘I nearly quit surfing because of a boy … Antoine …’
I looked at her in shock. ‘Seriously?’
‘Very seriously. When we broke up, everything reminded me of him, and I stopped surfing for a few weeks. But then I realized that it was a stupid way to live. Things, they change, people change, but it does not mean that you must lose everything connected to a bad experience.’
I nodded in semi-agreement. I got it. I really did. But Rue’s operation was still happening, and what kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t there too?
‘Just think carefully before you make any decisions. I will not take your name out. Not yet. I will see you for your sisters’ lesson?’
I nodded.
When I got back to the mobile home, Mum and Dad were rushing around like mad, packing up our whole holiday ready to leave tomorrow.
Rue and Wren were sitting at the table eating breakfast. There was stuff everywhere.
My heart sank. I sat down beside them as Dad paced around us.
And I could tell by his fake cheery voice that he was really stressed.
‘Just think, girls, soon we’ll all be staying at the Ronald McDonald house. Burgers all around,’ he said.
Usually Rue and Wren got ridiculously excited about the prospect of McDonald’s, but they didn’t say anything.
Antoine’s face flashed in my head. His wet hair and how his T-shirt clung to his skin yesterday. How he’d held me as I cried.
How I longed to be back on the beach with him.
I had a shower and put on Antoine’s rash vest again. I don’t know why I did it, maybe because I was so reluctant to let go – of any of it.
When I stepped out, Rue spotted me first.
‘You’re going surfing?’ she asked, with the first smile I’d seen since we’d been told we were leaving.
I shook my head. ‘No, I just like the shirt.’
‘But what about that competition in September?’ Rue asked, and Wren looked at her, remembering that I’d made them promise not to tell Mum and Dad. Not like it mattered any more.
‘What competition?’ Dad asked, conveniently coming in from outside holding a croissant.
Rue looked at me. ‘Oops,’ she said.
‘It’s fine.’ I waved away her apologetic look and turned to Dad. ‘It was just a surf competition that Delphine thought I should enter.’ I shrugged and picked up a phone charger, desperate for something to fidget with.
‘Oh, Delphine thought, did she? What did she think about you almost drowning? Was that just a rite of passage?’ Dad was fuming and trying desperately not to explode completely.
‘No, Dad. It doesn’t matter. It’s not happening, we’re going home tomorrow,’ I said, my voice wavering, betraying me.
‘Hold on a minute. Rue said September?’ Dad stared at me, demanding an answer.
‘It was just a thought. There was a qualifier tomorrow, and if you do well enough you can compete in La Vague d’Or. That’s the name of the competition. And yes, it’s in September.’ My voice got quieter and quieter. And so did the room.
‘So what was your plan, that we would just leave you here in France?’ Dad shook his head in disbelief. ‘With these people you barely know? To do something that almost killed you?’
‘Dan.’ Mum came in and put her hand on Dad’s arm. But he was still staring at me like he genuinely could not believe what was happening.
‘Sweetheart, I understand that you’ve loved learning to surf, but a competition? After what happened in the water?’
And I don’t know what it was, but the way Mum said it lit something inside me. Something that made me adamant that they had to understand where I was coming from. Because from where I was standing, they still didn’t understand anything at all.
‘I don’t just enjoy it. I’m good at it. Really good.
And Delphine saying I could qualify for La Vague d’Or?
It’s a big deal. A really big deal,’ I said, my jaw tense and my eyes fixed on Dad when I said it.
‘And yeah, I wanted to stay in France until September, but I decided to come home with all of you.’
‘You’re talking like it was ever up for discussion, Margot …’
‘Dad, I’m eighteen. I don’t have to ask your permission for everything any more, but your support would be nice.’
Dad just stared at me – less angry, more shocked.
I stormed into my bedroom and tried to distract myself by watching TikToks. Everyone left me alone, and I didn’t emerge until it was time for the girls’ surf lesson.
‘Wren, grab your shoes. Rue, put your splints on.’ I looked at my sisters and nodded for them to get up off the sofa.
‘Where are you going?’ Mum asked.
‘I’m taking them to the beach for their last surf lesson. They deserve that much.’ Rue and Wren went outside, past Dad, who didn’t try to stop them.
‘Let them go, Dan,’ Mum said gently.
‘We’ll be back in an hour or so. Then … then we can talk about tomorrow.’
I just about stopped myself from crying as I walked outside. We headed down the path and after a few metres, Rue stepped into me and wrapped her arms round my waist.
‘I’m sorry, Margot. I didn’t mean to tell,’ she said.
And when I looked down, her big eyes were filled with tears. I knelt down beside her and gave her a hug.
‘Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter now. Who wants to surf?’ I asked them both.
‘Me!’ they said together.
‘Good, let’s go.’
We made our way to the beach, with me giving Rue a piggyback for the last ten minutes of the walk. It was hard to walk on the sand with her on my back, so it slowed me down.
‘Les filles!’ Delphine spoke directly to Rue and Wren when we reached her. ‘You are here to surf? There is no Antoine today, so it will be me. Is that OK?’ Delphine smiled warmly at them and when they nodded, she walked over to the rack.
‘The most special board.’ Delphine pulled out the board that Rue had used before. The one that Antoine had got for her. My heart swelled at the memory.
‘You are ready?’ she asked my sisters. Delphine acted like it was a normal lesson. She didn’t ask me if I’d made up my mind yet and didn’t bring up our earlier conversation at all.
And I just stood on the sand and watched as she took them on wave after wave, with the sound of Rue’s laugh making my eyes well with tears.
I walked to the water’s edge and studied them both, but especially Rue. How hard it was for her to get into the same positions as Wren, how it must have hurt her legs, but you would never have guessed she was in any pain, not by the smile on her face.
She fell off. Again and again. And she got back up, again and again.
La guerrière.
When they were taking a break, Delphine walked over to me.
She nudged me gently with her elbow. ‘Your sister. Rue. She never gives up, even when it is hard.’
‘She’s amazing,’ I said, pretending not to pick up on the double meaning.
‘Do you know what I see out there?’ she asked. ‘It is difficult for her. Much more difficult than it is for you or for me. But she does not use that as a reason to quit.’
‘This isn’t about quitting. It’s more complicated than that,’ I said, trying and failing to put conviction into my voice.
‘Bien s?r. Of course it is. Life is complicated. But do your family need you to give up on something that you love? Something that matters to you?’
I didn’t know what to say to that. But it seemed like Delphine had enough words for both of us.
‘I told you that when I first met you, I thought you were just another tourist playing at being a surfer. I do not want you to prove me right.’ Delphine went back into the water, leaving me standing there, the weight of her words crushing me.
I tried not to cry as I watched the girls surf, my eyes on Rue and her determination. If she could fight that hard for something she loves, how the hell could I give up so easily?