Chapter 40
Something felt different the next morning. I woke up with a knot in my chest that I couldn’t shift. And it tightened when I heard the stir of Mum and Dad loading the car with luggage, trying their best to be quiet.
I got dressed. Bikini, rash vest, T-shirt, shorts, hoody and towel to keep me warm after I’d been in the water.
I left my hair down. The blonde curls, bleached lighter by the sun, bounced around my chin.
No make-up. I had even more freckles now, and my face was the light golden colour of perfect-for-me toast.
I took a deep breath. Leaving this room was more than just that. It was my family leaving me, staying here alone, competing without them watching from the sand. The plan was that I’d stay here until the following week, on my own, and then I’d move into the room at the beach house.
My eyes welled but I closed them and took more deep breaths.
I could do this.
When I got outside, Rue and Wren were standing beside the car, hair sticking out, eyes still half closed.
‘Margot!’ Wren ran towards me. ‘Do you still have your map?’ She looked up at me.
‘Of course,’ I said. I pulled it out of my back pocket. ‘How else would I be able to get to the beach?’
Wren grinned at me and I looked down to see Rue staring at me with the most serious look on her face. ‘You better win,’ she said, matter-of-factly. ‘I want to tell all my friends.’
‘Of course I’ll win. Look at my new board!
’ I said. Wren pulled away and Rue launched herself at me.
One of her splints dug into my shin, but I breathed through it.
Her arms were so tight round me that it took everything in me not to cry right there.
For Rue, who had to leave her holiday to have an operation, for me, wishing so hard I could be there and do the competition.
‘Have you got your lucky shell?’ she asked. And when she pulled away, there were tears streaming down her face. I went down on one knee and pulled it out of my pocket.
‘Always,’ I whispered.
‘Good, because you can’t win without it.’ Her words were choked.
‘Listen, Rue, you’re the bravest kid I know. Never change.’ And she threw her arms round my neck and hugged me again.
‘Ruthie, love, we have to go.’ Mum’s voice was gentle as she pulled Rue away. Rue walked to the car and got in beside Wren, but didn’t look at me again.
I braced myself and looked at Mum. She smiled, taking away some of the nausea that consumed me.
‘Oh, Margot,’ she said, tilting her head slightly. ‘Look at you.’
I smiled, closed-mouth, trying not to cry.
‘You’ll be brilliant. You are brilliant,’ she said. And before I could reply she hugged me, and I breathed her in, trying to memorize the scent.
‘Thanks, Mum,’ I whispered.
She got in the car, and then it was just me and Dad. Dad, who looked more worried than Mum. He was pacing around on the dusty ground in front of the car.
‘You know if you want to leave you just need to make a call and we’ll get you on the next flight, it’s not a problem,’ he said, like in his head he’d come up with a million different solutions to a million different disaster scenarios.
‘Thanks, Dad,’ I said.
‘I mean it. Any time. And you can call night or day. Just because we’ll be busy with Rue’s operation doesn’t mean that we won’t be available for you. We –’
‘I know, Dad. Thanks. And I’ll be fine. I promise.’ I smiled and walked over to him.
And I thought his hug might break me then. He held on, even when my arms went slack. Then he cleared his throat and put his hands on my shoulders.
‘We’re so proud of you, Margot. So proud.’
‘I know,’ I whispered back. ‘You’ll phone me after the operation?’ I asked.
He nodded. ‘And a million times before that.’
I watched them drive away, standing there until the car disappeared round the corner in the almost-light.
And then there was one.
And just after they’d gone, my phone buzzed. It was still so early, and home was an hour behind, so I was shocked to see her name pop up on the screen.
PRIYA: Good luck today! If you surf like the old Margot swam, you’ll kill it … Oh and me and Cal are already planning our trip. Hope you have space on your floor xx
My heart swelled.
I could do this.
And then my phone buzzed again.
FELIX: See you at the beach. Good luck today. You will be brilliant x
I definitely could do this.
The beach was unrecognizable when I got there.
A covered judging platform had been set up on the sand.
There was another tent beside it, maybe for other officials and sponsors.
My stomach flipped and I looked towards the water.
Coloured buoys floated in the waves, which were already looking big. To me anyway.
I hadn’t noticed that I’d stopped walking, like my body had frozen in anticipation of what was to come.
But then I heard my name. ‘Margot!’
I looked down the beach, scanning the crowds that were already gathering, and I saw Sébastian waving at me. ‘Margot, over here!’
My heartbeat calmed and I walked towards him. As I did, I saw Lili too. The two of them had set up camp already, a cool box between them and little chairs with binoculars hooked over the edge.
‘Are you ready, Margot?’ Lili asked, getting off her chair to kiss me on both cheeks.
‘Nope.’ I shook my head.
‘But of course you are!’ Lili said and grinned. ‘Do not tell her I told you, but Delphine is very jealous of your skill.’ She put a finger to her lips, and gazed towards the water, where Delphine was standing, just staring out at the ocean.
‘Well, she has nothing to be jealous about.’ I laughed at how much had changed in the last few weeks. How jealous I’d been of Delphine when I thought she was with Felix.
I walked towards the water and stood beside Delphine. ‘Do you get nervous?’ I asked.
‘Not any more. What will be will be,’ she said. ‘Just remember to watch the waves. Pick the best one. I cannot help you when we’re out there.’
I nodded, understanding. I looked towards the ocean, to the waters that felt like a second home and pushed everything out of my head.
I took a moment to breathe in the salted air and to just enjoy where I was. Right at this moment. Where the sun was about to rise over a glittering ocean, where my new friends supported me from the sand. I was about to compete in a surf competition. I smiled to myself. It felt too good to be true.
Someone testing the PA system made me jump.
I walked back up towards Sébastian and Lili when someone else caught my eye.
Felix.
He’d come.
When he saw me, his face lit up. ‘There you are!’ he said.
‘And you! Thank you for coming.’ I smiled as he kissed both my cheeks, and I did the same back.
‘Of course. It is your first competition,’ Felix said.
‘It means a lot that you’re here,’ I said, looking into the brown eyes that I’d come to know so well.
‘I will not go too close to the water, but it is a big deal for you,’ he said, his hand in his hair.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘Seriously.’
Felix pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the screen. I watched his face as he raised an eyebrow at it. Then he put it away and looked at me.
‘He did not believe me when I told him,’ Felix said.
‘What? Who?’ I looked around, wondering if he was talking about someone on the beach.
‘Antoine,’ he replied.
And there it was. The butterfly explosion.
‘He didn’t believe what?’ I asked.
‘That you were staying here … He’s on his way back from the coast.’
And it was a thousand things all at once.
It was the fact that I’d be surfing in front of Antoine, making the pressure increase by about one thousand per cent.
It was the fact that Felix was messaging him, like a brother.
It was the fact that there wasn’t any jealousy, no acknowledgement of a situation that could be awkward and complicated.
There was none of that. He looked happy.
Or maybe just happy for me. It said a million things about our friendship that I could never put into words.
‘OK, Margot, viens ici!’ Sébastian called me over and I walked towards him and Lili, with Felix beside me.
‘Delphine has gone for a little run. Maybe you should go too? Do you know how it works?’ Sébastian asked. He was serious this time. He stood up and put his arm round my shoulder. ‘I will show you.’
Sébastian led me around the beach. He pointed to the judge’s platform. ‘Here is where the judges sit. They mark you out of ten for each wave. Only the two highest waves count towards the total.’
I listened intently to everything Sébastian had to say. We probably looked related as we strolled along the beach, with our blonde hair almost the same shade, his longer than mine and a lot less curly.
My chest swelled, taking in all the faith he had in me as he explained the competition in detail. How there would be four rounds, and in each heat the best two surfers would progress to the next round. In the final, the top four competitors would all qualify for La Vague d’Or.
‘And Antoine will be here?’ Sébastian asked, jolting me out of competition mode.
‘I think Felix said he was coming, yeah.’ I tried to make it sound casual, even though every time someone said his name my whole body tingled.
‘You have been like a lucky charm for the Laurents,’ said Sébastian.
And I felt a surge of gratitude for him, for putting into words something I didn’t even know I needed to hear.
‘A lucky charm’ – like me being here, in France with the boys, truly mattered.
That maybe I’d changed something, not just for me, but for them too.
But I needed to concentrate. So I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the shell that Rue had given me.
‘This is my lucky charm,’ I said, showing him.
He took it from my hand and kissed it. ‘And now it is more lucky. We should get you your vest.’
Sébastian and I queued up at the officials’ table and he spoke to them in French, before one of them handed me a black rash vest with ‘Biarritz 2026’ on it in bright white print. I held it up in front of me and stared at it as we walked back to Felix and Lili.
The sun had risen now, and the heat was already warming my skin.
I got changed behind a screen, removing my shorts and taking the shell out and squeezing it in my hand before putting it away carefully. I put on my vest with pride, smoothing it down over my skin and inhaling deeply as I stepped back out into the sun.
I walked over to the hut and had to take a moment to myself as images of the last time I was inside raced through my head like an X-rated movie. I shook the thoughts away and hoped that nobody had noticed the flush of heat in my cheeks.
It felt different here without Antoine. I wanted to tell people to step away, to stop leaning on the walls and looking in the windows, that this belonged to Antoine.
But instead, I picked up some wax and held it in my fingers, remembering the day Antoine showed me what to do, how he leaned over my shoulder, his hand on mine, his breath in my ear, hairs standing up on the back of my neck.
I waxed my board then carried it back to Sébastian and Lili. Felix and Delphine were there too.
Delphine still wasn’t smiling.
‘The conditions. They could be better.’ She sighed. Then a voice rang out across the beach.
My heart raced. It was in French. I had no idea what they were saying. I looked in panic at Felix who waited until they’d finished speaking before looking me straight in the eye.
‘OK. It is the first heat. And both you and Delphine are in it.’
I could barely hear what he was saying because of the thud in my chest. This was it. An actual competition. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second and thought of Rue. What she’d said. How she expected me to win. And how brave she was.
Today I’d be channelling Rue.
I picked up my board and walked towards the water with a racing heart and a determination that I hadn’t felt in years.